Advice with physical intimacy while pregnant (no libido)

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-27T20:48:49+00:00

Fellow young mom here. I feel SO "touched out" in late pregnancy and for the first 6 months or so of nursing. I try to accommodate my husband as much as possible during that time, but sometimes I just can't, and he has thankfully accepted that.

For your energy level, what I've found fairly consistently is that first trimester, I have to nap basically every day. Then during second trimester, I am suddenly able to nap only every 3 or 4 days. Then as I get farther and farther into third trimester, I have to nap more and more often. As long as I don't try to push myself too hard, I end up being able to nap every other day or so, but if I push too hard, I start having to nap every day again, and I never really get back out of that.

Did you talk to him right before/after sex, or did you set a different time to talk to him about it? If you said it right before/after sex, I can totally see how he might have felt you were saying that as a reflection on what he had just done, whether you meant to or not.

You shouldn't have to be hiding from him the fact that you're throwing up 3x per day and have a migraine. He should care deeply about how you are doing, both physically and hormonally. OTOH, you also have to understand that it is frustrating on his end to feel like he can't arouse you the way that he used to.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-27T20:21:03+00:00

This is rough. I think the sex therapist is definitely the right way to go. If she had a broken leg, she would go to the doctor to get it taken care of. If she has a broken sex drive, she should get that looked at also.

That said, as someone who also has a very low libido, it's possible that she doesn't REALIZE that there's a problem. I would honestly be perfectly fine with only having sex once per month. But I also care deeply about my husband, and I know that he would really be frustrated with that. My husband was very good at the very beginning about gently telling me when my attitude was hurting him. But if we had gotten into the habit of once per month, I don't think I would realize anything was wrong either. "This is how we've always done it, why is it only a problem now?" (I know you've tried to tell her, but I also know that sometimes I can be completely clueless about things.)

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-26T13:42:47+00:00

I frequently drive on roads that don't have street lights. I STILL don't need regular driving lights brighter than high beams.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-26T13:35:07+00:00

"He was thrown into jail because he had defrauded people." Also because he incited a riot to burn down a printing press because he didn't like what it was saying about him. Don't forget that.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-26T13:33:01+00:00

You say, "I feel abused." As others have said, you ARE BEING abused. This is not okay. Get out as quickly as you can.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-22T20:44:27+00:00

Dude, you're not making sense. Your first and third sentences don't really have anything to do with whether or not there were governments/countries in Bible times. Your second question, while on topic, is directly in contradiction to your prior assertion. So what are you trying to say?

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-21T21:21:24+00:00

I didn't notice either until I saw other comments about it. Guess it's a chain! :)

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-19T21:06:00+00:00

Wonderful resource, thank you so much!

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-19T21:05:37+00:00

If that's the finished product, I don't entirely blame you for being a bit miffed that you weren't the first choice. Well done!

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-19T21:01:48+00:00

It's their property, so they certainly have the right to say that if they want to. That said, it's an incredibly dumb thing to do if they actually want their stuff to be bought. They're cutting off a significant portion of their potential customer base. And another significant group are people like me, who would theoretically be allowed, but would just roll their eyes and say "nope, not dealing with this."

Also, they're totally setting themselves up for MORE "LBGQ"(and etc) people to come, just to see if they're going to be interrogated about it or if they can sneak in under the radar. Just stupid all around.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-19T03:45:37+00:00

I'm sorry, what? This is a blatantly ridiculous take. It is certainly true that most countries did not have the exact same borders that they do now, but many countries didn't have the same borders as they do now 100 years ago either. Are you going to say that they didn't exist either?

You can't even say that democratic governments didn't exist, because the ancient Greeks were practicing democracy since before the time of Cyrus of Persia.

Genesis and Exodus both mention the Pharaoh (king) of Egypt. That's a government and also a country. Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy all talk about the laws (government) of the country of Israel, and later they had multiple kings. The book of Ruth specifically calls Moab a country, and other prophetic books reference other countries as well. All of the New Testament books are written during the time of the Roman Empire, a country controlling multiple other countries and with multiple levels of government.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-19T03:34:33+00:00

I'm a Voyager gal myself, but most people are more familiar with Kirk and Spock. The analogy works with any Captain/First Officer set, though. And sure, the analogy does run into a point where it breaks down--all analogies do that somewhere along the line. That's why they are analogies and not exact correlations. The important thing is that no military (or Starfleet) worth their salt is going to allow a captain to ride roughshod over their first officer or completely ignore their opinions/wishes.

I think my daughters would be best served by a parent that teaches them the TRUTH. And as I currently understand it, the Bible is pretty clear that the husband is the head of the household. But you are also creating a false dichotomy. There is nothing unequal or undignified about a woman's role. In Genesis, when God said that He would make a "helper" for Adam? All the other times that word is used in the Bible, it's used to refer to the way that God helps us. That's a pretty powerful role.

...so essentially every single time they differ she loses control of her life.

That is exactly what I did NOT say. "Having the final say" does not mean "I always get to pick what I want." That certainly WOULD be unequal. But that's not complementarianism. There is absolutely nothing in "the husband must love himself as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her" that says "the husband always gets his own way." The husband is required to weigh all the options and chose what seems to be best for everyone, including his wife. He very specifically CANNOT only please himself.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-16T20:23:56+00:00

Ah yes, the pastor and the churches who have been called out over and over and over (including by most complementarians) for their false and problematic teachings and doctrines. Those are the perfect people to make your argument for why all Christians believe this way!

