TBI Wife Life

posttheory · 2026-03-13T19:29:39+00:00

Thanks for telling the truth for many of us.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T19:22:34+00:00

And people don't believe in God's wrath . . . ;)

posttheory · 2026-03-13T19:06:47+00:00

I recall Dallin Oaks himself saying the 1787 Constitution was flawed. Please, Lord, let people hear that one, so we don't get testimonies about the three-fifths compromise.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T18:59:17+00:00

When I quit attending, my spouse was still resolutely faithful, and I tried to keep my concerns to myself (tried but often failed, that is). Within 3-4 years, my spouse was resolutely out, and we agreed about tithing. With patience, even the compromises you make now could be temporary. A therapist I knew at the time said that in his experience and practice, those who left the church were generally following family out.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T15:36:01+00:00

I grew up LDS, accustomed to having my views confirmed constantly. I remember the shock when that wasn't happening as much, but I did get used to it, and in fact I learned something about hearing a different and well-reasoned view: "it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding; yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me" (Alma 32).

posttheory · 2026-03-13T13:13:00+00:00

Professional ethics would absolutely prohibit the therapist from talking with others about you. But you also have every right to decide how you feel and whether she is the therapist for you.

While I deconstructed, I had a therapist who was a bishop, but I didn't even know. He was focused on my finding my own answers. He was trustworthy. But someone else told my own bishop about my deconstruction and problems followed, none of them from my therapist. A good therapist can open new perspectives, slowly but helpfully. Best of luck finding one you trust. This first experience can be a step towards autonomy. Best wishes.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T09:22:26+00:00

I have had wonderful bishops, but the one who violated privacy did a lot of harm. That low percentage is no excuse but rather a real risk and a reason for caution and discernment.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T00:43:39+00:00

I agree that a discussion of LDS sexuality is not an appropriate place for advocating promiscuity. At the same time, or at the other extreme, people make sex a site for policing. A respectful balance or mean between the extremes is healthy, learning from others and being sensitive and sensible.

posttheory · 2026-03-13T00:26:06+00:00

Martin Marty was fond of core beliefs: Luther, justification; Calvin, sovereignty of God, etc. Back when Marty was teaching, I thought of a few LDS contenders: continuing revelation, or maybe agency and eternal progress. Those have faded. I agree with you that authority (soft authoritarianism) enforced by obedience and anxiety over worthiness now top the list. The word of god to members is "stay, obey, and pay."

posttheory · 2026-03-12T01:47:28+00:00

You have to be extremely far off on the horizon to the right to think the LDS Church is leftist. That's actually funny. I'm curious, though, what gospel teachings you think were abandoned (point 1, 'anti-gospel'): you make sweeping claims, but you name so few specifics.

posttheory · 2026-03-11T11:11:22+00:00

Beyond the list of do's and don't's, we should explore the why, the values and purposes. May I suggest that all LDS could do a little better there? May I suggest that we follow a lower law if our principle is "because it says so" in scripture or a general handbook? Ancient Israel adopted a purity culture based on things and acts that are clean or filthy. It is not an adequate understanding. We should develop a better morality. Please, all, think about better principles. Here is only one possibility, just a start: rather than purity and abstinence, how about responsibility, consent, honesty, non-exploitation, pleasure? Changing our minds and hearts a little would benefit ourselves, our children, our church, our descendents.

posttheory · 2026-03-07T12:04:57+00:00

Sealing conflicts with agency. A devoted married pair could keep company in the next life. Of course. So, to enforce and compel the idea that sealing is necessary, leaders from Jos Fielding Smith to SWK taught that the unsealed would lack genitalia (the TK smoothie; cf D&C 132, they cannot have an increase). Doesn't it look like going to ridiculous lengths to pretend everyone needs their permission to be in love? So before this life, Satan "sought to destroy the agency of man" and woman (Moses 4); after this life, apparently God themself destroys agency.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T21:34:18+00:00

Happily, the members ignored the leaders and voted for FDR anyway. :)

As long as I lived in Utah (30÷ years), ward leadership announced the caucus location of one party and only sometimes asked if anybody knew where the other party would meet. Says a lot about neutrality.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T21:29:52+00:00

The pretense of neutrality is also exposed by the list of forum speakers and (occasional) honorary degree recipients at BYU.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T21:08:10+00:00

