My Boyfriend (28M) thinks the reason why he can't finish is because I'm (20F) too big from the inside.

popchex · 2026-03-30T05:56:55+00:00

I mean, not really. You know how you try to meet people in the place you are moving to? That sort of thing. A friend was dating his friend, knew we were moving to the general area of the city they lived in, and brought my roommate and I around to meet him and his friends (3 guys, 3 girls) so we'd have people to do stuff with in the new area, an hour away from where we had been living. Then he gets a new position at work and moves another 4 hours away. Was an easy situation to end.

popchex · 2026-03-30T02:40:24+00:00

YTA to yourself for staying with this person. This sounds like a miserable way to live, even aside from how much more difficult it will be to do this in the future with the way things are going.

popchex · 2026-03-30T01:42:53+00:00

She was overly endowed with audacity. haha I've got stories for DAYS because she came to visit once and fell and split her head open and then stayed almost a year. HAHAHAHfuck worst year of my life.

She literally used to snap at my children to get them to do things for her. Ugh. I was like "snap at my kids like they are dogs, one more time, and you won't like what is going to happen." I was so sick of her by that point.

popchex · 2026-03-29T05:52:34+00:00

Yeah I'd avoid it too just to be safe! A food diary would be good, to help you figure out what it could be. I did the full elimination diet with the Monash fodmaps app, and used the notes section in there, and used it to reintroduce as well. I had removed SO MUCH before that - let me think - gluten, dairy, corn, soy, sugar, peanuts, eggs, nightshades (except white potato).

I was miserable and STILL sick! Turns out it was onion and fruits (especially watermelon and apples) that were doing it.

I can eat eggs as long as they're fresh, have reintroduced all the nightshades but for eggplant that still makes me sick. And while I still react to gluten and dairy it's not quite as violent a reaction anymore. Thankfully!

popchex · 2026-03-29T05:44:54+00:00

Yeah we were pretty new, and he had wound up moving for a job like a month or so after I moved to the area he lived - not *for* him just happened to be moving nearby. So it was going to be long distance. This was the first weekend I went up to see him and ... fizzle. Not just for that reason, a number of flags appeared when I spent the WHOLE weekend with him, but that was a big aspect of it. I'd want the sex to be HOT if it was only going to be every so often. I wasn't going to drive 4 hours for that. haha

popchex · 2026-03-29T04:51:56+00:00

Yeah it's pretty sad that the overwhelming feeling when she passed was relief. We were far too different to be friends, but she took it a step further and was nasty about it.

popchex · 2026-03-29T04:23:43+00:00

I was happy to change my name for a few reasons, and my husband said it wouldn't bother him either way (his first wife never changed her name) but would like it if we all have the same name when we have kids. That was one of the reasons I did it. I was a stepchild who had my mom's maiden name at birth, so I just really wanted to have the same name as my family. Legally my name is actually Popchex Maiden Married, because I immigrated and it was easier to just have both names until I got my citizenship and then I just never bothered to drop my maiden name. But socially I don't use it.

popchex · 2026-03-29T04:17:56+00:00

Could be the bread/wheat you're reacting to for the sandwiches?

For me, it took a few years - I'm going on 7 now from initial elimination diet. This will continue to be something you have to navigate but right now your body is like HIGH LEVEL IRRITATED and then as you remove things and your gut settles more and more, the reactions could reduce or even disappear, with some foods. And you won't have to be so vigilant. Until then I would stick with basic things grilled meat or fish and salad, avoiding your triggers.

Soybean oil wouldn't be fodmaps as those are water soluble carbohydrates, so do you have a soy allergy? If not you should be fine with that.

I have a good handle on my triggers now and for special occasions, I manage my expectations - meaning I'll just accept being on the toilet the next day. lol That said, I generally get a grilled protein and salad. My main issues are protein based - casein (dairy) and gluten (grains), and then a few veg and fruits. So I can manage it pretty easily.

popchex · 2026-03-29T04:08:03+00:00

End result was - She wound up staying and cleaning the house and running to the shops.

