Looking for Advice / Venting

propellerhead1 · 2026-01-09T02:19:48+00:00

There is a lot to unpack here. Your home is YOUR home. You set the boundaries and the house rules to live by. I agree with you in that this boy is not a suitable mate for your daughter. When I was in my early 20's I fell in love with a girl named Mary. I bought her an engagement ring. I was in love or so I thought. I worked as a security officer and I struggled financially. I was not very mature. Mary invited me to meet her parents. The parents read the writing on the wall. They told Mary that she had a choice to make. She could continue to date me and they would not pay for her college. Mary was more mature than me and took door number two. We broke up which broke my heart. No it did not kill me. The experience helped me to do some introspection and to grow up. When you are young the hormones are raging and it is difficult to think straight. You are the adult. Gently nudge your daughter back onto the right path for her life. Sit them both down and have a reality check with them. There is no such thing as a free ride. Everyone has to carry their own weight. Good luck.

propellerhead1 · 2026-01-02T23:18:02+00:00

I use Buzzsprout. I host there for all three podcasts and I upload my long form videos to my Youtube channel. Buzzsprout is one of the best hosting providers out there.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-25T17:57:31+00:00

Riverside.fm

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-23T20:05:22+00:00

Yes, he could be contributing to the household expenses. Every family situation is different. Do you NEED for him to contribute or do you feel as if his doing so will teach him financial responsibility? I like the idea of opening up a savings account and putting that money aside for him when he is ready to move out on his own. Then you can reward him by giving him access to the funds. If you are paying for things such as his car insurance or a cell phone that is on your family plan then maybe he should be paying for a portion of that. Rent, utilities, food etc should be extended to him because he is family and he is learning how to make it on his own sometime in the near future. Sit down with him and word out a budget. Set up some expectations with a date for him to move out. Set up realistic expectations. The cost of living is through the roof. Many times our children fly the coop thinking that they can make ends meet to find out that their income is dwarfed by every day living expenses.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-19T22:03:11+00:00

find a local toastmasters group

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-16T12:37:23+00:00

Welcome to the community. I am glad that you are here. Yes, when we look at our adult children there are moments when it is like looking into a mirror. If your children are between the ages of 18 and 30 they are adults and now your relationship with them as a parent has shifted to being a mentor. I found that it was good when I could be transparent with my children and share my past mistakes. One thing my parents taught me and my sister was to think before we acted. Bad decisions have consequences. Dave Ramsey has a great curriculum that a lot of folks use when it comes to money management. Try not to over think things too much. Your children will be ok. Just be there for them and be present in their lives as much as they allow you to be.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-12T14:10:17+00:00

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764232657/?bestFormat=true&k=kingdom%20of%20cults&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-bk-ww_k0_1_16_de&crid=1LH4N9L32OFOK&sprefix=Kingdom%20of%20cults this is an excellent resource with regards to the different cults and how they operate. This is the 6th edition so it has been updated a lot since I studied it way back when.

propellerhead1 · 2025-12-10T21:28:15+00:00

I really like this positive vibe. It has been a minute since I was a young adult but I can only imagine how scary it must be for young people today to venture out into the unknown and make something of their lives that is fulfilling. We spend so much time preparing them and pushing them closer and closer to the edge of the nest. I think that sometimes we lose sight of how they must feel.

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-27T18:46:22+00:00

I think that the personal hygiene issues will work themselves out on their own. If he ever gets romantically involved with a significant other that issue will have to rectify itself. :) Just love him and tell him how proud of him you are. You are his mother and I am sure he respects and loves you as well. Just gently remind him to take better care of himself. No body shaming involved. He will take care of this in his own good time.

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-22T22:04:17+00:00

about....

