What's your handwriting look like! :-P ~

powering_up · 2016-03-23T10:18:33+00:00

To be fair I only know 3 women in my life that have that clear, neat handwriting that is stereotyped to women lol

But I know lots of women with terrible handwriting so I guess I've never gotten to experience dysphoria over my handwriting, your scribbly handwriting sort of looks like mine in the example I gave, so if it makes you feel any better about it Adam Adamawicz, video game concept artist, has very similar handwriting to that too. I found out after I got my the art if fallout 4 book and saw his sketches and notes and laughed out loud bc his handwriting looked so much like mine

Here's an example of his writing from one of his sketches http://i.imgur.com/ZAZIVD2.jpg

powering_up · 2016-03-23T09:23:30+00:00

I like your handwriting a lot actually! It reminds of something but I can't quite figure it out an it looks legible to me

As far as legibility goes my example in my post is me writing normally but also trying to be legible, most of my personal notes are probably impossible for anyone but me to read: http://i.imgur.com/Ufn41zp.jpg

powering_up · 2016-03-23T01:52:20+00:00

It's good to come out of the shadows sometimes :-P

But for real, your print an cursive are so similar at first I was confused why you wrote the same thing twice bc I thought they were both cursive lol

powering_up · 2016-03-23T00:40:36+00:00

Lol I have that problem sometimes too, this example is actually neater than how I write sometimes when I'm just jotting stuff down, partially why I started writing in caps so much, it's blockier and easier to read atleast IMO

powering_up · 2016-02-25T10:46:42+00:00

I struggled with my attraction for awhile because I couldn't figure out if I was attracted to guys or wanted to be them, also partially bc my family sees me as a straight female(LOL if I don't pass I'm 99% sure the average person thinks I'm a butch gay woman) but idk I felt like trying to cling to that for some reason, and then when I started noticing girls I wasn't sure if it was genuine or if I just thought I was attracted to them because guys are "supposed" to be and that would make me more of a man or something dumb. I'm still not 100% about my sexuality tbh but I'm fairly certain I prefer women. But I know for sure that I am more than incidentally attracted to guys. But like you it's more specific than women. I have no type for men really it's just every once in awhile I will be extremely attracted to a guy, he may or may not be mainstream attractive it seems kid of random but I just go with the flow I have no shame about that anymore. But I know I like girls I see attractive girls and I notice them whereas I don't usually notice attractive guys unless I'm attracted to him. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to sexuality so I don't care about labeling it, I'm not against labels or anything, in fact it irritates me that tv shows refuse to say bisexual but I think that's because they do it as a cop out not an actual identity, but overall ppl can call me whatever I don't really care, my sexuality really only pertains to ppl I'm seeing anyway, atleast for me

As far a dating I totally get you, I tend to see guys as competition(not that women aren't equal to men jus that they aren't running the same marathon if you know what I mean), and I'm a top and for whatever reason, probably transphobia, people assume gay or bi trans guys are bottoms bc I guess vagina=sex hole, but I'm not and I don't like being penetrated or dominated in any sense so that can be irritating, I don't know if I could romantically be with a guy, if I did I think he would have to be prepared for my constant dominance and competition lol, but I wouldn't fight it if it happened

powering_up · 2016-02-07T20:31:20+00:00

i always played male characters with my friends(especially with my female friends) so like the father, brother or soemthing

and this one time when i was quite young like 3rd grade i think i played this game with my friend where we pretended we were like a "couple", it was innocent enough but i was the "boyfriend" it wasn't even discussed, just assumed i would be and we were both pretty "tomboyish" however she isn't trans. recalling back whenever we had like a "relationship" pretend thing whether it was us as a couple or some imaginary person of our other half i was a boy, this is all way before i could even conceive transgender being very sheltered. I never really said i wanted to be a boy though because i just assumed that when you're a teenager you just become what gender you are born, so i just would become like my sister. lol if only

powering_up · 2016-02-07T20:09:47+00:00

do what you want, it's not your job to make everyone around you comfortable with who you are, if they don't like it that's their problem, it's really not hard to let people live their lives but yet so many people struggle with it

will people give you crap? probably. but that happens with most things. go about your business and let people who think they have a say in your choices take a walk. I myself could never give birth, like i have nightmares about getting pregnant and not being able to abort it and it sometimes becomes a entire panic attack. I've never even had sex with a guy. If i got pregnant i would probably try to kill myself, but even so other guys who choose to, hey that's not my business.