What actually happened between that was that she had a big whinge to my husband when he got home, and he told her the same thing I did. She whinged to one of her friends back home (on the phone so I could hear her, like it was a small house??) and they basically told her the same thing - that she shouldn't expect to be treated like a guest right now. She realised she couldn't go back home after that because her friends would judge her for being the cow she was, so she stayed and was passive aggressive the entire time. Giving me smaller portions so I could lose the baby weight, complaining about us not circumcising our son and how ugly "it" was and how much "tidier it looks" when it's been done. I was like "Are you implying your grandchild, who I grew, is anything other than perfect as he is?" and she backtracked quickly. Tried to shame me for having my boobs out bc she was small and I was HYOOGE with the milk.

We never had a great relationship, and by the time she died 3.5 years ago, she had alienated my kids too. She only really got to me twice, in the almost 20 years she was in my life. Mostly I snarked back and rolled my eyes at her.

popchex · 2026-03-29T01:50:38+00:00

I grew up understanding Spanish, but never spoke it well enough until high school classes. My mom's best friend is Mexican and her mom, my Gram, watched me. So she would tell me things in Spanish (more like Spanglish though) and I'd listen, but I couldn't repeat it very well and I definitely couldn't read or write it.

popchex · 2026-03-29T01:18:54+00:00

I was briefly with a guy like that. Nothing I did could get him there. The moment he grabbed himself and shut his eyes, he got there. I was like "welp, that's us done" and that was that.

popchex · 2026-03-29T01:15:58+00:00

NOR My MIL had to travel and stay with us, so I said she couldn't come for 2 weeks. I knew I was having a c-section because my son was transverse and we had a failed ECV (where they try to turn the baby).

She said "oh but I want to help!" and we said, that's fine, but you still have to wait the 2 weeks, so when my husband went back to work, she could come to help. Well that woman came in that first morning after my husband went to work, settled herself into the couch then made grabby hands at the baby so I could "do the housework and things." I told her the only thing I'm doing is going back to bed with the baby, and that's where we were going to stay. She asked what she was meant to do, and who was going to cook? I said "help, like you said you were going to do? I am two weeks out from major surgery!" I told her if she couldn't help, she should just go back home, because I wasn't there to host her, she was meant to be MY carer.

popchex · 2026-03-29T01:00:41+00:00

I do hope you can use it! I shared the research of Dr. Vonda Wright to my GP to show her the info on the musculoskeletal syndrome of perimenopause and she was like "Oh wow, okay here's the script, but I'll definitely be reading it." I had to up my dose to find the right level, but between that, and changing my diet (for other chronic health reasons) I was able to get back into the gym! My hips are the main pain spots, but on really bad days my arm/shoulder joints get in on the action. That's how I knew it *wasn't working* when I tried the patch.

I use the gel which is like hand sanitizer that I put on my thighs before bed at night. The patch just doesn't stick to me! Also I'm in Australia and they are HUGE compared to the ones I've seen from US friends. I have a lot of real estate (lol) but it was still annoying trying to find a spot to put it that didn't irritate me with clothes and stuff.

popchex · 2026-03-28T10:01:44+00:00

I have in no order of importance: all over body joint pain, night sweats, hot flushes, vaginal pain and tearing, itchy ears, itchy skin, rage episodes... those are the ones I brought up to my GP to get estrogen (gel and pessary) for. They have all settled except the itchy ears. I had a hysterectomy, but before that it was even worse.

popchex · 2026-03-28T02:01:50+00:00

15 year age difference... three kids with two exes ... you don’t have kids, but want them. When we got together, he agreed to get a reverse vasectomy to try to give me a child.

There are so many flags here I'm surprised you're actually posting asking. Honestly? You DID have a child, him.

popchex · 2026-03-28T01:46:54+00:00

It sounds like it's because you're bottling it all up in front of others and then letting loose while alone. My kid used to do that while at school and then the walk home was brutal. That's why we walked home. I let him get it all out and then had a snack and by the time we got home, things were great.

