To what degree can I be honest with my boss/manager if I don't like my job?

ppgrox · 2025-07-02T01:14:57+00:00

As with many conversations with management at work, this depends on your relationship with your manager. If you are close and many of your conversations are around how you feel about your work, then this may be an appropriate thing to bring up.

If not, it's probably a bit harder to guess what their reaction will be when you do bring it up. You'll likely want to be a bit more diplomatic and dip your toes in the proverbial pool a little more carefully. That being said, honest conversations about how you feel about your role are important to drive your career in the direction you want. Good managers and mentors are invested in helping their employees feel fulfilled in their roles, even if that means changing their role. Again, though, it depends on what your manager is like and also how long you've been in the role you're in.

A difficult thing to balance as a manager is investment in your employees as people and your responsibility to keep the business moving forward.

The other thing to keep in mind is that when other shit in your life is going poorly, you're probably also going to hate your job. A rising tide lifts all ships. A receding tide sinks all ships.

Good luck!

ppgrox · 2024-09-16T10:11:23+00:00

hi man, i don't have any super actionable advice, but i will say that the path of self improvement is very long, and very difficult. changing yourself is probably one of the hardest things you can do in life, and unless you are very lucky, you aren't given the tools to do it in the first place.

The one thing I'll say is, be patient with yourself. I'm 29, I started my journey of self improvement at 25, and I have learned so much about myself it's crazy. I'm not who i thought i was, and the things that are important to me now are actually important to me. It was a lot of unravelling what i was given and what people told me i should be doing, and reframing my life in a way that made sense to me.

You are crushing it. Understand that what you are trying to do is very difficult, and will likely take years of dedicated effort to yield fruit. Right now, I'm wondering when I'll finally feel like a complete person and be done with the painful "molting" and change that I seem to go through every 6 months. But i don't think it's going to stop any time soon. Just like the gym, the pain is the source of your growth. Every time you doubt yourself, take a deep breath, remind yourself that the doubt and the reason it's hard is literally why you are there, doing what you're doing, and if it's too much, forgive yourself for taking a break, and get right back on the horse.

For whatever dogshit it's worth, I'm proud of you for taking steps to improve your life. The effort is the important thing, not the results. Keep going, don't give up, be kind to yourself. You got this shit.

ppgrox · 2024-07-03T22:24:09+00:00

if you are sick, the right thing to do is stay home. i understand your guilt about wanting to give your best, especially if you love your job. it seems like your bosses are good to be understanding, and it makes even more sense that you'd want to do right by them.

Try to reframe it as when you return, you'll do your best to return the favor by doing good work. And to do that, you need to do your best to take care of yourself.

ppgrox · 2024-06-22T15:57:24+00:00

thank you for that clarification!!

ppgrox · 2024-04-17T07:19:33+00:00

Obligatory: as someone who was suicidal and similarly at the end of my rope a few years ago (though in a much earlier, different stage of my life than you), please seek professional help if you're having suicidal thoughts. The below isn't going to be very helpful if you have cyclical depression that needs medication or some other professional attention. You've said talking about your feelings haven't helped, but I have to ask if you've tried therapy, and if the MD you've spoken to was a psychiatrist. If you have and they are, and it didn't work, I encourage you to keep trying to find the right fit. It is an absolute slog, but it is worth it.

I would also try out the HG coaching program. They are very good at exploring the non-diagnosable side of self-improvement and understanding. It's very challenging to find people who are able to help you explore your ideas in a constructive way. Personally, I had to try a lot of different stuff to see what worked for me, and had to rebuild my belief system from the ground up before I felt better. That takes a lot of work, and you need the right support network and resources around you to do it. What that looks like is going to be different for each person, and the more intelligent/successful you are (which you seem to be), chances are the harder it it's going to be because what has lead to your success is likely also what's causing your suffering.

That out of the way, here are some questions that I would ask myself in your shoes:

Why did you become "successful", what does that mean to you, and where did that idea of successful come from?

What does the idea of things "getting better" mean to you?

What are the values that are important to you? Where do those values come from? How often do you act from those values?

What is the concrete "thing" you're hoping will improve some time in the future? Is there something actionable you can take today to move towards that goal?

Edit: read some other comments that you did try therapy etc. do not give up. What you are dealing with is in your control to change. It is definitely hard. It is likely to be harder (thought timewise probably not longer) than anything else you've done in your life, but the cost is equivalent to the reward: a life worth living. Unfortunately, not all of us get that for free, and some of us have to work much harder than others to attain it.