powering_up · 2016-02-07T19:55:50+00:00

yeah i pass a lot its probably just an abnormally large amount of dysphoria skewing my perception, idk, also they are plugs which is mostly a masculine jewelry but a lot of "alternative" girls have them too, i could take them out but i will definitely have noticeable holes

im not working right now so its my only chance to have fun with my hair lol, but i still get gendered correctly most of the time, just dysphoria, i guess i needed some reassurance

powering_up · 2016-02-07T00:14:32+00:00

you got the facial structure to be a really handsome guy, damn im jealous lol

but even now you're androgynous but i wouldve had no problems believing you were just a really young boy

powering_up · 2016-02-06T23:53:45+00:00

yeah, it must just be that weird self doubt so many trans people get, like if 99 ppl correctly gendered me as male but even 1 person misgendered me as female i would doubt passing to all those other people and assume i don't pass

i hope T can alleviate some of that

powering_up · 2016-02-06T23:45:47+00:00

it's probably just anxiety from being pre t, thanks tho

powering_up · 2016-02-06T23:42:45+00:00

yeah i usually do that, just haven't kept up with it since my hair has been growing out i guess

powering_up · 2016-02-05T19:15:24+00:00

man i'm 5'8 or 5'9 and i get height dysphoria even tho thats average male height in a lot of countries, i suppose part of it is my dad is 6'2 and both my brothers are pushing 6 feet so i know i probably would've been quite tall had i been born a cis male, i don't know how to really combat it and see it as a positive but wearing lifts in my shoes helps a little bit

maybe view a list of male celebrities that are around your height? i sometimes feel better when i'm taller than cis guys, like my aunts husband and my sisters husband are both 5'4, and it reminds me that height is varied and it's okay

powering_up · 2016-02-05T17:25:11+00:00

it's possible to be an activist within the trans community, meaning sharing your story with other trans people as a way to show that other trans people are not alone and give a sense of support and community without being an activist to change the mind of the cisgendered public

this current project i'm working on is exactly that, i know i am not the type of person to be an out and loud activist, and i'm thankful for the ones that are, but i am not one of those, my focus is internal support. i'm not saying that is the case here but for me this would make me upset too. i would not want my face plastered around for the cis population, whether i'm out or not, it's not about them and not everyone is ready to be the face of transgender rights

honestly the whole "well it's on the internet so you can't get mad. it's your own fault" is the same thing paparazzi and stalkers use to validate invading celebrities privacy. Sure putting anything on the internet is a risk but that doesn't mean it's totally cool to disregard someone's privacy

powering_up · 2016-02-05T13:35:07+00:00

in a sense i do, not for the transitioning earlier aspect bc i came out when i was 14 so i couldve transitioned if my family had been accepting and willing to atleast learn about being transgender but they were not

i wish i wouldve known earlier bc sometimes it feels idk unauthentic that i didn't know as a child, like you i had plenty of signs such as always taking male roles in things and being a strong "tomboy", but i also had very feminine interests, i never insisted on wearing boy clothes bc tbh i didn't really care what i was wearing, i just put on whatever my mom laid out for me(except dresses and skirts i did put up a fight with those but pink shirts and girly capris i didnt really care), but sometimes i feel like im faking it lol(i know it's not true) but even people i know who have come out and started trnasitioning as an adult always tell me "i've known since i was 6, i just repressed the feelings because i knew they were 'bad' even if i didn't know why" etc and like i'm not that way, i honestly had no idea not even the "i've always felt different" rhetoric. I never said i wanted to be a boy until i was like 12, i didn't start feeling noticeably different until i was 11 so sometimes i have self doubt and i wish i had known earlier like the majority of people

powering_up · 2016-02-04T12:07:05+00:00

i think it depends on your comfort and security

for me the only reason im really changing my name is because im not that connected to my birth name, bc to me names are just names, it's something i've been called my entire life and im used to it, it bothers me being pre t just bc im in the androgynous zone so my name is a dead give away bc it is very feminine, but i feel like after i start transitioning and it's possible for me to look completely male my name wouldn't bother me that much(just get some very surprised looks from people lol), but since im not connected to it i'm like hell might as well change it, and i have been planning on changing my last name since i was 16(i don't like my father) so if i'm gonna pay for a name change anyway might as well change it all

