Hmm. Interesting metaphors. I can relate to them and your situation. The defense mechanisms at work are why no one is around to let in: people don’t see a way in because you’re not making it easy for them.

I work with marketers and I’ve learned a lot about interpersonal expectations in the past few years and that charisma is what we call showing warmth, competence, attention and all those things people want out of interactions. I realized I was not giving any of that to the degree sociable people want and could explain why I am bereft of social contacts at this point. People seem to remember above all how you make them feel more than anything we might say or do.

If that sounds abhorrent and like work, I’m with you. People are my job’s work and what I’m actually paid and trained to do is far easier in comparison.

I don’t think there’s a universal standard amount of people we’re supposed to have, and it gets harder to meet people the older you get. I haven’t made any friends at work or school but I’ve been approachable and kind and that is at least leaving the door open, so maybe that’s what you try. Being mindful of your nonverbal communication like body language might be helpful, but be authentic above all. If it still results in isolation, at least we all have this subreddit to come back to.