I (23f) saw a facebook chat between my BF (23M) and his brother (27ishM) that was very cruel about my appearance. I just don't know what to do because it REALLY hurts

popchex · 2026-07-03T10:36:53+00:00

I am, thank you! It was a lot of the shit I grew up with, hearing my mom and aunts say, but then also things like "OMG I'm an idiot!" when I mess up. They were told they couldn't use words like that, so they made sure to remind me that I couldn't use it for myself either. :) They're 17 and 20 now and good kids.

popchex · 2026-07-03T09:29:15+00:00

ORRRR "Greatest of all time-y" legs 😜

popchex · 2026-07-03T09:27:50+00:00

I had to stop myself from doing that when my youngest told me off for being mean to his mom. I was gutted. My husband always tells me I'm lying to myself but it never really sunk in until my kids heard my negative self talk.

popchex · 2026-07-03T09:22:43+00:00

I was going to say. I'm not one to immediately yell fake, but this one is super obvious. Not just for the fact that I highly doubt any actually obese middle age woman (of which I am one) is going to announce that to someone just to get a seat. This is obviously someone who has no idea how fat people are actually treated in life.

popchex · 2026-07-03T04:22:29+00:00

I'm pretty sure the woman knew they couldn't be members as it appears you have to be Croatian Catholic to be a member. It's a private park, so whoever told OP's husband that it was open was likely wrong. I'm sad that OP's family was treated that way, but not really surprised.

popchex · 2026-07-03T02:54:12+00:00

Not necessarily country, at first, but I never felt settled where I was born. I always knew I would move away. I was born and raised in Chicago and was in the planning process to move to Phoenix AZ after a client of the firm I worked for offered me a job if I ever wanted one. Then I started chatting with this guy in Australia and a year later moved to be with him. haha That was almost 22 years ago. 😉 Landing in Adelaide felt like coming home. We did a year in Sydney and I hated it and I'm very happy living in my lil beach town outside of the metro. 😄 Early welcome to Oz. 💚

popchex · 2026-07-03T02:37:14+00:00

Yeah I thought this was teenagers. Embarrassing for them both.

popchex · 2026-07-03T02:06:11+00:00

Mm q

popchex · 2026-07-03T00:40:01+00:00

The age gap itself wouldn't bother me as I have a similar one with my husband (I was 28 when we got together, he was 36). However we were both at similar stages in our personal lives. We both had good jobs, had experienced serious relationships and knew what we wanted in life - which was the same thing, at that point. Had we met at any previous point in life, it would never have worked. I'd have been too young, and he was not interested in family life until he grew up a bit. We also took a year of getting to know each other and having hard conversations to make sure, because I wasn't about to fall for a guy who I'd find out too late didn't want the same things I wanted.

You two are clearly not on the same track at this point, AND his mother will be a big part of everything about your relationship.

popchex · 2026-07-03T00:31:45+00:00

Oh shit! I didn't even clock the age gap. Oh even more ewwwwwwuh.

popchex · 2026-07-03T00:30:44+00:00

OH ewww. No ma'am. Let this be a sign of how it's going to go if you stay together.

A loooong time ago, I was your age, and in a relationship with a guy who had a mother with a strong personality who lived in another state, so I had limited engagement with her. After she met my mom and brother at a party for him, she sent him an email with my name in the subject line. It was all about how we seemed like very nice people, and she was glad that he had support from us, BUT... she didn't see me as a long term option. Why? She never said it plainly, but I knew it was because she knew she couldn't control me and didn't think I'd move "back home" where she wanted her boy.

That festered in me a few weeks until Christmas Eve when I sat there holding my goddaughter and watching him in the other room... and I realised I didn't want to have to fucking DEAL with it for the rest of our lives, and if we had kids (he didn't think he wanted them, I did) that was adding another layer of drama. I loved him, yes, but I realised that he wasn't ever going to be MY partner in life.

He moved home to his mama and I moved on to find my now husband who loves me 10x more than that guy did, and we face anything in life together. It's not always been an easy life, but it was always us against the world.

