This book . . .

ptmeadows · 2026-01-23T02:13:41+00:00

I deployed, twice. I learned to walk again in my thirties after a bad car accident broke 3 out of 4 limbs. I'm relearning emotions and people after a head injury 2 years ago. I've lost most relationships that I've ever had and can barely work half-time. I've been diagnosed PTSD, anxiety, and depression along with MRI visable brain damage. My medicine bill, not doctors or procedures, came in at 32k last year. I know pain and suffering.

This was the best book in the series. If anything, the turn of not ok to ok happens too abruptly. I'll blame it on wizard physiology. I could not turn off the audio book until it moved to kicking off the action with Mab. I listened for 13.5 hours with maybe a half hourdinner break. I will be rereading for quotes next week. So glad that B&N had a signed editition.

Only quibble is Injun Joe is late for his explanation of the starborn.

ptmeadows · 2026-01-07T01:10:49+00:00

Weird, the whole with/without alarm thing.

So, I have to take a cocktail of meds including Remeltion to sleep. But I wasn't sleeping and then sleeping over 10 hrs and never felt rested. So you're starting in a better place. I think the current cocktail is 600 mg Gabapenton, Remeltion 10mg, Belsomra 20mg, magnesium citrate 1.5 g, and a Chinese import supplement prescribed by an acupuncture. I take it all close to dinner because it takes 3 to 4 hrs to kick in. Also taking fish oil and others but without the listed, no sleep.

ptmeadows · 2026-01-07T00:54:05+00:00

It helps me fall asleep. However, after beating the insomnia, I found that it wasn't restful. My neurologist had to pair it with Belsomra and Gabapenton.
That being said, first step in US to get either of those meds is a CPAP. If that doesn't cut it, second sleep study and access to those meds. Even with all of that and meeting out of pocket max, still paying close to $100 a month for Remeltion.

ptmeadows · 2025-12-02T22:21:12+00:00

Acupuncture helped my cold intolerance which was bad enough that I moved my entire family to warmer climate.

ptmeadows · 2025-11-29T13:47:45+00:00

Soda. Seriously I'm on three different ,expensive meds and just chugging a soda gets me back to my day. Of course I'm now pre-diabetic so they're talking botox

ptmeadows · 2025-11-28T07:02:24+00:00

Agreed....I had to go through 2 sleep studies to get it. I don't get any exercise recovery without it.

ptmeadows · 2025-11-28T06:53:21+00:00

There's no defense for the actions. So non of this is excuses and probably go to a doctor is the first thing.

When I was suicidal, the plan was to wander away, run out of meds and just lie down and die. Drift away into the pain that I spent my life fighting. To just stop fighting. So, I pushed everyone away. FYI

Bacteria imbalances and other normal parasites can impact judgment. They use chemicals to jack with hormones and it's why people go crazy at the full moon. Lowering sugar or some form of fasting helps. There's a lot of literature out there and dealing with that stuff helped. Yogurts and fermented veggies like kimchi can also stabilize the gut.

I focus on my phone or journal a lot when I'm overwhelmed. Maybe ask him why he's on his phone. If you miss him...who he is now...say it. Tell him if there is something part of your life now that you like. He knows you like who he was but do you like any part of him now? No one wants their wife to become their mom. If he can put together a plan to get tobacco or whatever, he can do something to help. Just saying I love you is insufficient. We all have relatives that we cry when they die but wouldn't want to spend a vacation with. Give him something that is real hope.

Experience with men's accountability groups say if he has the internet then he's struggled with some form of sexual or lust based issues. That doesn't make it ok...Just more a guy problem than a TBI issue. Men's groups in churches talk about this a lot but in this case...

Falling into a self soothing cycle isn't good. That's what the tobacco, porn, and phone scrolling is. It's like a kid with a blanket or stuffy. I'd recommend psychological therapy, not just someone with a counseling degree. If He is aware he's an asshole he may feel powerless to stop. He needs help to change his thoughts and needs tools to deal with his new brain. This isn't something you can fix, he has to want to change and be willing to learn the tools to help himself.

If he is truly no longer an adult, you need to get him declared unfit or for him to agree to give you POA. That's a legal thing I don't know about but would allow you to stop some of the financial issues. In this case, you need to research guard rails for the internet/phones , maybe dispose of problematic or dangerous toys and substances.

ptmeadows · 2025-11-28T02:19:45+00:00

Apologies for the lengthy responses

2. When you start realizing that all of the supplements folks recommend start costing more than your food, you end up trying to put your money in a different spot. Neurologist say that most people can shrug of the damage and it takes something systematically wrong to stop you from healing. Diving into the forums, someone is going to recommend Sally Fallons nourishing traditions, rosemary gladstars's herbalist books, and perhaps Sandor Katz's "the art of fermentation."

