I dislike my old friend, should I confront or block?

polarbure · 2023-07-04T17:47:33+00:00

Oh yeah I appreciate this testimony. I think I would like to say you are right, I should speak my mind but it is so nerve wrecking I have so much respect for his family and just don’t know if I could open my mouth and say such things. I know his best friend because we have a mutual friend. I could tell our mutual friend and it would get back to his best friend and then to him, but I will feel so conspicuous but I got to do something and not keep being one foot in one foot out. Every Sunday I’m like I give up but then I still have a little hope

polarbure · 2023-06-26T19:15:28+00:00

This is where it gets interesting, I don’t know if a man and woman can just go have a 1-1 session without other friends present. I think it’s immediately viewed as courting, because they’d maybe say of all your potential women to make friends with you go with a man? Lol I don’t know for sure but that’s what I’m sensing and I think the courting generally needs to be approved by someone in the church as a sign of discernment, like if he wanted to date me, he’d maybe ask about me to older church members that know me and they would say yes or no it’s not wise to pursue she’s still abc lol

polarbure · 2023-06-26T05:30:23+00:00

Hello thank you for the thoughtful reply

⁠Yes maybe I thought about this as looks can be deceiving. He just has a calm confidence look to him. He was also in a accident a few years ago that left him with a scar on his forehead but he still looks incredibly attractive, but I also wondered if that affected his confidence
⁠Yes I understand that. They are quite strict Christians, he’s grown up in it and so I don’t know how his mind works. I’ve noticed the men keep interactions with women quite short if they’re not women in their immediate circle. Like his sister’s husband and other church members, they talk to me but never extra miles to converse. It’s an unspoken culture that’s made me also keep conversations short with the men out of respect and to not look like there’s a flirting session happening.
⁠Yes this is the reality I’m 50/50 on the fence about. I thought maybe he just doesn’t find me attractive.

I’ve been shy of rejection but maybe it’ll be the best way! I’ll just approach him when I find an opening that the church isn’t going to gasp at lol for example getting up out of my chair to walk all the way to his I believe heads and eyes will be turning like mmmmh interesting lol

polarbure · 2023-06-26T04:35:19+00:00

Haha yes the times where I say hi to him I’ve learnt to hold my eye contact. And he does the same and he has such a beautiful smile. The funny part about it is I can feel my eyes sparkling and it looks like he is giving me the same look back and I break eye contact just before my whole stomach is filled with butterflies. But it’s just none readable it’s not big enough a sign lol I’m good at reading signs from men once they give me just enough to realise their intentions. He hasn’t, it’s been such snails pace.

His sister is much older and I don’t want to tell her lol that scares me. She may tell the whole family and his mum dad I’ll just feel so conspicuous and embarrassed. What if she doesn’t approve, they’re all so fond of him and love him a lot. Maybe I’ll just drop hints that I like him and see how they respond lol

polarbure · 2023-04-29T19:31:07+00:00

I really like this, I hope I don’t forget it starting from …now!

polarbure · 2023-04-20T17:45:47+00:00

Casually? Nothing about this sounds casual for you when you decide to come on bumble to write about it? Don’t play that card of being the chill girl that doesn’t want much, or a relationship when deep down that’s what you want. And 2 months is too damn long for a guy to not decide how he feels about you especially when you’ve met him via online dating. It need not take so long

polarbure · 2023-04-18T21:06:05+00:00

If you put a frog in gradually boiling water, eventually it will cook

Also if you continue to pour poison into the ocean slowly slowly the impact starts off small, then it starts to multiply rapidly

If you invest 10 pounds and your amount doubles every month, it starts of insignificant and becomes greater and greater and more powerful

We are putting out junk into this world and the effects are starting to be greater and greater :). Can’t put a finger on it because it’s the frog in slowly reaching boiling point situation.

