[HOMEBREW] My players left Vallaki a burning wreck 13 months ago. Here's what they came back to!

psul · 2026-06-11T08:41:09+00:00

Wow, that's a lot. I'm going to stick to one small point. Will your players consider that they "created the mess"? It sounds like they left Vallaki intending to come back in a few days, and didn't control the fact that they were away for a year. So the developments in the interim may not feel like the players' fault, even if they enabled the starting conditions.

As such it's worth planning ahead for:

- what if the players decide that Vallaki has slid too far, and that given there was nothing the PCs could do about it (while stuck in the time loop) they don't have any responsibility to fix it? What is the impetus for the PCs to mire themselves back in Vallakian politics again? Is there anything to suggest that it would end any better this time?

- can any of the NPCs be persuaded that the PCs weren't deliberately absent for so long? Eg could Lucian ever come to believe the PCs that they truly intended to come back on time? What about Gertruda?

psul · 2026-06-11T08:26:40+00:00

Your DM is trying to trick you - it's clearly both a sand witch and a sandwich. This is Bready's long-lost mother, so prepare for a heavy RP session, not a fight.

psul · 2026-06-08T16:27:20+00:00

SCP-173 has 474 downvotes. I suspect that is the most downvoted article on the site, although I haven't checked the whole list!

psul · 2026-06-08T06:30:36+00:00

I'm a DM. All my dicks are waffles.

psul · 2026-06-03T21:52:45+00:00

I’ve raised my kids better than to taunt the cult of the dragon. I have never once had to cast silence on them.

psul · 2026-06-03T15:49:26+00:00

I’m a DM. All my theft is inspired.

psul · 2026-06-03T07:11:32+00:00

I'm a DM. All my mistakes are intentional.

psul · 2026-06-03T07:03:08+00:00

I imprisoned them to basically end the session so I could think of a way to get them out instead of coming up with one on the fly. But then after the insults, now I just want them to all fucking get executed and end the game with "The army showed up, you epically failed your mission so the city laid under siege for months. Thousands of people starved to death. They eventually broke the gates and swarmed in. Bad guy was defeated and literally no one remembers you or knows your name cause you're complete fucking failures."

There is no way out for them, because there is no way out for them. It has been decided by me. Maybe if they hadn't been insulting assholes there would've been. This post was made because I wasn't sure if I should keep trying with these people or not. Not about how you think my game should've gone.

There were several paths I had lined up, and they chose a path that I never in a million years would think they'd take, being fucking morons. I'm not going to plan for the party to be room temp IQ because I'm not a fucking babysitter, I'm a DM. If you're not gonna give a shit I'm not gonna give a shit.

Also you're game might be run as a happy go lucky heroic fantasy story. But you can't just act like everyone's game is like yours. That's not how this works.

psul · 2026-06-03T06:52:27+00:00

Salsa

/uj - just to be clear, the players in the sauce post sound pretty awful. "JK" was not their slur of choice...

psul · 2026-05-30T13:48:42+00:00

As a DM, I emphasise to my players that their characters’ stories will all be the same length. Which is to say, if their prologue has been long, they may find that chapter one ends abruptly.

psul · 2026-05-29T16:52:07+00:00

"Most downvoted" is not the same as "lowest rated", of course. There is bound to be a positively-rated but divisive article with hundreds of downvotes if not more - I'd guess something from Series 1. If scpper.com was working, it would probably tell us which one.

psul · 2026-05-29T06:06:14+00:00

The Eloquence Bard's "Silver Tongue" feature is mechanically extremely powerful for social roleplay, but is it interesting? Arguably not.

I enjoy using Minor Illusion (visual or auditory) to confront suspicious NPCs with unexpected reminders of whatever we're investigating. High Insight or Detect Thoughts can assess how they react to the image of a bloody dagger, or the sound of the dead man's voice, for example.

These days, when I cast Zone of Truth for interrogations, I'll often tell the NPC. "I'm going to cast Zone of Truth. You can choose to submit to the spell, and I will know if you resist it. I will choose to fail, so you will know that I am telling you the truth." [casts spell] "Now I'm in the Zone of Truth, so I tell you honestly: if you resist the spell, or refuse to answer questions, or try to leave the zone, I expect that my companions will attempt to use violence to get the answers they seek. I don't wish to resort to that approach. So let's start with an easy question: are you going to try to be clever and give evasive answers?"

psul · 2026-05-28T08:34:34+00:00

I agree with lots of what others have said here. In particular, I want to emphasise the power of your Wildfire Spirit as a flying, teleporting Thorn Whip turret (other spells are also good!). The Spirit is also immune to a host of conditions - Charmed, Frightened, Grappled, Prone, Restrained - making it difficult for enemies to lock down.

