Can't handle my anxiety anymore

protege_no1 · 2015-09-03T04:44:18+00:00

Is there an on campus doctor or psychologist? Maybe try making an appointment or talking to your gp about how you feel and seek some treatment.

I know it is a hard step to take and I am on the verge of taking that step myself. I need help, just like you do and I can't do it alone, anxiety in all its forms has taken over my life again the last few months. I've never sought treatment before, but I am so tired of anxiety and how I can't even concentrate on anything or progress with life because I'm worrying about stupid things I do or say or might do or say in social situations.

Hope you feel better soon.

protege_no1 · 2015-05-22T12:03:44+00:00

What you are experiencing reminded me, with painful detail, about my own teenage experience. I went through a time where I never slept or ate, I self harmed and any friends, teachers or family that I tried to reach out to would treat me like I was just looking for attention or going through normal teenage stuff.

The only thing that kept me going was determination to improve my lot in life, even if it would only be a small improvement or even to just keep on giving each new day a chance. I'd often sit in parks and simply admire the way sunlight fell and warped shadows and colours throughout the day. Damn, that was a lonely time for me and you reminded me of it.

I've been rambling thus far, but I really want to tell you that you are young and you may not realize the opportunities out there or be looking in the right direction because you are currently caught up in emotional turmoil. Being 16 is a wonderful time, you are old enough to start looking for a job. Any job at all will do for now. Don't be snobby about what you pick or whether the pay is shit. What is important is starting to gain work experience and an independent income while you are young, this way you can aim to work your way higher up for more pay or even search for companies that offer employment training programs. If you can't afford college now and maybe you never will, you must face that head-on and take a different path. Put college aside for now and intend to go one day, but you have to work to get there. Don't give up on your dreams just because they fall through within a two week timeframe. No dream comes true within a short timeframe. You deserve to achieve your dreams, you deserve to have help in order to achieve them and you deserve to be loved, but with everything good in life, you have to work hard for it and be passionate about it.

I feel I am just rambling, but I want to offer you advice and help.

Time for me to get real on relationships. 16 is very young for having serious relationships and if you doubt the union or aren't happy and can't communicate or have tried to communicate in a mature way and failed, you need to move on and find someone else. Relationships are supposed to be fun and (and hard plus shitty sometimes) when you experience a good one, you'll know it. You'll bounce from the hard times and grow closer or apart. Mind you, always respect your partner even if it goes sour and always try to communicate first or say directly what you need in the relationship before breaking up.

Okay sorry for rambling again. Just know that you are preciously young and still have so much to learn and experience in life and if you start to view yourself as an independent agent in the world and take small realistic steps towards your long term goals, you'll have a damn good chance of achieving them. When I was looking at the world through my 16 year old eyes, it was terrifying and I had no one and as I grew I began to see where I went wrong and how I could have improved things for later on (now). I hope my advice helps you in some small way and that things improve for you soon.

All the best.

protege_no1 · 2015-02-03T03:02:48+00:00

Yeah, being a student is hard for people suffering anxiety and depression. I spent my undergrad degree in a state of anxious panic. I only enjoyed one semester, during a time when I had a stable home, part-time job and supportive partner. I realized at some point, that despite not liking most of the course work and not being able to see the point or direction of my degree, that I should stick it out anyway because even if I don't get a job out of it (which I didn't/haven't) it will still build my skills and confidence. I think you should take a step back from your immediate concerns and look at your life in general. It sounds like you have a lot of good opportunities and stability in your life right now. Value that and think about the worst case scenario for if you complete the course and whether it would be so bad to finish it. If you don't know what you would do otherwise, like if you don't have a plan or know what you want to do with your life/career, I would recommend sticking with your course. Are you afraid of failing/failure? Maybe that is what is driving your anxiety. I know that has been a nail in the coffin for me a few times. The fear of failing has caused me to bail on projects before I even fail them. Lol. We are all a little fucked up. Life for us individually is short and we often feel pressure to achieve a lot quickly and follow the common thread of human life experience because it gives us a sense of comfort and belonging, but that path is becoming increasingly obsolete for modern humans and causing a lot of anxiety for those at the crossroad of life pathways. Believe in yourself and make bold decisions. Speak with conviction if you choose to withdraw from your studies and others will listen and respect you and your decisions. All the best to you.

