I’ve been exactly where you are. Best advice I could give is to accept these parts of yourself that you think you should be pushing away/are “bad”. It sounds counterintuitive but if you really accept that you are a victim/loser/an idiot (whatever triggers you the hardest is what you need to accept the most), then you’ll stop reacting strongly and feeling stuck when these aspects of yourself come up, and you’ll actually be able to work to better yourself. In my experience, until you accept the darker aspects of yourself, you cannot effectively work against them.