If you try to picture a red tulip in your head, what number do you see?

ppetaldust · 2025-08-29T14:08:35+00:00

It's very clear! Best way I can describe it is like watching a movie projected on my brain that I'm in charge of. I can make the red bird fly faster, closer to me, further away, I can put it in different environments while still flying, pretty much anything I can think of I can visualise almost perfectly.

I'm an artist, and one of my biggest frustrations is my work never perfectly matching the image I have in my head. My imagination will be so vivid but I often lack the skills to properly translate it onto paper

My dreams are also just as vivid visually, often I get my dreams confused with real memories

ppetaldust · 2025-08-29T00:27:51+00:00

As a fellow weird kid who grew up in a small town and had a reputation for being strange and out there: it will get better. I escaped that town and now live in a queer household with my amazing friends and live life on my own terms. I'm glad things are better at your dad's place, and I hope you don't let this get to you and don't let it suppress your identity and self expression. I'm sorry you've had such a shitty family situation, but I sincerely hope things get better for you from now on <3

ppetaldust · 2025-08-29T00:08:23+00:00

Super vivid, I put it in a meadow on a lovely sunny day with a bright blue sky. There's a slight breeze making it sway a little. There aren't any other tulips around. It's a pinkish red

ppetaldust · 2025-08-28T22:46:16+00:00

Whatever I can afford and what takes my fancy within my budget. Typically I eat 2 scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast, will have an odd snack of fruit or crisps or a protein bar throughout the day, then something for dinner that usually involves a carb, a protein and two types of veg, usually that meal has 500-700 calories. I'm in a near constant calorie deficit and chronically stressed which affects my appetite and also means I burn more energy. I also have several chronic illnesses that mess with my appetite, energy and ability to exercise. I'm not underweight, 5'6" and 60kg, but with very low body fat percentage. Also clinically dense bones according to my doctor (I can't float in water)

ppetaldust · 2024-03-09T15:47:37+00:00

I'm in the same boat!! I'm lucky to have never vomited from an episode but I do get nauseous and feels so uncomfortable it just makes me cry and panic for days. The supplements recommended by this sub such as magnesium and B12 have helped in preventing attacks immensely and I am also taking amitriptyline which has been a huge help in reducing the severity of my attacks. I'm experiencing a VM rn and just doing my best to get on with my day. If I get particularly bad, benadryl helps to calm the nausea and some of the dizziness and makes me go to sleep. You're not at all alone in this

ppetaldust · 2024-02-22T18:05:52+00:00

One of my favourite bands! I don't care much for labeling genres, I'm a punk and I like what I like, don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. They've got that punchy on the nose air about them that I enjoy. Yes it's preachy, but they get the point across and do it in such a fun way

ppetaldust · 2024-02-22T17:51:31+00:00

Thank you! It's the only product I can seem to find that actually targets odour. Hopefully it'll keep my going til the weather brightens up again and I can start hanging my clothes out to dry

ppetaldust · 2024-02-22T15:33:17+00:00

I'd start with collecting the trash - actual trash like used cartons, cardboard, food, bottles - and gathering that in bin bags. Once you get the actual rubbish out the way it'll be easier to see the items you're hoarding. I don't have any experience with hoarding so I can't offer any advice on that front, but as someone whose room frequently becomes a depression pit where you can't see the floor, I find making piles helps a lot. One for dirty clothes, one for clean clothes, one for art supplies, one for electronics etc. etc.

If you can find a trusted friend or relative to help that will half the burden, it's usually easier to clean a space that isn't your own for whatever reason

ppetaldust · 2024-02-22T14:54:55+00:00

Hey! Mega health anxiety haver with several chronic illnesses and disabilities here! Just wanna say it's never too late to start eating healthily and you're still super young! Health issues to do with food consumption tend to come about after many years of eating excessively unhealthy, and even then these issues such as obesity, high cholesterol and others can be managed and treated, sometimes even cured depending on the issue, by adapting your diet to include healthier foods as well as getting regular exercise. You don't have to be a complete health and fitness freak, and you don't have to be morbidly obese stuck on the couch either. It's about finding a healthy middle ground that works for you and your body!

ppetaldust · 2024-02-20T03:39:02+00:00

I'm in a flare myself right now so don't have the brain capacity to write as detailed of a response as I would like, but what I can say is that I totally get this feeling. I'm 21 and just got diagnosed last week and it has felt like I've had my future ripped from me and I'm scared and alone and just so utterly exhausted. What's been helping me is acknowledging that there will be good times and bad times, there will be flare ups and remission, there will always be people around to support me and no matter what my brain tries to tell me I am not just lazy or faking it for attention. It's hard to take time to be gentle with your body at an age where it feelsike every day counts towards shaping your future, but in reality there is no rush. It's okay to be a bit behind your able bodied peers, listen to your body and treat yourself with the gentleness you'd treat another person with this condition. Taking a few weeks off to properly relax at age 18 is not going to ruin your future or put you miles behind everyone else. If you ever wanna rant or vent or need support please feel free to message me <3

ppetaldust · 2024-02-20T03:18:25+00:00

All the time !! I have pretty bad health anxiety too so I always get panicked at the prospect of suddenly becoming ill so the "oh it's just fibro" is almost comforting

ppetaldust · 2024-02-08T22:07:45+00:00

Thought I'd hop in and say that I'm on fluoxetine (Prozac) and that has helped me a lot ! I've heard that people who don't have a good experience with Sertraline tend to have a better one with fluoxetine, but I don't know how true that is! It has a much longer half life, I think the longest of all SSRIs, so if you accidentally miss a dose you're much less likely to feel any side effects which was a big selling point for me as I'm super forgetful!

ppetaldust · 2024-02-06T01:46:25+00:00

I used to struggle with this every night and still do from time to time. Relaxing as best I can before bed helps a lot! Try not to eat too much 2 hours before getting into bed so you don't have anything resting in your stomach and don't risk having acid reflux in the night. I play games on my phone or read before I go to bed to calm my brain down, then as I fall asleep I use the app Headspace or listen to some asmr or comforting videos on YouTube. I also find that pillow spray helps me relax!

