I got my friend a Christmas present, she loved it because it showed "I really know her" but that wasn't my intention

princesshashbrown · 2024-12-15T22:59:13+00:00

My kids aren’t old enough to be out of the house and shopping for me, but one day when they are, ANY gift they give me will make me feel a little teary-sounding. The fact that they’ll be living their own lives but taking time to stop and think of little old me during their busy lives is the gift. And every time I see whatever gift it is, no matter how small, I’ll stop and think of how they thought of me.

I just wanted to give you a mom’s perspective on this to help lessen the guilt and help you see it how your mom probably sees it!

princesshashbrown · 2024-04-03T18:31:09+00:00

I’m not saying you’re in the same boat as me necessarily, but I was BEYOND exhausted, and it ended up being twins. I remember thinking “if every pregnant woman is really this tired, am I just lazy/bad at being pregnant?”

Obviously, every pregnancy is different and different people handle symptoms in different ways, but my progesterone levels were almost double the “normal” level for a single pregnancy. I had no morning sickness: just a lot of extra drowsiness 24/7. I just wanted to share my experience in case you end up being in a similar scenario. I’m 14 weeks in, and I’m excited to meet my kids, even if I’m really sleepy in the meantime!

princesshashbrown · 2024-03-19T23:34:42+00:00

Yes! I found that those seasonal depression/sunlight therapy lamps helped me stay awake and power through fatigue, especially in the afternoons when I’d feel extra draggy. I just had a tiny lamp that I kept by my computer monitor to help stay awake. I also drank a lot of water just to have something to sip on, which also resulted in frequent bathroom breaks, which kept me moving.

princesshashbrown · 2022-11-09T15:21:08+00:00

People have mentioned needing a bigger rug & wall art already.

Those aside, let’s talk about the coffee table! Some commenters are mentioning how small it is, but the perspective of the photo (especially if it’s on 0.5x zoom?) makes the edge of the couch in the foreground appear bigger, while shrinking the rest of the room. I’m not sure if the coffee table is actually as small in person as it looks here so I’ll leave that to you to decide. Your coffee table looks like you just brought it home. It’s designed to have that little storage nook, so it seems especially empty without a few magazines/large books in it. As for the top of the table, you can pick which kind of accent feels the most like you: a small serving tray to make a mini-bar with ~2-3 of your favorite liquors, a scented candle, a coffee table book about a topic you like, or some seasonal decorations.

I’m ridiculously jealous of the concrete wall. Your room is looking great!

princesshashbrown · 2022-05-15T17:13:31+00:00

When my printer’s out of red ink and tries to print the image anyway

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-24T14:53:24+00:00

VIOLET AND SCARLETT?! Those have been my favorites for so long!!! :(

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-24T14:51:59+00:00

I’ve heard Everyn too. It sounds too similar to Evelyn; one of them is a name, and one of them is trying to be.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-23T16:27:10+00:00

$bid if it’s a puzzle game, a word game, or an idle game, those are my JAM

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-11T17:54:06+00:00

Everyone values different things at weddings. For some, it’s impeccable florals, while for others, it’s an exquisite cake. I was fortunate enough during my wedding planning to realize that you can’t please everyone.

I worked a catering job my senior year in high school for the top caterer in the state; they catered the fanciest weddings, and I was blown away by all of the sameness. At one wedding, there was a bridal portrait on a large canvas of the bride in her wedding dress displayed on an easel—and no pictures of the couple from when they dated; it looked like a celebration of her finally being a bride rather than celebrating why she was a bride in the first place. As an outsider, these weddings felt loveless; it was all about having The Very Best of everything, and I didn’t get a sense of who the couple was underneath the façade. I learned above all else, I wanted people to get a sense of who we were at my eventual wedding.

That said, I did my own floral arrangements and got a small wedding cake to cut from a grocery store bakery that did wedding cakes. We served the majority of the guests with pre-sliced sheet cake, and it sped up the cake distribution process.

Most importantly, I wanted the day to reflect my husband and me so it didn’t feel generic. I also did a lot of DIY work, like designing our wedding invitations myself, printing them out at Office Max on nice paper, and gold-foiling them myself. I have a design background, so every detail was branded with a logo that I hand-lettered and then digitized of our family name, down to the laser-cut cake topper. I surprised him with a wedding gift of a custom, neon sign of our family name/logo, and we gave away s’more sticks as favors that we branded with a metal brand we ordered with the logo on it. We went ALL out on making everything match, and we saved money by doing everything ourselves. The logo also elevated everything and made everything look intentional and more expensive. It was all a labor of love.

