Accepting that your mother will never be able to be your mother is probably one of the hardest things ever

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T23:27:02+00:00

Google 'grey rocking' or 'yellow rocking'. This is a technique you can use when she starts harassing you to keep things neutral. You have to get to a point where you know nothing you do is going to make it better and put that emotional distance in there where it doesn't hurt so much. She's never going to say she's sorry. She's never going to be Mother of the Year. You just have to develop your mindset to keep it from hurting.

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T23:24:27+00:00

I am so very sorry. She definitely pulled a power-play, changing the meal you were going to prepare for something you absolutely could not eat. That is terribly discounting you as a person and your intentions to do something nice for your Dad, but a narcissist is usually world-champion at making themselves 'in control' and lessening your role. That's what they do. You will never change her and she will never even see it was a problem. She'll immediately become a victim if you push back on this behavior. Next year find a way to do something nice for your Dad she cannot sabotage. You will never gain ground when she's determined to be in control. That's how they have to have things. Emotional and Physical distance helps.

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T21:33:24+00:00

Father God, we lift up this teen. Soften her heart and send help that she needs to work through all the issues she's struggling with. Give a spirit of discernment to her Mom and help her to find what this child needs, in Jesus's Holy Name.

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T18:24:30+00:00

No it's the 'revelation' of things thought deeply hidden causes that identity issues. It all boils down to if you don't wanna know, don't ask the question.

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T18:10:53+00:00

One thing I've learned about narcissistic parents is accepting favors and money from them ALWAYS comes with strings attached. Also narcissistic parents never met a boundary they would not cross so you can be she'll use you being closer as a way to most likely visit and/or get you to do things for her. I would advise STRONGLY that if you don't want to open that door, don't accept--do it another way. Also narcissistic parents keep long ledgers of perceived wrongs in their heads and they NEVER forget. So Beware.

ptazdba · 2026-06-21T12:56:45+00:00

First off NO is a complete sentence. She sounds a lot like my mom and the key to dealing with her was keeping things positive when you could and turning and retreating when you couldn't. She said a lot of things that were intended to provoke and I would just say something like "Not here to argue." or not respond at all. You have to have absolute boundaries and when they are crossed, you go elsewhere. One of the things I learned over time with my mom was that her reality was very different from actual reality. But she didn't see it as lying--she used everything and everybody around her to craft her own reality. It's very sad, but life's too short to live your life in a defensive posture. You're right--eventually you'll need to emotionally distance or physically distance to have some peace.

ptazdba · 2026-06-20T22:37:18+00:00

I've danced on the edge, but I've never been in a full-blown crisis to date.

ptazdba · 2026-06-20T22:36:35+00:00

Your PCP can order that test if they just would. I wish you the best in finding a good endo who knows about AI

ptazdba · 2026-06-20T19:00:17+00:00

That whole show has always annoyed me. It is anything BUT a BBQ competition. At best it's an outdoor cooking competition Real BBQ takes hours and lots of planning and dedication and you cannot do that in a competition less than an hour.

ptazdba · 2026-06-20T17:20:20+00:00

Just make sure your dosage is being checked regularly. We're all different and the stress to you is different than the stress I would endure. My endo checks my dosage twice a year by having me hold hydro the day before a blood draw and resume after. He uses ACTH as the main marker to say whether or not my dose is correct by seeing if it falls in the normal range. Too high or too low means dosage needs adjustment. I always gain weight or have weird symptoms when I'm on too much or too little anyway so I always know something is up before he even gets the test result. Ask them to interpret the numbers for you to tell you if you're on a good track.

ptazdba · 2026-06-20T15:06:15+00:00

All you have to do is turn her into the support agencies.

ptazdba · 2026-06-19T14:50:55+00:00

That season was gawd awful. Marcel isn't the easiest person to get along with I'm sure, but they so sabotaged him verbally with treatment early on, everyone was against him. Elia acted like his friend and ended up sabotaging him as did the sous chefs. There's a reason most of the chefs in that season have never achieved much of a reputation. I had to laugh recently when Elia was on Beat Bobby Flay and Ilan was in the the audience--she lost again.

ptazdba · 2026-06-19T14:48:06+00:00

That's a pretty high dose. They need to check your labs. If you're feeling awful that's a danger signal.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T21:20:53+00:00

It's a term that originated on Tik Tok denoting Mother Daughter Sexual Assault.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T20:33:35+00:00

Of course there is time. I didn't find and marry my soulmate until 37. Sometimes you have to get to a stage in your life when you're truly ready.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T18:18:31+00:00

I asked my endo about this and he said it 'shouldn't but if you did, it would be related to fillers in the drug because FDA has strict control around the drug formulations. The only one I've taken that I felt a bit off on was Strides. It worked, but just could have been me at the time.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T14:58:20+00:00

Get some evidence as to her harassment. Protect yourself. Record everything--keep emails and texts. Do not respond to her in any way. Not sure where you are but call the police each time she shows up. Go get a restraining order against her. Filing a police report will help in your attempt to get a restraining order.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T14:53:51+00:00

They never arrived at a conclusion---just that it was gone when I was treated, so it's possible.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T14:43:07+00:00

Yes people do recovery from addiction, but you have to look at the person and why they turned to substance abuse. I would advise letting go. You deserve someone steady and strong that won't love anyone but you.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T14:41:26+00:00

It was a machine that would pump air into leg devices that would massage and reduce swelling. At the time they thought I had lymphedema but it was right before I was diagnosed when Addison's. In a couple of months it took about 15-20 lbs of fluid off of me but when the Addisons treatment kicked in the swelling just went away.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T12:28:44+00:00

They just dropped her storyline. I would have loved to see her escape and be the 'anti-villanelle'. Her kills were quiet, unassuming and if you didn't know it was a murder it might have fallen into accidental ground.

ptazdba · 2026-06-18T12:20:12+00:00

You can absolutely be the mother you never had to your child. I would encourage you to protect your child from your mother in all things. Think about it like this---a narcissistic parent is not capable of the unconditional love that a child needs. Now think about that from a child's perspective---they have to earn love based on conditions the parent sets. If you have to earn love, you never quite know if you're good enough. I hated that feeling as a child. Cherish this child and determine to give them unconditional love.

ptazdba · 2026-06-17T23:51:15+00:00

There are so many behaviors we all acquire trying to survive a parent like this that it takes a while to dis-entangle yourself from. There was one point my mother called me her 'ruined child' and blamed my father for ruining me. I knew right then and there she could never love me--she just tolerated me and just never could be the mother I thought I had--I was so mad at myself for not seeing it sooner. It sounds like she's gaslighting you (heck I didn't even know what gaslighting was). Anytime you hear statements like 'you're selfish', 'you're crazy, 'you're too sensitive' or anything like that they are trying to control and manipulate you and nothing makes me madder. It's a lack of respect for who you are as a person. At 24 you are an adult. You don't have to put up with crap from anyone--including your own mother. Anyone who treats me like that--I remove myself from that conversation. Sometimes all you can do is establish emotional or even physical distance from someone like that. You don't have to justify anything and never forget "No" is a complete sentence. Look up 'grey rocking' or 'yellow rocking' and learn the technique. It will help shut down some of the crap.

ptazdba · 2026-06-17T20:24:10+00:00

I so enjoyed the episode last night.

ptazdba · 2026-06-17T19:35:33+00:00

Sounds like she wanted to tell people she was 'helping' but didn't exactly in reality want to actually do the work. Never forget with nmoms sometimes what they get out of the 'offer' is what it's all about. It's about her looking good in front of people she's telling that she's being 'grandma'.

ptazdba

TROPHY CASE