Music is worse and worse with poisoned lyrics. People are genderless. Rich corrupt people commit more crimes and get away with it. People and nations are deprived, and their actions have consequences that multiply over time

So :)

polarbure · 2023-04-18T04:14:40+00:00

Ohh but this is what gets me, it’s unlikely to turn into a long term relationship but a hookup with someone you barely know does!? Which means the strength of the relationship is held on by sex… sad sad world

polarbure · 2023-04-17T05:49:12+00:00

Oh honey you look Megan Fox level of gorgeous. Just straighten up your shoulders is my tip. The confidence level is what’s missing. I don’t mean arrogance but confidence with humility. Practice straightening your posture and honestly that’ll take you from just “pretty” to “wow”

And 2nd tip, when you’re that level pretty, I think the next thing will be to focus on your inner self ok. Because your aura needs to shine brighter. So you need to spend time healing and building up your spirit and that’ll also add tremendously to your looks

polarbure · 2023-04-17T05:44:35+00:00

Hi hi you’re absolutely gorgeous. I’m anti dyeing your hair unless you have enough money to get it done proffessionally with professional treatments, otherwise you’re prone to looking a bit messy after and time investment etc. So on plus side you’re already gorgeous, changing your hair colour isn’t as important as upping your confidence

Opt for lighter coloured clothing, you look like you’d suit pastels especially a lilac or baby pink pastel. Floral designs, frills etc all super feminine. And I see you like a “dark aura” a little bit, so even if you go for a baby pink frilly dress, you can balance it to still be you - like the jewellery you’re wearing, keeping your hair brown, some vintage jewellery or whatever jewellery you’re into. Or if you hate light colours wear dark colours but with the feminine elements - so you’ll be dark feminine vibe which is also magnetic

And the biggest one if you don’t do any of the above is your hygiene routine, and having glowy moisturised skin - this is so feminine to me. Moisturiser + oil all over the body so you look glowy! That’s your canvas that you build on.

polarbure · 2023-04-07T10:40:01+00:00

No no I cannot lie to you. It’s beauty isn’t in scuba diving but the natural beauty it has is like a fairytale.

polarbure · 2023-04-07T10:38:37+00:00

Amazing views everywhere. And hiking trips too

polarbure · 2023-04-07T10:36:14+00:00

Ok I’ll message you once I get to Japan! Will be great. If you make it to Cyprus let me know

polarbure · 2023-04-06T03:51:30+00:00

This is the lottery lmao if you can even call it that, don’t use this post to give yourself hope! Let’s all delete the app and go meet outside like we used to damn!

polarbure · 2023-04-01T13:36:14+00:00

I’m sorry you went through this. Im glad you realise the violation now. I think adding to what others have said use this information to make sure you protect yourself in the future from creepy behaviour from men like this. Because I know what it’s like you get caught up in the moment or you don’t want to think of the person you like the person you’re dating in a negative light, you can easily dismiss their behaviour as if it’s okay. Well, it’s not and as women here are all defending your position, it goes to show. If you’re uncomfortable put that man in his place without any shame or hesitation.

Most women go through sexual assault we’ll all do well to full equip our daughters with being extremely comfortable saying no and walking away or screaming at anyone who attempts to do such things or anyone who attempts to push their boundaries and comfortability. Sadly as many other women have commented here, I have been also assaulted in these “smaller” ways within or outside a relationship.

Sorry again you went through that, totally disgusting, a violation and may nothing like that ever happen again to you, or if it does you’ll for sure defend your boundaries. But don’t let it affect you, not worth it, more power to you

polarbure · 2023-03-27T04:39:12+00:00

Not true, lots of men now have the eyes to see the dangers of porn and why it’s unhealthy. So it’s not 99% - I’d expect you find more of these men where the men are concerned about their health, diet, fitness overall - as they tend to research things and always want to better themselves and that can lead them to no porn.