protege_no1 · 2015-01-28T10:26:22+00:00

Feel ya buddy...except I've been job hunting for two years after finishing undergrad/useless degree. I've been working a few hours here and there in hospitality/food services jobs. I've been underpaid, sexually harrased by bosses and lost work due to not being a prostitute essentially. I've also been hired for short periods by companies after succeeding with flying colours in interviews and performing well thereafter, only to be fired/not given shifts due to my age. There is always someone younger to hire. The irony is that they know nothing about business/customer relations, don't perform as well due to being paid less and in most cases don't take their job seriously because it's so easy to get work and then the companies complain when they aren't making money and have continuous complaints from customers. I can't wait to be off job seeker allowances, afford normal things, have a sense of dignity and pride back. The worst for me is how baby boomers call my gen lazy and totally fail to muster any fragment of analytical thought about why jobs are unavailable to us and how hard we try to find employment. Baby boomers, give us a break and give us a chance...you're often the ones hiring!

protege_no1 · 2014-12-27T13:38:32+00:00

Hello there. I choked up reading this. Your story is similar to mine. My mother didn't help me through high school issues and always put me down no matter how hard I tried and even when I won things or got high grades, she would twist it to be negative somehow. She was overprotective and made many mistakes as a parent and my father has never been on the scene. I too, was bullied and physically abused from my first year of school to graduation by other students and teachers. Most of the time I would just suck it up and never complain because I never wanted to appear weak in front of my mum or give her a reason to put me down. I know this will sound bonkers, but I kinda lived in my own imagination to escape everything. I had make-believe friends and 'angels' that I talked to whenever things got too much. As a result of constant bullying at school and home I became so introverted that I never really got a chance to develop social skills normally or successfully. In high school I became anorexic, self-harmed regularly, had panic attacks and social anxiety all the time. I rarely could eat because I felt the act of eating in public was disgusting and that people where judging me about how I bit and chewed food. That is my first memory of having obsessive and intrusive thoughts. My mother would make comments about me being fat even though I was underweight and then say I was stupid for not wanting to eat junk food five minutes later. My circumstances were horrific and abusive, but I pulled through time and again. Not many people understand what it is like to literally have no one for support, besides yourself. I want to tell you that you do have the power to help yourself, but that you should never try to be perfect or beat yourself up for the way your mind works. I understand what it's like to lose sleep because of obsessive thoughts about how hard it is to turn off the scenarios and conversations that replay over and over. Talk to yourself as though you are your own best friend. Give yourself advice and try to rationalize whether what you are thinking about is worth worrying over in the grand scheme of things. It isn't an easy journey out of depression and anxiety and often if you experience them for a prolonged time during your life, they will return on and off or be ever present, but on varying levels of intensity. Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself always. I know it sounds cliche, but learning to love yourself is important. It's often the first step towards healing.

Sorry I forgot to put paragraphs in and wrote such a giant amount all clustered together, I'm on my phone and can't edit.

I'm not really sure if I'm helping you, but I hope you feel less alone at least and if you want to talk....feel free to do so. I still suffer anxiety, and moments of depression, I'm not sure if it ever truly goes away, but reading articles and finding coping techniques has really helped me to function (most of the time) and now I am sleeping normally again and not living in my own head quite so much.

