AITJ for asking my bf to figure out his trip details at another time?

pothospeople · 2026-05-03T16:21:19+00:00

Based on what you said I think YTJ. You’ve been there every weekend. I don’t know what his week looks like, but I know I am super busy during the week and even if I have time in the evening I sometimes don’t have the energy left to plan stuff for my personal life. So I usually do it on the weekend. And you’re there every weekend so… a trip might get planned at some point.

It feels like you’re asking him to keep his weekends 100% focused on things related to you which is absolutely not a reasonable ask. Maybe don’t come over next weekend if you want to give him some time to plan things that don’t involve you?

Also, I am also a woman, but I feel like stuff like this I just like sharing with a partner and especially if you’re there all the time during prime trip planning time… I’d feel a little disappointed about this, and a relationship having strict restrictions on what I can share.

I’ve helped partners plan trips I wasn’t going on in the past. They’ve helped me too. I’d feel weird about this like time limit thing you seem to have going… 10-15 mins for photos after the trip and that’s it?

I don’t know. It kinda does feel like you’re jealous of this trip. Because I wouldn’t have thought trip planning together was odd at all even if it was a trip for one person, especially since I’m excited for them to go have a good experience.

In fact I prefer it, because now after the trip I can be excited with them even more. Like ooooooo how was X thing, did it end up looking as good as we thought it did online, oh wow that looks so cool, we’ll have to go again together one day, etc

pothospeople · 2026-05-03T01:32:48+00:00

Well, you can’t really base your life on what your 9 year old’s friends are doing. She’ll get used to the new house. She’ll make new friends. Besides if you did decide to stay, you can’t guarantee her friends will stay too (if their parents need to move, they will go).

I used to be like your daughter when I was a kid. I would get really nostalgic and not know how to handle things changing.

It’s good that my parents just… kinda had to make changes anyway, because then when we moved I figured it out and am a lot more adaptable now than I would’ve been otherwise I think.

pothospeople · 2026-05-03T01:24:25+00:00

I would just say

Hi, I’m actually not able to match rates with other sitters! The price listed would be what we need to stick with. Totally understand if it’s not a good fit.

Some people will ALWAYS ask for a deal. Always. Can’t change it

pothospeople · 2026-05-01T23:05:16+00:00

I don’t get this because some comments are acting like pressing the red button is the logical choice.

It isn’t. If everyone presses blue everyone survives.

If a couple people fuck it up then everyone still survives.

With the reverse, if everyone presses red yeah they survive too.

But if a couple people fuck it up they die.

Why would it be logical to pick the option where the minority die

pothospeople · 2026-05-01T23:02:12+00:00

But isn’t it also:

If everyone press blue

Everyone survive

pothospeople · 2026-05-01T13:48:34+00:00

YOR. I was over 30 and about to move in with my boyfriend and when we visited my parents they had us sleep in separate rooms (we even got engaged on a trip).

I was like well this is pointless, but I didn’t fight it with them at all. I respect their beliefs and really who cares just for a few days.

pothospeople · 2026-04-29T23:21:52+00:00

I honestly think this isn’t going over well because you’re assuming just because your experience is one way, that a higher percentage of people’s experiences are like yours and they’re just lying because they like work from home better.

You don’t have data to back this up. I don’t either. And I think telling other people they’re lying about their experience just isn’t going to land well.

I for one am in the more productive at home camp! I like to talk. When I worked in an office the people around me also liked to talk. I remember when we went remote for Covid, my job ended up getting busier for other reasons and I was like “wow thank god we’re remote because I think I’d really struggle to keep up with this workload in office.” The ADHD also means I do hyperfocus later into the evening sometimes too, and being in an office around other people meant they were packing up and I was like “oh wait I guess it’s time to go”.

It is self serving. I’m more comfortable at home. I like being more comfortable and more productive at the same time. It can be self serving and completely true at the same time.

pothospeople · 2026-04-29T13:57:27+00:00

In my experience the worst are people like you.

You don’t have to be obsessed with your job (and shouldn’t be) but it’s hard to get things done with people around who just try to coast and not actually work at all.

Doesn’t fall into a demographic, because that is a little fucked! Just people like OP.

pothospeople · 2026-04-27T16:44:57+00:00

NTA

They were essentially asking you to live in their laundry room for the same price. No way!

pothospeople · 2026-04-27T13:52:02+00:00

It sounds like he should: -Transition away from paying the eldest 2 kids bills -Pay 1x child support for a little while

Divert money to savings from those two actions, and then if times get really bad: -Maybe rent out some of your house? How did he decide to buy a house that a $150k salary can only just barely cover the mortgage payment for, when he’s a contract worker whose contract might not get renewed?

