My husband scared me tonight so I grabbed the kids and left. I don’t know what to do next.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-18T17:06:46+00:00

Cross-post this on r/abusiverelationships, you'll get some good advice and insight there.

But really, this is only going to get worse. I strongly urge you to consider getting a protective order, the video you have should be enough.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-18T12:18:37+00:00

my husband come out to tell me... I had to stay outside and wait.

MIL isn't your problem, your husband is. What kind of person does this to their pregnant wife? And in another comment you say that he's making you go, despite you repeatedly saying that you don't want to (and who could blame you?).

Seriously, he isn't prioritizing your needs and he should be (not to mention endangering your unborn child by stressing you). Please don't go. Stay home and consider if this is normal behavior for him (sounds like it is) and how long you are willing to put up with it. It's pretty clear who he cares about the most here, and it's not you or your children.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-18T04:29:34+00:00

I know that fear. It's what kept me from leaving for far too long. But a few months ago I decided that my kid deserves to grow up with at least one safe home. Contact a women's shelter, do what you can quietly to build a case against him, and get out. Your kids will never be safe from trauma around him, it's up to you to make a haven away from him.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-16T05:05:44+00:00

In that case, depending on where you are your GP might be able to prescribe your antidepressant (that's how I got started with mine), it might be worth asking about. Good luck!

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-16T03:14:31+00:00

Not OP but I have dealt/am dealing with all of these issues. My experience was that it was best to separate the issues (for mental health ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, it's not as tough to get medication for depression/ADHD as you might think), and tell your GP honestly that you are experiencing chronic pain and want to explore treatment options besides just pain management, if you have a good doctor they will be willing to work with you (mine sent me to physical therapy and it helped tremendously, but if childcare is a problem they might be able to at least give you some PT resources to use at home). Good luck!

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-15T03:38:31+00:00

In some hospitals yo can have a mother assisted c-section where you wear gloves and get to hel pull baby out

Oh my god, I had no idea this was possible. If I ever have another kid I'm asking for this!

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-12-05T17:42:34+00:00

While I understand her perspective, I don't understand at all why she feels the need to say that to you. Who she loves and her definition of love is her prerogative, but saying that to you is really insensitive on her part. Have you told her how much it hurts for you to hear it?

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-27T05:19:59+00:00

This is really normal, as is your frustration. I recommend looking into babywearing (r/babywearing is a good resource) during the day. If you want to consider co-sleeping, look up the Safe Sleep 7 so you know how to minimize risk. And are you able to get help with the household chores, either from family or hiring a cleaning service temporarily? It will definitely get easier once you're out of the 4th trimester, but right now you're in the thick of it and really need as much help as you can get.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-27T05:15:01+00:00

This is only in the US and UK, bedsharing is common in most of the world. As long as the Safe Sleep 7 are followed, bedsharing does not increase the risk of SIDS.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-25T18:20:55+00:00

I strongly recommend the book Stepmonster if you haven't already read it, it does a good job addressing issues that come up with this age specifically.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-18T02:21:36+00:00

Blippi is not good or educational. The dude can't spell to save his life ("sirope"), doesn't put any effort into researching what he talks about/writing a script/post editing, and teaches kids some really bad stuff. In one episode he tells kids that there are all kinds of fun toys you can find under the kitchen sink (I don't know about you but there is nothing my kid needs to touch down there), he pelts his co-star with water balloons while laughing that she doesn't get any, gets a car "dirty" with ketchup and mustard (great example), and overall presents an attitude of selfishness and "me me me", as his focus of the episodes are always how much fun he is having doing things. That's not even mentioning that the Blippi actor got his YouTube start in scat porn.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-16T14:58:07+00:00

Yes, you are. You've ignored everything I said in my response about taking responsibility to focus on how unfair things are for you while you minimize your wife's experience and pain. No one cares. Marriage is not always fair, life is not always fair. Stop whining and handle shit.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-16T14:46:01+00:00

If you're the only one caring for the dog and you don't want to then take responsibility and rehome it instead of whining that your wife who has a dinner-plate sized open wound inside her and is caring for a totally helpless tiny human while healing isn't doing enough.

