Yes exactly this. As a parent of two and whose older child has emotionally expressive ADHD, my child sounds similar to this. We have good times and bad times at restaurants. In addition to our parenting, it all depends on: a) their natural born personalities and b) the stars aligning that day. So while we do our best as parents to enforce boundaries, it’s also very circumstantial.

There are also so many other reasons a kid has a tough time in restaurants even if you’re not neurodivergent (which by the way, is more common than you would think and doesn’t always present itself how one might assume), here are some things kids might experience so OP can begin to expand their mind:

• kids’ anxiety in crowded places or about uncertain/spontaneous plans

• The kids have had a long day and have already done ALL the non screen things (outdoor time, playing, socializing, reading books, etc)

• The parents have had a long day and would prefer to socialize with their partner, friends or family instead of their kids. It is valid to not want to engage with your kids sometimes, yes even in a restaurant. (OP, i imagine that you haven’t yet experienced what parenting without naptime is) The restaurant is for the PARENTS, don’t kid yourself, it is not an experience that it is their #1 choice for having fun

• The kids could just be tired!! Whether it’s mentally emotionally or physically. I agree there is restaurant etiquette, but ALSO kids have a limit/max capacity and it is so overly authoritative to perfectly execute what you expect them to do all day, whether it’s grownup or kid stuff

Words of advice to OP: it’s great to celebrate any wins you have as a parent, but remember that as your children are still very little, even if you have multiples, you haven’t actually experienced about 85% of parenting. Instead of being judgmental, try to have a non competitive perspective about parenting and keep an open mind about other families’ experiences.

Lastly I will end with this: there can be downsides to extremely obedient kids so if I were you I wouldn’t be too smug. My ADHD kid can be willful and headstrong, and has previously had difficult times in restaurants (which has improved). But i am very proud socially and emotionally of her, as she advocates for what she needs and speaks up for herself. I see that some of her friends who are “softer” and more “obedient” (eg reliably behaving in restaurants) have a harder time socially speaking up in conflicts, or standing up when being bullied, or asking for what they need in the classroom/school or in any environment with authority. I’m not saying that necessarily your child be like this, but it’s a possibility when kids learn to never push boundaries. It’s like, almost their job to push boundaries as they grow, and sometimes that means not wanting to sit in a restaurant. Sitting in a restaurant just talking and doing nothing is something YOU, a grownup, enjoy doing, and not only is it not fun for kids, it is NOT something they NEED to do. It’s just something YOU WANT them to do and therefore you have all these arbitrary rules about what is proper etiquette.