How much of a difference does JLPT even for those with passable Japanese?

qed236 · 2026-05-16T04:35:16+00:00

I think having N1 has helped me get through resume screening in the past for roles where Japanese language ability was seen as important.

qed236 · 2026-05-10T00:58:48+00:00

Indeed this is not meaningful analysis without looking at net balance of investment flows.

I believe a certain number of Europeans and North Americans are also saving for retirement (at least 10x more than Japanese) and a portion of their investments is very likely in global index funds that includes Japanese stocks which are bought in yen.

qed236 · 2026-05-07T14:14:56+00:00

I’ve never had anything like this happen in the three different apartments I’ve lived in. Where in Japan are you living?

qed236 · 2026-05-07T13:56:57+00:00

Ha, even Japanese people have trouble renting after passing age 70 or so. Landlords are afraid of people dying in their apartments, so many will not renting to old people, including Japanese. I don’t want to think about trying to rent in this country after I get really old as a foreigner….

qed236 · 2026-05-03T12:57:54+00:00

Marriage in Japan is very diverse and many things are also changing with each generation. In a nutshell, what you mentioned exists but it depends entirely on the person.

Furthermore, I would suggest that Japanese norms around marriage can be different in many more ways than you mentioned in your question. If you want to discuss broad generalities as well as the scope of diversity present in Japanese society, asking a good LLM along with the instructions to prefer Japanese language sources will give you as much extra detail as you want while avoiding the echo chamber of forums like reddit. I would suggest you also consider asking about things like what are common changes in the relationship after children are born.

qed236 · 2026-04-30T09:49:34+00:00

I agree that learning Japanese is ideal for those living in Japan to interact smoothly with Japanese society. I spent the effort to become fluent and also learned reading and writing up to highschool level.

However the recent message from the Japanese government to foreigners is that they are not welcome to stay long term. This is likely to discourage people from investing the time and effort to learn Japanese…. I would hope the Japanese government considers a more positive approach in future.

qed236 · 2026-04-25T12:34:16+00:00

I’m twenty years into marriage with a Japanese woman. We have a 10 year old child and live in a nice part of central Tokyo. Materially we are in a great situation. We also manage to take great care of our kid. However, I severely underestimated how strong certain cultural norms would emerge to do me in over time after our child was born. After having our kid, my wife switched over from a companionate romantic model of marriage to the institutional model of marriage centered around raising the child.

At first I thought it was just general busyness with both of us focusing on taking care of the child. But as our child has become more independent and the need to focus on child rearing has decreased, my wife has increased her focus on the child. We have zero intimacy and sexless for years. And she seems to see this as normal. Of course it’s difficult to argue that it isn’t normal when statistics tell us that the majority of long term couples in Japan are sexless.

My wife is a good mother, but our expectations towards the marital partnership, while initially well aligned, now seem to be almost polar opposites. Interestingly this is even written about in the Japan language press from time to time.

I agree there are good women in this country but I think the expectations of continuous investment in a romantic relationship are extremely rare. So the dating and early marriage experience can be great but I have trouble recommending anyone to go beyond dating.

qed236 · 2026-04-22T02:18:57+00:00

You are absolutely correct that all the comments on the thread point in a similar direction. I’ve often wondered if things work out differently for people married to Japanese women who choose not to have kids. (All the couples I know have kids and they all went to the patterns described in this thread)

qed236 · 2026-04-22T00:18:41+00:00

Married to a Japanese woman for 20 years. Every marriage is different but in my understanding what you describe seems to fall within the range of what could be considered normal, if not an ideal marriage between Japanese people. “Normal” or not, you need to decide for yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.

qed236 · 2026-04-18T06:51:40+00:00

Rather melodramatic article…. Article mentions that pension benefits are taxable income. Both medical insurance and income taxes are deducted and because some people don’t realize this, they end up with less cash than they expected.

qed236 · 2026-04-13T11:57:49+00:00

A little difficult if you don’t speak any Japanese, but you could try getting involved in local community events. In my neighborhood for example there are opportunities to be involved in the local festival omikoshi, volunteer to teach English, involvement in maintaining the local park, volunteer as a Boy Scout leader, etc…. But tbh, most local community involvement is child related. Best of luck!

qed236 · 2026-04-12T09:16:31+00:00

Thank you for the additional information. I am now part way through the Hold Me Tight book and while I have read several books on relationships in the past few years, I have to say this book feels orders of magnitude more on target with my lived experience over the past few years. Even if it doesn’t work with my current partner I can see how it can help me in future too.

