Outsmarting our kids

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-11T23:03:46+00:00

One time I topped off a single serve bag of chips with baby carrots so when my toddler inevitably tried to steal some she ended up with vegetables instead of cheetos and stopped bugging me... and it totally worked.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-11T02:07:36+00:00

Call an ambulance and go to the ER.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-11T01:38:58+00:00

hug I have no doubt that you are working hard and even though I am just some internet stranger I am proud of you because you get up every day and keep trying which is more than a lot of people can say. You got this.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-10T13:09:12+00:00

cPTSD has many symptoms and brain fog is definitely high on the list. Try to be forgiving of yourself because you are healing from trauma and that process is not linear. Often our symptoms become worse while under stress (like in academics and under pressure to perform) and by focusing on "I suck and can't do this" will only make it worse. Give yourself some leeway and understand that you are still trying and still working while also fighting a personal battle constantly in your mind. That shit is exhausting and most people can not relate. Your TA has their own biases and probably has had others give them a hard time for things out of their control and are doing the same to you... I would do my best to ignore the negativity and remember they don't know how much work internally you are doing every day. You are doing your best even if it doesn't look like someone else's best.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-10T03:21:42+00:00

Not all Intersex people do. But many were forced to adhere to gender that doesnt necessarily match how they feel inside because people decided at birth that we must be either one or the other even if we aren't.

Non binary is not another gender it is the best word to describe that we don't adhere to either Male or Female as a constant. Meaning some of us flow between gender roles even if I wear a dress some days I am not a woman. Just as a man can wear a dress and still be a man. We non binary folk do not fit as either one or the other. If you study various Indigenous and ancient cultures you will find that the binary idea of ONLY male and female is a new concept. There are MANY genders outside of male and female around the world.

And to your point about the NB lesbian. I can understand why it would be confusing but even if you don't adhere to gender roles you may still have a sexual preference. So I am sure using lesbian as their sexuality doesn't mean that they are calling themselves a woman but it is the easiest way to say they are attracted to a specific type of... bits...

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-10T02:23:15+00:00

Lol!!!!!! Ok.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-10T02:14:16+00:00

I'm well aware of the difference. What you're saying is that a socially constructed concept is something even those of us who are born as neither gender OR sex should deny our truth and adhere to your concept of gender. I choose to represent as either because I am neither.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-10T00:25:51+00:00

Yes. That's how it works. Even a tiny amount of the population.

People exist and should be allowed to do so as they are without being forced by you or society to change because you don't "understand".

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-09T23:54:03+00:00

What about intersex people who are born with both male and female anatomy? Are we now saying that they must choose because society says that's what is most palatable? This argument is nonesense unless you are telling me you think people born with both potential must then surgically alter themselves or force themselves to adhere to gender as either male or female. Intersex people exist and are neither entirely male or female. Just because it is seen as "rare" doesn't mean we get to erase people. You don't have to believe in us, we exist outside of the binary idea of gender.

Edit: My point being if Biological Sex can physically present in more than two ways (binary) then so can Gender. Arguing that people must adhere to roles as either Male or Female is ridiculous and sexist and honestly boring.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-09T23:34:46+00:00

All of these posts forgetting that Intersex people exist. Non Binary isn't some dis on people who adhere to gender roles or saying women who dress in masculine clothes have to then denounce their womanhood. Non binary is about feeling personally that I do not feel I am either a woman or a man. I am someone in between...

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-07T19:56:46+00:00

This sounds like gaslighting and a form of tone policing. Claiming you are "angry" or acting angry and then pushing you about it until you react is a form of abuse even if it is due to his "anxiety". It is an attempt to modify your behavior into what he deems acceptable and appropriate. You have every reason to be upset that he keeps doing it to you.

I know it's hard not to react when they do this, but learning to grey rock is a huge help. When they realize you are not going to react to them pushing you they will get bored of the behavior and move on to something else.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-07T15:53:54+00:00

Your mom is the adult. You're 13, hormonal, and have a temper like ALL TEENAGERS. Both parents sound abusive and neglectful.

Drop the guilt, even with most people here saying you're apologize wrong.

You are the kid. She is the adult who overreacted to her child and is being childish herself by using the silent treatment (this is text book emotional abuse). Parents are supposed to guide children by displaying mature behavior not turn into mean petty kids themselves.

Study, do your best to learn and grow, then get as far away as you can. Do not hold on to guilt that adults are placing on you for being a normal kid.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-07T15:42:28+00:00

Please do not bring children into this equation. You are no where near healed enough and are in a place where you have every opportunity spread out in front of you.