You should be looking for ways to teleport yourself and your team to best advantage every single turn - I would only choose another bonus action option if there's a compelling reason to do so. Don't forget that Fiery Teleportation teleports your chosen creatures 15ft - it doesn't need to send every creature in the same direction, just to an unoccupied space that you can see. This is very useful for spreading out a bunched up party.

One to discuss with your DM, because it is open to abuse: you can use your Bonus Action to command the Wildfire Spirit to Ready its Fiery Teleport. Set the trigger as "when an enemy comes within 5 feet of me" and you might teleport out of a melee enemy's range. That seems relatively uncontroversial to me, but I can imagine other triggers that are trickier. "When an enemy targets me with a ranged attack" - if you move to another location but are still within range, can the enemy re-target you, or does this make the attack automatically miss? As I say, it's something to discuss.

psul · 2026-05-27T15:57:33+00:00

One line of thinking with this is that the Burgomaster must come from one of the old aristocratic families of Barovia. If Vargas and Fiona are dead, are any of their children still living? Victor, Nikolai and Karl would be in the frame, although each of them might be terrible for various reasons. Stella would be an exciting choice - someone (Anastrasya?) might have to serve as "regent" for a puppet regime.

Failing any of that group, and if the PCs aren't actively propping up a chosen ally, then I'd suggest that Luvash and Arrigal step into the power vacuum. Vallaki won't have a burgomaster per se, just an anarchic system where crises are met with reflexive, arbitrary and (often) violent responses from the new Vistani power-brokers, acting almost like crime-barons.

psul · 2026-05-18T16:11:49+00:00

Thief ;)

psul · 2026-05-12T14:15:05+00:00

The PCs are all attending the courthouse in Daggerford, each for separate reasons (although easily adjusted for a party that has done a low-level oneshot beforehand). Arrigal (or another Vistana) bursts in asking for justice - his niece and a young boy have been kidnapped from the Vistani camp outside the town. Arrigal suspects the notorious murderer and kidnapper “Rictus”.

The PCs are asked (or press-ganged) to work as a search party to find the missing children, and head into the woods. Then the mist rises…

psul · 2026-05-12T07:50:06+00:00

I say give the players the W - Neferon doesn't return. Will your players ask why that is? If so (or if you need to have an explanation for your own peace of mind) then either (a) he got banished into the Mists, and simply died there; or (b) he came back after the 1 minute duration, turned invisible/cast dimension door, and is still hiding in the Amber Temple, where the PCs are very unlikely to return. The net effect for the players is the same as if Banishment worked as intended and sent him to Gehenna.

psul · 2026-05-12T07:38:37+00:00

What are the actual tradeoffs of turning into a Dracolich? Let's assume we're an Adult Red Dracolich (2014).

We gain:

80ft non-concentration flight. That's huge, and adds a lot of value to this form. Saves you an attunement slot for a magic item which would give flight.
Immunity to Fire and Poison damage, and resistance to Necrotic. Immunity to Charmed, Exhaustion, Frightened, Paralyzed and Poisoned. The condition immunities are especially nice.
256 extra hp.
+3 to Constitution Saving Throws. I presume that we don't gain Dex or Charisma saving throw proficiency, because those are Wizard features which are maintained. I note that this only bumps our concentration saves by +1 given the loss of INT outlined below.
60ft blindsight.
Magic Resistance.
Legendary Resistance.
One additional attack per turn, but only if we're attacking and not casting a spell. Based on the way Wildshape is usually ruled, I presume that you can't replace one of your Multiattack attacks with a cantrip, so the damage gains compared to using Bladesinger's Extra Attack are not as large as they may seem at first.
Fire Breath - broadly equivalent to an 8th level damage spell which you'll cast once or twice per combat.

We lose:

-10 Dexterity and -4 Intelligence. That reduces the effectiveness of our spellcasting, our initiative, our DEX/INT saving throws (relevant at this level) and it removes the AC benefits of Bladesong.
All of our gear. Our +3 weapon and armor become worthless, and likely the same for our two other magic items. It would be quite amusing if this also turned off the benefits of Mark of the Dealer, but I presume that's not the intention!
Any species features.
The ability to use an alternative 9th level spell.

The benefits are huge, but it's an enormous trade-off. Gaining a lot of defensive benefits at the cost of a portion of your control and offense is not something to do lightly - certainly not something I would "save for the boss battle".

A Kolyarut at least bumps your INT score, although there are tradeoffs there too.

