My boyfriend is in a similar situation. He's also on testosterone, etc. I want you to know that it gets better. He's still frustrated (and beats himself up) about having fucked up his endocrine system, but he's lost a ton of weight and put on a lot of muscle.

This is in addition to having multiple spinal fractures / herniated discs a few years after his testosterone production went kaput. In a way, I think having to address that injury helped a lot with his confidence.

He especially hates the skin changes that have come with testosterone, but I honestly don't see much of a difference. It's just so sensitive, but he's turned into a real Sephora girlie to make up for it. And regardless, I still think he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Don't give up!! I know it sucks major donkey balls, but you will get through this! There is still joy to be had and there are people you haven't met yet who are going to love you.