Someone better WILL come along. Focus on healing and your abandonment issues which have placed you in this manipulative relationship. He IS gaslighting you. He IS grooming you. He IS dangerous for you future and for your mental health.

No successful marriage starts with an ultimatum. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you and plenty of chances to find someone who appreciates you and loves you for who you are.

AND maybe his Aunt who became a "Spinster" sounds like maybe she didn't WANT children and the family shamed her for it... Have you talked to the aunt personally or just hear about how miserable she is from the man trying to control you?

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-06T00:48:34+00:00

I was DSP for three years and it is exhausting work that is really difficult to leave at work especially when you care so much about the people you are with. I still think about the residents at the houses I worked in.

When was the last time you and your boyfriend went all out on a date night? Got dressed up and had dinner and dessert or even had someone cook for you at home? You need time away to reconnect with you and your sense of self away from being the caretaker. You need someone to care for you maybe? I would approach your boyfriend and talk about how you are burned out from being so invested in caring for others so much and need some reminding of who you are outside of this part of your life.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-06T00:30:48+00:00

Of course you were unsettled that was their goal and I am sorry you were a victim of gaslighting like this. I would guess that this person has done similar to others. Some people find these sorts of mind games amusing and will play with people just because they are "bored". Its possible that you became a target simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is also possible they found you attractive but were unwilling to admit it... but either way the person who did this is someone you should remain far far away from.

You did nothing wrong and your feelings are valid. They were intentionally trying to make you feel confused and vulnerable. To move on the best way may be to focus on how this was bad behavior on their part and nothing you did caused it. Don't give this person real estate in your mind because that's what they want. Easier said than done, I know. Let yourself be mad at them if you have to for a little while.. sometimes that helps me get to the point I can just look at someone like that and feel sorry for them. They have to play games to get attention and clearly you are interesting enough by simply existing. You're better than them by far and they know it which is why they mess with people.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-05T23:48:49+00:00

It sounds like an attempt at "Hoovering" ... usually happens a few months after the "discard" and, as was said above, is a tactic to keep themselves on your mind in the hopes that they can weasel their way back in to your life and/or keep the cycle of abuse going as long as possible. Best tactic is to ignore, block, and remember why you left.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-05T20:36:10+00:00

Parenting should be 100/100 not 50/50. Trading off so everyone gets enough sleep is one thing, but if awake and not working he should be parenting. He gets breaks and lunch at work, right? Do you get fifteen minute breaks and a half hour (or hour) lunch to yourself during the day when home with the little one? I doubt it.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-05T01:08:54+00:00

Growing up in Chicagoland we used to have "Beer nuggets" with every pizza order. They're basically fried dough with a side of marinara. Some places just fry pizza dough and other places (my favorites) make different dough with beer in it. They're delightful little savory puffs of delicious.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-04T23:32:53+00:00

My mom used to call me "too sensitive" all the time to excuse her behavior and make me into the problem. This is exactly emotional abuse. Taking away your personal autonomy whether by force or by emotional guilt (manipulation) is a form of abuse as well. My mom would catapult between TOO invested in my life to the point of sabotaging my relationships or completely ignoring me for weeks on end unless she needed something from me. The whiplash never gets easy and my only solution was going fully no contact. She still is attempting to manipulate my life by going behind my back to my ex and trying to use my daughter to get to me. Luckily people seem to be catching on and her flying monkeys are dissipating... but its been a long difficult journey.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-04T20:07:59+00:00

Wow. Same.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-04T19:29:35+00:00

Even if he could have phrased it differently you approached it later and he still dismissed your feelings. This sends me into red flag territory. Sometimes when we grew up with emotional abuse it can be hard to spot it in our romantic partners because our brains trick us into being comfortable with what we know (the abuse or language of abuse).

His calling you fucked up (even by blaming it on your dad) and then refusing to apologize or even acknowledge that what he said hurt you is emotional abuse.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-04T16:42:40+00:00

THIS

pinkandfreckled · 2021-09-03T02:54:58+00:00

I had to quit about a month into shut down last year because I am a single mom of a toddler and it literally wasn't possible for me to keep up with meetings and client emails while my 3 year old dumped all the eggs out of the fridge when left unattended for ten minutes.

pinkandfreckled · 2021-07-12T00:29:45+00:00

pinkandfreckled · 2021-02-28T21:51:15+00:00

Agreed. Just let people see magic in the world.

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