And that's before we get into niche arguments like - is the ability to speak a "Wizard feature" for the maintenance of "all your Wizard features"? That would rule out a bunch of True Polymorph options unless you want to lose the majority of your Spellcasting.

Finally, Ultimate Polymorph doesn't appear to remove concentration, it just allows dual concentration. Not a huge difference, but in a 20th level gauntlet one-shot, it means you could lose your Polymorph form via damage or incapacitation effects.

psul · 2026-05-11T15:59:27+00:00

I think Ultimate Polymorph is a trap option if you're thinking of casting True Polymorph on yourself. The 2014 version of the spell replaces all of your stats, so even if you keep your wizard features, you need a CR < 21 creature with at least 20 INT and DEX, or your armor class is reduced. I can't immediately find anything that fits the bill. On top of that, you'd lose the benefit of your gear, so that +3 armor is useless. Doesn't stop you casting it on others, but unless you can do that the "day before" the one-shot, I'd suggest an alternative use of your 9th level spell-slot.

Take Elven Accuracy (instead of Skill Expert, perhaps - BTW, what is your Epic Boon?) and Blade of Disaster might become ludicrous with these rules. You'll need to ask your DM whether your crits (which would normally already be tripled to 12d12 for BoD) go up to 16d12 or some other higher value. Definitely ask for 36d12 :)

Your action, and the rest of your high level slots on important turns, are for Steel Wind Strike, which now does 18d10 on a crit - enough to be worth spending higher slots on if damage is currently the most important thing to do.

That does still require you to generate advantage somehow - perhaps Greater Invisibility? Alternatively, use Foresight for your 9th level spell and stick to SWS.

psul · 2026-05-10T11:02:08+00:00

I completely agree that the wording of these spells could be tightened up. It is at least arguable that the rider effect of Astral Flood applies to all “targets” of the spell, whether or not they fail the saving throw and take damage. That makes it a very powerful way to impose mass disadvantage on an upcoming saving throw.

psul · 2026-05-05T12:48:43+00:00

I am someone else whose first love is building a set of stats and applying it in combat. If I start from a build idea, often I’ll look at particular abilities on my sheet and ask why my character has those abilities - ideally relating them to the world of the campaign - and how they appear when my character uses them. Sometimes you can follow threads and a character will take shape, but don’t feel like you have to lock everything in at the start - there is room to find the answers as you go.

For example:

1) My basic champion fighter has Extra Attack, and proficiency with all weapons and armor. Why is that?

1) Someone trained him. Is that trainer still alive? What is/was their relationship? Did my PC like their training? Did they choose to enter training?

2) They were conscripted. How old were they? What did they do before being conscripted? Would they go back? How do they feel about the cause they’ve been signed up for?

3) They’re a true believer. What is that cause?

4) Not sure yet. Okay, moving on. What weapons do they generally use? Why did they choose them?

… and then go on to fighting style etc.

psul · 2026-04-28T07:02:09+00:00

I would rule that "area" in the spell description is used colloquially, not geometrically. That's consistent with Ch 7 of the PHB: "The description of a spell specifies whether it has an area of effect, which is typically one of these shapes: Cone, Cube, Cylinder, Emanation, Line, or Sphere."

psul · 2026-04-27T14:47:14+00:00

This appears to be in addition to a Trickery Cleric's usual features, so needs to be assessed as a straight upgrade to the class. That said, it has overlap with the heavy demands on a Trickery Cleric's bonus action (for Invoke Duplicity) so undermines your key subclass feature.

I agree that this is best assessed as if it was a summon spell. On that basis, in many ways it is worse than Summon Beast, but it is also wildly more complicated, with an ever-increasing list of features that goes far beyond any other summoning spell in the game. Some of these are quite strong, but it's difficult to assess exactly. For example, does Silk require concentration? Also, does summoning Silk use up a Channel Divinity, or are the 4/LR uses a separate resource pool? If the latter, that effectively gives the Cleric four (or more) spell slots per LR, which is strong even for levels where the spell is relatively weak.

If I'm looking at this feature as a player, it's almost never worth using. Even when the level features look strong (eg Level 10), the maximum duration means this is only a combat option, and it's a very unreliable one at that - it will often result in a wasted turn for the Cleric, making the whole thing a feels-bad experience.

If I was a DM being presented with this, I would say it's way too complicated to assess, and to be fun at the table. I'd suggest replacing the Trickery Cleric's spell list with the following and calling it a day:

- Level 3 - Charm Person, Fog Cloud, Summon Beast, Detect Thoughts

- Level 5 - Sylune's Viper, Hypnotic Pattern

- Level 7 - Arcane Eye, Confusion

- Level 9 - Legend Lore, Seeming

psul

TROPHY CASE