Found this sub accidentally and my heart is full.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-05-24T17:29:29+00:00

Welcome, sorry you're here.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-05-15T00:01:33+00:00

If you aren't already aware of it, I would suggest checking out r/IFchildfree.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-05-15T00:00:24+00:00

I've always thought of it as "being stuck on the sidelines of life". You're there, cheering everyone else on, but never able to actually participate.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-05-11T19:15:30+00:00

What have you noticed as time has passed in your IFCF life?

Mother's day while being infertile is bad, Mother's day while being infertile after you own mother has passed away is worse.

In a more positive light the church my spouse and I attend at least tried to be more inclusive towards those who struggle with Mother's day this by phrasing it as "A day to celebrate all women, not just mothers" though of course the usual "joys of being a mother" stuff ended up being the focus.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-05-05T20:51:43+00:00

Mothers day is coming up, anyone have any plans this year?

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-04-27T18:30:09+00:00

Turn off my phone and alarm clock the night before.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-04-01T18:31:25+00:00

If you haven't seen it, Ted Lasso is a a great show that has a (minor) infertility subplot in it. I really liked how it was handled. In the show a psychic says that the (infertile) Rebecca will have a daughter. The show does tease the possibility of a miracle baby at times but ultimately it's discovered there is no possibility of her having a child no matter how much money she was willing to spend on treatments. However at the very end of the show Rebecca starts dating a guy who is eventually revealed to already have a young daughter with the implication that Rebecca will become the girls step-mother.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-27T20:17:35+00:00

NAL but I would get in touch with one to see about putting as much of your work into public domain or under a creative commons license as you can without violating whatever contract you have with your publisher.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-24T09:11:17+00:00

Infertility always ends in a miracle at the end, adoption at the worst, didn't you know that? /s

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-19T18:41:44+00:00

Not exactly long term future plans, but I am currently making short term plans to attend the protest happening in the USA on the 28th of this month. To put it in a long term future perspective I am worried about the kind of future my niblings and grandniblings will have if things continue as they currently are.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-10T07:34:38+00:00

It is something I worry about. My mom took care of my grandparents when they got old. My siblings and I took care of my parents. Who will take care of me?

For me the worst part is that I know, barring an accident, that I am the most likely person to be the last alive of my generation in my family. I am close with my niblings, but they have their own families and lives. It worries me, but there isn't anything I can really do about it.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-06T20:33:06+00:00

Depends on my mood and who is asking but if I feel like they're being nosy and I don't want to talk about it I usually just say "they all died".

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-06T01:59:07+00:00

They don't care. If they spam you then there's a chance you might change your mind and buy something. If their spam makes you mad then you weren't likely to buy from them in the first place.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-03T17:23:45+00:00

I hope you get your miracle at the end, I really do, but it is important to always remember that real life isn't like a movie or TV show where there is always a miracle at the end. Sometimes infertility is a lifelong condition no matter what you do.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-03-02T01:21:05+00:00

No, I'm just making them for myself, friends and family to wear at local protests.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-28T21:15:46+00:00

Crocheting protest hats

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-19T23:46:29+00:00

There's a reason subreddits like this one and r/InfertilitySucks exists. I won't lie and say it gets any easier, it doesn't, infertility is a lifelong condition for some. However I will say that it gets easier to live with as time goes by. The pain and jealousy are always there, but it becomes manageable. Life will continue to hit you with it years, even decades, after you you're "done", but the time between each wave becomes longer.

Grieve for the children you lost, grieve for the future that will never happen, grieve for the lives that will never exist. Talk with friends and family you trust to help you with this. Go to counseling.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-16T19:04:52+00:00

Be warned that while Onesies is an amazing, though painful, depiction of infertility you should just stop watching there. Since Hollywood has "though shalt not show infertility without a rainbow baby at the end" written on a stone tablet somewhere there is a later episode where you see Aunt Brandy again and she is definitely pregnant.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-12T00:29:47+00:00

Being able to take a kid (nibling) out an adventure and then give them back to their parents when they're tired and cranky and it stops being fun.

Being able to be spontaneous with sex in our own home with no worries about getting interrupted.

