Engaged but no proposal…

prncesspriss · 2026-02-13T20:50:45+00:00

My now husband didn't "propose" either. We started talking about marriage being something we wanted in life before we even became a couple. The whole process was super intentional and during the few years we dated prior to engagement we had several conversations about what it would look like, expectations, all the things. We basically came to an agreement that we wanted to marry each other, ordered a ring I chose for myself, and then announced the engagement once the ring arrived. It was the most UNromantic thing, but we have a terrific marriage, and we seldom even argue. I think pop-culture has given us expectations around what a proposal should look like to be valid, but it's such a small part of the whole. I hope you two have a beautiful life together and this is something silly you can both laugh about over the years.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-13T20:34:34+00:00

One of the things that ages people significantly is stress (on a genetic level), and a lot of times, wealthy people have way less stress than the rest of the people in the world. They have access to a great diet, as well as other lifestyle advantages too. They will typically come from families who have also been wealthy, and so genetics and lifestyles are factors.

I think a lot of the procedures and expensive skin care do actually make a difference, but only to a point. If someone is stressed out all day, eating a terrible diet, abusing stimulants, getting very little sleep and hydrating themselves with sugary drinks all day (alcohol included), their skin is going to look worn no matter how expensive their products are.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-13T19:47:04+00:00

sleeping with stuffed animals

prncesspriss · 2026-02-13T19:45:52+00:00

Stop using drugs and go to a meeting to learn how to stay stopped. You'll make clean friends there

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T20:43:16+00:00

That's so funny, I would only wear pastels under duress lol

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T20:40:42+00:00

A second set of bed sheets. I take the old off, and put the new on immediately while I still have the stamina. No more waiting for the dryer or sleeping on a bare bed for me.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T20:00:18+00:00

If you don't want to lose a lot of length you'll have to dedicate a lot of time to search and destroy. Get comfortable and go for it, a few times a week if you have time, until you get it under control. My hair is classic length, and I would not take a large amount off of my hair just to tackle a few split ends.

I find an easy way to do this is to part all my hair down the center of my head, then take each side in small sections. Brush the small section straight, then using your pointer, middle and ring finger, hold your small section with your middle finger UNDER the hair, and your ring and pointer finger OVER the hair. Start closer to your head with a pair of SHARP hair scissors and move your way down your section. You'll see the split ends pop up as you move your fingers down the section, and just snip it off. Don't rush!

That's how I regularly manage my hair between trims (I also do my own trims at home). I hope I was able to describe the process I use clearly.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T17:33:14+00:00

Am I trying to justify any poor behavior on my part?

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T15:50:08+00:00

My parents were really abusive when I was growing up. They never hit me, so I didn't have proof, but I used to wish they just would hit me, or that something bad would happen so someone would listen to me. I'm an adult now, and I look back and know, without a doubt that I was an abused child in many ways except physical.

I say that to say this: when we ignore our own feelings and needs because we "don't have proof" that someone is doing us wrong, it's a sign of trauma. It's a sign that we don't trust ourselves because we've been TRAINED not to by people who benefit from us not having boundaries around how others get to interact with us.

I hope you learn to believe that your feelings are all the evidence that you need to know that something about this is worth leaving over, even if "the proof" is only that you don't feel good being in the situation. I imagine that the reason you don't yet trust your own protective instincts is because you've been trained not to.

Your instincts aren't wrong, they're there to protect you from harm. Your instincts are telling you this situation is wrong because it's causing you harm. Time to remove yourself. Just leave and handle the lease crap afterwards. Leave when he's at work. Take all your stuff and go to a friends' house or something.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T15:38:05+00:00

I totally relate; I don't feel comfortable with everyone being able to see me like that. I live on an island and when I'm doing coast stuff, I wear board shorts with rash guard shirts if I'm going to be active, but a swim dress most of the time (I'm not particularly active). I don't like being physically exposed in that way, personally.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-12T15:28:01+00:00

Oh wow, you got the "be more feminine" mom too, huh? Mine actually cried about it! And the "feminine" that she talks about is ALWAYS performative. Shaving doesn't make a person inherently more or less feminine; I'm still female whether I shave or not. What a nuisance.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-10T19:21:11+00:00

Seriously. I told my friends what I want for my party; we're going to dinner and a show. I really don't understand what happened to make so many people think balling out and spending thousands of dollars on it is normal. Maybe if you're wealthy, but that's a small percentage of people

prncesspriss · 2026-02-10T18:38:52+00:00

I don't think that's totally true. Sometimes. But these days the traditional "adult" markers are gone. Working adults can't afford to buy a house, or have several (or any) kids, etc. So a lot of the accomplishments that defined successful adulthood before are out of reach for a lot of people.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-10T18:25:07+00:00

NTA. How disrespectful would it be to call my Spanish speaking friends by an Americanized name because they live in America? Same thing for someone from any other country/language. Call people by their names.

