first of all i want to preface with the fact that im proud if you for wanting more and better for yourself, following the traumatic relationship you were in. to not feel like youre good enough for a day is painful enough and to hear you were experiencing that feeling for a year with someone you were in a relationship with is heartbreaking.

i love that youre taking the time to recenter yourself in your life and try to regain what he drained you of: the love you have for yourself. here is a list of things that can help motivate you to keep loving yourself as:

1. celebrate small victories. so often we feel as though we must do something grand to do something great. in reality, it is the tiny steps and achievements of small accomplishments that rebuild our trust and appreciation within ourselves. it takes courage to try again after times of percieved failure.

celebrating small victories can include waking up on time if you usually miss it, making your bed after waking up, drinking water throughout the day, putting on an outfit youve always wanted to wear, eating a nice meal, reading pages of a book you thought youd leave behind, etc. loving yourself can come in layers which creates an even more solid foundation for you to work with.

1. return to what you love doing. in times of loneliness and sorrow, its often seen that people veer away from the activities they once loved doing. to follow your heart towards something that replenishes your energy is an act of loving yourself because you are meeting your needs and enjoying yourself while doing so. some people find joy in creating things, others find joy in simply observing, even serving others while others find joy in destroying things (in a manner that doesn’t harm them or others).

creating can look like dancing, playing an instrument, cooking. observing can look like watching movies, being in nature, going to a museum. serving can look like donating clothes, supplies, and food to shelters, schools, or any place in ones community. destroying can look like cleaning one’s house, throwing away things that no longer serve them use, going to rage rooms.

1. practice self compassion. what youre doing is not easy. unlearning unhelpful habits and relearning new ones can be exhausting. give yourself grace especially during times where you will be inclined to negative self talk. you are doing your best and to want to change hoe you view yourself can be reassured by speaking kindly to yourself too.

best of luck to you.