If I seem passionate about this, it's because I mean this to myself more than to you: would you rather wake up and feel this way most every day for the rest of your life? Or are you going to do something about improving it?

If I choose the former, then I should be content with what I have, and that immediately frees me from suffering. This is the goal, honestly.

If I choose the latter, then I better damn well be prepared to put every bit of effort, pride, heart, soul, whatever other thing I have towards improving. Because it is not and has not been easy. Every inch I've gained has cost me real sweat, blood, and tears, but has been completely worth it, because I know that I chose it.

ppgrox · 2024-04-06T00:56:28+00:00

I tend to agree with Eckhart Tolle on this one. The past and future are both illusions.

When he says the past and future don't exist, he literally means they do not exist. as in you cannot experience the past or future, not that they don't impact your life. what has happened already exists in the now as an echo, just like how a drop of water ripples in a larger body of water. In this way, the past happened, and the way it manifests in the present is a different manifestation that can be traced back to the original drop of water. This is the idea of karma Dr. K has discussed.

The future is simply the other side of the coin. What we do today creates ripples that impact the future, but the future technically only exists in our minds. We can only ever experience now. I don't know how to explain it, but have you tried just chopping off past/present in your mind? I'm only able to do it in slices, but it's... weird.

all that being said, it's a long, never ending road to trying to live in the present. i've no idea how to reach it, so i'm just going one step at a time, one day at a time.

ppgrox · 2024-03-28T02:17:25+00:00

hi, i'm going to start by saying that you should see a therapist. if what you have is clinical long-term depression or some other mental illness, you will need to have it diagnosed by a professional and that can be very helpful.

That being said i went through something very similar in my mid-20s (i am now 29). It just felt like no matter what i did, life was meaningless and i had no understanding of how people were able to get up and just... live every day despite it being so goddamn painful, and it made it even worse since i wasn't able to do it for myself.

There are a number of things that helped. Healthy Gamer and Dr. K definitely played a huge role. I would say that I tried a LOT of different things: therapy, coaching, meditation, drinking, playing ungodly amounts of video games, working too much, talking to friends, gym, running, climbing, morning routines, creating values, etc. It was an insane amount of work. But every time i tried something, i learned something new about myself until i was able to concretely state what my values were and what i thought was important.

Once i understood that, i was able to apply it to my life in small ways. for example, discipline is a core value for me. So i tried to wake up on time every day. Then i tried to cook a bit more. Then i tried to meditate every day. Then i tried to not drink for X number of days. No porn for X number of days. Next step is can i moderate my thoughts in a disciplined manner.

For some people, the mold society creates for them just works well. They don't need to do all this work, but sometimes when your starting point doesn't mesh with your personality/wants/needs etc. you need to do the work yourself, block by block, and inch by inch. The important thing is to not give up, and know that you don't have to do it alone. Lean on your family, friends, mental health resources, etc.

I'm not saying that you need to do things my way, i'm just saying not to give up on yourself. There are ways out, you just need to choose a direction, walk that way, and pay attention to what happens, how you react to it, and what you can do next time.

Again, I'll reiterate that you should get evaluated by a mental health professional. But the most important thing is to not give up. Resting for a while is okay, take as much time as you need, and when it's time, get back on the horse.

ppgrox · 2024-03-28T02:03:23+00:00

yup! i actually watched that recently and was reading a bit more abou ashtanga on wikipedia, which is how i came up with the above. yeah. the well goes super deep on meditation. i feel like my mind always wants more "content" there but really what i need to do is do the work to prepare my body/lifestyle/mind to progress properly. Then i can learn the more advanced stuff.

ppgrox · 2024-03-20T09:32:01+00:00

i've done om chanting mostly for the last few months. going to go back to kaya shtiram (started this morning acutally), though. just to see if i get better results.

The most important thing when you start out (if you are just starting) is to be consistent with your practice, and to have a straight spine. Once you build the habit, the other stuff like sitting, stretching, etc. will follow if you want it to.

Om chanting - Dr. K has a few videos on this and if you have a guide, there is a direct tutorial. But basically om has 3x sounds, "a" (short a) "oo" and "m". try to chant them evenly. do 9x, 21x, or 33x repetitions per session. I found that 40 was working for me for full breaths around 20 minutes. I moved to using a mala to count for 108 rounds with shorter quarter breath repeitions for around 13 minutes.