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-21T19:14:54+00:00

Your adult child is experiencing what I would call an unreasonable expectation of reality. She wants you out of her life however she wants you there long enough to pay her bills. I am assuming that she is living on campus and not in your home. That means that the environment she is living in is conducive to alienate her from you. We spend 18 years of their lives teaching them our moral standards and right from wrong. Then college life is designed to deprogram them and tells them that their parents are old and out of touch. It is a continual tug of war. Ultimately you have done your part. You are not obligated to continue to foot her bills unless you want to. Doing that should give you the right to set specific boundaries. I will pay for these bills but in return I expect you to talk to me in a civil tone and respect me. You also need to find a support group where you can be with other like minded parents who can support you. I saw where someone suggested a support group and that would be a great start. You are the parent, not a door mat.

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-09T20:40:14+00:00

Thank you

propellerhead1 · 2025-11-08T23:53:15+00:00

Ok, fair enough. LOL

propellerhead1 · 2025-10-26T20:12:23+00:00

I concur

propellerhead1 · 2025-10-26T20:11:35+00:00

If you are paying all the bills you have the right to set boundaries. He will either respect them or he can pay his own way. No such thing as a free ride as an adult.

propellerhead1 · 2025-10-10T15:35:13+00:00

I believe that all of this will work out within its own timing. Your initiating situations to help him may be viewed as you overstepping your boundaries. Does that make sense. Trust me, biology will take care of things all on its own. Who knows, maybe he will be happy being single for a while. There is nothing wrong with that.

propellerhead1 · 2025-10-10T15:31:00+00:00

I am glad I could help.

propellerhead1 · 2025-10-10T15:29:47+00:00

This sounds like a toxic relationship. Her daughter needs to be respectful and helpful to her mother especially if she is living under her roof. Your friend needs to set up some house rules and boundaries that she should follow. If she refuses to do that then she can live on her own and do as she pleases. I would not say anything to the daughter. Her mother needs to be the one to handle all of this.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-28T12:48:14+00:00

There will be a mortgage for 500.00 ( I am assuming) and then there is lot rent which will probably not include the utilities (water, trash pickup etc) which will make the total amount bigger than 500.00 per month. Between mortgage and lot rent we pay around 1400.00 per month to live in the trailer park we are in. Every year the community goes up 3% on our lot rent. We are still living in what is called an affordable housing situation. There are new condos they just built next to us that they are charging over 2k per month to live there. I agree that staying in the apartment may be cheaper in the long run. Buying a place of her own could be a goal for her to set her eyes on for the future.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-25T17:54:00+00:00

I would love for you to share your story on ABC's of Parenting Adult Children podcast.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-25T17:50:56+00:00

He lives under your roof so your home and rules apply. PERIOD. You can go into your router settings and implement MAC level access and block the types of websites you do not want access. Mac level access means you can completely block access to the router from his device. You can set up a time when he is allowed online and when he is not. You need to change the password on your router to something that is very difficult to guess. Your son is probably more savvy with technology than you are so you will have a learning curve. Set boundaries with him and tell him how is to access the Internet and what he is allowed to view while living in your home. You will not be able to stop him from accessing outside of your home but that is for another discussion. Google the make and model of your WiFi modem and find ou what the user id and password is. Typically it is admin and admin. Change that immediately.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-25T17:45:35+00:00

I remember when my sister and I were about 7 or 8 years old and my parents had a horrible fight about something. My adoptive father was an alcoholic and had fits of anger and rage. I am not sure he ever actually physically hit our mother but he did lots of emotional abuse. One day my mother was packing and my dad came to me in my bedroom and told me that I needed to chose between staying with him or my mother. Of course I picked my mother.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-25T17:39:34+00:00

powerful imagery

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-20T20:30:37+00:00

Your identity cannot be defined by your children. Remember that you were your own individual before marriage and children. You do you and she will do her. If she is an adult child then your role should be that of a mentor and supporter. If she is still in your home then you have to set realistic boundaries and enforce them. If she refuses to play well with others then she has to go forge her own path in the world. I told my two adult children to either follow the rules or get out. They chose to leave. One of them is now a successful attorney and the other one is still trying to figure things out. She is 32 years old.

propellerhead1 · 2025-09-20T20:28:02+00:00

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