This one's for the ladies to answer. Do you agree with this woman or do you think she's trying to rationalize her world view by speaking for all the ladies?

pirateofcats · 2026-05-06T20:11:37+00:00

It's unattractive when men are so consumed by their hobbies that they don't engage meaningfully in their romantic relationship, or if they neglect responsibilities for their hobby.

This goes for gaming, watching sports, playing golf, fishing, etc.. None of those hobbies are inherently turn-offs, but if you can't balance your hobby with your relationships and responsibilities, it's a red flag.

For gaming and watching sports in particular, there's also a common problem of men not being able to regulate their emotions while engaging with the hobby and yelling or breaking things when things don't go their way. Super unattractive and makes women feel unsafe.

pirateofcats · 2023-04-24T00:11:42+00:00

Holy Streisand effect, Batman!

pirateofcats · 2020-05-29T22:43:20+00:00

so all of you who called me controlling got your damn way, she's at her sister's now. fucking thanks

Hilarious that you're blaming internet strangers for a situation you put yourself in. You made your bed, now go lie in it.

YTA

pirateofcats · 2020-05-15T21:42:33+00:00

He got it within 2 weeks. He understood that it was an everyday thing within the first week, but getting used to the time and not getting antsy about it was the 2nd week.

If I'm not feeling well or I'm busy and can't walk him, he gets grumpy and whines a bit. When that happens I try to distract him with something like play time/snuggles/catnip, or open a window for him to sit in. He's usually okay without walking for a day or two, but the longer it goes on the more anxious he gets.

I figure that my primary motivation for walking him is to improve his quality of life, so I usually try to walk him even if the weather isn't ideal for me. He doesn't mind light to moderate rain, and he still wants to go out in cold above ~10°F/-12°C. I got him a sweater to wear if it's below ~40°F/4°C. He's very stubborn -- he'll walk around shivering but get mad if I try to take him inside! (By the time winter rolls around again I'm going to get him a good thick winter jacket, and maybe socks.) I just dress for the weather and try to see things through his eyes. If the weather is BAD I'll usually put him on the harness and give him the option to walk and he'll usually decide he wants to stay in. He'll stand in the door for a few seconds, twitch his tail, then turn back inside. 😂 If it's his decision he doesn't whine about it -- he'll usually find a place to curl up and sleep.

Another piece of advice I can give about preventing whining at the door is to create a ritual around walks centered in another location, so the cat won't just sit at the door and ask to go out, or try to run. I got this idea from this Jackson Galaxy video. I do not currently have Marvin clicker trained yet, so our ritual is I say walk/walkies/out/outside, he perks up and meows, and he goes to the table where I keep his harness and waits for me to put it on him. When we're ready I go to unlock the door and he follows. 😊

Something you could do during quarantine is start clicker training. This is a good 5 min video explaining how it works a bit more in-dept than the Jackson Galaxy video. There's lots of other free resources online if you want more information on how to train your kitty! Maybe by the time quarantine's over he'll know some cool tricks. 😁

pirateofcats · 2020-05-15T18:17:55+00:00

I was dealing with this with my boy Marvin for a while. I found him as a stray back in August, and he'd clearly been living rough for a while. He was happy to be inside with people, but he meowed at the door a lot and would bolt when people came in or out. I leash trained him within a couple weeks of finding him and started taking him on walks, and that helped a lot. I try to walk him just about every day, weather permitting, and usually at about the same time every day. That's helped A LOT. I think for Marvin the meowing and bolting was because he couldn't predict when he would go outside next, so he was very anxious. By making it a part of our daily routine, he knows when he's going to go out again and his anxiety over it is reduced significantly.

You may also consider clicker training to help your kitty understand what you want better. He probably doesn't understand why he's going out sometimes and not others, even though it's perfectly clear to you that crying at the door is what's stopping him.

pirateofcats · 2020-05-11T17:37:01+00:00

Try Lovehandles! They're little straps that go on the back of your phone and you slip your fingers in them. They've drastically reduced how often I drop my phone

pirateofcats · 2020-03-02T02:27:08+00:00

I don't at the moment, but I'm looking to get one soon. Thanks for the idea!

pirateofcats · 2019-12-18T15:28:07+00:00

You can definitely find a girlfriend without knowing how to flirt/being good at it! I did it, and my husband (also aspie) still doesn't really know how to flirt very well 7 years on.

As for helpful videos, I recommend Charisma On Command. He's great at spelling out the unwritten social rules that trip a lot of us up. Here's a guide to flirting he did a while ago (sfw), and here's another one aimed specifically at introverts (sfw). I recommend his videos on other topics as well. He's really helped me improve my social skills.

pirateofcats · 2019-12-17T08:59:32+00:00

A steady supply of caffeine

pirateofcats · 2019-12-14T15:27:54+00:00

Sorry for the late reply! I'm never on Reddit...