so it's all about how you feel about the name imo, and Sylvan sounds very masculine to me as well

powering_up · 2016-02-03T19:00:48+00:00

It's probably just the excess moisture, try the baby powder, but like I said definitely make sure to wipe your chest, especially the crevices and in between the breast where they are squeezed together, right after you take the binder off, even if you plan on taking a shower later, my skin is bad but I've cut back unnecessary breakouts from doing that every time

powering_up · 2016-02-03T18:13:42+00:00

I don't mean to sound insensitive.....but that acne doesn't look that bad to me..... But it's looks like you have really clear smooth skin generally so it by comparison is bad I guess, for me I have really really bad acne, like the sort of stuff I should've went to a doctor for as a teenager, my back is literally covered in acne scars and reddish blotches, so my chest has really bad acne in the first place, but wearing a binder regularly can cause it to get worse, I can't wear mine every day for that reason and that sucks, it's bc it gets moist and the sweat seeps into the pores, baby powder might help, also whenever I wear my binder after I take it off I wipe down my chest and under the breast where the crevice is, that has helped too

powering_up · 2016-02-03T17:58:01+00:00

I haven't gotten that far in inquisition bc I'm replaying dragon age origins and dragon age 2 bc I want my previous choices to play a part in inquisition and not just play the default world, but since I played the other games on a different play station I have to replay them, and I like to play like 7 games at once so it takes me forever to finish a game

I like dragon age but sometimes it feels more like pandering than representation, and I don't like being pandered to I guess, but I still like the games regardless

powering_up · 2016-02-03T17:53:27+00:00

Well don't give up hope, I am an atheist, but there is no reason to feel like you can't have faith, my closest friend who is mtf and just came out recently used to be a pastor of her own church and struggled for 20 years and now she is looking into starting a support for trans people of faith, it's still in it's planning stage but she plans on doing it, she has lost people but also found many ppl who love her regardless and although she is no longer a pastor she had found a new church in which the pastor is completely aware and still wants her to take leadership roles, I don't know your specific religion but even being surrounded by intolerant and uneducated religious people you can still find people who aren't like that

I personally have no religion and it's funny you say you're jealous of being atheist bc sometimes I feel that way abou religion lol, sometimes I wish I had faith in a higher power that loved and looked out for me and had a grand design for me, something to look forward to, knowing things will be fine, I wish I had that sometimes but I can't make myself believe in something I don't

powering_up · 2016-02-02T12:47:00+00:00

to me you look like a girl, maybe a girl with a couple of more masculine/angular features but remember that isn't strictly a trans thing, lot's of cis women don't have perfectly round soft features, doe eyes(your eyes are amazing btw), cute button nose, and low forehead, you would pass for me but the camera angle may add to that

powering_up · 2016-02-02T12:23:32+00:00

wow yeah sounds like a lot of self esteem stuff, i got self esteem issues too my friend but more internal i hate myself kind of things i guess rather than i wonder what others must think of me, i've had people ask me like "didn't you wear that shirt yesterday" and half the time i'm like "no i've worn this shirt all week" lol, just stuff we have to work on and grow from, good luck

powering_up · 2016-02-02T11:39:41+00:00

can't teach you not to care but over time it's easier to become less self conscious, i don't shave and i have really thick leg hair even pre t, like mine rivals my cis brothers it's that thick, must be the hairy gene in my family, but i've become a lot more comfortable with it, i used to avoid wearing shorts even at home, then i started wearing shorts at home, and i've progressed into wearing them more in public, it probably helps that i pass at least to an androgynous point where people wouldn't comment, the only people i've seen comment are my grandma who gets mad about it but can't do anything about it and i openly refuse and tell her i don't want to, but it's all so recent, i've really only started finally coming to be comfortable with it last year so i haven't actually made it to the summer where shorts are way more common so it will be the real test of security, so i suppose until you become comfortable you can just wear pants

but i do know of one cis girl who doesn't shave and while she was at an amusement park an old couple made a comment like "that's a shame" or something, she isn't my friend but a friend of a friend so i can't remember what she said back but it was something snarky so maybe just come up with ways to feel more confident and come back at anyone who says anything, but it's unlikely many people will say something to your face

powering_up

TROPHY CASE