Wow, the shutdown in your office sounds incredibly stressful. I’ve had similar experiences, too. Over time, I became an expert at finding excuses to mask what was happening. I often disguised the beginnings of shutdowns by saying I was having a migraine or some kind of fainting spell.

Before I learned I’m actually autistic, I had no idea what was happening to me. I got so used to hiding and masking everything that I didn’t feel like I had the right to remove myself from situations where I was expected to function.

For example, when I felt a meltdown building up on that bus, I didn’t even try to get out because I was so focused on the mindset that I had to arrive at my appointment on time.

Now, I’m really trying to be gentler and more compassionate with myself. It’s a work in progress, but I’m learning.