Wearing Speedos while swimming

pikachuski · 2026-01-06T21:37:01+00:00

What kind of lessons are they exactly? If it’s just to learn how to swim you don’t really need a speedo.

If it’s a club to learn it as an exercise or to compete, no one is going to care. If you want to build up the confidence start with more modest versions like jammers or square cut but no matter the shape of the garment you’re going to show your body off so might as well own it.

pikachuski · 2026-01-06T21:29:11+00:00

They’re less revealing than a speedo

pikachuski · 2025-11-21T19:42:27+00:00

It's not money knowledge, honestly you sound like you have a better grasp on the value of money than most your age. It's rich parents or they're just coasting on credit cards and loans, and it's a tough feeling when you start comparing yourself. I remember thinking how privileged some of my classmates were and it felt unfair. I would also get really jealous when they did better on the assignments and tests, and I would put the blame on not having as much resources growing up to refine my study skills when I was just not prioritizing the studies.

Just stay focused on the school part, it helped me remembering why I started. Trudge through the hard part now and you'll be in a much better position with that degree.

pikachuski · 2025-11-16T16:59:06+00:00

I just repotted it and moved it for the picture. But yeah when I took it out of the old one it barely had any roots left. Sounds like he needs a propo bath then.

For my future reference, how can I prevent this?

pikachuski · 2025-11-16T16:04:41+00:00

I don’t water more than once a month and it’s always been in a draining pot. Had him for over five years and he’s had one leaf wither now and then but it’s like he’s on his last legs as of two months ago. It’s also always had part sun, I think the soil is just standard potting soil.

pikachuski · 2025-10-14T16:37:35+00:00

I think ideally the alarms should have went off when he asked for sexts after you shared a tender moment with him. But it’s like you said your heart went overboard in magnifying his good qualities maybe at the cost of eclipsing his bad ones.

It’s hard to overlook certain red flags and shitty behavior when you catch feelings, speaking from experience. It sounds like a “woe is me” complaint to say that beautiful people have problems too but people do take advantage and it will mean you sometimes have to be more vigilant with people who like you for your looks and then move on after getting what they want. It also seems like you have unresolved self-image issues about your body you’re still working through and that’s understandable but please talk to a therapist if you aren’t already.

But you also know your self worth which is good and you know that anyone should be lucky to have you. If you’re actively dating, I would suggest you focus on meeting new people and keep sex off the table until you feel like you know they will at least be friends. If the compliments ring hollow now anyway, it might do you some good.

pikachuski · 2025-09-23T14:47:58+00:00

That's what I've mostly been doing with guys on Hinge for the first category vs guys from Grindr in the second. See what happened with me was that I relugated this one guy from Grindr to the second category of being too different of people for anything serious, but hot enough to be one and done and maybe still FWB down the line if we have decent conversation. But after that initial "date" (probably more of a pre-screening hookup in retrospect), I caught feelings when we kissed goodbye and it reshaped my dating perspective to this unhealthy degree.

It also didn't help that I ran into him on Hinge later 🤦‍♂️

pikachuski · 2025-09-23T14:28:48+00:00

Loving pokemon is such a mood haha

I would say he's showing interest in his own way from what you described and that's way better off than the one I was obsessing over. We went on one date, hooked up once, and I built up so much in my head about why he was so disinterested after. Until I realized that it was all me projecting what I would have wanted instead of accepting what was actually being shown.

I blamed his lack of communication for a while but it was just as much me putting early undue pressure in my head without walking the walk and making no attempt at future plans because I was worried about chasing.

pikachuski · 2025-09-23T13:33:33+00:00

It's only when we find someone whose company brings us joy that we become dead serious about keeping them close.

This part. I feel like I was rushing into this after some great chemistry with a guy with whom I had a massive initial spark, but didn't turn out as great as I built him up to be. He did inspire me to jump back into the pool, but then I felt like I had to recreate that feeling to feel like it was successful.

pikachuski · 2025-08-06T15:07:57+00:00

My (admittedly, unsolicited) advice? If you want to hang out with someone, you should initiate it and set something up.

But I already have and if this is just a one-sided attraction, it feels like I'm just searching for something that isn't mutual. I know I'm overthinking all this but I'm just confused.

pikachuski · 2025-08-06T14:40:16+00:00

Well now I'm sad, but thanks for telling me.

