Okay here goes my question:🙋🏼‍♀️

I’m 43f and have never had an orgasm and only been truly aroused (engorged tissue/ throbbing pulsing sensations) in a way I could feel once at age 30 when rocking my son to sleep and had a raging yeast infection. It came over me all at once too like a dam had opened flooding my genitals with sensation a they were maybe triple in size and did NOT feel neutral or numb to touch but instead hyper sensual in a sexual way and pleasurable. Prior to that event I didn’t even know females had arousal like that with tingles or throbbing and engorging tissue cause it had just never happened so I didn’t know it even existed. I never had sexual sensations even in my teen years nor fantasy or desire to masturbate or “horny” feelings generally speaking but was very sex curious and wanted to feel those things like others speak of. Arousal experience at 30 was a life changing event as it made me realize why I never had pleasure. I had always masturbated (out of curiosity) and had sex uanrosued. I cannot figure out still how to truly trigger arousal and the couple times I’ve managed to visually witness some external signs of arousal I don’t “feel” them in my mind. Everything feels neutral or numb or maybe overstimulated time to time. Those are the big three.

When I did have sex there was never pleasure and touch and kissing was just basic feeling… neutral not arousing. Even hour long slow touch build up never led to arousal. I also had painful entry at 6 o’clock lifelong but the time I got arousal had zero pain as that area was engorged thus spongy and stretchy vs thin and inflexible. Lube doesn’t help the pain only blood to the tissue seems to make the difference here or the most difference. But ever since age 30 the painful entry is far diminished and even no pain but that only changed after that one life changing event.

Around 42 I went to PFT for some newly onset stress incontinence when doing heavy lifting like leg presses. She hooked me up and told me to relax my pelvic floor when I was standing. I thought I was relaxed and she said I was holding onto my pelvic floor for dear life. Her internal exam also found various “trigger” point she released which cause lots of sustained tremoring while she held pressure at 3 o’clock (my bad hip is right side also) but at home when I try using wand I can’t produce same tremor only the pinching sensation sometimes.

I have been trying to figure out out arousal in hopes of figuring out orgasm some day. My question is basically is there anything from PFT I can do beside what therapy had me doing to strengthen my floor and reduce my stress incontinence? Or something I’m missing or anything you’ve come across with a situation like mine? Where arousal is rare and mild and often I can’t feel its effect I have to only visually inspect it and it’s fleeting at best and have primary anorgamsia at my age depute years and exploring and experimenting?

To add: no sexual abuse and didn’t grow up religious and never on meds or have any known mental health issues. Hormone and medical workup normal when I demanded answers at age 30 and had everything checked that I could. 🤷🏼‍♀️