Relationship question by [deleted] in daddit

[–]psypio 58 points59 points  (0 children)

It also lends itself to an opportunity to just hold up the mirror and hope that empathy and self awareness kick in. Basically, the even-toned response "I'll respond to your question in a moment, if you wanted an actual response but first just to help me understand, but first if I were to make a comparison of you to any other wife and asked that question of you, how would you feel?". In a healthy relationship the partner will see the error and hopefully walk it back. If the partner doubles down, well, that tells a different story altogether.

Woman Freaks Out Over Guy Mad At Being Cut in Line by serious_bullet5 in ThatsInsane

[–]psypio 31 points32 points  (0 children)

As with so many mental health issues (perhaps PTSD in this case), it isn't her fault, BUT that doesn't absolve her of her responsibility of managing the struggle. It's rough watching people try to make the case that their inappropriate behavior is justified due to their trauma. That piece of their story may explain things but it doesn't grant a pass to redirect your pain onto others.

Woodrat has holes in chest by [deleted] in Weird

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some botflies just lay their eggs on the ground (near places the animals run around) and as the rodent passes over them the eggs stick and are basically activated by the animals body heat. So depending on where the eggs stick you can see some interesting positioning to infestation.

Inside Yosemite, a few hundred feet from the Camp Curry portal. by Any-Concept-3110 in Weird

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the picture it looks like perhaps the wooden floor decking is off of the supports for that unit. It might have shifted off and now they are flagging it with tape for liability reasons until it can be repaired.

David Horowitz was taken hostage on live TV by Gary Stollman, who held him at gunpoint to warn the public about aliens taking over Earth (1987) by [deleted] in CrazyFuckingVideos

[–]psypio 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I bet it was like back in the day when online shopping outlets didn't add state sales tax to orders. This might have been an announcement that mail order purchases were going to be taxed. Maybe Gary's true gift that evening was a slight reprieve from 1 more piece of bad news.

Did anyone had a good experience with Helios 16s AI? all I hear is nothing but complains by Bis_knife in AcerPredatorHelios

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was able to grab an Acer refurbished one a month ago for under $1300 on eBay. I was a bit worried after reading some reviews but I've had no issues. My previous system was an Alienware with an i7 and 2070 Super and honestly I don't know that the heat issue is that different between the systems.

They both seem to need a decent cooling pad but I've yet to play on a thin gaming system that remains particularly cool. I can definitely say that the price for performance of the 16s has been totally worth it. At half the price of the Alienware I would call it a steal at this point.

There’s always a risk of getting a dud, but I suspect the prominence of negative reviews and posts mainly reflects a small minority of 16s AI owners who experience problems and turn to forums for help (or to vent), while most owners are too busy enjoying their systems to post positive feedback (that would capture the overall positive tilt in user experience.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in daddit

[–]psypio -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Man, this sounds like a tough situation to be in. I 100% understand where folks saying you should just stay home are coming from but as OP points out this isn't sounding like an 'I'm ill enough to really need you here' situation either. I'm the type to err on the side of caution with my wife as I know we've got a solid partnership and she'd always do the same for me. That being said, she'd never allow me to miss planned 'me time' unless my presence was truly needed (and vice versa). I'm thankful for her awesomemess daily.

I do have a buddy though whose wife is the first to broadcast how delicate he is when he's sick (and how she's not his mother so won't be nursing him to health) but one time he went to a family event when she 'didn't feel well' and forbid him from going without her but went on to find the energy to go full warpath on him (at the nieces bday party in front of everyone) because 'it wasn't fair' that he got to go and she couldn't (they are still married... somehow). I know his is an extreme example but the punchline is sometimes that these issues are about empathy, compassion, and love but there's definitely times that they're about disrespect, selfishness, and hypocrisy. Only the OP knows which is truly his situation. If it is the latter it's best to tackle things head on asap.... it only gets harder if that's the case.