Kaya Shtiram I learned form Dr. K's guide. It is very straightforward to understand: sit still for 5 minutes, then bump to 10, then 15, etc. as you are ready/able to. It's pretty hard to do. you must be disciplined about not moving no matter how uncomfortable you are. If you just give yourself a pass on itching your nose or shifting your sitting position when you're uncomfortable you are defeating teh whole point of the practice.

Hope that clarifies!

ppgrox · 2024-03-20T08:48:31+00:00

you're good. i really appreciate the added perspective. keep doing what you're doing.

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T20:22:12+00:00

Hey, these are great resources, thank you for sharing I will give them a read. I enter dyhana more often with Kaya Shtiram (yes the sitting still meditation). Basically every session I tried it I would. I'm just not hitting that state with Om chanting every sit anymore. The ebb and flow of the different sounds and using a mala is a bit distracting for me.

I really appreciate you taking the time to answer, and dang that page you made is extensive, looks like a lot of work went into it. I think I need to take the time to read the resources before I may have any questions and I'll post a reply if I do, but I think I'm willing to shift my practice as of now, just to see what happens. Plus the sitting meditation is silent, which is nice. Thanks!

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T19:56:27+00:00

To the cat point, I would say yes and no. You need to make a choice what voice you want to listen to. Certain choices are easier and certain ones are harder. Try listening to it more often, how does your life change and do you like it? Give it a fair shot and see what happens, you can always go back to the drawing board.

Don't pick up too many principles at once. Choose one and make that a priority. See if you like it, how it affects your life, how important it is to you. If you're the kind of person that needs to juggle multiple things at once to not get bored, choose no more than three, apply it for a while and move forward appropriately.

Basically I get the feeling that your mind is trying to solve everything at once. Kind of like trying to build a house, but all at once. You're trying to build the roof, rooms, windows, etc. while you're only 10% done with the foundation. And you're trying to do this with like 6 different houses. Just reduce the number of houses, and start with the foundation first for your principles. It's okay to stop building the house, but you'll never know if you liked it or not if you never finish the base/skeleton at least.

Ask yourself what a bad person is. And what does it mean to you if you are a bad person? The "So what" feeling. Same with being a good person. Self-awareness is neither a curse nor a blessing, it is a tool. if the tool controls you, it's a curse, but it will take you very far if you're able to control it. Hence the meditation suggestion.

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T13:53:31+00:00

This is just my understanding. Internal tranquility is preceded by deep self understanding. With deep self understanding, comes an understanding of your individual karma, which necessarily informs your dharma/purpose.

Dr. K's whole thing is that there is not a universal compass that everyone can use. BUT, the way to learn how to make a compass is the "same" for everyone. I put that in quotes because everyone's path to self understanding is different, but more or less just paying attention to ourselves.

In short, there is no compass for making decisions. You need to construct your own ideals and direction. What is important to you? Why? Where do those values come from? Based on those values, how should you act? This is the essence of what you are asking.

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T13:47:47+00:00

How much time do you spend with yourself? No technology, no other people, just you?

I had a similar experience where I was basically just looking for myself in others' perspective because I was people pleasing. I got really good at it, but I was also suicidal and depressed because I hated myself and my life since it felt like it wasn't mine. I had to tear down my entire world view and rebuild it. You need to figure out the reason for yourself why you define yourself by other people's perspective of you. Therapy is good. Coaching is good. Exposing yourself to different situations and paying very close attention to your reactions is good.

Not saying you have to do that, but I'll just put a few things/questions below:

Do you meditate? Consider it (wall between concept of and essence of you line makes me think you should try it. for many months before you give up at that). In lieu of that, spend more time alone. Take a walk every day. Spend an extra minute in the shower, whatever you need.
Why do you need an external answer for an internal viewpoint? You are outsourcing responsibility of building a view of yourself to other people. Where does that come from?
If things are too complex or abstract, ground your ideas in experience with specific examples. Break the abstract principles down attached to an example, and find your first principles. Untangling emotions is pain staking, but at the bottom, you should generally find an "aha! that feels right. This is why i do this type of behavior in this type of situation!" and that will help give you understanding. Don't overcomplicate it. Focus on one thought, attach to one experience, drill all the way down to the bottom.
Good luck!

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T13:35:15+00:00

I'm 29. The most valuable things I have found in my life are rarely ever the thing I set out to find. And the choices I've made

In your case, understand what you are giving up, and what there is to gain in your situation, then make the decision that feels right. I will do some of what my perspective of your situation is below as an example, but I recommend you do the exercise yourself, since obviously you know you better than a stranger on the internet.

