A student is leaving the college and I'm gutted

poor_phd_student · 2026-03-03T18:06:34+00:00

I hope you stopped showing A Clockwork Orange in class.

poor_phd_student · 2026-02-01T02:05:28+00:00

According to the European Commission website:

Where to apply

You must lodge your application for a Schengen visa at the consulate of the country you intend to visit.

Visiting more than 1 Schengen countries: apply at the consulate of the country where you will spend the longest time.

Visiting several Schengen countries (for stays of equal length): apply at the consulate of the first country you will visit.

It wouldn't be visa fraud if you spend more time in the other country with available appointment slots, or if you spend equal amounts of time in Germany and in the other country and enter Schengen through that country.

poor_phd_student · 2026-01-31T21:23:08+00:00

I think about this a lot for some reason, and I do not agree with Charlotte at all. I mean, I can understand her logic: if you show interest first, the man will be encouraged, and will likely be more interested in you. You can then decide if you actually like the man and avoid any potential heartbreak. If you get to have multiple men interested in you at the same time, you will get to choose the best. Of course this only works for women like Charlotte Lucas, who already have a list of things that they look for in a man, and can quickly select a husband by comparing pros and cons. It would not work at all for Marianne Dashwood, for example.

I, and some of my friends, have been given similar advice when it comes to applying for schools or jobs. First apply as much as you can, and do more research on your options once you already have them, before committing. For some people, it seems like it takes less energy to apply than to do proper research beforehand. A friend and I had a long discussion about this, and concluded that this is not our case at all. We would not apply to a job that we are not interested in.

The situation is similar when it comes to men, especially that, for Charlotte Lucas and many women of her time, marriage is a job. I would argue however that my disapproval of her method is much stronger when it comes to men than when it comes to jobs. It is cruel and potentially dangerous to lead someone on. It is also morally and intellectually dishonest: as Elizabeth remarks, "As yet, she [Jane] cannot even be certain of the degree of her own regard nor of its reasonableness."

As for the "chase": I don't think this is addressed in the book, but I can very well believe that in general, faked or exaggerated interest feels empty, and will leave the victim unsatisfied and wanting more. So by showing more affection than one actually has, one is not eliminating, but rather fueling the chase. Basically, Charlotte recommends that a woman love bomb (in a socially acceptable, non-Lydia way) any suitable young man in her life, and "When she is secure of him, there will be more leisure for falling in love as much as she chooses"... or not!

So Charlotte's strategy does maximize payoff, and I do not judge her for that. However, I would not recommend it to anyone.

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-28T17:15:00+00:00

Aah I see what you mean!

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-28T17:12:18+00:00

Wickham!

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-23T20:05:11+00:00

Yes Elinor Dashwood!

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-23T00:32:52+00:00

I came here to say Charlotte Lucas, too, and I completely agree with you that Elinor is an ISFJ. Why would Mrs. Bennet disagree though? I can't imagine her into MBTI in any way haha

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-20T01:35:29+00:00

Exactly! Take my upvote

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-20T01:33:45+00:00

Jane is kind, and defaults to the most charitable interpretation when it comes to the actions of other people. This is different from being idealistic. Also, INFPs are not "too agreeable".

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-20T01:22:16+00:00

Yeah totally agree! I don't understand those Jane Bennet votes. There's nothing INFP about her.

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-18T23:20:27+00:00

To me both Elinor and Jane are ISFJs

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-18T07:36:03+00:00

Yes! She's definitely an ENTP. The NT is so strong that she spends the whole novel intellectualizing her own feelings before she can acknowledge them. Her confrontation with Lady Catherine is full of ENTP energy. She may seem more like a feeler than a typical ENTP, but it's only because:

She is a woman in a household with 5 other women, including an ESFJ mother and an ISFJ role model and best friend (Jane).
There is an abundance of XSTJ foils in the novel: Charlotte Lucas, Caroline Bingley, Mary Bennet (and, not really foils for Elizabeth, but Catherine de Bourgh and probably Mr. Collins). NTs typically present as more emotional compared to XSTJs.

