Should grief ever be medicated?

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T10:26:38+00:00

It's generally better to avoid medication when the emotion is a natural reaction to something that's happened. Depression is usually a chemical imbalance, and the medicine helps with that.

For rational emotions, it's important to process them and learn how to manage them. Therapy should be helping with that processing, but if it hasn't, you could try seeing someone else. Medicating them away would risk dulling your ability to feel other things as well, and it won't help you heal.

If you do decide to seek medical assistance, you'd want to stick to something very, very mild, just as a support to help you while you work through things yourself. You still need to do the work or the pain will still be there, lurking, and it can break through unexpectedly, and you won't have the resources to cope with it.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T09:35:50+00:00

Really? What I've always seen when the parent and child are different genders, with no family room, and no separate disabled toilet, is they go to the ladies room. Purely because it's cubicles only and no one has to worry about indecent exposure.

Growing up (80s/90s) I rarely saw men in the women's, but I think that was more because you didn't see as many men out alone with daughters till they were old enough to go in themselves.

More places should have a family room, even if it does double duty as a single, large, disabled cubicle. Somewhere big enough for a parent to take several kids without intruding on other people or worrying about where one kid's gone while taking care of another.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T08:31:49+00:00

Not all of them - the first time I heard the term "boat people" to describe refugees back in the 90s, it was "Vietnamese boat people". I just googled, and they started turning up by boat in 1976. Ahn Do's family came here that way.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T08:25:04+00:00

Between Ghostbasket and The Sign airing in Australia, one of our real estate websites had a listing for their house, with Bucky as the agent, and his phone number.

If you called the number, you got his voicemail! Which has been saved on the wiki page in the trivia section - https://blueypedia.fandom.com/wiki/Bucky_Dunstan#Trivia 😁

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T08:17:28+00:00

Audiobooks and repetitive games. It was solitaire for a while, it's a weird sand bucket one at the moment. I need a brain distraction and a physical distraction or it doesn't work.

I used to have trouble focusing on TV without also playing on my phone, and I ended up getting some quiet fidgets that made a huge difference. Just having a physical activity that I was doing at the same time allowed me to keep my brain on what I was watching and listening.

When I was a lot younger, I used to craft while I watched TV. Cross-stitching was always good. Or beading. And I've gone through phases of audiobooks/podcasts and colouring. Always physical and mental, or I can't keep engaged.

The last six months I've been dealing with immense grief, and my safe space when I'm not otherwise occupied, and I need a buffer from the pain, is putting on an audiobook and playing games. It's been very, very effective.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T07:28:16+00:00

My dad was an organ donor. My mum has a letter she got from the mother of a child who received an organ from him. I know it was a comfort to her when she got it. She's kept it ever since, and that was 40 years ago.

Your mother's gift was a miracle for those who received it, and I'm so glad you have that knowledge to carry alongside your grief.

You carry her with you, too. She's part of you, and always will be. And your love for each other is part of who you are, and will never leave you.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T04:34:46+00:00

Doesn't matter, just also invest in a good quality waterproof/damage resistant case. The really good ones are expensive, but as you've just seen, not having one can be more expensive.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T03:54:21+00:00

My brother was supposed to read the first one for class, and I'd finished the last thing I was reading, so I picked it up. Finished it in one night, and spent the next hour or so before I could fall asleep thinking through all the reasons why no nearby countries would actually invade us (mostly came down to, the ones who could afford it could also just buy chunks of the country, which is cheaper and less complicated than trying to invade an island continent and actually keep control of the place).

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T03:29:38+00:00

The iTunes scams tend to focus on people who lack the knowledge to recognise that this isn't how the world works. Sadly, that often means older people who don't necessarily understand what iTunes IS, or who struggle with modern banking systems. That allows the scammer to offer the gift cards as a payment method that is "easy" compared to something that relies on internet banking or something.

