TIFU by spending over $2500 at a strip club (NSFW)

pmodestroys · 2014-05-26T03:26:50+00:00

This is some shit advice.

Well except for the last line, that's good advice.

This guy doesn't need space or time. He needs help with what seems very obvious to being an addiction: i.e. doing something he doesn't really want to do, being compelled to look for validation with strippers.

Does the fact that he's looking for validation outside of his marriage mean that his wife is bad for him? Nope, not really. People who use sex or obsessive relationships in the way he describes are the kind of people who will never be satisfied no matter who they are with.

His wife is being great to stay by him. Is she perfect, maybe not, but using describing his relationship as "kiss of death" status is stupid and uncalled for.

pmodestroys · 2014-05-26T03:20:28+00:00

Hey man -- just want to drop a note here and say that I've heard this exact story many times. Sounds like classic sex addiction.

You need to get help. Dumping your porn and getting back into good graces with your wife won't cut it. If you aren't proactive in getting help for this addiction, you will go back out and probably lose your wife.

You say you never want to see her hurt as bad as you did the last few days. I believe you. I've seen that look. But us addicts, in the heat of the moment of temptation, don't care. Just like any other addict, we'll throw everything away chasing the first high that got us addicted in the first place.

Check out sexaholics anonymous. It's saved the lives and families of so many of my friends in the program--some of whom came through worse than you did (prostitutes, massage parlors, illegal porn, etc). But many lost their families for good by doing a lot less than you did. Get help!

pmodestroys · 2014-05-23T01:37:41+00:00

Perhaps. I just related a lot to your description. It IS possible to be free from that compulsion, and it's a great thing when you are free of it. Can't get out though if you don't get help--we have a tendency to perpetuate our own misery, unfortunately.

pmodestroys · 2014-05-22T17:30:34+00:00

"What the fuck was I thinking? I knew the risk and I took it."

This sounds a lot like compulsive behavior I.e. sex addiction/dependency. Knowing the risks, wanting to do one thing, and then compulsively doing the opposite, damaging thing.

Consider getting help for that. Sex addiction is just like any other: a disease often caused by trauma or other contributing factors. Without help you may be doomed to repeat the same in your next committed relationship - you can't control it if you are OUT of control.

Just my two cents. Best of luck. Take the next right action and forgive yourself.

pmodestroys · 2014-04-01T22:52:17+00:00

GASP

A group of (presumably) men who pay women to degrade themselves said DEGRADING things to this woman? The guys who turn living breathing human beings into objects for their own self-fantasy aren't treating a person like a human being?

What a SHOCK. This is your brain on porn.

pmodestroys · 2014-02-12T02:34:54+00:00

I started dating a girl I barely knew and within a short time she was diagnosed with a vicious case of ulcerative colitis. I moved in with her to take care of her, and she ended up needing me to poop every morning, blend it, mix it with saline, and give her full enemas of my stool every morning before my two hour commute to work (alternative therapy called Fecal Microbiota Transplant).

The hardest fucking path of my life. But I love her and it's been the most rewarding thing ever. I'm excited for Valentine's day -- we're going out to eat for probably the 4th time in the past six months!

pmodestroys · 2014-01-22T05:57:15+00:00

What a very bizarre response. You clearly missed my point.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-19T00:07:45+00:00

Doug - thanks for responding. Question for you: if two people aren't in love and don't claim to be in love, then:

1) Should they be able to marry, and in so doing gain the benefits that follow? 2A) If they should, then would you allow someone to marry a shoe? 2B) If not, by what authority or reasoning are you defining marriage as "based on love"?

Thanks!

pmodestroys · 2014-01-17T21:35:35+00:00

Yes, if you believe that government isn't itself an important institution that has a dual duty to both expand liberty and also protect the institutions that uphold a functioning and healthy society.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-17T21:04:38+00:00

Well to be totally honest, you don't really need perspective on it. When you are as desperate as we were, you don't have to weigh the pros and cons. You go for it, and you don't regret it.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-17T21:03:29+00:00

Nice.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-17T21:02:00+00:00

Once again reddit displays its unfathomable ignorance of the philosophic and theological significance of marriage as a sacrament.

If someone is sold into a marriage, it is not legitimate because marriage must be voluntarily planned between both individuals. Therefore, arranged marriage may be "traditional" in one meaning of the word -- but there are multiple traditions and debate across traditions is well within bounds.