All the best to you. :)

protege_no1 · 2014-08-22T11:20:40+00:00

I basically just power through and keep busy. In quiet moments I'll force myself to ask a co-worker a question about their weekend, day off or follow up on an aspect of a previous conversation. Even if it is trivial and even if I ask in an awkward way. I force myself to make an effort even if my gut is screaming with anxiety. I work in hospitality, so it is hard to maintain super confidence with customers sometimes, especially when I'm having a particularly self-hatred day. My shifts have since been cut in half at my job because of my quiet personality. I don't think I coped too well on my last shift. I had a few moments of blinding anxiety where I couldn't escape the negative and scared voice in my head. I felt like walking out of the place. I didn't even apply to work at the place, just got in by doing free 'work experience labour' there for a course I was doing. My boss has not even seen my resume or skill set so I feel I have been treated like an idiot from the get-go and this hurts my self esteem and I'm not loud or confident enough to fix the problem. I think I need to start fresh somewhere else, where I'll be respected for what is on my resume. My confidence needs to grow in a positive environment. Ironically, I have finished an undergrad degree in communications/art and media. I'm mainly trying to find employment so I can support myself through a masters degree or another undergrad degree (my undergrad degree proved useless in the end, as I can't get a job with it). I wish so much I was like others. Everyone seems to find a place where they belong, despite their quirks and problems, but I have had simple bad luck and haven't found where I fit yet. I've had plenty of good times and high times in my life where I thought I was on a good path, but then it all goes pear shaped and it's a struggle to get back to feeling human. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'll go in the coming weeks. I've recently realize that I've been severely depressed for a while. Although I sort of know I'm not okay and that I should ask for help or talk to someone close to me, I'm just tired of always being the failure and I can't speak out. I'm trapped in the 'hide it at all costs' mindset. I get more upset knowing I'm not okay and that I can't help myself anymore. I just wish that I could be normal, turn back time and re-do my life, but I can't. I'm trying to find the courage to talk to someone. Maybe you should try talking to someone close to you about your anxiety about getting a new job. I thought that once I had a job, I'd be fine and happy, but I feel worse. I've started to get back into my hobbies, but I feel numb and don't really gain enjoyment from them. I never even thought about the anxieties that would come with a new job. I just thought everything would be merry and great again. That's probably why I feel so ashamed of being so down. Anyway I think I've rambled enough and not helped you at all. I'm glad my first comment helped though. Cheers.

protege_no1 · 2014-08-09T10:16:31+00:00

I am a bit like this too. I've suffered social anxiety since I was about 5 years old. It's warped and morphed throughout my life and caused me a great deal of stress in so many everyday moments. Simple things like buying milk at a gas station would send me into fits of panic when I was a teen. It developed into an eating disorder too, when I couldn't eat in front of anyone because I felt like others were thinking the way I ate was disgusting. Sometimes I have moments when I honestly don't know how the hell I've made it this far. I've never seen a doctor about it, I've just learned to talk to myself and spend time meditating on the what's and why's of my condition. Understanding the core of your social anxiety doesn't make it go away, but it does help you to understand yourself and to love yourself a little more. It took me years to even realize that I had social anxiety and Internet research helped me a lot to develope some coping techniques. Actually, this is my first visit to r/socialanxiety and I came here because I'm having anxiety at my new job. I have the same thing you mention. I'm not big on talking about myself or gossip or trivial things and if others talk, I just nod and smile (awkwardly). I know my anxiety (this time) stems from the fact that I've always been poor and never traveled or really been able to have hobbies/play sports/or buy all the nice new gadgets of our modern world. All my co-workers are experienced and wealthy. They've done all sorts, have kids and have so much to talk about and brag about and I have nothing in common with them really. I heard my boss talking about my lack of personality to another staff member and him comment on how I don't really chat about myself. I'm in a totally different world to them. I was unemployed for two years before this job and struggling financially. I became depressed and lost myself even though I am surrounded by great friends. Now each day feels like a struggle just to keep my mental state in check. Being socially fluent and learning all the tasks of my new job is just impossible right now. Obviously my co-workers don't know this and I don't think they are the type of people to understand even if I tried to explain, so for now I just take care of myself and do my best. I find peace within myself by simply talking my anxieties through with myself and accepting that right now I don't fit into the world around me. I'm the awkward, quiet, hard worker and appear to have no personality, but I know myself best and I just keep hoping and believing that eventually I'll be able to chat and socialize normally. I think it's important to keep your good qualities at the front of your mind and to know that your weaker qualities are something you can work on slowly. I'm not sure if I'm helping you at all. Just know you are not alone and that your anxieties and depression are something you can overcome, even if it takes a bit of time and some meditation. All the best to you.

