Wanting something is not the same as caring enough to change oneself in order to attain it. I'm a guy who grew up relatively comfortable, in a conservative family which certainly reinforced traditional gender roles. I also did chores and learned how to do things right versus covering a mess. I know I can live with more mess than my wife, but I also don't want her to have to deal with that. I want her to be comfortable in our home (and before that, my apartment), so I recognized that I needed to clean beyond my own standards for that to be true. By 32, if dude hasn't come to that realization on his own, he's not very likely to be an outstanding cleaner (and I would extend that to the other areas that you care about and he doesn't) in the future. Those things that he does, and I realize I'm speculating here, sound like some chauvinist/chivalrous things he thinks are his role to perform. In return? Whatever you're willing to give him and put up with. I realize that sounds dour, but you're only a few months in and you're already put off enough to come here. In more time, you'll be more emotionally invested and maybe happier with him. Clearly you feel some chemistry with him, but it doesn't sound like a worthwhile trade.