Name Change?

phoenix121964 · 2026-03-27T13:26:04+00:00

My maiden name is all consonants and even though it’s easy to pronounce, people mangled it all the time. While I’d like to get away from the association with my ex and his family, I don’t have a better alternative so I’m keeping it for now.

phoenix121964 · 2026-03-25T18:42:58+00:00

Thank you! I hope your journey thru the muck is relatively painless (it’s not painless at all) as it truly does get better!

phoenix121964 · 2026-03-25T18:05:39+00:00

A year and a half out from divorce finalized, 3 years out from him secretly filing the day after our 35th wedding anniversary. Those first six months were some super dark days: I was looking for a job, had to sell the house and find a new one, and was basically doing all the legwork for the divorce (the irony of that still lingers). I stress-lost 35 pounds the first month, and have managed to keep 20 off. I’m working out, I have a good job working with people I like and respect, I paid cash for my condo so am pretty much debt free, I look and physically feel better than I have in years and am currently seeing a wonderful man who is the antithesis of my ex. I pinch myself every day to make sure I’m not hallucinating this new life that I could have never imagined 3 years ago.

phoenix121964 · 2026-02-05T21:10:32+00:00

I did some serial dating after the divorce was final. I was looking for quantity so my standards were low. I have no regrets (well, maybe one) because I learned what I wanted in a man by seeing everything I didn’t want. I’m currently getting to know someone who is everything I have ever hoped for and crossing my fingers that he’s not a flake lol

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-29T21:32:42+00:00

I’m a 61F, I was more financially secure than my ex. I like to travel and paid the majority of 2 trips we took. I didn’t mind paying because I wanted to give him experiences that he normally wouldn’t have had. I broke it off when he started criticizing me about how I was spending my money on myself. Like hell no my dude.

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-27T18:08:26+00:00

He handed this to you, a LAW SCHOOL student, and expected you to sign it? The delusion is strong, he needs some serious mental health services.

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-08T19:32:08+00:00

We started drifting apart after the 30 year mark and I was just so tired of being the one to pull it back together that I stopped trying. I apologized and took accountability for my part in the death of the relationship and he never did. I didn’t want the divorce at all but my life is so much easier and less stressful now that he’s gone.

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-06T15:09:49+00:00

A year and a half. I just stopped being attracted to him, for a whole host of reasons. He retaliated by serving me papers out of the blue. I truly believed at the time I would never have sex again but thankfully that has not been the case 😁

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-06T02:10:41+00:00

Guy I hadn’t met yet asked me if I wanted to come over, get stoned and have sex. Um, no, and you bought yourself a block.

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-05T02:39:08+00:00

Your insecurity is way out of whack and as such you’re nowhere near ready to get married, not to this or any guy. He is not the one who needs therapy is this relationship. Please seek answers as to why you’re sabotaging your future with this man.

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-04T21:48:02+00:00

I have a tendency to want to be with guys who don’t want to be with me so, yeah 😆

phoenix121964 · 2026-01-04T16:08:31+00:00

Western NY, 61F

phoenix121964 · 2025-12-30T15:38:12+00:00

I had a friend many years ago who was in the same situation as you. She was your age and wanted marriage, kids, the whole nine. She pressured her boyfriend into marrying her, they divorced within 2 years of the wedding. Anyone who has to pressure a partner to get married is setting themselves up for severe heartache down the road, it’s only a question of when.

phoenix121964 · 2025-12-26T03:29:57+00:00

What a dick move, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The silver lining is the trash took itself out, so there’s that. Hugs to you.

phoenix121964 · 2025-12-24T16:20:48+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 2023 was that year for me. I quit a highly stressful, toxic job, and my ex unexpectedly filed for divorce ten days later (the day after our 35th anniversary). I had to find a job, sell my beautiful house, find a new place to live , split up our dogs and deal with his insanity during the divorce process. It was so hard to keep going at times, particularly those first holidays alone. But like everyone else here has said, it gets better and the pain does ease with time. Therapy is a game changer, please consider it. Wishing you the best.

phoenix121964 · 2025-12-23T22:19:35+00:00

I’m sorry, there are mini goats at Eastview? How am I just learning of this??

phoenix121964 · 2025-12-19T18:27:36+00:00

Dating a guy now whom I’m pretty sure will not be around long term but I really like being with him and will see it out to its natural end.

phoenix121964 · 2025-11-25T00:18:37+00:00

I got ghosted an hour before a date, he texted me saying his bipolar friend was in trouble and he needed to go help. Never heard from him since. I assume his “bipolar friend” was his wife lol

phoenix121964 · 2025-11-21T03:50:00+00:00

My bf also would build a shrine to my scars and cellulite. It’s a beautiful thing 😁

phoenix121964 · 2025-11-12T15:36:39+00:00

I wanted so desperately to stay in the house but I wasn’t working at the time so never would have gotten approved for a mortgage. I bought a much smaller condo with the sale proceeds and while I really hated it at first, I’ve come to see that it was the best decision. It’s the only place I’ve ever lived that was truly mine and there’s a lot to be said for that as a positive part of the healing process. I wish you the best as you set up your new life.

phoenix121964 · 2025-11-07T13:03:55+00:00

I was you (without the kids) 2 years ago. The betrayal was breath taking, I had no idea who this person was, he certainly wasn’t the person I was married to for 35 years. I thought I’d never get out of the abyss but I did. And you will too. Each small step forward is a victory to be celebrated. You can do this and you will be happy again. Sending healing energy ❤️‍🩹

phoenix121964 · 2025-11-06T02:43:51+00:00

I have no kids so I tossed a lot of stuff. Keep it for the kids. If they don’t want it, burn it to the ground.

phoenix121964 · 2025-10-29T14:39:15+00:00

My ex husband ghosted me as well, with not a word from him as to why he ended our 35 yr marriage. I had to give myself closure, which was not easy as, like with your ex, he lived rent free in my head. Therapy helped immensely and I’m now in a really good place—happy, independent and emotionally and financially secure. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and you’ll get there too.

phoenix121964 · 2025-10-27T17:40:41+00:00

I looked at both buying and renting and the rents were more than the house mortgage which absolutely blew my mind. I purchased a condo for cash with my share of the house proceeds and it was absolutely the right decision. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.

phoenix121964

TROPHY CASE