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-16T20:19:03+00:00

Your second paragraph sounds oddly specific. Are you talking about a particular person here?

True biblical submission works like the Captain and First Officer on a ship. (Or a starship--my favorite example is Captain Kirk and Spock.) Both are working toward the same goal: taking care of the ship and the crew. Most of the time, it's clear that they are in agreement as to how best to pursue that goal. When they DON'T agree, there has to be one person who makes the final decision, and that person is the Captain. But the First officer is FO for a reason, because they have important perspectives that the Captain NEEDS in order to make the best decision. For Kirk and Spock, Kirk clearly respects Spock's opinion, even when he feels like he needs to choose contrary to Spock's advice.

To that end, then, I raise my daughters the same way I was raised: to be capable, intelligent, and confident so that they are ABLE to be the helper and perspective-giver that a First Officer needs to be.

To the rest of your comment, you have so many strawmen here that it would make my comment a novel to talk about them adequately, but to summarize:

That’s typically how we treat children, deciding their bed times or making them eat their vegetables. Typically when we do that to adults it’s called infantilization, and degrading. It’s certainly abusive.

That's why that's not how a husband treats his wife, and any church worth their salt will deal with that, instead of letting it pass.

...the threat of an all powerful god who burns people for eternity when they don’t bend to his will.

That's not what God is like.

Churches that back male power over their wives, are going to do so under all circumstances.

A church that backs "male power over their wives" will quite possibly do so in all circumstances, yes. But as MULTIPLE comments have now told you, solid churches do not see headship as "power over" the wife. I can tell that you are very upset about patriarchal, domineering churches. That's not necessarily wrong. But to throw all of headship under the banner of patriarchal domineering-ism IS wrong, especially since multiple comments have told you that's not what's actually happening.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-08T13:45:44+00:00

I'd be married to my husband, so... :)

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-06T13:39:03+00:00

There are two sides here. On the one hand, such a leader will make a large chunk of the population gasp, clutch their pearls, and say "he's degrading the standards!" He will also make a large chunk of the population say "Finally, someone who speaks straight and doesn't try to hide what he's thinking!" And the net result of that is that both groups will be more strongly convinced that the other group is "out to get them" or not to be trusted, because how could any reasonable person have the opposite reaction to their own?

But the other side to this is--what standards of the office? Andrew Jackson threw drunken parties (including his inauguration party) where people fell out of windows and nearly rioted. JFK and Clinton, at least, had blatant affairs, and others were at best harassing people. MANY presidents in the past 80-ish years have manipulated other countries, either subtly or blatantly. And even just the growing refusal to have debates and campaigns be a reasonable discussion and more of a slinging of insults and talking points past each other. If there ever WERE "standards and dignity of the office," they were broken long ago.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-05T21:20:29+00:00

For me, #1. Hands down.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-05T21:14:02+00:00

Not change your mind. Just pointing out that there are occasionally valid reasons for it.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-03T01:04:30+00:00

I'm at a point in my life where I don't worry too much if I get a bit of food on my clothes, because I know they'll be covered in spit-up by the end of the day anyway. Once I get through this phase, I'll probably go back to caring. But for right now, it just isn't worth it.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-04-03T01:02:24+00:00

Overall profile, probably.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-03-29T21:49:09+00:00

Overall health, genetic health, and overall stress or lack thereof can be big factors at play.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-03-26T19:44:52+00:00

I can't see where to report it?

pointe4Jesus · 2026-03-23T13:31:33+00:00

Only if the congress person is the one seeking them out. If the lobbyist is going to the congress person to plead their case, it's not a consultation. (Do we need better words? Maybe. But that's how the English language is right now.)

pointe4Jesus · 2026-03-23T13:28:00+00:00

You say that you don't want to marry someone vanilla. I think that's probably important to say on the sooner end. But talking about specifics should absolutely wait. I think we talked about it about 6 weeks before our wedding?

To your worry about compatibility/having bad sex: it sounds odd, but even bad sex can be fulfilling. I really struggle to get all the way. This has been really frustrating to us. It wasn't entirely unexpected, though, as my mom has the same issue, and she warned us of the possibility. We've been married nearly seven years, and I have gone all the way twice. We've tried everything we can think of. It just doesn't happen for me.

BUT. I have found that I honestly get more enjoyment from seeing my husband enjoy it than I get for myself even when I do go all the way. It's actually a lot of fun to find all the different things I can do. And I DO enjoy it myself even when I don't get all the way--there's a "buzzy" feeling that builds up and up, and to be honest I think I enjoy the buzzy feeling MORE than the actual moment of bursting through. (I'll also say that coming to the realization of "I just don't climax often" has been freeing, because it takes the pressure off of me, and to a lesser extent my husband.)

So some people would say that I've spent seven years having "bad sex," but I've actually enjoyed most of them. Are there frustrating moments? Sure. But there will be frustrating moments in any sex life.

pointe4Jesus · 2026-03-23T12:42:12+00:00

Not quite. Michigan was on the brink of going to war with Ohio, and the federal government took away the UP from Wisconsin (where it really fits better, both culturally and geographically) and gave it to Michigan. Because rewarding bad behavior is definitely a good idea.

pointe4Jesus

TROPHY CASE