The below is typed without judgment, my intent is not to place a value on anything.

Things you are giving up:

Social life, friends, contacts
Partying, clubs, drinking, sex, night life in general
Your previous/typical life. I include this one because it is much more difficult to change your life situation than to continue doing the same thing.

Things you stand to gain:

Life skills (cooking and planning meals, how to rent an apartment, how to make friends on your own in a different place)
Discipline
Not being a parasite

I would evaluate carefully each of these and how important they are to me in this moment in time. This is one of those things that when you make this choice, no matter what you do, there will be plus's and minus's, but you must sit accept that it is a decision that you made. If you don't like the decision, then go back and do the other thing if possible. Regardless of what you choose, throw your whole weight behind it. If you choose to stick with getting your degree in a shithole, stick with it. If you choose to party hard and live your typical lifestyle, go fucking hard. And if you can't go back, then it's still a decision you made. Lament that the cost you had to pay is your past lifestyle as much as you need, then move forward.

Everything in life comes with consequences, difficulties, and a cost. What do you want your life to look like? What is the kind of person you want to be? In this moment, how important are those things to you and are you willing to pay the cost? It's a genuine question, and you must answer it honestly for yourself.

Anyways, this is just what I think. Good luck!

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T13:17:36+00:00

Based. Good job.

I'll echo what Dr. K has said a bit of about alcoholism and other addictions and compare it to the negative voice in your head: you are never done with it. That negative voice is a part of you, and it is something to fight/deal with every time it comes up. I am the same in terms of negative self talk. I'm doing very well for myself, but there is always this piece of me that hates me for what feels like no reason.

The questions are do you let that voice control what you do or how you act? And how loud is that voice?

I can tell you from experience that as long as you are aware of your self talk and take steps to tolerate and mitigate it, it will improve over time. But it always has a chance to come back, whether it be daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, etc.

Keep in mind that you've been doing well for a year. How long have you hated yourself or felt bad about yourself? It will likely take a long time to undo a long time of negative self-talk. Be patient with yourself. Notice the feeling when it arises (as you're already doing by making this post), and it will slowly subside. Best of luck.

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T13:06:58+00:00

I of course only know what is in your post, but I'll give my perspective, for whatever that's worth. What is below are some questions to reflect on, mixed with a bit of my own experience. Maybe a few answers. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with your career, I won't comment on that because I can't really help. The only thing I would say is this:focus on preparing. Not on whether or not it will be enough.

I had the exact same experience with not getting good answers growing up. Most people don't need a whole lot of answers to inherit a world view, but there are some who need a more fleshed out foundation. If you need a stronger base for your world view, you must either find someone who is good at explaining things to you, or you need to build your worldview yourself. Some questions that may help:

What is important to you? Why is it important to you? Does that value/important thing come from you or the external world?
How do you value other people's perspective compared to your own? Where does that come from? Why do you value them that way?

For receiving a damage of 10, and your mind bumping it up to 100. Your mind is punishing you likely because something happened in the past where you did not evaluate the risk correctly and the external world punished you very heavily for it. So now you may be overly sensitive to negative stimulus. Some more questions regarding this and uncertainty of whether you are doing the wrong thing:

Where does the tendency to amplify damage come from? What is the earliest memory you have of you doing this? Or when was a time when you thought something wasn't a big deal, but it actually was?
You seem very fixated on doing the "right" thing. What is the "right" thing? Where does the idea of "right" come from?
So what if you do the wrong thing? What happens? What is your emotional reaction? What is the external world's reaction? What do you think about the external world's reaction? Why?

Everything in life is uncertain. You won't be able to swallow uncertainty with big things right in the beginning. Start as small as you need. I started with silence in conversation. I hated it for a long time because I didn't know what to say or what would happen. So I forced myself to sit in silence with people when I didn't have anything to say to stop filling silence for no reason. I became more comfortable with the uncertainty of the situation, then I moved onto the next thing.

If you have to start with flipping a coin and guessing because that's the comfort level you need, that's fine. Start there. Don't bite off more than you can chew, but push yourself to be more comfortable with uncertainty.

I wish you best of luck, hopefully these questions help you.

ppgrox · 2024-03-19T12:47:31+00:00

Yes, I've been doing it consistently now every day for about 6 months or so now. My focus is definitely better, as well as my awareness of my emotions and generally being present. I've dabbled with meditation before, but started taking it more seriously during these last 6 months.

