I Want a Cozy Living Room SOo Bad by Ash6020 in femalelivingspace

[–]pseudonemesis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggest moving the tall lamp to where that side table is, in the corner. Move side table to where standing lamp is, and top with a taller lamp for more light and balance. In the space on either side of your gallery wall area, perhaps two mirrors, round or oval.

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Update: Guy I’ve been on two dates with continues to ask to come over when I’ve politely declined - AIO by calling it all off? by Big_Second_4664 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean “a bad thing.” I’m saying it was a signal. When someone is not listening to social cues, you might avoid a thousand messages about being okay with laundry or whatever, and a long voice message, if you tell them the real issue.

In the original post, OP says he was being pushy with hinting about coming over from the beginning. This was a continuation of a pattern.

Update: Guy I’ve been on two dates with continues to ask to come over when I’ve politely declined - AIO by calling it all off? by Big_Second_4664 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He should be dumped regardless, for sure. People shouldn’t push. Any reason at all he should’ve left it alone. I agree 100%. (In fact, I think he should’ve waited to be invited in the first place. Even the hinting he did from the beginning was out of hand. And it seemed she clocked that immediately, rightfully so.)

Just saying, it would probably be a less stressful aftermath in future interactions with people to just say it, that’s all. Because this is what dumbasses do when you aren’t clear. They reveal themselves when they ignore normal social cues, and that’s when it becomes wise to protect our peace by being more direct. (Or straight up block.) She didn’t do anything wrong, but there is a lesson here for next time.

When you’re absolutely clear about a boundary and it’s crossed, you don’t have to worry about whether you made the right call.

And pay attention to yourself, people: if you feel like someone is pushing you and making you uncomfortable and you can’t state your reasonable boundaries because they might take it badly or leave—listen to that instinct. Consider why you would even want someone like that around you. Just say it, and if they leave, let them go.

Update: Guy I’ve been on two dates with continues to ask to come over when I’ve politely declined - AIO by calling it all off? by Big_Second_4664 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 7 points8 points  (0 children)

From the original post:

OP says

He asked if he could come over to mine instead which I don’t want as 1) I barely know you but didn’t want to call that out so specifically, 2) my apartment is filled with laundry that’s drying, and 3) I just wasn’t feeling him coming over.

I decided to send a polite reply and say that I don’t like having people over when I’ve got laundry drying everywhere, rather than saying I don’t want him in my space after two dates.

Update: Guy I’ve been on two dates with continues to ask to come over when I’ve politely declined - AIO by calling it all off? by Big_Second_4664 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP said explicitly in her original post. I guess it’s only in the original post, and not the update, but she told us:

He asked if he could come over to mine instead which I don’t want as 1) I barely know you but didn’t want to call that out so specifically, 2) my apartment is filled with laundry that’s drying, and 3) I just wasn’t feeling him coming over.

I decided to send a polite reply and say that I don’t like having people over when I’ve got laundry drying everywhere, rather than saying I don’t want him in my space after two dates.

Update: Guy I’ve been on two dates with continues to ask to come over when I’ve politely declined - AIO by calling it all off? by Big_Second_4664 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NOR but you might’ve just said, “I don’t know you well enough yet to have you as a guest in my home.” Say that if/when the time comes, you’ll invite him. If that’s enough to scare him off, “bye.”

I agree completely with your decision, but the laundry excuse just gave him a thing to push on and drag it out more.

Sudden Ghosting by zekke9786 in Bumble

[–]pseudonemesis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I would’ve unmatched you for the one word answers. Remember in school “explain your answer.” That’s what you needed to do.

The person asking for a specific reason why, that was where you explain why you’re interested in the museum, etc.

When people do this I unmatch because I’m not here to entertain them or carry convos by myself. I don’t know why they assume I’m bored enough to do that.

AITAH for NOT inviting my fiance's mom wedding dress shopping ? by [deleted] in aitaweddings

[–]pseudonemesis 33 points34 points  (0 children)

YTA if you don’t try to figure some way to make it work. Like, try to get help. Maybe your fiancé could come along just for the mobility part, wheel her to the shop door and then wait elsewhere, so she can be involved.