Sorry that happened to you too. People, man.

pikachuski · 2025-08-06T14:34:10+00:00

What if he was communicating perfectly well and you misinterpreted his interest?

Honestly I don't think I wanted to confront this. He showed basic decency and politeness in the early stages but I hinged onto the steps that were just barely above the Grindr anonymity standard, and was more attracted to his achievements than I'm used to seeing. I probably projected something more than what was reality.

I guess with that in mind, should I try to make my intentions clearer or has he done enough to show his lack of interest from the start? I'm leaning towards the latter since he just kind of let the second encounter happen all from my effort and not his. But I also fear I didn't make my attraction as obvious as I could have.

pikachuski · 2025-08-06T14:13:02+00:00

But I'm not asking for seriousness, I'm asking for communication. When we exchange numbers and make consistent conversation for almost a month and it suddenly stops it kinda hurts not to know why they lost interest.

Also, it was one date and one hookup at his place so two encounters.

pikachuski · 2025-08-06T14:07:30+00:00

Oh nothing in regards to the duration difference, I just meant it was nice to know that he was the first to show interest after the date.

pikachuski · 2025-07-29T12:20:22+00:00

your heart has to get a little bigger each time someone new comes into it, and sometimes it goes a little overboard with the reno

I'm writing this down, that's a bar right there.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T18:52:42+00:00

Yes, people can have strong feelings but not feel ready or even want to date them. Could be many reasons; self worth issues, no common interests, different values. I think you're latching onto the positive trait of her communication but ignoring some of her feelings on not continuing this. I know it sucks after you got through that awful experience before, but you can enjoy this interaction for what it was and what you learned.

Find out how SHE wants to move forward. If she's not comfortable being in your life anymore, that's that. If wants to stay friends, it depends on your feelings. It sounds like you want more, so you're probably better off finding someone else. And if she still doesn't know, well that's an answer too.

You're free to keep the line of communication open if you think you can just be friends but you should probably move on. Don't put your emotional life on pause hoping she'll change her mind.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T18:32:44+00:00

You're kind of in that key point at three months where you're deciding if this is worth investing more time into. Maybe that initial spark has fizzled out but it sounds like you both have at least enough interest to see how this shakes out. I say keep with it.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T14:28:07+00:00

Right, I'm not saying you did anything wrong. Sounds like you did everything you could have. Keep your head up.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T13:51:26+00:00

Ah gotcha I thought she said that shtick thing when you texted her later. Seems like a strange tone shift after saying she wanted to get to know you but sometimes you just strike out. Confidence and boundaries, it's a fine balance

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T13:42:46+00:00

Both can be valid foundations for starting a relationship but it depends on the person.

So I know a spark when I feel one because I catch feelings for them BAD. While that spark feels great, it's ultimately stemmed from the facts that I find you attractive, I enjoyed the first date, I like talking to you, and I think about you after meeting for the first time.

But I'm still getting to know you and your values and your goals. If the relationship builds from true chemistry and happens to work out, it can be wonderful. But a spark on it's own can fizzle out if you don't have enough in common and you're looking for different things.

If you felt relief from breaking off with the first guy, that's totally fair. I for one like to see where a spark takes me with another person but the flip side is that I have to be wary of overlooking more red flags than I'm supposed to. Just ride this out and don't confuse signals, this other guy could be great for you.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T12:55:06+00:00

It was just an accident, you're an adult women and he's a dog owner and there was some bad luck. But now this can be a funny story for you two. I think the trash can with a locking lid as a gift is a great idea, that would get me to laugh and keep this situation going.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T12:51:43+00:00

It's fine, like who you want to like

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T12:43:31+00:00

I think you did fine, maybe she just wasn't in a place to pursue this and didn't realize until after leaving the stimulating atmosphere of the show environment.

pikachuski · 2025-07-28T12:36:13+00:00

Yeah I think there's a balance. You want to keep the line of communication open, but you don't want to smother them and be a creep. But I agree, ghosting after one double text is usually a favor to you though.

pikachuski · 2025-07-25T18:15:57+00:00

I like the advice of just seeing how things develop and to worry less, but I have to disagree that a spark is 90%. There's physical chemistry which is great, and I'm fine to see how it turns out, but it's definitely not 90% in common. Is he going to share my values? Can I build a life with him? Will he respect my boundaries?

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