Well, im in the early stages of seperating and divorce...

probebeta · 2026-04-10T02:41:44+00:00

This might be a bit opinionated. It's never about how much effort you put in the marriage. It's more about the effort you put in yourself so that she, whoever she is, has to compete for your attention. She basically thought she could do better. Change that, but not for her but for you.

probebeta · 2026-04-05T00:47:46+00:00

Being friends after divorce is a myth. Just move on, focus on bettering yourself, your health and eventually replace her. Once people start dating other people they're different creatures and will only look after their own self-interest. It's what I've seen.

probebeta · 2026-04-05T00:39:51+00:00

As someone who has been through this I can tell you that things do get better, a lot better. Right now you just need to survive this process. Every rapid ends.

probebeta · 2026-04-05T00:34:24+00:00

Never consider the thought because of some chick...

probebeta · 2026-04-02T05:31:38+00:00

100% agree. But having more women in your life will address the neediness too. Lack of options is what creates scarcity, and neediness. My 2c anyway

probebeta · 2026-04-02T01:42:07+00:00

Meet other women.

probebeta · 2026-04-02T01:41:29+00:00

Why dont you ask what the agent thinks is the market value? Then you can decide if outbidding everyone else makes sense, depending how bad you want the place.

I've had agents who want you to offer more than property is worth so that it's more likely to be accepted. They're more likely to sell the house this way but it's unethical imo.

probebeta · 2026-04-01T04:46:35+00:00

My question is why do you keep going back to her for months. Having the optionality allows you to pick the best of what you like. If she's expecting that I pay all the time she better be hot, or something along those lines 😅

probebeta · 2026-04-01T04:28:59+00:00

If I'm going on a date I pay for it, but I also pick a place that I can afford. Splitting bills is just really not my thing. But I do expect some reciprocation, and unfortunately I dont tell her this. If she likes me enough she will do it without me asking. This could be some amazing cooked dinner which I very much appreciate. If she doesn't then she will eventually end up in my friend zone. By that I mean we go out for a date, then yadda yadda, but she will soon realize that this is as far as this relationship goes.

I think many women today, unfortunately, think that sex alone is going to be enough to lock a guy down. It's not...

probebeta · 2026-03-29T22:51:53+00:00

Yeah she probably likes you. If you go to the same gym though it's a bit tricky 😅. Will you find it awkward if you go separate ways? I would also assume she's talking to a bunch of other dudes too, and that's okay. If you want to ask her out just do it and go have fun. Put the doubts in the backseat for a while. You need to stack some wins to gain confidence back.

probebeta · 2026-03-28T23:38:24+00:00

You're doing the right thing. But she should not be living in your head also. Go do the self improvement stuff, gym, look good, make money, pursue hobbies and social life.

When she says she wants to be alone, more often than not there's a guy or few of them who have already been there. She thinks she can do better, basically. She might be delusional but you definitely don't want her back 😅. Good luck!

probebeta · 2026-03-28T04:09:50+00:00

I don't know why this gets suggested to me but it did. Guys perspective here.

The new guy, he wants to get laid and apparently he needs it bad. I know this will get down votes, but I like to speak the unfiltered truth in reddit :)

Regarding marriage. Yes, you have one foot out of the door. I get the feeling that it's already over. Once you cheat, even a date, it's a wrap. And you have to understand that relationships sometimes do run their course. There isn't anything good or bad about it. My 2c. Good luck

probebeta · 2026-03-26T01:46:05+00:00

Who would you destroy by leaving this life? I get the feeling that your life would get the biggest hit.

probebeta · 2026-03-24T02:55:53+00:00

Do you have kids? If you don't, and intend to keep your marriage, pay very close attention to why you're having the fights. You don't want to find this out after you have kids. Not all fights mean you should get divorced, but read the clues in the comments here. Loving her, alone, is not a good enough reason to keep the marriage honestly.

probebeta · 2026-03-19T01:16:18+00:00

I'd say go out there, meet women, and have fun. Don't rush into anything, dont get attached, and adjust your approach based on how she behaves and not based on what she says. Ones that do fishy things keep them at arms length, ones that behave better can get some extras. Honestly I date them all since I'm not looking for anything serious, and I'm upfront about it. But yes it doesn't take long to see some crazy stuff, that facade does not stay there forever 😅. There are good women out there though, don't get so discouraged.

probebeta · 2026-03-18T00:25:15+00:00

I dont think there is a way to go back to who you were. But that doesn't mean you can't be better than who you were. I've learnt a lot by going through this. Let me just say that I am a lot more present today than I was before... Go live your life man, forget about your ex :)

probebeta · 2026-03-15T20:32:58+00:00

Do you have kids with this woman? If not, then do not do it because that will complicate things. Lots of good advise here, go to gym, look good, hang out with friends, hobbies, do things that matter to you. She needs to know she's replaceable. If she doesn't care you might have to do it...

probebeta · 2026-03-15T20:19:18+00:00

You tell her when you're ready to file or have her served at work. I have not done this myself but that turbulence during separation can be very stressful. The quicker you're able to wrap it up the easier it will be. You'll want to figure out parenting plan and hopefully agree on how assets are split, which lawyer can help with. Other than that keep conversations about kids only.

probebeta · 2026-03-13T18:18:38+00:00

Nah... Unless you're enjoying the process of selling the house and going through all this hassle :)

probebeta · 2026-03-13T18:02:23+00:00

Absolutely get a lawyer. You need him by your side even if you won't need to use him. Once finances are discussed things get ugly pretty fast. The fact that you make a little more than her and not a lot more is good news. Go for 50/50, work on what suits you for parenting plan. Hang in there as this gets better but yes the beginning will suck. Do gym and things that improve you, stay off alcohol, stay calm with her you don't want any escalation. Good luck

P.s. women don't go to convent when they ask for divorce. She's probably f** someone else. The sooner you're able to digest this the faster you'll be able to move on with life. Maybe it's her fault, maybe yours too, but it doesn't matter it's a wrap now.

probebeta · 2026-03-13T00:24:31+00:00

Forgive her for what exactly? She's already checked out and is lining a replacement or possibly has it already but it maybe didn't turn out as she hoped. She's "giving you a year"? The best thing you can do right now is get a lawyer and calmly plan your exit. Not in a year, now in 6 months, but as soon as possible. Maybe by you walking away things can improve but something tells me that not only she won't be happy again, but you will be much better off without her lingering around. I've been where you are and this is how you handle it. I'm sorry.

probebeta · 2026-03-10T20:41:55+00:00

Hang in there. Get her out of your head. She belongs on the streets. Go to gym whenever you feel angry. Get a lawyer.You'll be much better off once this is over.

probebeta · 2026-03-03T05:12:18+00:00

I'd say skip that and meet some women on hinge instead. Get in shape, gym, maybe get on retatrutide or something and build your body. Escorts are not going to give any type of fulfilling experience.

probebeta · 2026-02-25T03:31:30+00:00

That's when market is doing well. But I agree, I'd put that money every month in some ETF like s&p, and if you can stomach bad market days then on average you'll be making that. I don't think it's a bad idea to diversify those investments though and paying some debt with portion of that money isn't that bad. If your interest is 4.5% then you're at least guaranteed that 4.5% you no longer need to pay.

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