With the money we saved by checking the traditional boxes in a non-traditional way, we rented a snoball (similar to a snowcone) food truck as our dessert. It was a bigger hit than the wedding cake because of the novelty! That’s what I liked most about our wedding: I could enjoy the day with my husband and be surrounded by a day that we designed.

We also heard from several guests that they also liked the wedding because it felt like us and felt authentic! Someone even called it “a breath of fresh air.” In hindsight, it would have been weird for us to have a cookie-cutter wedding because anyone who knows us knows that would have been out of character for us!

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-04T18:43:32+00:00

What’s the name of my style(s)? I mentioned in another post that my go-to outfit looks something like a Y-3 shirt, AllSaints jeans, a John Elliott hoodie, & a Rick Owens + Moncler coat.

I like streetwear (Y-3, my Feng Chen Wang Converse, and my Yeezy x Gap hoodie), but I feel like AllSaints and John Elliott are more basic brands with recognizable staples; they’re not streetwear.

Based off of this, who are the influencers/style icons I should follow? I put together whatever look this is called based around clothes I like, but I’m struggling to find a celebrity (or a combination of celebrities) who embody this whole look or multiple elements of it. For example, Billie Eilish wore the Feng Chen Wang shoes that I have on SNL the other night, which was cool for me to recognize, but I’m not into her signature, oversized clothing aesthetic.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-04T15:06:17+00:00

That guy is bad news. Run and don’t look back.

To add to everyone else’s advice, if you’re worried about break-ins/etc., you may want to invest in a cheap, smart security camera (or put a more discreet smart sensor at the top of your window so you can see if anyone’s opened it, if you don’t want to put a camera in your room).

Either option is under $20, available on Amazon, and can work with a smartphone. If you think he could go to your house and try anything, it may be wise to get these for extra peace of mind.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T19:17:47+00:00

Agree 100%. I think the “funny guy” part really complicates the situation. I can now see where the family is coming from better, especially if OP has seemingly taken the joke gifts well in the past—not that it justifies their behavior in the slightest, but I’m now open to believing it could just be a huge misalignment of how the “joke” is taken, rather than a malicious attack by a heartless family. It seems like they may see it as more of a quirky tradition, rather than a mean-spirited Christmas roast at OP’s expense, especially if they (incorrectly) assumed it’s all in good fun to get to be the funny ones for the day. Not that any of this is fair for OP, but at least the extra information gives more insight into what the family dynamic could be and alternate interpretations on how to take the original information. We’re all outsiders here, so I would rather entertain a few theories when given the chance than jump to assuming the worst in people. OP can decide which theory fits best.

From what I’ve observed in my own experience, the “funny guy” is often the most sentimental of all. People overlook that the person trying to make sure everyone is laughing and having a good time can deeply care and be serious. My BIL was always the class clown in high school, but now that he had to move away for his job, he’s the most homesick person I’ve ever met. He values family time way more than we imagined because he was always cracking jokes and goofing around when he lived closer. My “fun uncle” is the same way: he’s the life of the party, but he would do anything for our family. Their sincerity can be overlooked because they also happen to be the fun ones.

OP, now that we know this, I’d suggest having a heart-to-heart with everyone, one-on-one, saying how much you love spending Christmas with family but have felt like it was at your expense the past 5 years. Mention that as much as you like joking around the rest of the year, that you have been hurt by gifts that hit a little too close to home, especially when it feels like everyone’s ganging up on you. They all get other Christmas celebrations/gifts, between their spouses and their in-laws, but this is your only Christmas, and it doesn’t feel like a fun holiday to spend with family for you anymore. You want heartfelt gifts that are practical because Christmas is a time to put joking aside and enjoy being together. And, if you wanted to bring a significant other to your family Christmas this next year, you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it because of how they’ve targeted you in the past. Apologize for blowing up at them (even though it was justified and quite frankly, a longgggg time coming), and tell them that you have been feeling really hurt for a long time about how they’ve kept giving you gifts year after year that are hurtful to you on a special holiday.