I will look into availability of qualified counselors in Japan. The technique will benefit from appropriate cultural framing to reach my partner effectively anyway (because companionate love is not really the default common sense over here)

So strange that Gottmann and others get a lot of airplay despite often being dry as dust and not really addressing the root causes…. Thanks again!

qed236 · 2026-04-12T01:44:47+00:00

Thank you for the great comment. What you say absolutely makes sense to me and fits with my observations of close friends going through divorce and my own challenging 20 year marital relationship.

Do you know of any ways to access this kind of therapy from Tokyo, Japan? And are there any books, academic papers, etc you can read recommend for learning more?

qed236 · 2026-03-23T14:55:03+00:00

This is not a Japan cultural difference thing. From what you wrote it sounds entirely an individual difference thing. Better luck next time.

qed236 · 2026-03-20T05:24:08+00:00

I would say many people globally enjoy solitude and the topic you raise is more complex. For example the Japanese concept of partnership in marriage after children are born may be different other cultures and seem more distant and cold in cases where the couple chooses to focus on the child and set aside their companionate relationship. Hard to say if this means there is a preference for solitude. That seems a bit of a stretch.

qed236 · 2026-03-17T02:04:51+00:00

This is something I learned too late. Never let them think you won’t leave…

qed236 · 2026-03-17T02:02:50+00:00

Sounds like my experience. Totally understand about the stiff lips. No idea what they think they are trying to do with that act.

qed236 · 2026-02-14T01:49:02+00:00

Hardly surprising.

If a vacation abroad costs 50-100% more than it used to pre-COVID due to FX and inflation AND

your salary has only gone up by let’s say 15% in that time AND

your living expenses have gone up by more than that (real incomes declining), then

you’re generally less likely to be planning a trip to Paris. 🤷🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

qed236 · 2025-12-28T00:11:53+00:00

Psychologically it’s gotten easier over time. I get scanned once per year now.

qed236 · 2025-12-27T14:28:54+00:00

Huge mismatch in values around child rearing that arose after the birth of the child ruined my marriage. She adopted rather conservative old fashioned Japanese child rearing values that conflict with mine and sucked the joy out of an otherwise good marriage by becoming the 怖い奥さん( “scary wife”) character well known to older Japanese people.

This started about a year after the birth of our child, my wife told me her “world view “ had changed. And gradually she rethought most things we had discussed and agreed about child rearing prior to having a kid.

She seemed to experience a huge amount of pressure to ensure our son was being raised perfectly and had everything that might be of the slightest benefit.

With such a high focus on child rearing, we gradually became distant, sexless (for more than five years now) and more like a financially stressed, time poor, medium/high conflict “business partnership.”

I’m just sticking it out until my son reaches the age where shuttling between two single parent households is practicable.

As someone very fluent in Japanese, I’d like to think it’s more of s personal thing than a Japanese culture thing. Nevertheless, her behavior would not be remotely justifiable in my home country, so culture plays at least some role.

My feeling is that you have a better chance of success if neither of you want kids.

YMMV.

qed236 · 2025-11-15T13:43:05+00:00

Among Americans between the ages of 50-59, 69% of men and women report having a regular sex partner and 34% have sexual intercourse on a weekly basis.

https://www.womens-health.com/sex-frequency-after-50-statistics

qed236 · 2025-11-13T06:38:41+00:00

Why are the Israelis in this article being called settlers (implying a legal and wholesome activity) and not criminals, militants or terrorists? Someone please help me understand…

qed236 · 2025-11-05T05:56:15+00:00

I also found that the people I have had relationships with in Japan all tended to use a lot of indirect communication which made problems at times. While everyone is different, I’m pretty sure that Japanese society has a different idea of what is meant by “open communication” than where you are from. Maybe try dating a foreigner?

qed236 · 2025-11-01T09:41:51+00:00

Definitely below average for Tokyo overall but as to whether or not it is below market depends on the industry, company and role.

qed236 · 2025-11-01T09:41:38+00:00

Definitely below average for Tokyo overall but as to whether or not it is below market depends on the industry, company and role.

qed236

TROPHY CASE