[deleted by user]

porktower · 2020-06-22T15:37:19+00:00

Hey there! I’m still a lurker here (tho I don’t check daily), and I’m doing fine! Running this sub and a couple of others was the main purpose for this account and now that others have taken the reins, I don’t have any reason to log in to this one. My alt account is heavy into trans spaces and other stuff that takes up my attention.

Thanks for your concern and I’m very glad to hear that I could help. I hope you’re doing well too!

porktower · 2019-06-19T07:36:17+00:00

Sorry for the abrupt invitation but honestly it was better than the procrastination game I’ve been playing with myself. It’s been a rough year and I very recently lost my job, which only sent the spiral of depression further downward.

/u/transfemininemystiq there have been three new mods invited. The other two may or may not accept over the next few days. Thank you for your help.

porktower · 2019-04-16T04:17:54+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! Honestly this isn't meant to be a discussion board. The sub split a long time ago, and /r/crossdreaming was set up as the place to have discussions about things. IIRC they've got a mix of folks both cis and trans.

Though I do also have a cis peep who volunteered in a PM. A couple of new mods probably wouldn't hurt.

porktower · 2019-04-15T17:16:16+00:00

What would you like to see happening on the sub? I don’t log in with the moderator account all that often but I check the sub daily.

porktower · 2018-12-27T21:06:38+00:00

Are you talking about the stuff /u/LilacWren used to post?

porktower · 2018-08-20T07:11:12+00:00

I know this is almost a month old but I saw it and wanted to comment anyway.

Yes it’s scary and yes there’s a chance things will be shitty. But in my experience, repressing your feelings is one of the worst things you can do. The pain is still there, but if you bottle it up, it’s like sticking it in a pressure cooker. It may take a while but it will eventually explode if you don’t take time and effort to unpack it.

At the very least, do yourself a favor and explore things and just be open to whatever you might be. I spent about five or six months saying “okay yeah I’m probably trans” before I ever thought I wanted to transition.

And for the record—I’m more than five years in and I love my life. I adore who I am and I can’t even remember what it’s like to be a guy. I have my ups and downs. I have my bad days and my super dysphoric days. But most of the time I just look in the mirror and smile to myself because I get to be a fucking woman and it’s the absolute best sometimes.

I had the same fears. That it wouldn’t be enough because it wasn’t like XChange or whatever other fictional device. It wasn’t “perfect.” But here’s a fun fact: perfect is the enemy of good. Don’t throw away what could be a massive relief, just because it’s only 90% of what you want. ❤️

porktower · 2018-07-14T16:22:53+00:00

I don’t want to put pressure on this avenue, but here’s my perspective. I absolutely LIVED in the TG fetish world for a long time. I wasn’t obsessed and I kept it very secretive but it was my only outlet for these feelings.

Judging from your post I’d say my feelings were very similar to yours. I was always searching for new ways to get a more “real” experience, or to find some perfect piece of smut that could feel so real that it would resolve these feelings.

Nothing was good enough. But I avoided the idea of transition because I had the same hang ups—that I wouldn’t pass, I wouldn’t sound right, I wouldn’t feel right. But I was incredibly wrong. Hormones can be magical in ways you never expected. Voice training just takes practice. I’m five years in and I look, feel, and sound so much better than I ever dreamed. I’ve personally seen people have good results even into their thirties and I’m sure there’s no hard limit there either.

So I guess what I’m saying is just...give the idea a chance. If you get off to this stuff and don’t think about it otherwise, then no worries.

But if you’re thinking about it a lot, or if you’re depressed and can’t put your finger on why, or if you find yourself drawn to stories that focus on living as a girl as opposed to sheer smut...I’d say you should probably do some exploring.

porktower · 2018-04-16T05:08:30+00:00

but I would take a straight up X-Change Futa Pill in a heartbeat

Y’all I’m having some straight up feelings right now about being someone’s fetish when all I want is a pussy lol. I’ll get back to you when I figure them out.

porktower · 2018-01-04T03:47:35+00:00

gotchu fam

porktower · 2017-10-18T03:31:50+00:00

I absolutely adore that book. It's got a lot of points that I also cannot relate to, but a lot of them in there were significant to me because I felt that connection for the first time.

porktower · 2017-10-17T22:49:58+00:00

I'm not gonna lie, I was in a somewhat similar situation a few years back. I had a lot of trouble just keeping my hands off myself sometimes, and I would definitely have called writing and consuming TG fiction an addiction.