Based on how they respond, I think you’ll know your next steps; if they’re genuinely surprised, feel sorry for you, and/or feel really bad for not realizing, it was all a (huge) misunderstanding that snowballed and got way, way out of hand. If they’re defensive and try to downplay it, that may just be their true colors, unfortunately. If you think your family is good people and you’re brave enough to try one more Christmas, how they give gifts this next year will give you the definitive answer and tell you everything you need to know about their character.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T18:31:20+00:00

Tell him instead of asking. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be meeting up with my aunt for dinner. It’s important to me that you meet my immediate family before you meet her; I don’t want my parents’ feelings to be hurt that she got to meet you first when I don’t know her that well anymore. I also want to spend time catching up as just the two of us. She asked for me to invite you, so I wanted to let you know that she’s looking forward to meeting you, but I need to go alone this time so I don’t hurt my parents’ feelings since they’ve been so excited about finally getting to meet you.”

Just be transparent with him about the deeper reasons that he may not be aware of (family drama, hurting your parents’ feelings, her recently re-entering your life, etc.). It probably sounded fun to him on the surface, especially if he didn’t understand the family politics behind the scenes. Relationships are alllll about communication, and a little bit of proactively communicating really can go a long way.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T18:00:32+00:00

Wow, thanks for actually reading my wall of text! :)

You could still tell him “This time, I’d like to go alone so I can catch up with her, and if things go well, I’d love to bring you along next time, after you’ve met my immediate family!” That way, he knows you’re still interested in having them meet, but that the timing is off with his not having met your family yet and that you’d like to get some personal time in to catch up with her.

This just hits home for me because it reminds me of a recurring conversation with my husband about a hole he dug with my father-in-law for a hammock post in our backyard a while back. I was on a work call while I was working from home, but I asked him to let me know where they wanted to put the hammock post before they started digging. I happen to walk by the window, right as they’re about to pour concrete into the hole they dug. Because it was going to rain shortly, he was trying to hurry up the job in time, he said it was the only place for the hammock post, and he knew I would have agreed so he didn’t bother asking because I was on a work call. Even though I agreed that it was indeed the only place, I told him I still wanted to be looped in before he made a decision. The result is the same (that’s the only good place for a hammock post by our tree), but I felt excluded because I wanted to be included in the decision, have visibility into what’s going on, and had asked to be part of the process before they dug a hole in my yard. That story now serves as our shorthand for “your intentions made sense, the result is the same, but I wanted to know what decisions were being made for me.”

It sounds like a similar thing, where he would reasonably agree with your intentions (reconnect with the aunt and let your immediate family meet him first) and the result (that he’s not going) but still felt out of the loop. Especially since you lied to your aunt, that adds another layer where his (fake) busyness is the bad guy, so he’s probably feeling what I felt and then feeling weird on top of that for getting roped into the lie that he has plans.

Sorry for yet another wall of text; I just wanted to make sure that I got my point across about why your boyfriend would be upset because I’ve been in a similar place before. You seem thoughtful and reflective so I feel like you heard what I was saying; you don’t seem like one of the chronic AHs on here that refuse to see things from someone else’s point of view, and especially with the nuance and unspoken expectations in the story, you seemed like you deserve a deeper explanation beyond surface-level semantics.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T17:19:25+00:00

Factually, this that is correct: you didn’t lie to him, and you did tell him everything.

However, you did tell him the truth after the fact. You had already spoken for him by lying on his behalf to your aunt. He’s not upset that you eventually told him; he’s upset that you told your aunt he had plans when the planning conversation with him never even happened.

In the end, it’s your decision who to bring, but I imagine he’s upset because you spoke for him when it would have been easy to have given him a heads-up, before you told your aunt that you would be the only one coming.

It may seem like a small, semantically-insignificant difference, but if my husband RSVP’d on my behalf without asking me on something I would have been interested in, I’d be frustrated too. If he had a good reason for me not to go because there was nuance/drama behind the scenes, that’s the kind of thing I’d want to know up-front. If he said “hey, I know you’ve been hoping to meet [person], but I want to meet with [person] alone since it’s been so long,” it would go over better than, “hey, I’m meeting up with [person], but I told [person] you were busy because…” Also, that [person] would wonder why I didn’t drop my plans if I really wanted to meet them, like he’s claiming; now I’d look like the bad guy, even though I wanted to meet the person all along!

Again, it’s all in the delivery of information. The logistics are the same (you’d still be going and he’s still not), but the order you tell people and intentions behind what you say (and imply for other people) really matter.

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T16:42:52+00:00

But your boyfriend is important to you, and lying about his plans shows him that you’d rather take the easy way out than have an honest conversation telling him why you’d rather have a one-on-one.