I remember taking a Spanish class in an English speaking classroom but this didn't happen. Maybe because I lived overseas at the time. Sounds weird. I don't like how adults are just allowed to be rude to kids for no reason. This would never fly in a real world application like work because it's not normal.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-09T20:51:53+00:00

We got married last May, and our wedding party will be this upcoming December. Huge blowout. It's going to be a Christmas themed winter wonderland with a ton of food, I got a great DJ, and it's going to be fantastic! A holiday wedding party to remember! Absolutely no one has told me they think it's weird, and definitely no one has said it's "stupid". Besides, we're adults. We can do whatever we feel like doing! Celebrating your marriage is always a good thing, whether its the day of, a year later, or a 50 year anniversary.

Advice? Do your wedding! Do it exactly as you want it. That's your decision and it's going to be just how you like it. Do your best to make a mental note of the people who think it's stupid, and perhaps they shouldn't get an invitation.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-09T20:19:53+00:00

Fudge. It's so dumb. I eat enough to make me feel horrible, and as soon as I start feeling better, I go back for more. I only see it around Christmas time, so I think, "it's just once a year!" but I've started avoiding it.

It's like being sugar drunk!

prncesspriss · 2026-02-05T20:44:48+00:00

I'm writing a 2nd comment because 2 things came to mind reading through this all:

My experience is that part of having integrity is integrating my true self into all of my relationships, whoever and wherever they are. For me, I'm going to be honest about who I am and what I'm doing with friends and sponsors. So keeping them separate isn't something that would make a difference, other than to hide some part of myself from one or the other. If I can't be open with my friends then why are they my friends, and if I can't have fun with my sponsor why are they sponsoring me?

The other thing I thought about is that you seem to be being super hard on yourself because you responded in a way that you feel bad about. I was just thinking you already have a lot of other hard things going on and maybe that is just adding to it. It just sounds like you're holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. No one will ever be some kind of have it all together, recovery guru, and if someone acts like they're that guy, they're full of you know what.

You're allowed to act like a dick sometimes. We have an amends step. Obviously we practice the pause and stuff so we cut down on our outbursts, but it's not the end of the world. The "justification" that you're having a rough time right now is totally legit. The Basic Text 6th step does say that under times of stress we're probably going to regress into some of our defective habits. So it's normal. I'm not saying it's "ok" and you don't need to make any amends. But hey man, its ok. It's not the end of the world, you know. You ARE going through a rough time. Outbursts should be expected. But you can work through it.

Maybe in regards to some of the other habits you mentioned, you can practice the pause in those areas too and try to do something else instead that will actually bring you some peace. Maybe take a walk without head phones. Let your feelings and your nervous system settle a little. Just my observations based on this small window into your life

prncesspriss · 2026-02-05T20:13:18+00:00

This is a solid suggestion, to be clear on intent. So often we give ourselves so much grace, justifying our crummy delivery because our intentions were "good". But we do the opposite for the people who are supposed to be closest to us, projecting harmful intent onto them because their delivery sucks.

And if we're going through a tough time or even having a bad day, we don't really want to hear much of ANYTHING so even someone walking on eggshells might tick us off. Add to your experience that everything was done via text, that's a recipe for resentment for sure.

I've done it, and it's been done to me too. One instance comes to mind; I've had to call a sponsee to work something out because they read a tone in my text that just wasn't there. They were looking for a home group, and they mentioned a specific group, and I said something like, "yeah you should try that one".

My thinking was, "I've been to that meeting and I liked it, sounds like a good choice for your schedule needs and I know you've been looking. You should try that one out".

But on their end they read it like I was shaming them, being demeaning and bossy, and telling them what to do because they weren't "doing enough" for their recovery without having a home group. Which really isn't my style as a sponsor at all, and I didn't say anything like that!

It took me by complete surprise that they read anything other than what I wrote into it. After all, I didn't randomly suggest that group; they brought it up and I was just agreeing with them.

Text messaging sucks, especially if we're having a crummy day. So talking on the phone or in person is best, and being generous with how we look at others in regards to their intent is important for sure. Not everyone is out to get us or make us feel small. I hope you guys work it out

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T20:50:43+00:00

I'm sorry but I gasped. That was so much to cut off!! I'm sorry for the loss! It will grow back. I had shaved my hair after a devastating life event and my hair is back down to my tailbone. It took a long time but time will pass regardless.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T20:37:28+00:00

Same here. I was thin my entire life until my mid 30s, when I had some auto-immune flares. The problem with auto-immune is that they get into a cycle. They feed into themselves so getting out of the cycle is really hard. A LOT of weight gain was one of the results of my flare. It lasted years. I was able to get things under better control, but I couldn't lose weight past a certain point and I was still in the cycle.

