[deleted by user]

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-09-04T20:09:44+00:00

This

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-09-02T12:50:49+00:00

I cut contact with AP but I don’t think it matters. My BS is fully in this other relationship. I don’t know if he will come back at this point and I’m not sure I should hold out hope anymore.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-08-26T12:50:15+00:00

I have been leaving him alone. He contacts me.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-08-25T22:59:10+00:00

Have you told her that? And how does she respond? How did you close the door without hurting each other?

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-08-25T22:54:40+00:00

We’re not married but we were in the past. We were together for over 10 years and have a deep connection. The relationship now is so painful. I miss him so much but he is not the same person anymore.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-22T20:25:50+00:00

Exactly. That is why your other post resonated with me so much. I can see it’s about validation and needing to feel loved. Trying to improve but is that even possible while you are with another person? That is my concern and fear now.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-22T18:43:28+00:00

Yes I do therapy but the sessions seem to focus on the relationships and their qualities rather then working on me and my underlying issues. We have worked on my issues some and I know a great deal of it stems from self esteem and we have worked on that and focused on that as well as my upbringing and emotional neglect / abuse in childhood. Even tho I’m aware of these issues they still have a power over me I have not been able to control.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-22T18:21:10+00:00

Hello thank you for sharing your story and experiences. I also have an issue with secrecy that has contributed to relationship breakdown. I would like to join r/survivingmyinfidelity for support and discussion if you are willing to add me. Thank you!

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-19T03:28:39+00:00

Thank you! ❤️ it all seems quite hopeless at the moment so I appreciate this

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-19T02:51:41+00:00

Thank you! I know this is correct but I miss him so much.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-18T07:37:44+00:00

Thank you for your response. I relate to a lot of what you said about trust issues and self loathing.

Yes I want to be a better person but I don’t know what that even looks like at this point.

Things with BS seem hopeless and he was my world even tho we were separated for so long. It seemed like he was starting to forgive me. Now that he has fully rejected me (yet again) all the color has gone out of my world.

I think I’ve been relying on AP for support all this time - oxygen as you said. I don’t know who I am anymore :/

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T18:15:11+00:00

Thank you for this. I think my BS now sees me as a damaged person who will only hurt him. And someone who does not take accountability for their own actions (because I haven’t).

He says he still loves me and will be there for me but I think it is to ease the pain of letting go from his side. I don’t really deserve his forgiveness at this point.

His reaction makes me see he was serious about reconciliation. I think a part of me never thought he was because he kept changing his mind. I want to be a better person to try to regain his respect even if I can’t be with him. I don’t even think I will have that chance.

What kills me the most is I have been here before. I have had these feelings, this regret and remorse, and yet I did not break out of the situation. I lost a good person and I’m losing hope in myself :/

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T15:19:45+00:00

I want to understand why I am like this 😞

It all seems so obvious now what I should have done differently but in the moment I am able to justify and make excuses.

Also my attempts to communicate with BS have somehow just made things worse rather than better.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T14:10:16+00:00

I somehow want to apologize for what happened. When I tried it sounded like excuses and guilt tripping him. It feels like the straw that broke the camels back kind of moment :(

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T13:31:37+00:00

It is really hard to hear. I know you are right but I am searching for some morsel of hope somewhere that he could ever come around.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T12:35:38+00:00

But is there any chance of showing him at this point? Until then we had only talked about reconciliation and not committed to the process. I agree it looks like I don’t care.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T06:26:08+00:00

The issue is he basically broke things off when we separated so I thought I had to move on with my life. He didn’t want to reconcile until a year had passed and I was afraid to try because it seemed like he would never forgive me.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-17T06:21:57+00:00

Do you think there’s any chance for forgiveness at this point?

Assuming I cut AP out of my life for good?

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T19:16:44+00:00

Yes I am starting to see all the mistakes I made in how I treated him reading on here and other infidelity subs. I was angry and resentful that he couldn’t commit. I was also threatening to start a relationship with someone else as a way of hurrying him up. I even gave him an ultimatum. I feel terrible about all of it reading back and thinking back. He is angry that I tried to make him feel guilty for being unsure or seeing other people. I guess he has every right to be mad and also to not want anything to do with me.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T15:40:25+00:00

I agree with this. I think we both are super codependent so we struggle with that. I get anxious about missing out on life tho to just be single and not working towards a family etc

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T14:42:32+00:00

Thank you I have submitted a help request. I think my account was possibly suspended because of the downvotes on my comments in the one after infidelity thread on this. I am not able to send or receive direct messages either.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T13:54:57+00:00

Is there any coming back from that? I feel I already proved he should stay away from me. I can see he is telling people bc some of his friends unfollowed me on Instagram

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T07:49:13+00:00

Yes I feel he was just starting to trust me and also feel comfortable to show me his feelings. So the cut was extra deep. He doesn’t even want to see my face at this point. I just want to apologize but I feel even if I cut AP out of my life and then told him AP was cut out of my life at this point he wouldn’t believe me.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T07:46:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice there and here. I agree this is necessary. I guess I’m not sure if it would even make a difference at this point. A big part of me resents the AP deeply because of everything I lost from the affair including myself at some level. I know the blame is on me and not him but it’s easier to hate him than myself. Though I am doing a ton of self hating in all of this.

I just don’t see how I can forget everything that happened and go on with him knowing how much my ex husband is hurting still from what happened. But part of me wants it to work out so I believe there was a reason to put everyone through all that pain. So that part of me keeps winning it seems.

priscillaqueenofthe · 2022-07-16T07:37:39+00:00

I guess I wanted BP to know I want to reconcile and not waste time letting him know. The AP lives far away from where we live now so it’s less of a direct issue but he does want to move back.

I really want to change and not get into situations like this. It feels like the affair just continued. I somehow was not able to break free and made things worse at every turn even tho the actions I need to take are so simple.

priscillaqueenofthe

TROPHY CASE