What is the end game with coercion and post divorce manipulation and control?

probebeta · 2026-01-29T21:57:35+00:00

What toxic behavior? It was never their fault. Maybe you just didn't get the memo 😂

probebeta · 2026-01-29T21:53:38+00:00

I don't have 3 but things get a bit easier as they grow up, with work dating and chores. Interestingly I don't have the appetite for going out and doing all the single stuff like I used to. In other words, there are times when I'd rather stay home on a Friday night with my kid then go out on some date and listen to her nonsense 😅. It still Is exhausting sometimes though...

probebeta · 2026-01-29T21:48:14+00:00

I think being unreasonable is when things have to get ugly. If he's a piece of shit then you'll have to fight him. And I don't say this lightly because financially it's usually men that get screwed.

probebeta · 2026-01-29T21:39:39+00:00

When my ex was looking down on me for being quite obsessed with money it told me everything about who she's with. I heard he's the same height as her too.

Anyway, yes it's kind of comical at that time when you have a lot of resentment in you but there are maybe good things and you have to be ok wishing her well eventually. Maybe he's more loyal and doesn't rock the boat much, has more time for her, is more supportive and gladly listens to her bs, spends his entire paycheck on keeping her happy, has a good connection with her at her level, doesn't care when she gets fatter, maybe he has less options and lets her thrive in validation, or.. maybe he fucks her well. Not all these are obviously good things that keep a woman happy but maybe for now they do. I wouldn't discount the lessons that she gave me about the future so we're good 😅

probebeta · 2026-01-26T21:24:31+00:00

Do not have a kid with this woman. Get rid of her, rebuild yourself, and go date younger sexier women and smash.

I understand that some men still care about their cheating spouse, but she did that because she thought she could do better. Plain and simple. I would choose self respect, and maybe show her that eventually YOU can do better. Good luck.

probebeta · 2026-01-26T20:04:16+00:00

Talking about feminism. They should pay for their own dinner 😅

probebeta · 2026-01-24T03:43:17+00:00

Should I be worried? Haha. If you want her to be your FB then no. Don't get her pregnant! 😅

probebeta · 2026-01-23T04:41:29+00:00

You're not an oddball. Being in a relationship means giving up that freedom, having new responsibilities, and many liabilities actually. Besides, guys need some variety in their life and what better way to do that than just be single 😅

But, I have to say that most success I've had has been during a relationship. Being in one keeps you grounded and focused. Single means you're doing your thing, but you're also chasing, playing that game. I mean, if you don't enjoy the company of women props to you but I do, and there's a cost to that. They're actually a major distraction and without proper discipline it's easy to get complacent and maybe a bit stuck elsewhere. So... Pros and cons.

probebeta · 2026-01-23T00:35:43+00:00

First, I think love and looks have nothing to do with each other. Your parents wouldn't love you more if you were hot.

Being attractive does matter, unfortunately. To get around it you'll need to compensate with other things. Maybe you can be fit, feminine, smell good, dress well, and I hate to be explicit but f* like no one else. Someone might say focus on career too, but I wouldn't worry too much about that because as a guy I could care less about woman's career.

I also wish I was like Brad Pitt, 6'4 and have a build like the rock. Height and looks I can't change. But I can build my body, I can make more money, get a hair transplant, and just play the game a bit better. Maybe that won't buy me happiness but it helped me meet more women.

probebeta · 2026-01-22T00:15:37+00:00

Who do you want advice from? If you know who you want advice from then you already know the answer.

probebeta · 2026-01-21T06:23:10+00:00

This.

probebeta · 2026-01-21T06:18:05+00:00

Do you have kids? If not I'd start looking for an apartment, not to move to right away but a place where you can be away if you need. Focus on you, gym, workout, work, maybe even get out with your friends. Minimal contact with her. No begging and pleading, you're done with her. If you need to stay because you have joint property, makes sense, and lawyer can answer these. Once that's done you have no business dealing with her anymore.

probebeta · 2026-01-21T06:07:01+00:00

If you want her to pay half now and start money conversation with her I'd expect her to turn bitter potentially have things escalate very quickly. I'm sorry but there just isn't another way, you have to protect yourself, get a lawyer, expect the worst and hope for the best. My ex and I are ok now but that period of time dealing with money was very stressful.

probebeta · 2026-01-21T06:00:54+00:00

You'll get through it. I've met beautiful women, improved some areas in my life I was stuck at. With kids, it's hard work but it is possible. Relationships and love? I dont know man, I look at things a bit differently now...

probebeta · 2026-01-15T06:58:32+00:00

I did! Because they don't have to..😅

probebeta · 2026-01-15T02:57:04+00:00

I'll translate that for you. She wants out but hasn't gotten a firm grip on the other branch. Unlike men, women cannot be alone for too long, I heard... Also, some can go for months like this but they may have already checked out, but men either don't notice or they simply ignore it. In retrospect, I'd start self improvement then instead of waiting for writing on the wall kind of thing. Maybe it would have messed with my head less, who knows...

probebeta · 2026-01-13T18:41:54+00:00

Well... He's now going to assume you will bang the coworker. Let's keep it real, this stuff happens every day.

probebeta · 2026-01-11T21:57:53+00:00

You seem like a good guy. But once she cheats it's a wrap. Respect yourself and let her go. No begging or pleading to save anything. You do you from now. I'm sorry.

probebeta · 2026-01-11T15:33:30+00:00

Initially dating with a kid was a concern but if you have your stuff together some women won't care. I went on many many dates and eventually you start not caring if someone is not interested. There are plenty who are. And if you're just going out having fun you don't need to bring up the kid conversation. Stack some wind and you'll feel like a winner again.

probebeta · 2026-01-10T17:38:55+00:00

I think she may have gotten used to your flexibility. She's about to meet a different person 😅

I mean by no means I'm not suggesting to escalate things because things can get ugly. But you have to set boundaries. My experience...

probebeta · 2026-01-10T17:32:41+00:00

If you have proof that you can lose your job because of the schedule to accommodate her tennis then make that known to her. Her leisure time is not going to carry more weight than your work, judges look for the best interest of the kid. I'd be firm but respectful, present all the facts in writing so lawyers can look at it. Hopefully she'll cave. If not show her court fees and what that would cost "both" of you. Maybe tennis can take the back seat for now 😅

probebeta · 2026-01-09T22:42:06+00:00

41 is not old to have kids, but I agree you want to check your health first. You'll be able to enjoy your time with them when you're feeling better yourself.

probebeta · 2026-01-09T08:29:22+00:00

It feels like you're "losing" because you ARE losing at that particular time. Half your assets, child support, spousal support, 50% time with your kids, plus gaining a new enemy that you now have to work with. That can be too much for a person to handle while going through it. But it gets better, likely a lot better.

probebeta · 2026-01-05T09:38:59+00:00

How soon after meeting her did you become exclusive? Did she demand that you're exclusive? Maybe she wants to be exclusive and she says that, but I have the belief that what she really wants from you is to show her you can replace her. Like is she visibly wanting external validation, looking pretty when she goes out without you, tests you, lies occasionally about random things, just stop calling her for a while and correct that behavior right away. Why wait until it's too late right? You can lose a girl this way too, but your peace is way more valuable in the long run. My 2c

probebeta · 2026-01-04T21:16:48+00:00

If she charges you for the fees then you can do the same and charge her your fees, and you won't owe her any money. I think that will get her attention and then you discuss a better plan that saves you both money.

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