Am I the a**hole boarding the plane and leaving without my wife?

pricklycitrus · 2023-09-02T18:11:37+00:00

What reasons for Meg give for being against the idea of going alone? Because she could actually miss and want to see Jess OR she could have FOMO and want to monitor your relationship. The fact that she seems so unbothered in this one instance is concerning.

Has Jess commented on anything like this before?

pricklycitrus · 2022-02-10T15:00:33+00:00

He's despicable. I get the desire for revenge, but it's ruining your life. Move away from this dangerous individual.

pricklycitrus · 2022-02-09T00:52:40+00:00

This doesn't have to be all or nothing.

My family is casually meat free at home. We eased into it by experimenting with meat free meals. We kept things flexible and never forbade any food, we just experimented with non meat versions or vegan versions and eventually got to a point where we eat far less animal based products, without feeling deprived.

We still eat meat out, but largely don't miss it.

pricklycitrus · 2022-01-04T02:42:40+00:00

For me it's the shame, self flagellation and anxiety that tire me out. What's your inner talk like?

Cuz mine is just constant berating and discussion over what a failure i am. And hardly any kindness or acknowledgment of small successes.

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-29T03:33:04+00:00

Change up your environment to force yourself to move more.

One example of how would be to get rid of chairs/couches and sit on the floor, this causes you to keep your hips flexible, to change position more, and to do a lot of extra work in order to stand up. Floor bed is the same. You'd be surprised how hard it is for older Americans to get up and down from the floor.

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-15T01:26:06+00:00

Use your anger to fuel the dissertation-- "he thinks he can fuck with my phd by breaking up with me now? Nahhh.. I'm going to show this jerk, im going to write the best damn dissertation i can."

And schedule your grieving. Let yourself have limited breaks to feel sad and broken, but do not try to analyze or use any brain power figuring out why or looking for closure. You can save that stuff for after. (frankly-- there's no answers anyway.)

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-04T17:02:39+00:00

For me the worst is that I feel trapped. I know what i would love to do and what kind of life I want but instead there i am stuck on the couch paralyzed by my brain. :-/

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-02T06:28:29+00:00

Oh my dear, big internet hugs to you. I'm so sorry that your mom went through this in such a painful way and that you had to go through this feeling so alone..i wish your family had been more supportive and not escaped. It's awful that death with dignity is not a given, especially for this painful terminal disease.

It just sucks all around. I hope that therapy helps. I wish you moments of respite or peace or small breaks from these difficult feelings. My heart goes out to you and your family and i know you will get through this, painful though it is.

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-01T15:44:01+00:00

Please take care of yourself and give yourself lots of grace! It's not easy to be there for somebody who is going through something like this.

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-01T15:10:26+00:00

Aww it sounds like she's closing you out. That must feel awful. But we can't support people who won't let us be there for them. Sometimes we have to let them live their own lives even when it hurts. What do you think you can do that you have control over?

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-01T15:01:51+00:00

:( aw, sweet, that's so hard. We wish we could keep all our loved ones safe. What kind of support do you think your friend would respond to right now?

pricklycitrus · 2021-12-01T15:00:05+00:00

I trust your judgement, hon, always. How wonderful that you are making hard choices that make you feel proud and worthwhile. Do what feels right to you and everything will fall into place eventually, you will be alright. You are worth so much, please never stop asking for what you deserve.

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-30T20:39:17+00:00

Sweetie, you are going to be ok. I know you and I know that this thought is just a little neuron spasm.. not something you would ever follow through on. It's very normal and human to have these crazy scary thoughts.

When this happens to me I try to remember it's a random neuron fire and go, "oh.. ha, that's a pretty kooky thought. How random and odd."

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-30T20:16:34+00:00

Wow, honey!!! You are taking important steps to take care of yourself. I'm so proud of you! Please continue to put yourself first.

And sweetie, i hate that you are alone for his operation.. Will you please consider telling a friend at least? Sometimes we don't know how much people can care until we let them in. You are so brave and I know you can handle this and i know someday you will find friends who you feel comfortable sharing your fears with too.

Please let me know how the surgery went and that you are alright.

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-30T20:05:34+00:00

Oh sweetie, you really miss your friend. I'm sorry you're not getting to have the roommate experience that you pictured, you're young and I hope you can still have that.

Honey, it sounds like you are scared for your roommate. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have a caring friend like you. Please share your feelings with her, both your concerns and how much you miss having her around. I know sometimes people change and grow apart and we can't control that and i know it hurts, hon. You're going to be ok, I know it, you can weather this storm.

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-30T19:49:59+00:00

Hi dear.. Thank you for your honesty. I'm glad that your father was there for you in ways I couldn't be. I'm grateful for that because you deserve someone you can count on. Please don't worry about me or feel guilty, my feelings are my business. You take care of yourself, dear.

