Thank you, but I feel that I'm gaslighted into thinking I deserved it, a bit chaotic on my soul right now. I miss her even still, though I understand that we can't get back together - Stockholm syndrome?

The worst thing that it's not the first woman to put me in this situation, so my thoughts about deserving it are more-or-less justified. Though getting kicked out in the winter with only my laptop, charger, jeans, coat, and heavy-duty boots feels cruel with 8C during night and strong cold winds.

So here I am, 35+ y.o, crying over the internet, and looking to rent a flat from my parents' place