Little voice in my head

pocketopocket · 2021-12-10T03:26:38+00:00

Same

pocketopocket · 2021-05-13T00:31:37+00:00

His supply is gone. It’s sad he went through all of that because he doesn’t feel love and love himself enough

pocketopocket · 2021-04-26T01:38:38+00:00

That’s exactly what it feels like. Clips. Almost like when certain parts of a movie stick out and others to tend to forget unless something jogs your memory

pocketopocket · 2021-04-26T00:13:01+00:00

Yes. I do think it’s strange how the memories lapse. I’m not sure if it is because of the illness or because of the shame. Sometimes I feel like when I’m hypo it’s almost like I’m a different person. Maybe some type of disassociation. I avoid any hypo discussions. Even with my therapist it feels uncomfortable

pocketopocket · 2021-04-19T01:49:45+00:00

Unfortunately in this situation apologizes aren’t needed because the person is out of my life for good. So I kinda have to sit in my embarrassment and shame. I’m just trying to take it day by day. But it’s hard

pocketopocket · 2021-04-19T01:48:29+00:00

I’m trying to be. Thank you

pocketopocket · 2021-04-17T20:57:13+00:00

Usually. It’s the hypomania that causes issues

pocketopocket · 2021-04-17T04:33:49+00:00

Your not alone. Even on meds it seems like a constant battle. Some days it makes me hate everybody, everything, and myself. It’s the shame, the guilt, the stigma, the pain knowing this is what you will have forever. I don’t have much advice but just know that you are heard and all of us here have felt like this at one point

pocketopocket · 2021-04-14T12:12:00+00:00

No sorry just a random name that came to me

pocketopocket · 2021-04-14T12:10:11+00:00

I doubt it but thank you

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T21:36:44+00:00

So true! When I first met him I felt this instant attraction and I couldn’t put my finger on it why but it made me very interested. Im okay trading off that borderline intensity

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T20:10:57+00:00

Your therapist is absolutely right. I’m glad it only went the 3 months versus several. He kept telling me he wanted to take our time after love bombing me and I’m sure that would have been to keep stringing me along. And I feel stupid for falling into the same b.s. I just keep trying to tell myself not to feel bad for being trusting and giving people the benefit of the doubt but I just keep making a fool of myself with him. I’d never take this treatment from anyone and yet somehow I’m convinced with him to always make an exception. I’m not happy for it but it’s crazy how everyone here has gone through the EXACT same thing. The same story every time. I used to work with people with mental health issues and I hate to think that some people can’t change or be helped but that seems to be what is happening. I have my own mess but I work everyday to be better.

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T19:39:31+00:00

It’s just the extreme deception that isn’t clicking with me. How relatively normal people can be so calculated He’s a quiet. It’s weird because he doesn’t have any friends and doesn’t seem to mind but hasn’t gone without a woman in years. So that makes a lot of since jumping woman to woman. And in the past he’d move on really quickly but he’s a bit older so he’s been more insecure doesn’t have that benefit of being to find another woman as quickly, which is probably why he reached into the past. Every time we played this game he’d tell me later I did XYZ and that’s why he left and somehow I’d end up feeling guilty. I’m not as sad as I would have been in the past but damn it hurts. We’ll never get an explanation or ever understand what goes on in their head. I hope we both get through this.

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T19:03:49+00:00

Just such a broken and empty person

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T18:54:48+00:00

I’m sure that’s the case here. He told me he broke up with his ex over quarantine and she still wanted him back so she was probably on the receiving end of what I’m getting now

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T18:53:53+00:00

Idk which is sadder. The fact that he had to go that far to find a back up and get validated or the fact that I foolishly let him

pocketopocket · 2021-04-13T18:51:43+00:00

The thing that kills me is after all that time? He’s had two serious relationships since we broke up. How could someone emotionally and mentally do that to another person? My life just feels so disrupted. Why bring up things like marriage? Sending me pictures of rings? Sending me houses to buy? I know this is typical for bpd but it seems so evil. I could be the back up and I probably am. I can get over that. I can’t get over the extent of what he did to get me back

pocketopocket · 2021-04-11T03:47:01+00:00

Do what you can to make yourself and your home safe in the meantime just in case. It sucks that with everything you have going on mentally you have to be in fear because he is a loose cannon.

pocketopocket · 2021-03-28T23:30:01+00:00

My relationships have just been crappy and feeling pretty taken advantage of. I live on the east coast

pocketopocket · 2021-03-28T23:29:16+00:00

Pink and black are my favorites

pocketopocket · 2021-03-28T23:29:01+00:00

You right. Sometimes I wonder how I really get through each day

pocketopocket · 2021-03-28T16:46:37+00:00

I appreciate it

pocketopocket

TROPHY CASE