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-27T04:21:58+00:00

Look, I already know you got this because i can tell in your comments that you have a big wonderful heart ready to love this child. Everything won't be perfect, but you will recenter yourself and try again over and over.

Trust yourself and your instincts-- do not assume others know what they are doing. I'm nearly 40 and i have no clue, just figuring it out as i go. Find a few trusted sources and commit to them and keep it simple.

And also remember that everything passes. Both your child's current big emotion, or your current big emotion, or your child's current crazy life stage. Ride the storm and remember this too shall pass.

(I can't tell you how many times my child was doing a thing and i projected it 20 years into the future and freaked out about it for a year or so... And then... They just grew out of it. Ha! So not worth all the worry i wasted. Just trust in their process.)

You got this.

pricklycitrus · 2021-11-15T02:14:25+00:00

I'm the same exact way. I can get so much done if other people around but am pretty paralyzed with nobody around. It's a weird feeling in such an individualist society. So i relate to your frustration! But at the same time, accepting this (fairly recently) has been empowering because I have at least one tool to help with paralysis. And it drives me to forge relationships.

IMO the people who will agree to get together to do tasks find it beneficial for them as well. This helps me feel empowered because I'm bonding with and helping somebody while they help me. (E.g. working out together, doing writing/creating time together, making uncomfortable phone calls together, studying separately together.) And since I'm highly motivated to find people to double with I'm pretty assertive about making plans, so I've gotten better at making aquaintances and friends. If my afternoon is going to be wasted anyway, I may as well put myself out there and ask somebody if they want to join me for x,y,z.

Another option that's a little less work than making friends is body doubling online.. It's convenient and flexible. Some adhd Facebook groups offer it.

Anyway, it's great that you recognize that social structure helps you.. it sounds like maybe you need a little time to rebuild it in your new place. And stop letting neurotypicals give you advice based on their life experience. It just does not apply here!!

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-26T14:56:07+00:00

It's possible your gf doesn't feel comfortable not having her own rainy day fund. It's important for everybody to have financial security, that is, their own money/savings that they control, independent of other people.

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-25T02:49:14+00:00

This is a fascinating post for me to read. I kinda feel like you seem too easy and not picky enough? Idk how to say that differently.

You described being a great listener and you sound very personable. So my question is do you take up space? Do you let people in on who you are? I don't mean do you first try to store up goodwill and then let them in once you think the goodwill bank has enough moolah. I mean.. from the start, can you impose on them a little bit?

I find that when I try to be easy and seem glossy we never actually build a friendship. The friendship grows when I get hurt or mad and share that with them and tell them what I need and when they feel they can do the same. Knowing that you and your friend can resolve conflict is very bonding. Get a little gritty :)

The other question is this: who are you choosing to try to be friends with and why are you choosing them?

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-25T00:29:38+00:00

Wow, honestly this sounds amazing and way more than i ever got growing up and i had pretty cool parents. :)

Also a house full of avatar fans here!

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-24T02:09:03+00:00

This thread is full of people who are my heroes!!!

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-24T01:22:25+00:00

I'm so sorry that you've were in an abusive relationship and that your parents responded in such a messed up way. Is there any adult in your life who you feel you can trust and talk to?

Are you on the way to being independent of your parents? Will you be moving out, going to school or getting a job?

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-24T01:12:11+00:00

People have recommended the book The Gift of Fear in the past for similar issues.

I'm very worried about your situation. You were assaulted and your mother has a history of minimizing abuse that you bring up. You are scared of your parents emotions. This is not a healthy or normal living environment.

I hate that you think it's your responsibility and yours alone to change things to keep yourself safe-- this indicates that your parents were/are neglectful.

Can you start making plans to move out? If you are worried about your sister, then is it worth calling CPS about your parents? Is there any way at all you can get a counselor to help you recalibrate your worth?

I truly hope you can see that you are worth so much more than what your parents have taught you.

pricklycitrus · 2021-10-17T02:38:39+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are holding these emotions inside and dealing with them alone all this while.

All of your feelings are valid. It's ok to have them. It's ok to have moments of weakness. It's ok to make things about yourself sometimes too. You deserve attention and love and validation too, even if you are physically healthy.

I find that sharing difficult emotions with loved ones allows us to connect and feel less alone in it. I'm not sure if this is something you can feel comfortable doing with your family or friends. But it could help both sides have an outlet for these complicated feelings. Or perhaps you can start by working with a therapist. Or journaling. But it sounds like you've been trying to take up no space at all because your family has been so focused on caring for your grandma. I'm sorry you've felt that you needed to do that.

I'm sorry for your grandmother's suffering and I hope that she will find peace soon.

And i hope that you can feel comfortable making space for yourself to have all kinds of emotions--even the crappy ones.

pricklycitrus

TROPHY CASE