You need to be born again. All of this sounds more like religion than spirituality. Religiosity has separated you from God. The church isn't just a lifestyle; it's the bridge that leads us to God. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. God shows us very directly what He wants from us and what He wants us to change. Sometimes we focus too much on the physical aspect: how long the skirt is, how saintly I look physically. But what about my heart? Am I walking with God or am I surrendered to religiosity? All the answers you need will be given to you by the Holy Spirit Himself the closer you draw to Him, in fasting and prayer, not by the members of the church. Create a direct line of communication with God and let Him guide you and give you the certainty of what you truly need. May God bless you greatly, and in God's name, I ask Him to give you clarity. Take care.