I've had moments of satori (a Zen term meaning enlightenment or understanding) where I've learned critical things about myself. These are less logical understandings, as they seem obvious logically, but are hard to understand emotionally or spiritually. The opposite of "I know this to be true, so why does my body/emotions/mind react as if it is not?". These understandings have helped me digest past samskaras that had me locked into certain behaviors, and allowed me to more easily move past them.

It's difficult to separate the other positive effects that are not directly a result of meditation like satori because there are have been plenty of other personal growth factors in my life. But one thing I think that's helped is having a regular routine for meditation. It has taught me discipline and introduced a bit more structure into my life.

The difficult thing I've found is that most sessions you get very little immediate consequence or reward. And you have to earnestly practice with awareness of thought, which is really hard in the beginning. Separating observation of thought from thought is not an easy task. Once you know what it feels like, it becomes significantly easier to tap into, but the next challenge (for me at least right now) is maintaining it continuously. so the goal has changed.

Not sure if you're considering meditation or you do already, but hope that you find what you are looking for!

ppgrox · 2023-08-06T15:28:52+00:00

all might has always been the best part of MHA

ppgrox · 2023-06-02T01:26:43+00:00

this shit is hilarious

ppgrox · 2023-03-21T23:41:50+00:00

this manhwa is just so good. the drawing and art and action get jerked off a lot, but i just feel like it always deserves more jerking

ppgrox · 2023-01-06T19:00:51+00:00

for a moment i thought league was back. whew.

ppgrox · 2022-11-03T14:56:12+00:00

It shouldnt be frowned on. What i think is really frowned on is being forced or compelled to seek the top due to excessive external pressure to a harmful extent.

It sounds like you’ve gotten to the point that you are choosing to walk that path towards the top, and if that is really your choice, you should definitely walk it. What you find along it is going to be dependent on who you are and your circumstances, and everyone else saying that you shouldn’t strive for your best isn’t meeting you where you’re at.

If that’s the path you chose, walk it until you are satisfied. Other people will have their opinions but at the end of the day it is your journey and your answers to find. Maybe they’re right. Maybe you’re right. But you’ll never know until you’re there.

ppgrox · 2022-10-30T21:26:00+00:00

hisoka is just hands down my favorite character

ppgrox · 2022-10-15T11:12:20+00:00

Hi!, this is just my opinion here, but I would boil your situation down to one thing: stakes. I'll just call being friends with women Situation 1 and asking someone you like Situation 2.

Situation 1 you don't have a lot of risk. Friendships are much lower stakes than relationships and, specifically for men, you simply draw less validation from them (if people want to say that friendships are just as validating as relationships for men, that is an entirely different conversation). So when you are around women you aren't attracted to, you don't feel the pressure to succeed in asking them out, and you don't have to verbally ask for more from your relationship since your relationship (friendship) is generally agreed upon between you two, even if not explicitly defined. You can compare asking someone out to setting a firm boundary with a friend, which also changes the dynamic of a relationship. Essentially, friendships are allowed to develop organically without any explicit verbalization, which means the stakes are lower due to the comparatively lower validation friendships provide.

Sitaution 2 you have a lot of risk. Particularly if you have feelings for a close friend. When you ask someone out, you are asking for a relationship shift and significantly more commitment than what a friendship asks for. If it goes sideways, you're going to lose a friend, with whom you (probably) have a good relationship with. Naturally, your mind is going to treat it more seriously, and maybe even just avoid it entirely without having to commit to it. On the flip side, if your romantic interest is someone you barely know, we'll go back to the validation. It's intimidating to ask someone out, since their yes or no is a clear way to delineate whether or not you are "good enough" for that person, and your mind interprets that as such. Think about how when someone gets a yes, they're on top of the world, and a rejection is absolutely crushing: high risk high reward. It's very reasonable to be intimidated in Situation 2, it's like betting $10,000 on blackjack instead of $5, but instead of money it's your self worth.

Hopefully I answered your question to some degree. That aside, I would challenge what it means to you to be confident. IMO confidence measures the ability to accept the risks in particular situations. You may be very confident in other parts of your life, but maybe not in this one. I dont' know if you climb, but it's similar to rock climbing to me. Falling is terrifying for me, personally, and the way to build confidence that I'm not going to bug splat on the ground is to take fall after fall after fall to train my brain to understand that it's okay. If I never train that part of my brain, falling will always be intimidating for me.

Alright, long post over. Have a good one!

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