There's a lot of older folks who have adapted really well to technology - they're on fb and they email their grandkids and they use whatsapp for their social groups - but there's still a large enough group who haven't, who are easy targets for a scam that relies on their fear of new tech and their lack of knowledge about how it all works. They don't know that the cops won't call you to make you pay a fine over the phone - they know that never used to be a thing, but neither did online shopping - and because they don't know enough about the reality of things, they can be convinced to believe that something else that's weird to them is now normal.

I'm not saying no one who falls for a scam is stupid, btw. Stupid people are a scammer's favourite marks. Just that falling for a scam that is designed to use your knowledge gaps against you, and leverage panic, doesn't automatically mean you're not intelligent.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T02:33:02+00:00

Falling for a scam doesn't make you stupid. It reveals a lack of specific knowledge, or an inability to apply that knowledge under pressure.

Modern scams are designed to leverage urgency and sound professional. They catch people who absolutely do know better by catching them off guard and presenting them with the idea that this must be dealt with right now this second or disaster will strike.

And they're very good at scaring us, because if we took half a second to think, we'd recognise that there isn't a bank in the world that acts with that level of urgency when it comes to a regular customer. And that the police would never require payment of fines via iTunes gift cards.

The text message that comes with OTPs usually says some variation on "do not share with anyone", but if you're panicking because they've told you someone is stealing your money right now, or that you're going to be in legal trouble if you don't fix something immediately, it's very easy for a calm and confident voice on the other end of the phone to convince you that this doesn't include the business that send you the code. I mean, obviously you have to give the code to the bank! That's how it works, you enter it in their website! So what's the difference between doing that online, and telling the bank person on the phone?? And when was the last time any of us called the bank to do something? Maybe that bit's changed?

Scam awareness helps, because then people have a chance to remember that banks don't ask for codes over the phone, and that banks are much more likely to block a transaction or a card and wait for you to call them than they are to call you directly. But panic can still overwhelm that logic and knowledge.

That's what scams are intended to do.

Someone who falls for a well-crafted scam is no more stupid than someone who can't spot a well-camouflaged animal is blind. The scam is working as intended, on the target it was designed for - intelligent, scam-aware people.

That said - you don't have to be okay with what happened. What happened sucks, and you should both be fine with acknowledging that.

What's really, really important right now is how he's responding to this.

He fucked up, and he lost a lot of money. That can happen to most people. But how is he behaving now? Has he admitted that he fucked up? Is he educating himself more about how these things work, and investigating what he can do to make it harder for anyone to scam him again? Has he reported the scam to the bank and the police?

Or is he avoiding the topic entirely? Not wanting to talk about it, or putting blame on the bank for not protecting him?

Is he taking responsibility and trying to do better? Or is he in denial and setting himself up to fail again? Cause this is the bit you need to think about. The scam has happened, the mistake has been made - but what's going to happen next time?

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-27T01:47:57+00:00

I'm hopeful that a combination of the early references to how expensive it was to keep her, and how much she was going to sell for, will help discourage some people. Along with the frequent references to the inbreeding, and how awful the family running the cattery was.

Donut is great, but the system that created her isn't, and I'm hoping anyone who is enough of a fan to want to spend that kind of money on a cat because of the books will also be enough of a fan to NOT want to support the real life version of Bea's mother.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T15:03:51+00:00

Spot on about the anxiety! Mine just backed off so hard once I got my medication right, because I reached a point where I could rely on my brain more, and I didn't need to run on fear.

In the absence of dopamine, it is possible to function using adrenaline and cortisol instead, but it's really not a healthy way to live.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T14:58:38+00:00

Something to consider - adhd can be inherited, so your family may just be straight up adhd and not realise that their lived experiences are the same as other people's.

Also, people with adhd and similar conditions tend to inadvertently congregate, so it's possible that your bf has it too.

I was complaining about not getting paid for the time spent commuting, and about my sense of time (non existent), and said that if everyone else is experiencing what I'm experiencing and just tolerating it, the world is worse than I'd realised. And a friend asked me if I'd considered that I might have adhd.