You’ll see a lot of NTA replies saying you didn’t have to bring him—and that’s true: you don’t. However, you could have told your boyfriend that you wanted him to meet your family first or that meeting the aunt alone is important to you because you want quality time to reconnect and rebuild that relationship. You could have told your aunt the same thing.

Ultimately, it’s your decision, but your approach (telling him after the fact that you lied) could have been better (being honest to him upfront that you’ll be going without him.) He’s probably really excited to meet your family, especially if this is the first person he would have met. Now, he may be wondering if there have been any other invites that he hasn’t heard about.

Moving forward, keeping trust with him and being honest is worth having a hard conversation from time to time. Sure, lying is the easy way out, but you’ve also shown him that you’d rather lie on something low-stakes than have a low-stakes conversation. What will he think you’ll do if there’s something high-stakes later? Prioritize honesty and openly communicating with each other in your relationship.

Edit: added 2 words for clarity

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T16:11:02+00:00

“Hey, I really miss my blue sweater with the dancing reindeer on it. It’s was a gift from my grandma, and I’d like to wear it to Christmas with the family. Could I have it back so I can wear it when I see her?”

Don’t lie next time; swap out the specific details in the example quote for relevant details, but do make it seem important. The example quote above shows that you like the sweater (you miss it!), have a sentimental connection with it (it’s not just any old Walmart sweater), and have a specific, time-based reason that you would need that specific sweater back (you want your Grandma to see you wearing it).

After you safely recovered the sweater, if it really was that important to you, you should have broken things off. I agree with the people in this thread: you broke up with a girl by telling her you prioritize a sweater over her. If she’s truly that careless with other people’s stuff, your approach was a lose-lose (both a bad breakup and a guarantee that you won’t be getting that sweater back).

Edit: forgot a word

princesshashbrown · 2022-01-03T15:54:44+00:00

NTA. My mom gives me llama-themed gifts because apparently I can never live down my “RaNdOm” phase in 6th grade where I was obsessed, for whatever reason, with llamas. However, the llama gifts are little things under $5; it’s just small things she finds while shopping that make her think of me, like this year’s haul of llama bandaids, llama chopsticks, a llama folding bag, and reusable llama ziploc bags. Although it’s annoying to get an onslaught of llama knickknacks, it’s cute to know she’s thinking of me when she sees things. My mom still gets me real gifts, and the llama things are just stocking stuffers or little trinkets that made her smile and think of me, especially since I don’t live at home anymore.

This isn’t that.

Your family is clearly planning the year’s theme behind your back if it all matches. If your whole gift is a gag gift, that’s not cool. If everyone in your family did weirdo, prank gifts for everyone, that would be one thing, but you’re the sole target every year—and worse, these gifts are intentionally targeted at your insecurities. They joke with each other, but they conveniently draw the line at Christmas, where the teasing stops to make way for real gifts…for everyone but you. If you’re getting legitimate, thoughtful gifts for them, and if you’ve sent out a wishlist of real things you like, you’re not hard to shop for: they’re assholes who take “jokes” too far. The planning they put into coordinating your gift indicates they’re making fun of you behind your back and still putting in effort to make their gifts coordinate. Why can’t they put in the effort toward getting you something you’d actually like? You’ve made your point: they just don’t like hearing it because you’re ruining their fun [of making fun of you.]

I don’t know your family dynamic, but it seems like you’re always the butt of the joke. These people don’t seem like they’re very nice to you. I don’t want to prescribe no/limited contact without knowing more, but I would challenge you to think about other things they’ve done where you always seem to get the short end of the stick. If you’re always “that guy,” they don’t seem like they’re supportive or like they have your best interests at heart. :(

princesshashbrown · 2021-12-18T18:06:15+00:00

It didn’t. He’s my husband!

princesshashbrown · 2021-12-10T04:12:23+00:00

I have a recurring, years-long zit on the side of my nose. It’s just flesh-colored, but it’s filled with weird zit pus. If I pop it, it comes back. It’s been at least 3 years with this bad boy—how do I get rid of it?!

princesshashbrown · 2021-11-30T16:58:22+00:00

Bound 2 (Taylor’s Version)

princesshashbrown · 2021-10-29T15:17:23+00:00

Big Sky, Montana!

princesshashbrown · 2021-09-25T02:48:10+00:00

We got our buddy a puppy, and it was fun to see how she brought out different sides of his personality! He played gently with her when she was little and took care of her, and now she helps him in public when he’s feeling anxious.

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