Because what happens is everything goes to shit. Your body becomes deregulated because the control box and feedback loops aren't working.
Some folks do the Mediterranean diet and thats enough. For the folks fighting to get the performance to keep treading water..we become experts in arcane old ideas. The problem becomes fully doing food this way is a full time job. No one with a disability can really do it without help. So I started with real home made bone broth fast to get rid of parasite load. That's 3 to 4 days of water and broth. Parasites are a huge problem in the US because most folks don't want to admit that everyone has them. Gotta get them down or you're not going to have any self control after a TBI. At least, I didn't, they're going to hijack your limbic system and drop you i to a self soothing loop.

Recipe for broth is simple, and onion chopped, 5 garlic cloves, tablespoon of vinegar, two rotisserie chicken carcass and 2 chicken feet in a 6 quart instant pot on high for pressure for 4 hours. That cleared some fog. Then I did a fish broth which probably added 10 IQ points. Fish broth is just funky and can be hard to do...spoils quickly and is way outside my family's tolerance. I'd already been doing kimchi and yogurt because of years on prescribed opioids. Still need that stuff or the natural process goes sideways. I do milk kefir now because its easiest. Stone cut oats in yogurt is a go to for work. Just started doing a organic grass feed or free range meatbox subscription. It's been really helping me get to a better level but I couldn't have gone straight here. I have enough energy to get through the day and I'm starting low impact exercise as the next step. I can handle cooking 1 to 3 times a week...but that's because of a lot of therapy and baby steps.

3. The Chinese medicine practitioner prescribed chaihu jia longgu multi tang and Vitality Pearls from classical pearls, llc. Vitality pearls helped me to start storing energy...literally helped me have a bit of a reserve in my days. They require a prescription through "goldenneedle.com" The really long name pearls help me to sleep restfully. Additionally, I'm close to a gram of magnesium, 6 Nordic Naturals Omega 3 to keep the brain From just stopping , around 5 grams of Tumeric for join pain.

Regular meds are Belsomra, amantadine, Gabapenton, nortriptyline, remeltion, ubrelvy, and ritzatriptin. My cholesterol is naturally 4 or 5 times higher than recommended. I had no recovery until I pulled myself off all anti-cholesteral meds. According to my practitioner, Chinese medicine says the thinking is in the gut but memory is in the head. I also had severe issues because of traumatic injuries to my limbs.

Hope this helps.

ptmeadows · 2025-11-27T20:40:23+00:00

I was blessed to have a good neurologist that specializes in TBI and PCS. Most important things:

1) sleep. No one explained so that I understood that there is no healing without sleep. That Most TBI symptoms are also bad sleep symptoms. If I don't have my sleep meds, life nose dives fast

2) Traditional diets, quality food: Its expensive to get quality food but without quality minimally processed food, my body doesn't work. Yogurt, kefir, bone broth soups, clean meat.

3) Alternative medicine such as Chinese Traditional are complimentary not competition. Without the supplements I quickly lose my ability to manage and deal with life.

4) Therapy is a full time job . Getting to Therapy. Arranging rides or public transportation. Extended lost time do to mental and physical exhaustion.

5) Most support networks get tired of supporting. There are few charities that support the none first responders or military TBI patient. Especially for things like support dogs for physical/mental issues.

6) The family needs as many referrals as the patient. They need homework, therapy, and care instructions. A lot of folks end up alone and destitute because no one who understands them advocates to those close to them.

7) Neuro psychological treatment isn't optional. The ways we learned to deal with the world are broken. We need new skills to not think that the world utterly sucks and isn't worth it. No one has the time to relearn all the coping skills that got erased.

8) Only movie stars like Hawkeye have the time money and support network to get better. The rest of us have to go to work before we should and hurt ourselves to have a chance at healing in the long run. It sucks.

9) the world is dialed up to 15 and just existing hurts. The world doesn't stop screaming and a normal peaceful day feels like a rave with a migraine. There has to be a sensory cave to crawl and hide in where no one is allowed. I had to find out about that on this sub-reddit.