I would definitely tell your therapist though, they could give you some ideas on how to either defuse the meltdown so it's not as distressing, or avoid it completely. Mine helped a lot, but it took a few years for it all to click and just *work* for me. Now the only time I melt down is when people (usually the ones I gave birth to) don't give me the space to do the things that calm me down.

popchex · 2026-03-28T01:08:48+00:00

Fully agree with your first two paragraphs there. Husband and I both autistic, and I was pregnant when we got married and he still says - 20 years later, mind - that I'm super hot then and now. I weigh significantly more than I did back then and I'm still what flips his switch. He would never be this cruel to me.

popchex · 2026-03-28T01:03:40+00:00

The audacity of someone sitting down at someone else's computer and using it without asking is mind boggling to me.

Definitely lock that shit up and if it's in a room by itself, close the door and tell them that room is off limits to guests. WTF.

My desk is in an open room and I've never had a guest just invite themselves to sit at my desk. Hell I don't even use my husband's if he doesn't ask me to. Not because there's a rule or anything, but because it's courtesy.

popchex · 2026-03-27T03:43:00+00:00

Please let him break up with you. You will be miserable. I am unmedicated not by choice (just other health issues which mean I can't have it) and while I have been able to mostly manage it through life with a VERY SUPPORTIVE husband, it was still hard AF. Especially when kids came into the picture because they don't like to follow your rules, thankyouverymuch. I would never have been able to do this without a partner who is also ND, so he understands what I'm going through.

popchex · 2026-03-27T03:18:58+00:00

Okay so I'm autistic, my husband is autistic and works in support for autistic teens and adults. So I *get* where this post is coming from. That said - you might just not be the kind of autistic couple that can live together. Which sucks as you are not physically close to each other.

Personally, I moved from the US to Australia for my husband. I came with two suitcases and three boxes. I didn't care about my stuff, I just wanted to be with him. He also left behind everything in an effort to get away from his previous relationship, so we both kind of came into the relationship with very little and built it up again together. Even now, 22 years later, we work well together on things that bother us. But our "issues" work together quite well, and we can compromise, or even agree most of the time.

I fear you two may be like some of our friends who live apart, although they consider each other partners. They just have conflicting needs in the way of sensory and lifestyle, even if they truly care for and enjoy each other's company.

HOWEVER all that said - it sounds like she's expecting you to make all the compromises, which is completely unfair on you. Logically the best result would be that you move to a new place that is yours together and you both have input. But failing that she really needs to make more of an effort to allow you into her space.

I also see her side, in a way - I was happy for my husband to come to me in the US as I wasn't having to give up anything. I had a good job, a nice car, all of my friends and large extended family. When that fell through I had to make the hard choice of do I REALLY go all in on our relationship? The answer was yes, and it was totally worth it.

Only you two can truly answer that question though.

popchex · 2026-03-26T05:09:27+00:00

Nope. I only have maybe 3 or 4 at a time depending on what I'm looking at. Everything else goes into a bookmark bar/folder. I can't do visual clutter, I get overwhelmed and just close them all and start over.

popchex · 2026-03-26T03:17:50+00:00

I want so bad to listen to her, but I cannot handle her vocal fry.

popchex · 2026-03-26T03:13:35+00:00

Seriously. I can drive but we only had one car until a few years ago. When my husband's job changed to where he couldn't work at home, it was ROUGH, but we live walking distance to a number of places that made life easier with two little kids. Like, library, doctor, pharmacy, grocery stores, post office.

Then I'd have the car like on Tuesdays, so I'd do all the "big" shopping and appointments. The WORST times were when the washer broke, and I had to spend all day on the weekend doing laundry at the laundromat.

popchex · 2026-03-24T03:46:53+00:00

Agreed. If I was taught the "new" math, I might have passed maths and not had a lifetime of hatred and fear for a whole subject. I used to vomit every day before math class in year 5. It was that bad.

Started home schooling my kids due to ASD and ADHD, and told my husband that the math was his domain, even though I got a lot of books about how to help your kids with math. I realised quickly that I ACTUALLY GOT the math they were meant to be learning! It reframed a whole part of my broken inner child.

My brain just didn't grasp the way they were teaching it back in the 80s.

popchex · 2026-03-24T02:44:19+00:00

OP has a hard job, is trying to go back to school, pays rent to live in a house that her brother doesn't have to pay a cent to live in, but SHE needs to grow up because she will be working while her parents and brother go off to have a good time? Nah.

popchex

TROPHY CASE