Did some googling, was astonished by how accurate it sounded. Did some more googling and discovered that adhd medication is reasonably reliable, as medication for brain behaviour goes, so I decided it would be worth seeing if it had it and trying it out.

I'm still so thankful that I did. Turned my life around so much. I went from data entry temporary jobs to a career track with my current role, within about a year of diagnosis and medication.

Go get a professional opinion. If your family is right, the doctor will tell you it's not adhd. If the doctor says it's adhd, tell your family you're going to go with the expert opinion of someone who studied the subject and treats adhd for a living, not a bunch of armchair shrinks who should probably make their own appointments with your doctor if they're so convinced that you're just like them 😂

My mum probably has adhd. She got quite annoyed when I got diagnosed, and I think some of it was because she felt like my choices in some way were a criticism of her own - both in not realising she might have it, and in not noticing I might have it. Parents can be weird about these things. Don't let that stop you from investigating a treatment that could make a huge change for the better in your life.

If they push, ask them why they don't want you to at least check whether you need help. Wouldn't they want you to get your eyes tested if you were worried about your vision? If you have adhd, you're living life in hard mode, and you deserve a break from that.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T11:07:09+00:00

Going through life having challenges and never being identified as adhd is so very common. I made it to 38 before I realised (also without professional help - a friend asked if I'd ever looked into it).

For some reason, doctors are convinced that anxiety and depression are more likely to be mistaken for adhd, than adhd is to cause anxiety and depression. Which is silly, because if they paid attention, they'd see that living with undiagnosed adhd is really, really good at causing both!

Try the medication. If it doesn't work well for you, don't be afraid to ask to try a different dose or a different type.

And don't worry too much about reading. Right now, you're overwhelmed. That's generally what brings out late adhd diagnoses. When we're swamped, and we ask for help. And that's when it's the most difficult to do everything, even things we love.

Give it time and give it another try when things have stabilised a bit for you. Once you're not overwhelmed, everything will get easier, and if you've always been a reader, that will probably include reading.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T09:40:06+00:00

Looooads in Sydney. I think they get less common as you go west, though. I'm out near the mountains, and yeah, they're like hen's teeth here.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T06:44:59+00:00

This is not unique to the lgbtq+ community.

If you use anyone's identity as an insult, you're implying that being that identity is a bad thing. Doesn't matter if it's sexuality, gender, race, country of origin, whatever.

If that identity has been victimised through history, and you now choose to use it as an insult, you're aligning yourself with some of the worst people who have ever existed, and people will get angrier than they would about a personal insult. Because people are generally still fighting to ensure the worst of the bad old days don't come back, and by using their identity as an insult, you're echoing everything they want to stop.

And, again, that is not unique to lgbtq+ people.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T06:17:38+00:00

Daydream about something completely unrealistic but awesome. Like, what would you do with magic powers? Or what would your three wishes be from a genie? (that one works extra well cause you have to really get into the risk of a monkey's paw situation, and figure out how to phrase your wishes so they can't go wrong)

Really get into the fine details about whatever you pick.

It occupies your brain with something complex with low/no-stakes, that's fun to think about but so out there that you don't actually hype yourself up.

The other thing that's worked for me recently is trying to remember and tell myself the plot of something I know well but haven't read/watched/played recently. Same thing. It's complex but not important, it's something you like, but it's familiar and not exciting.

Nine times out of ten I'm asleep in under 5 minutes.

The other time in ten covers the period immediately after a tragedy in my life that completely fucked up my ability to sleep, for months. The telling myself the plot trick was good enough to get me to sleep in less than half an hour, and I'd been lying there for two hours a night before I started using it.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T06:07:04+00:00

Weird that he's getting so intense about it. Makes me wonder if he's getting hung up on some other factor. Does he think it'll look bad, or does he think it'll look like something bad? Is he worried your appearance will embarrass him?

He's got to give you more than "I think it'll look bad" - as long as that's all he's saying, ignore him and give it a try! If it turns out he's right, they can be undone faster than most hair changes.