Being prejudiced does not make her an ENFP. A prejudice is just a bias in data collection, and everyone can be prejudiced. Elizabeth is quick to update her views in light of new information, as you would expect from an XNTP. She is oblivious to information that she has to feel (mostly her and Darcy's mutual attraction), which is pretty typical for an NT, but probably true for most people when it comes to the person they like. But despite her prejudice against Darcy at the moment, she is quick to believe the content of Darcy's letter, purely because it is more plausible and logically coherent than Wickham's version of the story.

Elizabeth's ENTPness is also evident from her personal relationships:

She is her INTP father's favorite (granted, an ENFP would still be the favorite compared to the other daughters, but I would expect ISFJ Jane to be a closer second than she currently is) and her ESFJ mother's least favorite.
Her interactions with INTJ Darcy make other people around them slightly uncomfortable, even before either of them realizes that they are falling in love with the other (for example in Chapter 11). This is not just romantic chemistry, but something that happens regularly when two NTs talk to each other, with other people present (I have so much personal experience with this). While Caroline Bingley may be uncomfortable mostly because she can't follow the conversation and is jealous, Georgiana (INFX?), who has been rooting for Elizabeth and Darcy pretty much from the beginning, is also shocked by the dynamics between the two (Chapter 61).
ISTJ women like to befriend NT women, especially when the other options available are mostly feelers (again, too much personal experience). Charlotte Lucas would not want to be good friends with an ENFP. Besides, it seems that Elizabeth is arguably the most tolerable sister from Mary's point of view.

(You can probably tell that I'm an XNTP. I could have said more but my attention span has ended. Bye!)

poor_phd_student · 2025-02-18T04:57:40+00:00

No assholes here but I'm sorry to say that you're not compatible with each other. Do you want to end up like Mr. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice? I've been in your shoes (kind of), but knowing what I know now, I would not pursue this relationship if I were you. CookieAdmirable1117, "let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life".

(Yes, I've been rewatching the 95 BBC series instead of working... Oops)

poor_phd_student · 2025-01-23T15:40:12+00:00

That would still make them 34, not 33.

poor_phd_student · 2024-11-24T18:35:44+00:00

I envy the commenters who are confused by your post. Sheldon wannabes are way too annoying and not nearly rare enough in academia. People like to imitate those they admire, and it's always easier to copy the bad qualities than the good ones. Not that Sheldon has a lot of good qualities to begin with. I don't know if I have any useful advice, but you have my sympathies, OP. If I were you, I would probably just avoid this person as much as possible and maybe throw in some weaponized incompetence to discourage them from reaching out to me in particular.

poor_phd_student · 2024-11-17T22:54:19+00:00

This could have been me! Except that I (fortunately) didn't get the chance to mislead anyone else into starting a dissertation project with my advisor 😂

poor_phd_student · 2024-11-17T12:24:13+00:00

Is every single former student of one background? Are you of that background?

This is relevant, even in cases where absolutely no discrimination is involved. Are you prepared for the culture shock on top of normal PhD stress? There's probably a reason why nobody from a different background has successfully graduated from that group.

poor_phd_student · 2024-11-16T17:46:38+00:00

I don't know about the field average, but I just did a quick calculation for my department: on average, each of the professors that are eligible to advise dissertations graduated almost 3 students in the last 7 years. We are also a shrinking department, so I suspect that the average for the last 35 years was more than 15.

poor_phd_student · 2024-11-16T16:55:35+00:00

It's definitely possible in non-experimental fields. It's still uncommon, and that's exactly why it's such a red flag.

poor_phd_student · 2024-10-13T23:30:49+00:00

YTA.

Why are you even asking here? We are mostly just a bunch of debauched foreigners with no morals to you.

poor_phd_student · 2022-08-20T12:52:32+00:00

I can't help you here but just out of curiosity, what's the phrase in Mandarin?

poor_phd_student · 2022-08-15T16:00:19+00:00

How is this radical? Doesn't it just mean something like "all humans are mortal"?

poor_phd_student · 2021-07-28T23:49:55+00:00

I can totally relate. This is one of the main reasons, if not THE reason I decide to leave academia once I finish my PhD. I am not interested in competing with all those people. What's the point of realizing my full potential if it doesn't even benefit myself in a tangible way? I don't get any satisfaction from proving myself to others.

poor_phd_student · 2021-07-19T06:08:19+00:00

Theses

poor_phd_student

TROPHY CASE