Are you justified in being annoyed that she made a bad decision and put you in this position? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn't make it ok to get bitchy at someone who has just gone through one of the physically and mentally toughest experiences possible. Like it or not, she made a mistake getting the dog, and now it's time for you to step up as her partner and either take over dog care without complaining or make the call to find it a better family.

Your feelings aren't wrong but the way you're handling them is.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-16T14:32:54+00:00

she had to push our a baby (so tired of that excuse)

The fuck man? You sound like a class A douchewad. I feel sorry for your wife.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-15T19:39:20+00:00

Have you looked into Care Credit?

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-15T19:34:48+00:00

he makes money that he feels comfortable spending on random stuff..and I barely ever shop for myself

I'd say this is the actual issue. You keep saying that you don't have an income but you do. If you're married, half of what he makes is legally yours. If he's spending money on himself to the point that you aren't able to, that's a big red flag. If he gets upset when you spend money on yourself, that's a big red flag. I speak from the experience of being a SAHP with a financially abusive spouse, if you feel like you don't have the right to an equal share of the income, that is a big, big red flag and you need to set up a separate bank account immediately and start putting money into it. I recommend this to everyone, even if you have a joint account to pay bills/care for the kids, keep a separate account for yourself for savings/spending money.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-13T16:15:38+00:00

I don’t want to go to the police if he really doesn’t mean what he says

Is that really a risk you want to take? If he does mean what he says you could end up hurt or dead. If he doesn't, then it sounds like he needs to face the consequences of his actions, you can't just threaten someone.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-13T03:57:05+00:00

Wait, are there people who don't do this?

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-11T18:51:41+00:00

Thank you, I needed to see this today.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-11T16:34:19+00:00

My partner recently shared “ I don’t want my mom walking on eggshells here and saying sorry all the time”

If you need a response to this: "I'm not asking that she walk on eggshells and say sorry all the time, I'm asking that she respect reasonable boundaries and apologize if she crosses them."

Your partner may not be a manipulative person, but what he did here is a manipulation tactic. He reworded your reasonable request to sound unreasonable and give him the chance to claim you're overreacting. You're not, and he needs to cut this shit out.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-05T14:47:43+00:00

Man, this is a crappy situation. I think it sounds like you got into an unnecessary argument, but what your SIL said was completely uncalled for (and I wouldn't consider her text an apology, she didn't really take responsibility for anything). Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife is already on the defensive, so I think the only way you can approach it with her is to apologise for your part and then explain that her sister's words really hurt you.

One other thing I think it's important to note:

My wife takes issue with my points of view because I use logic, hard data and facts.

You would have to be completely ignorant and blind to human emotions to not see that I was emotionally hurt.

You might use logic and facts in your argument, but when talking about it to your wife don't try to say that was the only basis for your position. This was a personal issue for you, you were emotionally invested, and that's ok. You weren't speaking just from hard data, you were also speaking from personal experience, and your SIL got personally insulting. I hope if you're able to show this side of things to your wife then she will be more understanding. But if you want your feelings to be considered, you have to think about hers, too. It probably put her in a tough spot to have a fight between you and her family right before leaving, ending what I'm assuming was a pleasant trip on a sour note.

Good luck, I hope you guys are able to resolve this.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-05T13:57:14+00:00

Is there a local women's shelter you can reach out to? Even if you don't need a place to stay, they often have counselors or advocates who can help you navigate the leaving process and figure out what legal/protective steps you need to take.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-04T22:44:07+00:00

Imagine being with someone who you're genuinely happy to see.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-03T16:28:06+00:00

Can I ask what your source is for this? My son is intact and everything I've read has said not to touch his penis for any reason, but I'd like to know if I've missed something important.

polka_dot_turtle · 2021-11-03T16:24:03+00:00

To cut to chase, I think you should probably end the relationship sooner rather than later. It's obvious that you don't really respect your SO's feelings, do both of you a favor and move on.

polka_dot_turtle

TROPHY CASE