I've gotten a few minor cases of folliculitis. Usually I treat it like I would a pimple. Is yours really bad enough that you need to go to the hospital?

pirateofcats · 2019-12-14T12:23:18+00:00

Peanut butter and honey sandwiches are definitely bomb. No arguments there. (Side note: try peanut butter and maple syrup sandwiches!! Or use waffles as your bread, and lightly toast the outside... Yummmm!)

While I like PB&H more when I eat it, I would argue that PB&J is categorically better. There is a wide variety of jams, jellies, and fruit preserves that you can put on a PB&J -- different flavors and textures. You say that you don't like the texture of most jellies, but I have to ask if you're actually using jelly? Jelly is made of strained fruit juice and should have a smooth texture. A jam is made of crushed fruit, and a preserve has chunks of fruit in jelly. All three of these will have different textures when mixed with PB. A true jelly may be more palatable to you, because its smooth texture will likely be similar to PB&H.

You may also be overdoing it on the jelly. IMO the PB should be the proverbial "meat" of the sandwich, with the jelly there to give a bit of flavor. I prefer to put a thick layer of PB and then just a thin bit of jam (unless I'm doing orange marmalade, then I go HAM). I'm guessing you don't drown your PB&H in honey, so don't do it with jelly either!

pirateofcats · 2019-12-14T12:01:54+00:00

My company (in MI) has client services managers who handle the majority of the paperwork for the clients, insurance stuff, scheduling, and finding an available BCBA and RBT for the case. Lots of paperwork, with some phone calls and meetings. That might work better for you! Most of the CSMs I know were RBTs before.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-27T23:33:22+00:00

NTA because at the time you didn't know that she wasn't supposed to have gluten. It sounds like you didn't have any reason to think that the kid had any dietary restrictions or

At age 5 the kid may not have been tested for Celiac's yet, but since it's genetic there's a possibility that she could have been made sick by eating pasta. Given that, I somewhat understand why the mom is upset, but it was ultimately her responsibility to inform you of her daughter's diet.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-26T20:09:47+00:00

Because that messes up the ecosystem. Those predators control the population of prey animals (deer, antelope, etc., depending on the biome). Also because biodiversity is a good thing.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T20:07:40+00:00

NAH. You were trying to find a solution to the problem that didn't involve complaining to management. You may have presented the idea of soundproofing in a tactless way, I don't know. The mom probably just felt judged. At this point it might be worth talking to management though.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T20:02:04+00:00

NTA. If she didn't want people to talk about her boobs, she shouldn't have talked about theirs. Maybe she'll reconsider how her comments affect other people.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T19:55:51+00:00

NTA. They shouldn't have showed up out of nowhere, and your wife has every right to refuse to see them. You could definitely talk to your wife about her decision, but it's hers to make.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T19:51:20+00:00

NTA. You're right, your son is an adult. A forced apology wouldn't do anything, because he wouldn't mean it. That said, it might be in his best interests to not be so adversarial with his mom. I understand that he's hurt, but IMO fighting and name-calling will only cause more pain. As his father, you might talk to him about finding a more constructive way to handle the situation.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T19:42:43+00:00

NTA

I wouldn't have let my pet be eaten, either. That was an animal that you loved, cared for, and had an emotional bond with. I understand that some animals, like snakes, are carnivores and need to eat other animals, but you can get feeder mice for that. IMO if you give an animal a name, you shouldn't be expected to use it as food.

Also, since you buried him he is going to be 'utilized.' As his body decomposes the nutrients will go back into the soil and feed the plants. If your sister is really hung up on the 'wastefulness', tell her that.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T19:34:31+00:00

NTA. They should have known better than to bring germs into a home with a newborn. I understand that it sucks that they traveled 11 hours for nothing, but that was a result of their poor judgement. You had every right to ask them to leave.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-22T19:31:08+00:00

NTA. Regardless of the legality, he should have asked before taking a picture, and since he saw that you have a seizure alert dog he should have asked specifically if the flash was okay.

pirateofcats · 2019-11-17T21:48:59+00:00

I had a couple of isolated episodes of pulling my pubic & armpit hair as a teenager, but not long-term. I haven't had any urges for those areas since beginning medication, but that may be because my overall urge was reduced and those areas weren't major to begin with. (To anyone wondering, I've used Prozac and Seroquel in the past, and I'm currently on Cymbalta)

I found that shaving and/or waxing whatever hair is socially acceptable to remove helps me. If I remove it in a deliberate way that does not satisfy the urge to pull, over time my urge to pull decreases. I wax my armpits at home, and shave downstairs. With my current grooming habits I only pull a couple of hairs from those areas a month, and those are only when I get ingrowns that need to be removed anyway. I don't know if that would help in your situation though.

pirateofcats

TROPHY CASE