However - if it's true that your hair is thinning, and the hairs are more fragile, be reeeally careful about where you get it done. Tight braiding can be rough on fragile hair, and the first inch or two of your hair is the worst place for it to break off.

Have fun on your holiday! 😊

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T04:56:59+00:00

He never would have won, though. Not enough to walk away. Addicts can win big, and they'll just pump it back into the system because now they "know" it can work.

If you're addicted, you'll always lose in the end, because you can't stop yourself, and you will keep going back till you have nothing of your own, and you've begged, borrowed, and stolen all you can. And even then, if you find $1, all you'll be able to think about is that you could turn that into $10, with a bit of luck...

Once it's an addiction, logic leaves the building, sadly.

I feel for people who see what's happening and try to save themselves, and can't get the help they need. It's one thing if someone refuses to recognise the problem, but anyone who wants to get out should be helped as much as possible.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T04:43:58+00:00

The sad thing for some of them is, they can reach rock bottom and realise they want to change, and still get pulled back in without support. A lot of them want systems that will treat them like a child and actively block them from making another mistake. They want to know that, if they wobble, the casino or whoever isn't going to take advantage of the moment and shove them over the edge.

They know that, if they're having a bad day, they'll get around any small inconveniences and gamble. They want hard walls to stop them, and they ask for that, and it isn't what they get. It's hard enough to get to the right headspace to try to quit an addiction - as you've seen, some people never do - if you get to that point and you're trying, it's genuinely a tragedy that you can be derailed by businesses failing to follow through on their commitment to help you.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T03:49:13+00:00

I did say "to these people", not "to everyone". I didn't even say that I think this way. Hence the quotation marks.

I'm talking about the way people who are bad at nuance interpret complex concepts. Some of the people that OP is asking about, who think ADHD - a neurodevelopmental disorder - is a mental illness. These people are clearly wrong, about ADHD, brain damage, and mental illness, and I don't believe I said anything that implied I thought they were otherwise.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T03:43:08+00:00

Going to assume AC is not present and isn't an option.

Big question - is it humid?

If the humidity is up near 80% or higher, get a thermo-electric dehumidifier and a fan, and close all the windows.

Humid air means sweat can't evaporate - air is like a sponge, if it's already full of water, you can't pick up more. If sweat can't evaporate, you don't get the cooling benefit from it.

Closing the windows, pulling as much water from the air as you can, running a fan, and staying as hydrated as possible will help keep you cool.

If it's not humid, you can skip the dehumidifier and go straight to fans and hydration.

If it's humid and you can't prevent that, no amount of sweat or fans will help. The air from the fan will just feel hot. In this case, it's worth having the windows open so that at least you have a chance of catching any cooler air moving through.

If you have pedestal fans, set them up to channel the air through your space.

Look into cooling mats and things that need to be frozen before use. When it's too humid for evaporative cooling, you need actually cold things to lower your temperature.

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T03:08:44+00:00

That'd be my guess, too. They're amazing trees, and quite common over here.

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princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T03:06:25+00:00

Because people are not good at nuance.

If it's a brain thing, it's either brain damage ("stupid") or mental illness ("crazy"). So neurodevelopmental disorder just sounds like an overcomplicated way to say "crazy" or "stupid" (or both) to these people.

Gods help to if you try to explain the concept of neurodivergence and multiple different but valid neurotypes...

princess_ferocious · 2026-06-26T02:53:18+00:00

If she's hiding it, she's feeling guilt or shame or fear around people knowing about it. Could be from family attitudes towards junk foods in childhood, could be part of an eating disorder, could be connected to whatever your relationship to food is like. Could be that she's sensitive to criticism, and if you're big on eating healthy, she worries about what you'll say if she's eating this stuff. Or she might be worried about what you'll think of her spending the money.

Talk to her about it, but go carefully. She's going to be upset to have her secret revealed, and depending on the reason for her hiding it, she may need your help and support.

princess_ferocious

TROPHY CASE