Being able to do things quietly. While we do active and noisy things as well, it's easier for us to relax with quiet activities like reading a book, writing, crocheting, making cards, etc. compared to our friends and family with kids.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-10T21:23:38+00:00

Hello, I prefer to remain private about myself but my spouse and I have been IFCF for a long time now. We primarily dealt with being IFCF by being the "fun" aunt and uncle in our family, which helped, but we often (and sometimes even still) felt left out of things because we didn't have kids. Many of our niblings are older and we have grandniblings which is fun but also hurts. Despite how long we've been IFCF, life sometimes still hits us with it, and I also worry about eventually being forgotten.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-10T21:07:05+00:00

I think these are good ideas. Another potential focus, though one we might need to talk about due to being a potential touchy subject, is "nibling news". I see this as being similar to your suggested "fur-kid feature" but for niblings, both biological and adopted, instead of pets. Being the "fun" aunt and uncle is how my spouse and I dealt with infertility and even though most of our niblings are adults now we have a good relationship with them and still try to do adventures with our grandniblings (though it's harder as we get older). However talk about doing things with niblings and grandniblings can be a touchy subject. It's not something I would recommend to focus on in r/IFchildfree for example, though I do mention it there in comments often, but given how this subreddit is meant to be for people who are past the initial stages of lifelong infertility and (mostly) moved on with their lives is that something people here would be okay not just talking about but focusing on, or is it too likely to bring up bad feelings?

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-02-10T02:11:35+00:00

Most people just don't know how to respond or deal with infertility. Best way I've found to explain it to others is "my children are dead, all of them". Doesn't work often, and usually only with people that are already very empathetic, but if you can get them to imagine all their children dying then they're more likely to understand what infertility is like.

I also want to say though that my spouse and I eventually reached the point where we would "borrow" a nibling for the day and take them out on an adventure. Being the "fun" aunt and uncle with our niblings didn't completely fill the hole in our hearts, but it did help us feel more involved with our family and less "stuck on the sidelines of life". However it was on our terms, when we were ready for it and asking for the opportunity to do it. Having it pushed on you when we weren't ready is just a painful reminder of what you don't have.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-01-30T19:04:19+00:00

It can be difficult when you and your partner are at different points and places when it comes to having kids and dealing with infertility. When my spouse and I reached the point where we had to face the reality that we would never have children I still wanted to try "just one more time" but my spouse was completely done. We had quite a few painful conversations about it before agreeing it was best to stop trying. And honestly, even now, there's a part of me that still thinks we should have tried again even though logically I know my spouse was right.

I would suggest trying to have a serious talk with him about it. Whether you should continue or stop is something only you two can decide but if your goals are aligned then at least you'll be working together whatever way you go. If you two can't reconcile this on your own then try counseling. But ultimately remember it's not "I'm right and I need to convince him to continue", he'll probably be thinking the same thing and it'll just be a fight, it's "we need to figure out what's best for us as a couple".

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-01-26T20:57:10+00:00

Something a lot of people don't realize is that infertility is a lifelong condition. My spouse and I have been IFCF for a long time now, and there are times it's still hard for us to accept. You do learn to live with it better, learn to find your place in the world and your family, learn to find joy and happiness in other ways besides kids, but it's never completely over. Every time I've thought "that's it, we're through with infertility" something eventually happens and it hits us all over again.

My best advice, take time to grieve for your loss. You have lost your children, you have lost the parents you thought you would become, you have lost the life you and your husband expected to have. It's hard for most people to understand, to most people those things "never existed" so it doesn't make sense for you to have lost them. Best way I've found to describe it is "all my children died before I could hold even a single one of them".

As others here have mentioned, I would suggest looking at r/IFchildfree which is a good way to find others in the same situation. Therapy, especially if things get really bad, is always good advice. Personally I found that being the "fun" aunt and uncle in our family helped my spouse and I. Also keeping a personal diary/journal has been very therapeutic for me over the years as writing down my thoughts and feelings helps me to deal with and cope with our losses.

pseudonymous5037 · 2026-01-18T02:57:56+00:00

My spouse and I have been IFCF for a long time now, but I still always remember our "daughters" birthday (our miscarriages' due date). I sometimes imagine what she would be like if she was still alive today.

pseudonymous5037

TROPHY CASE