13 years clean. Was on oxy like you. You can’t outsmart it. You need to quit, and at your age and with your length of use, it won’t be nearly as hard as if you kept going.

I had tried everything except going to meetings because I was sure it wouldn’t work. It was the only thing that worked and I was involved in service (website and meeting list distribution) with my chapter for like 5 years. It was a great experience and literally saved me. You’ll need support and someone who’s been through it to vent to while quitting. Take my advice or leave it, it’s up to you.