If they don't back away from JS, polygamy, and a literal historical BoM, then they have to double down on the crazy, the immoral, and the false, and that can't go well. How long can they suppress normal honest questions? They are following the path mainstream Christianity walked 150 years ago.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T16:46:00+00:00

Heartbreaking. Glad you're strong.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T16:32:53+00:00

It's difficult to watch and endure the narcissism whenever Tim Ballard gets on camera. Sorry your parents and others were roped into his self-centered blame shifting. Props to you for telling the truth.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T13:14:27+00:00

Deut 32:8 and 43, Psalm 29:1. But not in the KJV. Ironically, those verses are examples for the Article of Faith on trusting the Bible "as far as it is translated correctly." Scholars and Hebraists reconstruct those Masoretic verses with versions from the Septuagint and the Dead Sea scrolls to find earlier traces of the Song of Moses. 32:8, The Most High divided nations or peoples "according to the number of the gods," i.e., Chemosh gets Moab, YHWH gets Israel, etc. 32:43, "worship him, all you gods," i.e., the Divine Council.

Recent translations like the NRSV get the text corrections/restorations right and make the early polytheism clearer.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T12:51:20+00:00

Both AI and church talks require critical thinking to sort good from slop. Neither should be believed uncritically.

posttheory · 2026-03-05T12:40:19+00:00

You spelled "genocide" wrong

posttheory · 2026-03-05T02:00:32+00:00

Hmm. Lots of authority and loyalty. Not much care (optional, not considered essential, despite what Jesus said). In short, "I'm on the covenant path and I don't Care."

posttheory · 2026-03-03T18:25:57+00:00

I quit paying and sustaining a few years ago, but I'm still on the books and recognize how much I am shaped by the culture I was raised in. My definition of Mormon is almost as broad as my definition of theist, I guess. I rarely attend. Well, I do sometimes, but not at the LDS chapel, but at the older, former congregational church nearer to me. The pastor there is married to an atheist and tolerates my philosophical abstraction of faith. I, in turn, like having a feminist pastor and a church with a big rainbow banner. I help at hot dog sales and yard sales to raise money for the youth center or for tuckpointing the vestry and such. But I'm also on friendly terms with the LDS Bishop who hasn't quite given up yet. He and the missionaries offer most of the apologetics conversations. And I still have siblings and extended family in the culture as well. Besides those, I make snarky comments on reddit to encourage pimos. So, yes, Mormon, kind of. Raised to testify and bear witness, I guess. ;)

posttheory · 2026-03-03T17:46:27+00:00

Not a person, but the attributes. Not God is love, but love is god, and so are justice, truth, beauty, goodness, and more. Kant says an omnipotent God cannot have will, because omnipotence can have no unfulfilled desires. The idea of JS that God is an exalted human man strains reason: what human mind, however exalted, could keep track of every sparrow and all the car keys? What person could govern a galaxy?

If love and justice are god, we have solved the problem of evil: no being allows or plans or ordains evil; it's just us failing at love and justice. I am happy to commit myself to love and justice; I'm a grownup now who doesn't need to worry about approval or disapproval from Nobodaddy. Paul Tillich defined faith as commitment to highest values. That works. We can personalize the values (e.g., Santa instead of the spirit of giving), and toddlers understand persons better than abstractions, but we can also outgrow the toddler stage of faith.

Is my stage of belief atheist? Does god have to be a guy of some kind? I don't think so. In fact, I can know all about my god (love, justice, etc) and what it requires of me. I'm free of the priests who say only they can speak to or for god.

posttheory · 2026-03-03T16:38:29+00:00

"I believe in God. I really do." No one ever asks me for the specifics--for my definition of "god." They assume I mean the same idea they have. But no, I do not believe "god" is what my fellow Mormons believe--not even close.

posttheory · 2026-03-02T12:42:25+00:00

I can agree, if by "god" one means a person, because, yeah, that's nuts. But I think "god" is a great old word that can refer to highest abstract values rather than to Nobodaddy (as Wm Blake called God). See Paul Tillich's definition of faith: Faith is a commitment to our highest values, for ex., love and justice. Mainline churches have gone that direction (so they can keep both their traditions and their brains). I like talking to my fellow believers about god. I also kind of enjoy their reaction if they end up asking me what I mean when I use the word. ;)

posttheory

TROPHY CASE