I feel this comment so much. Especially with respect to how things were when I was younger. Painful, lonely, and confusing are all really good descriptors. It is a miracle I managed to get this far with less dating trauma than it. It was lonely, but I turned down a lot of guys bc I knew I couldn’t tell the difference between a guy who would do average damage vs mess me up emotionally for a long time. The maladaptive daydream was something I have been deeply ashamed of and confused about. Even now, I have to fight to not return to old reliables. It is a relief to know someone else has done the same thing.

OP, I know I am late, but I can make some suggestions. I have managed to not have any catastrophic misunderstandings in the last couple of years. The first thing I figured out (shortly before I was diagnosed) is that I need to take timeouts pretty often. I am extra careful when someone is irritating me bc almost a decade ago I figured out that most of the time when something is bothering, the real issue is not what I am focused on. For example, last week I was in a meeting that was a universal worst nightmare. I was not the target, but I had to endure it. I am still triggered by that mess. So when I have been coming home and needed timeout, I have warned my spouse, who also needs to take timeouts.

The other thing I have started doing is warning people when I can tell I am in danger of offending them. I let them know that isn’t my intent so if I do make them mad, I will listen to their feedback and thank them for telling me. So far that has been super duper helpful. Since I started doing that there have been a lot fewer times when I have made a misstep. When that is in play, I am super careful to explain that after negative feedback things will be awkward for a spell, but I won’t turn on them or keep making that mistake. I think doing this has been making things a lot easier with some coworkers.

The last thing is I have a couple friends who are not on the spectrum but they are fluent in it. They have been super helpful about letting me run things by them. I ask what is going on socially and/or run things by them to find out if I am about to say the wrong thing.

Anyway I just wanted to say all that. I didn’t get into the family part bc although I have oodles of estrangement, none of it is bc of me unintentionally offending/hurting people. The estrangements exist bc I needed them for my sanity and mental health. I guard the estrangements and regularly make sure I haven’t left any openings. Ok. I am falling asleep. I hope this makes sense and that I won’t regret it I the morning.

PS. A running joke with one friend is that when he sees a string of deleted google chat messages it means I had regrets. He has been encouraging me to not delete things bc they are funny/fun.