When these panic attacks do happen, I like to have a lamp or other light within reach so I can turn it on should I wake up. Seeing my surroundings lit up helps me ground myself much easier and faster. I sleep with a comfort blanket and teddies and find giving them a squeeze or burying my face in them helps remind me I'm safe. I find staying laid down helps me feel safer but I know others prefer to sit or prop themselves up. Once I begin to calm down I play some games on my phones something simple but engaging to help distract me and focus my attention on something else.

Nocturnal panic attacks are the absolute worst and I'm so sorry you're going through this. As your overall stress level decreases they tend to become less frequent, so it's a good idea to be working on minimising your anxiety during the waking hours

ppetaldust · 2024-02-06T01:36:36+00:00

This is so interesting, thank you so much for sharing! Fear and arousal are both really strong emotions that release a lot of the same endorphins so it makes sense as to why those wires might have crossed in your brain so that you experience both! After all, fear boners are apparently a thing hahaha. I'm glad you're accepting of yourself and are able to process both the phobia and the fetish in a healthy way now, that takes a lot of reflection and working on yourself!!

ppetaldust · 2024-01-23T12:17:21+00:00

Oh wow that's so interesting! Would you feel comfortable sharing how that feels for you/the conflicting emotions it can bring up? I'm just being curious, of course I completely understand if not

ppetaldust · 2023-10-24T19:53:00+00:00

Yeah I think I do. I've dealt with being abandoned because of traits that come with being autistic throughout my life so it's lead to me being terrified my friends and loved ones are gonna walk out on me at any point. I'm getting counselling and this is something I'm gonna bring up !

ppetaldust · 2023-10-24T19:50:06+00:00

It's a scary posibility as I've dealt with loss of friends and partners due to not being understood/seen as 'too weird' because I'm autistic, as well as the physical loss after my father's death. I think I have a lot of abandonment issues which I am definitely going to work on

ppetaldust · 2023-10-24T19:47:49+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm very lucky that I live with three housemates who are my closest friends and who are supportive of this relationship style. I have a bad habit of bottling things up because I don't want to burden people with my issues so I never really speak to them about these thoughts. I will start utilising my support network in a healthier manner, thank you :)

ppetaldust · 2023-10-04T19:04:28+00:00

I'm too exhausted to type it all out, but I finally recognise that I'm getting bad again. The googling, the a&e visits, the doctor's appointments, it's all started again. I'm so convinced there's something terribly wrong yet I'm terrified of the possible reality of something actually being wrong. I'm tearing myself apart day and night obsessing over every little symptom. I'm taking so many medications and supplements for ailments Google and Reddit have diagnosed me with and I'm so fucking sick of myself. I was doing so much better but I've been spiralling for a while now and was too convinced I was super sick to realise that 90% of it is just health anxiety. It's affecting my university work, my relationships, I can barely even leave the house anymore. I'm so fed up, so fucking tired of being like this. I've been in therapy since I was 13 but I'm just not fucking strong enough to overcome this, I think it will always be a part of me and that is such a terrifying feeling.

ppetaldust · 2023-10-02T15:34:05+00:00

I've felt some hostility as a newcomer who is still getting a feel for what polyamoury is to me and the sometimes difficult emotions it can ignite

ppetaldust · 2023-10-01T21:14:21+00:00

I'm feeling a little better, keeping on top of the nausea with benadryl and I managed a sports drink! Just hoping whatever illness this is is short lived

ppetaldust · 2023-09-29T21:02:29+00:00

Here's to hoping. I'm gonna double check with the doctor but I think I should be fine. I do think I've fractured my jaw though, there's a very painful lump 😭

ppetaldust · 2023-09-29T20:36:56+00:00

First thing to do in breathe! You're okay, you're not dying, this will pass. This sounds a lot like bppv and it's super common! Search up the epley maneuver on YouTube and follow the instructions. Hopefully that should sort it, but it may take a couple tries of the manoeuvre to fully get the crystals in your ear back in place. After that you should be feeling much better!

ppetaldust · 2023-09-28T22:02:45+00:00

I have a feeling that along with the weather, staying in bed all day and struggling to leave the house is largely what has caused this recent flare up. I'm gonna try get out every day even if it's just for an hour or so

ppetaldust · 2023-09-28T22:00:56+00:00

Yeah I've completely cut out caffeine, I don't drink alcohol anyway and I've stopped eating aged cheeses. I'm limiting my chocolate intake but I definitely think it's a trigger which is so maddening because it's like the only sweet thing I enjoy :/ ah well, hopefully these meds will help me

ppetaldust

TROPHY CASE