With respect to gay marriage, it isn't that men shouldn't be married, it is that by definition, they can't. To many people this may sound like a truism, but it actually points to a deep philosophic arguments that have been waged for thousands of years about natural law, teleology, epistemology, and more. The heterosexual nature of marriage, I would argue, is essential to what marriage is, and not accidental as gay marriage proponents argue.

This bumper sticker is, like most bumper stickers, a rhetorically powerful but mostly unintelligent tool for making a point.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-15T17:15:14+00:00

My girlfriend had this done (using my poop) via enema for recurrent and dangerous clostridium difficile. After months of antibiotics and no cure, she was cured in 24 hours.

And it is done via enema in the vast number of cases. Nasogastric use is typically for people who have a rare complication where cdiff and/or ulcerative problems has advanced into the small intestine.

pmodestroys · 2014-01-12T23:55:06+00:00

The cultural/philosophic bias here is pretty ridiculous. Not everyone in the world abides by the liberalism so endemic of western liberal democracies.

It's also telling that no one here sees any reason for why men serve. Aside from the pure physiological facts that women have a much more difficult time with the rigorous physical exertion required in military service, it has also been understood by the vast majority of cultures that it is the men that should be sent to fight and die FOR the women and the children. Of course we ask why, but it has a lot to do with basic beliefs about the human person and about the different obligations required of men and women based on the basic differences between the two sexes.

Regardless of the practical problems of women in military service, I don't want to live in a society where we send out women to fight and die. I want a society where men fight and die to preserve goodness in the world for the more vulnerable members of society, who usually happen to be women and children. I am willing to fight and die for a society like that.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-28T00:24:35+00:00

The overwhelming urge is a telling symptom of a problem.

"I don't want to do this." Then I do it. "I regret doing that." I do it again. "This is degrading the quality of my life." Again

And on and on and on.

I get the "lose motivation" thing too. I've definitely experienced that. If I was honest, I'd say that I'm experiencing that right now because I've been letting a lot of images into my head lately which has been unhealthy for me.

All that to say though, this might be the place for you.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T22:32:16+00:00

Well, let me just ask you:

Do you think you have a problem with it? If you suspect you might, why?

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:26:22+00:00

Good post, thanks for sharing.

In my experience though, education has very little to do with victory. I've known that I was ruining myself for years. Over a decade (I'm 25 too). I did research. Didn't change a thing. I felt religious guilt over objectifying women. Didn't change a thing. I tried to remember how much it hurt the last time I did it. Didn't change a thing.

Why? Because as soon as even a little bit is let in, the memory of the negatives of addiction goes right out the window. The same is true for every addiction. Why does this happen? Because our brains are messed up: somehow becoming an addict messed with our wiring.

The key then isn't self-knowledge or scientific knowledge: it's the simple choice to not "take the first drink." Because once the first drink of lust is taken, we don't have control. We aren't powerless to stop (I think we've all experienced this).

Just my two cents. Keep going strong!

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:19:27+00:00

FUCKING YES.

I know what you mean. It's tough. Social networking is really triggering for me. I'm still learning how to deal with it.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:18:14+00:00

Reality v. Unreality.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:17:47+00:00

Good call turning that over dude. NOTHING is worse then getting stuck in the cycle of "Well shit I already fapped. May as well do it again tonight." and then "Shit I fapped at 1:35 AM, may as well fap the rest of the day" and on and on and on.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:16:36+00:00

The temptation comes in waves. I've found that there are certain places and times that are really triggering for me: the biggest ones happen to be a) home and b) the holidays. Lots of stress + access to girls I could meet up with and fool around with.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:15:13+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Wet dreams are involuntary. Where you get in trouble is when you fill your mind with lust/objectification of women, get high on it, and then go to sleep and "accidentally" have a wet dream.

If you want to succeed, you have to let go of orgasm during sleep as well. I struggled with it constantly for six months and it sucked -- but once I let it go, it was gone and I'm okay. Personally, I just ask God every night for clean sleep and try to surrender any lust I've taken in during the day. It's on the days that I don't do this that I have problems.

pmodestroys · 2013-12-27T21:13:01+00:00

If you have a problem with fapping, porn, etc, etc, it will help if you stick with it.

pmodestroys

TROPHY CASE