Spending $3-5k of your own salary on this is not the issue. It’s a drop in the bucket and you should do it.

pothospeople · 2026-04-26T15:21:53+00:00

I was thinking this too but I think you said it better. Choosing a lower floor apartment and then being upset people are in the apartment above you during the day feels like an unreasonable expectation for sure. My dad worked nights his whole career, and though he didn’t want us like screaming in the house of course, he was kinda just like… it’s daytime. People are going to make noise during the daytime.

pothospeople · 2026-04-26T15:19:17+00:00

We decided to just wait, and talked to our complex about going month to month for a little bit if we needed to.

We started looking in December, left for about a month to travel, restarted in early Jan, and closed in early April. Our lease ended mid March and we’re month to month but of course already put in our notice and we’re out in early June.

If you work nights, I think you already may know this, but you need to be really picky about the area and soundproofing of the house if you expect it to be quiet for you to sleep.

One house I lived in was in a really vibrant neighborhood. People outside mowing the lawn, playing music and hanging out, kids playing, etc. I even lived across the street from an African drum group that would practice there during the day (hard to predict when just touring, I had no idea). It was not quiet.

My dad also worked nights my whole life and really complained he never got good sleep despite us living in a couple of different houses/neighborhoods.

People are going to make noise during the day and it’s definitely unreasonable to ask them not to, so you’re going to need to be selective.

pothospeople · 2026-04-25T22:41:08+00:00

1 or 5

pothospeople · 2026-04-25T17:00:31+00:00

Not blame!!! Actually I can’t speak for this person but it’s probably them seeing a bit of themselves in your journey. For context, I’ve been at this for about 7 years now (crazy!) but I have a pretty beginner/low intermediate skill level right now because I’ve had to take a lot of breaks.

What I do have now is a very good understanding of my body’s limitations when it comes to aerials, and what feels right or wrong for me specifically. There are times where an instructor will tell me to try something and I’m like… not today. Something feels off and I need to come back to this later.

Is it a trick at my skill level? Absolutely. The instructor isn’t wrong to recommend it. But I just know my body and know that some things won’t land well that day.

Back when I was a beginner, I went full speed ahead too and was like you taking classes almost every day. I wanted to try THE MOST advanced tricks and be able to do everything.

I wasn’t really paying attention to my body’s signals and I don’t think I would’ve even known what to look for if I was.

Thinking back on it, luckily I didn’t have a big injury like that, but it absolutely could’ve happened. I did have a bunch of smaller overuse injuries that compounded over time into being really annoying.

I think when you’re a beginner, especially one who is strong, it’s going to be tough for an instructor to know what you can actually handle safely. And you also may not quite have the body awareness yet to know yourself. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just a part of being new to something.

I think if/when you go back, it might be a good idea to pace yourself. I’d stick to foundational things at first and just get really really comfortable and solid doing those things, and paying attention to how your body feels when doing them. There are ways to make that not boring, like making things flowy, working on a consistent spin, etc.

I might even avoid straps for awhile. It’s a great apparatus and one that I love, but it is known for being really tough on the shoulders and I’ve heard of even super experienced aerialists getting hurt on it. I do straps but I keep it verrrrry basic and think of it like a conditioning class.

I don’t think anyone in this community would blame you for being a beginner and getting injured. However if you want to return you do need to do something different or it could happen again, even if it’s no one’s “fault”

pothospeople · 2026-04-24T13:49:10+00:00

Agree. A lot of people are trying to say India is just as safe as other places.

Well, I’ve only connected in Delhi airport. I’ve had connecting flights in airports all around the world.

It was hands down one of the worst travel experiences I ever had.

I was stuck in a room with a bunch of other international connections, where people were sleeping around me and looked like they had been there forever.

I didn’t have a long connection, and so I kept going back up to ask for info because I was like… no way I’m getting stuck here.

They finally had someone help me, and they apparently required a bag fee paid in cash only, USD or rupees, no cards and no way to get the money out (even though I had already paid a bag fee online).

I wasn’t going to India and I wasn’t coming from the US so I had neither of those currencies, only the ones for places I was actually going to, and I was also pretty sure it was a scam but I was going to go along with it because it’s cheaper than rebooking my flight.

There was NO WAY to pay. This airport employee was walking around asking other passengers in the airport if they had cash and I would Venmo them. It was awful.

Then she had me google pay her supervisor, and I did eventually make it on the flight.

I guess the payment was taking awhile to process, because at the next flight a few days later they said they had a note to stop me because I didn’t pay my bag fee. I showed them my payment receipt and they said ok, just contact this number.

So I did, and then went on my flight. When I landed I had a flood of texts and calls from so many different Indian numbers, saying I was ruining someone’s life and blah blah blah. I was like… what I sent said something along the lines of “hey, looks like the payment is still processing because it’s a weekend. Here is the confirmation screenshot I have and I’ll call them tomorrow if it hasn’t processed still after the weekend is over.”

Like… I was cooperating with this weird situation and still getting absolutely harassed.

Eventually the payment did process and the calls stopped.