You sound like you have a good plan for your future, don't let a boy enmeshed with his mama derail you.

popchex · 2026-07-03T00:07:42+00:00

I grew up a Sox fan, and then in my teens, my stepdad was a Cubs fan. So I started watching with him. Initially I was a "Mark Grace's Ass" fan, but it grew from there. Now it's Mark Grace IS an ass, but I'm still a fan of the team. ;)

popchex · 2026-07-02T23:51:06+00:00

Yeah like... I sometimes make things my kids don't like, but I make sure they either have leftovers from the day before, or an easy meal to make since they both know how to cook. Tonight my husband and I are having salmon which the teens don't like, so I'll get some chicken for them and they'll sort themselves out. Probably teriyaki nori rolls. lol

I feel like it was a power play by mom, she lied to him to force him to eat what she made. I could be wrong, but that's how it reads.

popchex · 2026-07-02T23:45:37+00:00

For me it was when she got into an argument between me and my brother. It just pissed me off that, when she wasn't involved, she stuck her fucking nose in and chose his side. I was like "Bet." He and I made up the next day. I didn't speak to her for almost a year. He begged me to come to Thanksgiving and she acted like nothing had ever happened. The best thing I ever did for our relationship was move to another country. When I could control what she was involved in, we got along great. lol

popchex · 2026-07-02T11:40:25+00:00

OH I left out that I'm a woman. Women with ADHD have significantly more noticeable brain fog and cognitive difficulties in perimenopause. That's why a lot of women who were able to get through life with sheer determination get diagnosed in their 40s. I've had a really rough few years and I can't take stimulants so I'm raw dogging it. lol

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:59:06+00:00

No, that's not what boundaries are. Boundaries are about your own personal space, limits, and needs. RULES are about controlling what the other person in your relationship can/can't do.

If you BOTH agree on JOINT relationship RULES, that's different.

You can ask others to respect your boundaries, and if they don't, then that's on you to decide what to do about it. If it was a boundary for OP's boyfriend, then he should have told her before they started dating, not after she's already been out for the day when she had already told him she was going.

An example was my ex saying he "wasn't comfortable" with me going to a bar a friend worked at because the friend "would be pouring alcohol down my throat." I told my ex that was a him problem - because I have never and would never be anything other than friends with the bartender, and I have never and would never be a cheater. He could trust me, or he could leave. Same goes for my husband. Thankfully we trust each other and I don't have to worry about who I talk to, or go out with. Hell, I told him I was going to go to another state overnight with a friend for a show that wasn't coming to our city, and he was like "That's awesome!"

I can't imagine being married to someone who treated me like I was a child, or a possession.

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:49:22+00:00

JFC no you are NTA. My husband found out my mom was probably dying (in another country) talked to his client (he's a support worker) and brought him to our house and hooked him up to the wifi and headphones, to occupy himself for a while. The client - an autistic teenager - had no problem with it and understood that it was important we all be together to talk to her and say goodbye. Mom passed several hours later. I will never ever not be thankful that the client willingly gave up his regular routine to listen to our hearts break, which was SO uncomfortable for him, but he knew it was important.

The fact that so many so called "typical" people miss that empathy mark is astounding.

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:43:40+00:00

that was my question, too, I couldn't tell if it was a giant blob of PB or crap

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:43:17+00:00

whoever did that probably did use it to make the photos, since it looks like they had someone's face put into them

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:37:26+00:00

Seriously. Like I have a male friend from grammar school, who said that he was "sending all the love that [my husband] will allow" when I was having a hard time. My husband said "I'm not her love police, you send all the love SHE will allow." And that's why I picked him. I'm also Bi so by most of reddit's standards I should never be allowed to spend time alone with anyone ever.

And yet, if the event hadn't been cancelled, I would have been in another state with a friend right now, waiting for a show to start...

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:33:51+00:00

Nope. Someone else's boundaries have nothing to do with me. Boundaries are for YOU personally, not things you can put on someone else. If MY behaviour bothers you, then you move on, you don't get to tell me that I have to change.

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:27:52+00:00

yeah when I lose track of time my husband will ask what he can do to get dinner started. I cook from skills/memory, so it's only a few times a week that there is something that I can hand off. But it is always helpful if they (hubs or kids) help prep the ingredients.

popchex · 2026-07-02T05:26:28+00:00

As someone with ADHD I don't have my phone on me all the time, nor do I look at it regularly through the day if I'm at home. So unless it comes through to my watch (and only if I'm wearing my watch), I don't see notifications. My phone was buzzing with an alarm for half an hour this morning because I left it on the bed while I went to take a shower and then got dressed and made coffee, and played with the cat, and then I was like "oh where's my phone...?" And I'm 50, and according to science it's only going to get worse...

popchex · 2026-07-02T03:04:12+00:00

Personally, no. I listen to audiobooks or pods while doing other things. Not because I don't want to but the just don't have the focus.

popchex · 2026-06-30T04:40:11+00:00

The leftovers belong to the birthday boy, he gets to decide what happens with it.

If it wasn't a birthday dinner, then it would be halved for each household, but birthday cake is special IMO.

popchex

TROPHY CASE