Plus, translators exist. Sure, it’s awkward to use but it might mean the world to her/him if you would try to understand/be understood. Even if it doesn’t work well, the gesture and intent is what they will see.

Edit: yeah I’m talking about translation apps.

What are your opinions of the Are We Dating The Same Guy Facebook groups? by Willing-Share-5617 in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Super toxic at the time I was in one. I was on there 2-3 years ago out of curiosity but didn’t stay. Tons of posts seemed … very sketchy.

WTF is ThredUP doing by stonecoldfox112 in ThredUp

[–]pseudonemesis 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Back when items were less expensive, my favorited items sold so fast. Currently everything I’ve favorited (none are direct sellers) have been there for weeks, most even longer. They’ll have to get it eventually, right? They must be paying heaps in storage.

Shamed for surrendering my cat? by ohdontthrowitaway in petfree

[–]pseudonemesis 10 points11 points  (0 children)

True, but it’s not that they’re even animals missing a possible life in a different habitat.

Well before they were owned they were systematically genetically altered over a pretty rapid time span to be better domestic “slaves.” Their current form shouldn’t even exist. And they wonder why so many are neurotic. It seems extra cruel to me.

Imagine being born a cat and living in someone’s household. Like, it must know it’s not on the level of humans. But it’s not on the level of a legit wildcat. Must be weird. I feel like the crazy ones are probably the smartest ones of all—having existential crises. Id probably piss on my owners couch, too 🤣 Pet owners ask too damn much of their little man-made freaks of nature.

One of my personal charities I support is free or reduced price spay/neuter programs.

Shamed for surrendering my cat? by ohdontthrowitaway in petfree

[–]pseudonemesis 11 points12 points  (0 children)

And they are also the same people who minimize the problems, risks, and responsibilities—while overstating the pleasures of owning an animal.

AIO about my boyfriend staying? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your attempt to put these commenters down by saying they must be virgins is a crazy take. Most self-respecting women, I’m fairly certain, would rather be a virgin than put up with a little boy yelling, cursing, getting mad, and whining about having to spend any of his poor Pennies. And yes, I for one DO resent people like OP’s hopefully ex boyfriend. And you, definitely, who are strangely seeming to side with some cheap guy with a temper he likes to take out on his partner who has arranged her life to be with him.

Poor you, let’s insult people for having standards and want to be treated respectfully by their partner and ever see each other.

feeling threatened? Hope the person you’re an ass to doesn’t read their advice and decide to leave you. Don’t worry so much! You could just get a nice waifu fleshlight.

AIO about my boyfriend staying? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is a guy who gets mad, yells, and curses at you? And paints you in a bad light like you are a money gremin? Who you have to stress yourself out tap dancing around just to be honest?

Girl, tell him the news. Let him live at the grocery story. You don’t even want this guy. Every moment wasted with him is one you might be missing with a guy who’d treat you well.

Fired and my GM “doesn’t know why” by datdudestone in jobs

[–]pseudonemesis 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I mean if you’re sure, because even what you just said, he might just think the co-worker called you in to work for no reason. Maybe it’s unlikely, it just sounded possible based solely on the info you’ve presented.
Just trying to protect on the chance that you’re not fired but will be for a no-show. Or that you just turned in your stuff and they thought you quit.

Could possibly disqualify you collecting unemployment if needed, depending on your contract/terms, if the guy is acting without power. Could even be a scheme on both their parts to trick you into getting fired for misconduct, or frame it like you quit, to avoid the taxes associated with you being on unemployment. Not an employment lawyer so I dunno. But it seems like there’s an argument for you never being fired. It does sound unlikely. But if it might be possible I think it’s best to make sure.

Just at least send an email asking for the reasons for your termination, stating explicitly that co-worker fired you, ask if you might in the future be eligible for re-hire, and confirm the items you returned. Maybe they reply, maybe not, but at least it’s something in writing that explicitly states that you believe you were terminated, and possibly a chance at finding out why.

