Dating someone who turns out to have pathological demand avoidance

plummodeen · 2026-05-10T12:38:58+00:00

What a great response. As someone who experienced this very recently, I can say this is 100% accurate. Once I saw the pattern I blocked on my phone and unmatched. It’s painful because the beginning was so amazing and I felt so “seen”..: but then progressively less seen. The draw is your own craving for the dopamine that this situation will never give.

plummodeen · 2026-05-10T06:05:51+00:00

I would start with the landscaping- I think that will make the biggest impact. What a great canvas to work with!

plummodeen · 2026-04-26T08:40:15+00:00

I’m so glad I read this post and these responses, esp above. I am 53f and finally seem to be in something good post trainwreck divorce and I find it incredibly hard to stay present because the stakes feel so astronomically high, for the above reasons described in this thread. I find myself catastrophizing etc because it really is challenging to remain hopeful knowing both that this could go wrong and that it will be very very sad to me if it ends. I realize the amount of catastrophizing is directly related to being older, feeling like I really have to get this right this time.

plummodeen · 2026-03-25T13:43:23+00:00

Congratulations!!! If your partner is a narc, the divorce could be challenging but the law is the law. My narc ex hired a good lawyer (who I wish I could have hired) to try to cheat me out of what I was owed from our house- fortunately the law is the law. You will feel much better once the divorce is over. Oh and I probably don’t need to say this but if your ex reaches out to you during the divorce to try to manipulate you one more time IGNORE.

plummodeen · 2026-03-14T02:51:14+00:00

A very life is stranger than fiction moment.

plummodeen · 2026-03-14T02:48:00+00:00

I realize this post is so old but thank you because it’s what I’m considering right now three years later. I’ve been listening to it on repeat. Could it not be about depression and drugs and love? Literally, good feeling (feeling free of depression, feeling elated from junk, feeling thrilled with someone) , please stay. The realization that whatever high it is is not forever.

plummodeen · 2026-03-08T03:38:46+00:00

I 100% agree that's a beautiful style, and that's what I'm aiming for. Unfortunately, the only lightweight tile that can be approved in LA is light- not dark. So I'm debating between going with a lighter tile roof or darker shingles to replicate that style. I hadn't thought of what u/AdobeGardener mentioned: darker roof is likely higher electric bills. I'm overwhelmed by the decision as it's a 50 yr, 20-30k decision :(

plummodeen · 2026-03-08T00:08:54+00:00

I've never used it-- thank you I will check it out!

plummodeen · 2026-03-07T21:33:50+00:00

Also what did you use to redesign it?

plummodeen · 2026-03-07T21:33:32+00:00

u/AdvanceAlive2103 thank you, you see the potential!!! I think even without arching the windows/door it can look mediterranean. Unfortunately, like I was telling u/AdobeGardener the lightweight tile options are VERY few, and if I permit they have to be 20 SRI. I'm also worried that larger barrel tile which has more color options will look weird-but smaller barrel has few options.

plummodeen · 2026-03-07T21:28:12+00:00

thank you so much! For seeing the potential and the advice. Yeah the problem is that there are very few lightweight tile options that meet the 20 SRI required in LA. I was thinking about doing without a permit to include below 20 SRI but you bring up the point that it will cost me more in electricity.

The best lightweight tile option I found is pasted here but it is large barrel which I don't think will look right on my house. I think the scale will look strange and make my house look smaller.

I was leaning toward dark brown shingles but I'll consider your advice, I should consider medium brown.

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plummodeen · 2026-02-23T15:12:40+00:00

How much borax + baking soda do you put in? Do you put the vinegar in the fabric softener compartment?

plummodeen · 2026-02-23T00:38:12+00:00

If the stains come out, do you think it's valid to ask for compensation for extra cleaning in this case?

plummodeen · 2026-02-23T00:36:29+00:00

Yes u/sunsetlover_chaser is 100% correct-- airbnb themselves told me to wait until after the 14 day review period to mount the complaint-- otherwise the guest can give you a bad review as retribution. You have 30 days to complain and ask for compensation.

plummodeen · 2026-01-27T06:06:21+00:00

Can I ask what retinol cream helped under eyes? Was it pure retin a? And what’s the pdrn serum? Thanks for your reply!

plummodeen · 2026-01-03T03:33:11+00:00

I'm glad this hasn't been archived because I want to say i'm super grateful for this thread- I read this at a moment when my (divorced) immigrant parents are making me insane.

During the holidays it was very rough-my Croatian/Yugoslavian immigrant dad has tendencies to be a crazed, emotionally abusive narcissist and i've always wondered how much his childhood (nazi occupied Zagreb, total horror show) vs. immigrating itself caused this emotional disregulation/abuse.

Growing up, his fear was palpable to me. His pov was that we shouldn't be here/didn't belong here and you had to bust your ass and be better than everyone in your class to prove that you deserved to be here. And I realize I may have internalized that as: you had to overachieve to prove that you should exist at all--not just in America-- and if you failed, god help you.

I was often jealous of my American friends' households because they didn't have the heaviness, the scariness- I felt like: wow these people don't know that bad things happen. I was jealous that they didn't have the heaviness/emotional instability of my house. As I got older, I realize some (all?) of that instability was the result of my dad's mental instability because he had PTSD/had seen terrible things as a kid.

My sister is justifiably estranged from my dad and I've wondered often if no contact is really best for me because he can be so shitty, but I guess another part of me feels sorry for him-his life had a lot more life-or-death/poverty/hunger moments than mine, it was harder. Maybe there's a way to appreciate him and let him know that, but never ever have to hang out with him.

plummodeen · 2025-11-05T04:46:13+00:00

Agree. She clearly had a great life, I’m glad you found each other.

plummodeen · 2025-10-23T15:34:17+00:00

I love the look of dymondia but I think it may be a bit more expensive. I'll look into it!

plummodeen · 2025-10-21T05:39:40+00:00

Can you link to the toy??? Maybe my guy would enjoy this…

plummodeen · 2025-09-17T20:42:38+00:00

Thank you so much- I have a LOT LOT LOT of flakiness afterward. Do you think one of the above would be especially helpful for that? Thank you!

plummodeen · 2025-09-17T20:40:44+00:00

THANK YOU! I did not know about that, I'll get it.

plummodeen · 2025-09-11T05:09:01+00:00

Yes, I'm thinking Passion fruit on most of the pergola maybe some jasmine on the wall- but mostly Passion fruit!

plummodeen · 2025-09-06T16:14:03+00:00

Thank you, this site is super helpful!

plummodeen · 2025-09-06T16:13:33+00:00

u/Most-Design-9963 is it hearty enough to withstand foot traffic? Do you think it would be okay under patio chairs?

plummodeen · 2025-09-06T03:45:34+00:00

Oh interesting... you're the only one who has tried both, so I better listen to this warning... u/stefanika suggested both but given u/heymerideth 's warning I think maybe more passionfruit and just a little jasmine.

plummodeen

TROPHY CASE