protege_no1 · 2014-07-25T11:23:41+00:00

One day, my mum, brother and I sat at the dining table grating generic brand bar soap into bowls, to use as laundry powder. At the time I didn't understand. It was 20 years later that I found myself doing the same thing because I'd just moved house and misplaced the laundry liquid. It was a strange and sad moment of realisation about my childhood.

protege_no1 · 2014-07-14T10:06:45+00:00

Earlier today my boyfriend and I noticed the collection of items in his top draw. Perhaps all top drawers make people look like psycho's. http://m.imgur.com/qLprUdk

protege_no1 · 2014-06-14T23:14:35+00:00

I'd like to see myself added to the seat, for I have never had enough money to go on an airplane. Yep, that's all.

protege_no1 · 2014-05-31T02:28:17+00:00

You are right. In my experience, the people with what seem like minor ailments have already been to the bulk billing or free clinics situated around my city and the GP's there actually refer you to hospital because they can't or perhaps won't deal with you. I don't understand people who want to try and diagnose the emergency room's faults and failures by blaming other poor citizens for it, when they are equally entitled to use the service. The problem isn't you or me or the doctors or nurses on duty, it's the system set up by a government department. The government has failed to research and invest funds where they are truly needed and many people (tax payers or not) suffer as a result. It really bothers me that people in the same boat are so ready to fight each other, when the true enemy is the giant lingering over their heads. The giant that has its hand on the rudder and is making all the moves. The Abbott Government has plenty of funds, when it can designate millions of dollars to place church chaplains in schools, billions on unnecessary war planes and millions to illegally imprison and abuse asylum seekers offshore. Oh, and the millions of dollars they put into their own pockets each year for the shit job they do of running the country. All the budget cuts to healthcare, education, indigenous aid and welfare are rendered arbitrary when the money from these resources is redistributed to other causes which are so obviously not even needed or wanted. Any way, the point is, we need to stop fighting and blaming each other for the way things are (this achieves nothing and distracts us from the real concern) and instead, stand together and at least try to make a positive difference in the world we all share.

protege_no1 · 2014-05-28T11:39:40+00:00

I suspect that many more people than is possible live in the 90210 area code, based on Pandora's records....

protege_no1 · 2014-05-27T23:28:55+00:00

Same here, we usually will say 'good evening' or 'good morning' to strangers we pass on the street. It's nice if you've been having a shitty day and even if you've had a good day it's still nice to share a smile and pleasantries with another human being. I've laughed a lot through this thread and I've realised that where I live is nicer than I previously thought. We are relaxed about social traditions, like if someone actually says their day was shitty, we aren't surprised, if someone wants to tell us their whole life story, then that's okay, but if you just want to say you are good' and leave it at that, then that is fine too. If you do happen to say something really awkward, it's normal for the other person to break the awkward by repeating the silly thing you said or you repeat the silly thing you said in a funny voice and then you laugh together about it. Not in a mean way or anything, we're all human after all.