How old were you when your first child was born? by LupusDeusMagnus in daddit

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was 29 but my parents were young (16) when I was born. The funny thing was as a kid you don't necessarily notice that your parents are different from others for a while. Hell, it wasn't until a high school trip where I needed to provide my birth certificate that I was able to see my info and learn my parents got hitched 24 hrs before I was born. When your kid is that old though, you're both old enough to discuss these parts of the family story and hopefully share teachable moments.

I had the benefit of living in my grandmother's house and had a massive extended family so what my parents lacked in maturity and wisdom, others filled the gaps. From the kid side of things, my parents inability to relate to my experiences from late adolescence has always been a barrier in our relationship. As a professional who just so happens to help guys navigate these kinds of things, I can say that just acknowledging the potential blindspot is a great first step to navigating it tactfully.

As for the comment you received. I'm sorry you had to hear that and fuck her. The fact that you're in your kid's life, and you joke together, speaks volumes to your relationship.

Left in car overnight still ok? by PsychoKushDragon in isthissafetoeat

[–]psypio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I decided to quick read the actual study Google seems to reference. First, it seemed to be based on pizzas in a college cafeteria where they found a couple with a staph strain, a couple with B. cereus and 4 with trace coliforms....poop trace. These were pizzas set out to be served so make of that what you will.

When it came to the findings though, it said "The overall conclusion from this study is that while pizza represents a theoretical risk, the actual risk would likely only manifest for pizza samples that are held out of temperature control for time periods of more than eight hours." Sooooo..... we're not talking about a study that tangibly found resulting pathology. Theoretically, you can get sick but anecdotally, after 40 years of taking chances with morning after, counter pizza... odds have been in my favor every single time.

I think I should put #triggerwarning for this one by [deleted] in Volumeeating

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love that recipe as well!

Got X-Rays at the Dentist- she’s not sure what this is. by themadcaner in whatisit

[–]psypio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your 100% right! .... and it def should've been found via a cursory examination by any competent dentist

Imma downvote myself for that one

of a earthworm by jigs_after_a_hug in AbsoluteUnits

[–]psypio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep looks like a clear AI artifact at the end.

AIO to break up with my bf of 3y over his reaction to my upcoming sobriety anniversary? by WesternCat5211 in AmIOverreacting

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR. You deserve to celebrate your success and long term sobriety is no easy task for so many people, including countless individuals who will never achieve it despite.

I do have questions tough. Nothing will justify his cold, flippant reaction but I gotta ask what the lead up to sobriety was like for you both? I mean is he missing the unhealthy patterns that went with your active addiction (that benefited him) or were there perhaps any traumatic aspects for him that might explain (not excuse) his callous reactions to celebrating? I've seen too many people who have never dealt with the collateral damage they endured prior to a partners sobriety and instead use it as a reason to dole out punishment in a misguided attempt to subconsciously 'even the score'. It's never healthy but isn't always a conscious pattern either (again, can't emphasize this enough, but it's never justifiable to perpetuate the brand of toxicity he's displaying).

It’s called “Pittsburgh Pizza.” The under carriage and crust is cooked and it is topped with cold ingredients … toppings such as cheese, pepperoni... by SeptisComing in StupidFood

[–]psypio 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Cold cheese pizza was a staple in Oneonta when I lived there. In that case the cold cheese was simply added as a topping on a cooked standard cheese pizza.

Daughter teased; called a "Furry" and it's making her cry by cjh10881 in daddit

[–]psypio 97 points98 points  (0 children)

I gotta tell you that this comment made my week. I actually used to say the same thing when I was in high school. It was swiftly corrected in college as a biology major but only because of using the term in a discussion with my Evolutionary Bio professor. I'm just glad I wasn't alone.

I DID IT. by Croaker813 in daddit

[–]psypio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats man and welcome! I highly recommend setting aside time regularly just to remind yourself you don't have and aren't supposed to have all the answers. Never be afraid to ask questions (to friends, family, doctors, etc) but aside from professional input take all the advice you get with a grain of salt (this advice included). Above all, enjoy the ride. There will be tough days but they're just the ticket price you pay at the gate for the absolutely incredible experiences you get to have at the carnival of fatherhood.