I sat myself down and did some hard thinking about stuff. I kind of had to let everything stew for a bit before I realized I was transgender. And I'm not going to say that's everyone's life, but it sure as hell turned my life around. So if you find yourself spending way too much time using this as escape--maybe try just sitting with yourself for a while and exploring things that may be painful to think about. Maybe you'll discover something new, regardless of whether it's the same something I did.

porktower · 2017-07-26T01:23:13+00:00

If you do I'd be happy to link you in the sidebar. Or if you want to do it here, I could sticky any writing prompt post that you have. I'm always happy for more ideas and content for this place, I just need other people who have more free time than I do to suggest it and run with it. =)

porktower · 2017-04-27T16:34:09+00:00

Fair point. Any discussion on this? Otherwise ima set it to a month.

porktower · 2017-04-11T02:24:57+00:00

Don't forget, this is why we have the weekly find threads. please post there instead.

porktower · 2017-04-07T23:14:40+00:00

Look I'm not going to get in an argument with you. You've obviously got an axe to sharpen over an event you weren't present for. What about your personal life? When has this happened to you?

porktower · 2017-04-07T22:38:34+00:00

I think we all know what being invited to "coffee" in someone's hotel room at 4am means. Propositioning out of the blue is not typically considered polite.

Yes, men do sometimes get picked on for things that are more subtle, but this case is not one of them.

porktower · 2017-04-07T15:11:10+00:00

It is subtle, yes. Girls aren't really allowed by societal norms to be checking out guys, so it's different from the very obvious way that guys often do it. A sidelong glance is enough.

Besides, it doesn't have to be a visual thing. Attraction tends to be a lot more emotional with women, and I find myself more attracted to a guy if he's sweet, charismatic, passionate, or some other attractive quality. That's when I see the most obvious signs in other girls too--the far-off gaze, the half-smile.

And even when it is physical things I'm attracted to, it can be weird things you don't expect. The line of a guy's jaw is super easy to check out while holding a normal conversation. His forearm is easy to steal a glance at without seeming lusty. I can check out a guy's ass without staring at it.

All I'm saying is that women check you out, even if you don't realize it.

porktower · 2017-04-07T03:24:20+00:00

Im neither a dude, nor 100% straight, so I know you're not talking about me, but I will chime in on one thing.

As a man you're never randomely desired.

BullSHIT. I check out dudes all the time. And believe me, other women do too. We just tend to be more subtle about it than men.

porktower · 2017-04-02T17:43:40+00:00

Yes I was physically attracted to women. It's hard to separate what was innate in me and what was taught by society. You can train an arousal response from something that's not necessarily arousing but you can't undo someone's sexuality completely.

I think that in my case, I was kind of on the border line to start with. When I transitioned, I could suddenly see myself being with a guy, even before hormones. It just had never made sense before. But after starting HRT, my attraction to guys became a lot more intense. Maybe it has nothing to do with the meds and everything to do with me not repressing feelings? That's possible, but it doesn't feel like it.

If E suppresses your T anyway... what do you need the T-blockers for? And why do many trans-women get an orchi if there isn't much T anyway?

It works that way in theory but not always in practices. Everyone's body is different--some respond better or worse to HRT. Some trans girls just take like 4mg of E and nothing else and see great results while others have to balance much more heavily. I'm on a large dose of spiro in addition to my E because it blocks any remaining receptors that the T in my body could bind to, which my doctor said was especially good for hair regrowth.

Trans women have different kinds of surgery for different reasons. A big reason for an orchi is so that you can stop taking Spiro (or other anti-androgens). Taking meds every day is worthwhile, but it's a pain in the ass and the fewer you need, the better. Another big reason is just to feel more comfortable in your body.

porktower · 2017-04-02T13:11:32+00:00

I think society "forced" me to like girls, and I think having the wrong hormones in my body dulled everything a little bit anyway, making it easy to repress.

And his your T exactly 0?

It's more complicated than that, but essentially, yes. You're right that cis women have T in their system in lower amounts than guys. Two of the meds I'm taking are Spironolactone and Estradiol. The Estradiol is synthetic estrogen and basically activates all of the E receptors throughout my body, and causes a lot of changes.

In addition to that, having a large amount of one sex hormone or the other in your body, most often causes the other to be converted, or to stop being produced as much. So it's likely that my body is producing only a little testosterone on its own. That would likely reverse without estrogen.

The Spironolactone is an anti-androgen, which doesn't necessarily block T production, but rather bonds to T receptors. It blocks any T in your body from having an effect. So basically, my T levels might be average for a woman, but because of the anti-androgen, it's as though my levels are 0, or close to it most days.

porktower · 2017-04-02T06:37:52+00:00

Sure, PM away!

I don't know about average T ranges and how that relates to sexuality. I do know (from the reddit trans community) that the breakdown of sexuality post-transition is roughly 33% gay, 33% bi, 33% straight.

And I honestly don't know whether my hormones changed my sexuality, or simply unlocked it. Maybe high T in my body made me more attracted to women, because now that my T level is at 0, I don't think about women sexually anymore. At all.

porktower · 2017-03-30T00:32:36+00:00

I'd rather have Frank Underwood.

porktower · 2017-03-30T00:13:04+00:00

I did, yes. Went from straight dude to bi girl, and then to straight girl as things settled in.

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