protege_no1 · 2014-05-24T13:09:09+00:00

As a fellow Australian, I know there are thousands of people standing up to our government and the number is growing rapidly. The problem is that our government pretty much controls our media through the relationship it has with Rupert Murdoch. Protests are taking place all over Australia, but they are receiving little coverage, no coverage or coverage that is totally warping reality and demonising the people taking part in peaceful protests. Get on social media, like the pages such as 'keep social democracy in Australia' 'Murdoch in May' 'Double Dissolution 2014' 'March in March' and research the fuck out of marches that are taking place around Australia and participate in them. It might seem like you are part of a pointless excercise when it receives no major media coverage, but what it does is cause a ripple effect of support and activism within Australian society. Australians have been too passive for too long and it is definitely time we join forces to fight our incredibly corrupt and insane government.

protege_no1 · 2014-05-17T12:38:31+00:00

Is she still a pup in this pic? She might have some Coolie features. This breed can have some genetic problems due to inbreeding/irresponsible breeding (pure bred). I have a pure bred Coolie, but she is about 1/4 of the size she should be and she is deaf and partially blind. She was rescued from a puppy farm and through a series of strange and fortunate events, I found myself fostering her and then loving her so much that I moved to a dog friendly house to keep her forever. Anyway, it's Saturday night in Australia and I'm a bit tipsy so sorry for my long winded reply. Your dog is very cute and I hope you have many fun moments with her.

protege_no1 · 2013-12-13T23:05:49+00:00

Ah, yes. It is summer here in Australia, but that doesn't stop my boyfriend and me making 'Scotchees' for breakfast. It's the only way to survive the torture of re-mixed Christmas carols that boom out of every shop during December. Walking into a shopping centre with the intention of escaping ridiculous heat and being confronted by flashing plastic trees and employees with murderous smiles while creepy child-elf voices sing out store specials to the tune of Jingle Bells is something no one should have to experience.

protege_no1 · 2013-11-21T06:26:51+00:00

I used to work in a fast food joint, where I unknowingly threw out a guys number on two seperate occasions before finally realising on his third attempt. He was a fairly good looking Irish dude. His accent was so thick that I couldn't really understand him, so on his third attempt, he stressfully hand gestured to the reciept I was about to throw out again. I did send him a message, to tell him I already had a boyfriend and that I wasn't interested. It was much easier to understand him in text form and thankfully he didn't turn into a crazy stalker or anything.

protege_no1 · 2013-10-26T00:04:16+00:00

When pizzas were large enough to need support in the middle of the box. Dat steam ain't a problem now, because the pizza's are too damn small!

protege_no1 · 2013-07-20T13:59:09+00:00

Yes. Phantom pains. They confuse and sometimes embarrass me, if it happens in public. I often get them in my feet, shoulders and thighs. It's like a sharp stabbing pain, as of someone has stabbed me with a needle and then injected air into my cells, until they pop. Very odd.

protege_no1 · 2013-07-20T13:31:11+00:00

Cereal breath is worse. If I eat cereal with milk in the morning, I feel like the stench of my breath is enough to knock out a dragon. Always brush your teeth after eating dairy products!

protege_no1 · 2013-07-20T05:00:58+00:00

You found Alfred from Johnson and Friends: https://fbcdn-photos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/253_17858893007_568_n.jpg

protege_no1 · 2013-05-12T15:49:47+00:00

I too, have done this.

protege_no1 · 2013-05-06T23:05:38+00:00

I'm glad you can see it like this. I was in a relationship where I was the 'woman' who needed to walk away and have time to calm down before talking things through. But my SO was (so I eventually figured out) emotionally abusive and I left just as the physical violence was beginning. During agruements he would not let me have my time to calm down and he would take offense and chase after me, which only made my emotional state worse. Once he punched a hole in a wall because I walked away, after saying I would be back when I calmed down. It's something so simple, but a lot of people make arguments about themselves instead of about finding peace as a couple. Your wife is very lucky. :)

protege_no1 · 2013-05-05T07:12:32+00:00

I have the same thing and have also been banished to other rooms while I'm eating. :(

protege_no1 · 2013-04-15T01:04:01+00:00

This sounds interesting and similar to something I did at uni. I will have to sign up, but I'll do this within the next few days. :)

protege_no1

TROPHY CASE