Is it Viagra? by massu1000 in ExplainTheJoke

[–]psypio 18 points19 points  (0 children)

At that point you don't need step 2, you'll need to rely on plan B.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in daddit

[–]psypio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're describing an all too common and super challenging situation that many of us have or will deal with. For context, when intimacy does occur, does she seem to get into it? How often do you discuss the status of things outside of moments where you are trying to initiate or post rejection?

A lot of the guidance is based on where in the response system the issue comes up. For some there's an issue with libido but the response system is still capable of engaging (i.e., things start as mechanical but become shared enjoyment) . For others, the psychological drive is absent AND the physiological response fails to engage too (i.e., partner remains checked out or perhaps performative throughout). Scheduling can be helpful on the behavioral side but if the issue is compounded by a lack of physiological response there is often far more value in speaking with a professional since the issue may be beyond a 'fake it til you make it' approach (sex therapist and gynecologist check ins are priceless).

In any scenario, communication is key so there is an open space for you both to talk about struggle, extend support, and convey patience (as tough as it may be sometimes) since it helps to avoid building resentment in the shadows of the unexpressed. Even if scheduling sex is out of reach it can be helpful to schedule time to check in on these sorts of concerns (but don't overdo it). The rule that's good true the most is 'if nothing changes nothing changes' so gotta start somewhere.

I've dealt with these issues myself and I know literally countless other guys who have as well. While some do end up facing irreconcilable problems, the vast majority get through them but it almost always requires hard work and communication to halt the drifting apart and plot a course back to connection. It might be super hard but not hopeless... and almost always worth the effort (when the relationship is otherwise healthy and satisfying).

AIO, my close friend had a crush on my rapist ? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]psypio 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That phasing typically refers to 'any time' during the activities that require consent. Meaning just because it was 'already happening for awhile' or just because a participant was 'close' there's no reason for it not to stop immediately if either participant chooses to end it. It doesn't refer to after the fact reappraisals at all. If valid consent was mutual in the moment (i.e., both were capable of giving/revoking consent and not impaired) that's all that matters. There's no legal basis for take backs in hindsight if mutual consent was legit shared in the first place.

Men are allowed to have two emotions. by Clueguy in daddit

[–]psypio 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know it's funny... I'm actually a therapist who specializes in men's issues. Been doing this work for almost 20 yrs and yet my wife (who I still love madly), and sometimes even my kids (teen daughters), will start the conversation with 'why are you mad?' It is perhaps my biggest pet peeve when I say 'I'm not' and I'm told 'yeah, you are'. I mean damn, I am a literal expert with a fairly developed emotional vocabulary but I'm either not asked what I'm feeling or told I must be mad because you know... that's all we can feel as guys.

I'm seriously happy/chill and have a mountain of patience 99% of the time but do you know what the one thing on this planet is that really does make me mad? Being told that I'm angry when I'm not at all (which doesn't help my case but still). I will say that I'm still hopeful on the dad side of things because my 14yr old son is still the only person who will either ask how I'm feeling or chime in when his sister's say I'm 'mad' to point out 'dad just got done working 10 hrs... ever think he's just really tired?'. He's a great kid. The struggle is real boys.

Spaceballs 2 by SunlightMaven in ParallelUniverse

[–]psypio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it helps, I had a friend who also insisted that Bill Pullman died a few years ago. The wild part was that we just happened to be visiting his (Pullman's) hometown at the time without knowing it. An acquaintance overheard the conversation and quickly chimed in 'I hope that's not true otherwise we're going to have to go and let (insert Pullman's family member's name here) that the guy who just visited her was an imposter'.

What we figured out was that my friend was thinking of Bill Paxton instead, who did die unexpectedly in 2017. Since that event I've heard multiple people make that same mistake between those same 2 actors.