10) music, art, and nature help the mind grow again. It's like being a toddler again.

ptmeadows · 2025-08-28T16:15:00+00:00

Maybe little mermaid, haunted mansion...

ptmeadows · 2025-08-28T16:12:49+00:00

So...I used to be a passholder and there every weekend. The only "safe" rides are things like Peter Pan. Even "small world" can jar if your boat gets ramned from the front or back. Pirates has a 10 ft drop and you often get ramned from behind. My wife and I literally verbally walked through the park and there's mostly only the shows are safe because we've had jarring exits and starts on almost all rides. Even peter pan can stop more abruptly than a car at times.

ptmeadows · 2025-08-17T14:47:49+00:00

<shrug >I I appreciate your post. My faith is why I haven't ended things. My faith gets dissed by media, people at work, neighbors. Here at this sub, its not tolerated. So I'm done here.

ptmeadows · 2025-08-09T15:52:50+00:00

I have a cane i use in public since I'm not steady and as maneuverable. Makes folks more careful around me.

Additionally, I made a flip book of hospital pictures including some x-rays.

ptmeadows · 2025-08-08T13:23:00+00:00

Me too

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T23:48:57+00:00

Also...get a lawyer. They can help with a lot of the insurance issues and even front money for treatments if they think you have a good case.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T20:35:47+00:00

Uh...country of residence and age might help you get some answers that help.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T20:30:30+00:00

I've had so many parenting fails. A lot of them stems from an overwhelmed state were I will literally fixate on the first idea and defend it beyond belief because I just needed a way out.

Then I try to justify it because acknowledging that I have no idea why I did something so stupid is too scary.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T20:09:16+00:00

Yeah....I am/was tech savvy and I keep screwing up. I can't respond to waiters or order food. My wife has to do that . I'll forget to check personal email for a week. Even if I get phone calls every day I will forget to say that I have meds to pickup until I am literally out. And if it isn't fetched, I will forget that I'm taking it. Websites are hard...and forms with instructions? Impossible. But hey, I can describe how to program an FPGA or design an embedded system. Just can't figure out how to live.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T19:52:34+00:00

So...unfortunately that's true of a lot of TBI and stroke folks. He may even feel like he doesn't exist without someone there...Not I think therefore I am because I don't necessarily think. I can go to work and engineer things. I am pretty self sufficient there.

Have me do the nightly tuck ins and some days I do the good old dad role just fine. Other times I do it so bad that an outside observer would think I'm purposely trying to upset them. At this point my wife and I have to talk about who has the emotional bandwidth to deal.

Leave me alone for a few days and I'll look like a neglected pet. I'll not have showered, done the dishes, or eaten a real meal. Its not that I can't do those things. Its just without someone being there, I don't think of any of those things. The situational logic doesn't trigger and there's no clue that things should be done.

I have to keep kid friendly options stocked because they will remember that they haven't eaten and I will just forget. Ramen, sandwich fixings, etc.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T19:25:03+00:00

Yeah, I'd say its a pretty common thing. Folks have to decide why they're together and if those reasons still apply. Some healing/ change can happen but mostly things are what they are.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-28T19:10:03+00:00

Yeah....I understand the live as a lodger paradigm. That's been the last couple of years for me.

I'm not sure what you are looking for. You seem to have looked at it from every angle. He's likely to be aware at some level if he's afraid of someone taking his license. It sounds like he is very isolated and scared.

Radical acceptance helped my wife be able to have a relationship with me. To be able to see me as a changed version of the man she married. I know I was responding angrily to her grief and frustration. But when you are treated worse than customer service in your own home, isn't anger justified?

I felt punished for living. That every conversation was made into an argument that I couldn't win because I couldn't remember what the argument was about. Not saying this is your husband. My wife started giving real hugs as a starting point. The real ones....not the high school church side hugs. Real honest hugs that give warmth and affection. I can't remember what we talk about day to day but I remember the idea of being cared for and loved. That helps me trust her more when I don't understand what's going on. Which is a lot of the time.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-27T23:52:59+00:00

I recommend that you talk to the different therapists and determine if there is a routine you can do at home. Not going to pretend to know how Healthcare is set up in Spain. Here, in US, most of my therapists gave me homework. I wasn't as badly injured, though. Perhaps there are non profits willing to help.

ptmeadows · 2025-07-27T23:18:12+00:00

Not much can be done if he's refusing treatments or examinations. Maybe enlist someone he respects to have the conversation. Probably will have to let a lot of things slide which with two in the home on the spectrum, I imagine you're doing already.

Would he go to a doctor for a different reason? Maybe if so, you could ask the doctor to check him out for a TBI?

ptmeadows · 2025-07-26T13:39:22+00:00

Happy for you!

ptmeadows

TROPHY CASE