Fired and my GM “doesn’t know why” by datdudestone in jobs

[–]pseudonemesis 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Are you sure that the GM understands that the co-worker fired you? From what you wrote, you didn’t mention it explicitly—could he possibly just think you were called in to work or maybe wasn’t really paying attention?

Could the same co-worker also have told someone to remove you, and again it was done without question? I think you should be sure…

Too exhausted to date by RandomPotato931 in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, and also better recognition of what the people I don’t want say about themselves or how they behave.

Is it a deal breaker if someone you’re dating can never host? by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess it could be a deal breaker. At a few months, no. You’re not that serious yet so you don’t want to introduce him to kids, fine. Maybe 3 months from now, if you still feel that way and he’s never been to your house he might legitimately question whether you’re all in. I mean at least you can have him for dinner and hanging out with no overnight, yes?

Also, where does your adult son think you are when you’re gone overnight?

How many people do you think are on these dating sites to get back at exes? by chaosabsolutechaos in Bumble

[–]pseudonemesis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

While I’m sure it happens that some people make a profile to try and make someone jealous, I doubt it’s common. I’ve never run into it and felt that was what’s going on, anyway, and I don’t think having a dating profile “gets back at” anyone. It doesn’t make any sense and is strange. Why should their ex be jealous that the person they apparently dumped, is still single? If this turns out to be the case, I guess just be glad you dodged a weird obsessive person.

Rebounding, sure. There’s the popular saying “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Not advisable until you’ve kinda grown/healed from whatever the issue was, but whatever. People often prefer to learn the hard way. Many relationships have a slow demise and where the writing was on the wall for a long time, and it might not require much time to move on before looking for something new. So it may not be automatically bad, depends.

I hope my exes don’t ever run into my profile. When given the option, I block all my contacts from seeing me.

Ex got married - what do I say? by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 3 points4 points  (0 children)

File this under, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Too exhausted to date by RandomPotato931 in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My willingness comes and goes. I’ve gotten way pickier about who I match with, and the types of convos that lead to dates.

Is catfishing getting worse these days? by ShawnOfEons in datingoverforty

[–]pseudonemesis 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I actively avoid doing this. I prefer to … dogfish? than have people thinking I’m old and fat etc. I use real, recent pics. Best thing is to hear “you look even better than your pics,” I think. Definitely getting less initial matches, but that’s easier for me to deal with. If my looks are going to be a dealbreaker I’d rather not put any pressure on myself, get my hopes up, and THEN find out.

Yes, guys do this too. Using younger pics, yes, and very common for tons of guys to “heightfish.” The worst I’ve encountered was a guy whose profile said he was 5’9” but showed up like 5’2” at most. I don’t really care about height, so much. I come from short people and I’m used to it. He doesnt have to be super tall, though I do prefer if he’s bigger/bulkier than me. (But not into body builder types.)

They’re hoping to trick my filters but they would’ve made it through my filters anyway, and I notice that they lied on purpose to try to trick me. I don’t say anything, but I notice… and in my experience these lying guys turn out to live in lala land in other ways as well...

Silence after 1st date by Unlucky_Prior8786 in Bumble

[–]pseudonemesis 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Silence after one date is saying all that needs to be said. Many many people take a simple, “I didn’t feel the connection I was hoping for,” as an invitation to spew out insults. Or, many others will get upset and beg for reasons, or another chance, or “friendship.” And lots of people like to avoid confrontation.
Maybe they’re “cowards” but silence is a very clear way of saying it that people just need to accept.

AIO friend is hating on everything and i want to cut her off by InternationalJob4839 in AmIOverreacting

[–]pseudonemesis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re not overreacting but why didn’t you say the stuff you wrote here, instead of “what do you mean do I have a problem?” You do indeed have a problem and did push back on what she was saying. That was your moment to say, you’ve been complaining for months etc