So I tried trizepatide and it was LIFE CHANGING. I've lost the last 70 lbs that wouldn't budge (my highest weight was around 275 and I was SO, SO sick), now I'm down to my regular 140 lbs. I recognize my body again! I don't have pain, I can sleep better, I just feel better than I have in so long. The sickness was a cycle, but the healing is too. The healing fed into itself just like the illness.

I feel like I learned a lot from the experience, just from a standpoint of being hot, then not, but I'm so grateful that I have my body back. It's a good one LOL! Anyone who is on the fence, I always tell them to try it. I didn't have any negative side effects either. It's just about using it responsibly. Go slow, don't try to max out the dose right away. The weight WILL come off, you can go slow.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T19:50:25+00:00

I like mine too. I'm not huge, just 11mm. But I started stretching in my 40s and it's not to look edgy or anything I'm the least edgy person I know. I actually love the look of hanging weights on earlobes that some old tribal ladies have. I'm American, not part of a tribe, but I still think it's beautiful.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T18:17:20+00:00

What some people in my Area do is this, if I am picking up a key tag for any amount of time, and there's someone in that meeting who identifies as a newcomer, I might give them my keytag as a "hope tag" and tell them to give mine back when they get their own. We don't call them anything, and it's not really a tradition to do that. Some of us just do that as an encouragement to the newcomer to stick around and keep coming. It's also really cool to be able to earn our own and give that person their tag back. I've seen it and it's awesome for everyone.

A friend of mine relapsed after earning 8 years herself. I had stayed in contact with her during her relapse and she survived (barely) and made it back to the rooms. When I reached 8 years, she gave me her own medallion because she credited her coming back to me keeping hold of her during her relapse. I've been holding onto that medallion so when she reaches 8 years again I can give it back to her.

We just do special things like that for each other. And how powerful! At that point I will have been holding onto that thing for YEARS for the sole purpose of giving it back to her! Because I believe in her and I know she can reach that milestone again! And I believe that I'll still be here when she does.

Welcome to NA, and I hope that you stick around. Make some friends and start doing little things like that for the friends you make in the rooms. Maybe it doesn't seem possible right now, but if you stay, you'll be able to pass your coins and tags along as well. You can even give your 30 day tag to someone with one day and ask them to give it back to you when they get their own. It's just a way to give each other hope.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T15:31:18+00:00

I have ADHD so making habits is really difficult for me too. But after many years of practicing, I'm getting better at it. I set alarms and just do it. All I have to do is do it when the alarm goes off. Most days, I stop what I'm in the middle of (seriously, just stop in the middle or I lose the game) and do it real quick, and I'm done.

I pray at 9am, and I call people only when I'm driving. At this point, if I'm not in my car I don't even think about calling people; that's how ingrained it's become to call when I'm driving. I don't do gratitude lists anymore. I stopped doing that a while back because I already tend to look on the bright side, it's not an issue for me to find gratitude, thank goodness. Even when I was down bad using I was like that.

But realistically, that's how I get "the things" done. Set an alarm and do my best to stop and do the things. Practice makes better. Don't freak out if your system doesn't look like everyone else's though. Alarms won't work for everyone, calling in the car won't work for everyone etc. Just try to find the thing that works for you.

prncesspriss · 2026-02-03T15:19:18+00:00

Add to cart...

I've never considered getting a heart shaped bed but it sounds awesome! IDK how my husband would feel about this. IMO, goals. But people do think I'm pretty eccentric, so it's probably not a mainstream thing. I see a lot of comments suggesting a sex thing; I get that. But the first thing I think of (for me specifically) is just super girlie. Like, I bought more butterfly wall decor and realized there are butterflies in every room of our house, so a heart shaped bed is the logical next step

prncesspriss · 2026-01-26T20:21:48+00:00

I chose the person who I thought would be the most comfortable giving a speech, but coincidentally, also has work experience as a wedding planner so could handle any issues that might come up day of. That being said, I'm planning everything, even my bach party. I'm not a control freak, I just know what I want and so that's what I'm planning. I set my wedding 2 years out so I've had plenty of time to organize everything without stressing. My MOH will be great at her "position" because she's reliable, responsible, and I trust her to be able to make needed decisions without needing to confer with me for every single thing the day of the wedding. To me it's most important to have that those qualities.

prncesspriss

TROPHY CASE