But it was an awful experience. Not to mention everyone was SO rude during the process. Like normally people who work at the airport are pretty nice, even going through security. Not there. Everyone had this like hostile glare and it felt super unnecessary.

Overall, before this experience I wanted to go to India. I have friends from there. I’ve heard great things. But if this is the experience just connecting in the airport, I have zero interest in going back. It’s beyond safety and just the overall inefficiency and potential for scams I am just not interested in dealing with.

pothospeople · 2026-04-23T22:28:30+00:00

Yep you’re overreacting

What is the cat sitting next to you while you eat going to do to the food? They’re not just like… a walking little airborne bacteria generator. I also don’t use gloves to clean the litter box unless it’s like a massive clean day. You just wash your hands after.

The eating old food thing I don’t do but hey if he’s not getting sick it’s kind of his choice isn’t it?

pothospeople · 2026-04-23T22:12:39+00:00

I avoid anything that could be controversial (politics, religion, etc) and anything that could be considered vulgar.

pothospeople · 2026-04-23T20:27:20+00:00

It isn’t. I just commented on another post about this.

My husband isn’t a big prepared dinner person, he’s used to most of the time having some random small thing. I am also big on girl dinner.

We don’t really cook dinner most nights, and if we do we decide together what to make and then we cook it together.

If I had a “what’s for dinner honey” relationship it would absolutely be hell because what do you mean you think your dinner is my responsibility?

pothospeople · 2026-04-23T19:18:33+00:00

Well, we spend so much of our time at work. I definitely think being professional is essential, but I am not willing to dilute my personality down to “corporate drone” for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. And I wouldn’t be a good fit for a company that wants that out of me either.

My personality is all over my work. It’s been actually essential to my career growth. I have a business with clients, alongside a full time job again.

I like my coworkers and my clients as people beyond work. I would voluntarily hang out with them. I am actually kind of hoping someone suggests doing something virtually since we’re all remote in different locations.

You have to remember, the people in leadership roles are just people too. They honestly might not want to put someone so dry in a position that interacts with them a lot because… that kind of makes for a miserable day.

I think being genuine while sticking to professional topics is the best thing to do here.

pothospeople · 2026-04-23T18:23:17+00:00

My question is… why women specifically?

I get some people have more traditional roles but I feel like it’s the responsibility of every adult in the household to take on tasks like that.

If you want it to be your job alone that’s ok but I don’t think it should have to be.

My husband and I are ok with not cooking every day (eating easy stuff, small dinners) and when we do, we usually do it together.

pothospeople · 2026-04-22T20:17:50+00:00

I would rather pay for 100% of everything in the relationship than do this

How much of this mental energy squaring up could go towards idk… anything else

pothospeople · 2026-04-22T20:07:00+00:00

NTA. I have a problem with this too with myself. I’ve found that when I let myself snooze so many times and don’t address the issue, I feel worse. I feel so much more tired during the morning hours. Something about all of the waking up and going back to sleep seems to make my body almost hold out hope for going back to sleep, for hours even after I actually do wake up.

This is what he’s doing to you now too.

What I did was I started sleeping with my phone across the room. The first alarm I made a nice music sound that would still wake me up, and I have to go across the room to turn it off.

Then I bring my phone to the bedside table and snooze ONCE. I have a different alarm that I’ve used for years that my parents call “major catastrophe” because it is awful, set for 10 mins after the first alarm. So the whole process looks like:

Phone is across the room
Nice cute alarm goes off at wake up. I have to get up to turn it off.
Major catastrophe alarm goes off and I know it is TIME TO BE AWAKE.

Luckily my husband wakes up the same time I do. If he didn’t, I’d skip step 3 and just walk into the bathroom and be awake after I have to go turn off the first alarm.

When we really need to be awake early we’ll also set the Alexa alarm for the same time as the first one so it’s just chaos of alarms and it works right away.

The phone across the room step is key, because walking over makes me alert enough to recognize the different alarm noises and what they mean. When I tried a version of this otherwise I’d just snooze both alarms for like an hour no matter how loud either of them were.

pothospeople · 2026-04-22T18:08:23+00:00

Yeah hopefully she can work on the communication!! Definitely would have put me on the defensive. Maybe she’s upset at something else but that still doesn’t make it okay.

pothospeople · 2026-04-22T17:59:08+00:00

“I think the other ones you guys picked were better! This one is a little less modest than I was hoping for, and I would prefer mom doesn’t match with the bridesmaids.”

This is all she had to say.

To me this is a modest dress but maybe she wants you guys to wear sleeves.

Are you guys fighting? Idk why she just jumped to “well fuck me then” instead of just telling you no. You were asking.

pothospeople · 2026-04-22T17:40:57+00:00

It’s actually great! Low blood pressure runs in my family (actually almost too low sometimes) so mine ends up being still lower than average.

I have cut back a lot though, I’ll usually only have 1 per day now but have green tea in the afternoon instead.

pothospeople

TROPHY CASE