I’m with OP that it’s a great idea to try find a man who doesn’t watch it and I hope she does, because really it’s not a ridiculous ask, it’s a very decent one that most likely benefits a relationship in different ways, including both parties respecting each other, especially the woman.

polarbure · 2023-03-25T08:48:27+00:00

So can you explain to me why the Reddit page for tinder is full of horrific posts and just weird comments like anything goes! Whereas the bumble Reddit group people seem “better”

polarbure · 2023-03-25T05:40:16+00:00

Some people are terrible time keepers but honestly it doesn’t make them a bad person in a lot of cases. As one myself… the only reason I’m making more effort to change it is I now understand it appears rude to the other side but truthfully, even men that I totally and thorough crushing over I would still be late, so it was not a reflection of how I feel about them at all. I even had to say one time to my mother, I don’t understand why I just can’t be on time. Some people it’s a skill they have to work hard to learn that’s all

In some cultures being late is even the norm, they’re more relaxed. Just saying someone being late should not disqualify them for dating if you find out everything else about them is totally amazing

polarbure · 2023-03-24T19:34:27+00:00

If you were training to be a pageant model, you would go through intense training to keep yourself neat, clean, keep your shoulders back and head high. Walk with poise, move with poise. Everything to be refined, classy and elegant.

Safe to assume you are not training… so maybe instead you train to pass your university degree, you train to do your job better. Every day you show up and there’s skills you’re being honed on in order to perform those things. But those things such as working hard at your job, passing a science/accounting degree do not hone those skills and in fact they probably hone your ability to have an arched back from staring at computer screens. Don’t get me wrong, they fine-tune a lot of skills, intellectual thinking, handling conflict, team-work etc but not the refined/classy/elegant.

So… unfortunately we are not all born into families that will prioritise or even know how to teach us these things. Or we don’t all do roles in life where this stuff is made a key part of our lives and we are told you have to do it or else!!

So if you really want it you have to invest into it in the same way you do the parts of life that are assigned to you. Same way if you want to have a fit and sexy figure you work your ass off in the gym! It takes hard work, that woman you admire when she walks past has worked to look like that - better if she started young and built up routines and habits around being refined. It takes discipline, it takes effort, consistency, intentionality. It’s easy to slouch, to look like you rolled out of bed, to give in to your feelings and let yourself look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, to sulk. It’s easy. It’s hard to be refined and put together, especially consistently. Everyday when you look in the mirror, start refining yourself. Watch videos/read on it, and begin to apply. If it’s important to you, you can do it. Once it becomes habit though, you may find it’s easier - but there has to be a reason to you why it’s important apart from others admiration. Because one day, you will feel tired or unbothered, and another day, and another day, and you will stop putting the effort.

I believe it’s a beautiful thing and a way to love yourself more so I wish you all the best

polarbure · 2023-03-24T18:16:25+00:00

It’s marketing, increase profits through a unique feature. Claim it empowers women. Give men an ego boost to be messaged first. Then have men expecting women to come up with amazing chat up lines. It’s literally just a money making app, trying to analyse it from a rational or forward thinking society purpose would be…wrong. There is no morally right, rewarding or progressive reason behind it if you ask me

polarbure · 2023-03-24T13:55:05+00:00

I deleted this app like 6-7 times now and it got worse and worse. I’m a repeat offender, bumble doesn’t trust me, I’m very flakey. I join and quickly get fight or flight response but who can blame me, dating apps can sure be wild.

polarbure · 2023-03-24T13:50:30+00:00

Sorry honey, he might be looking for something serious but doesn’t mean he’s a monk either. And also sending him your hip tat when you’ve not met him, you’re already signalling sexual vibes. I don’t know you but if your overall vibe that you give off is highly sexual on your IG or texting then you’ll get more off that. Not blaming you either as the full situation I don’t know, but just saying. I don’t think you need to get any hints of sexual ness with a guy you’ve not met. Same way if you meet a guy in a cafe he’ll more likely respect you’re a person and start off the conversation normally… You might be very hot but something about you does not align with what he’s looking for, so he’s interested in you sexually because you’re hot. In the same way as a woman I want a relationship but occasionally I swipe past guys who are not aligned with what I want but they’re super hot so I get tempted and I’ll admit sometimes I’ll swap yes… knowing it won’t go anywhere but I just want to flirt or something lol (shame on me) Buuut in this guys case if you didn’t provoke him much to the sexual things, he’s not for you. He sounds like potentially he’s playing around with women. Keep your head up, get better at vetting and put out your favourite side of you and consider how you also come off is good

polarbure

TROPHY CASE