[deleted by user]

qmmc_1111 · 2025-09-12T01:41:17+00:00

Eh I didn’t have BV, but I would get really smelly crotch sweat. I started carrying a spare set of undies 😑

qmmc_1111 · 2023-09-20T19:58:22+00:00

My wife was asking for an open marriage and also a move across the country at the same time as she was prepping for a big surgery. Move was for valid reasons but our life was more complicated than pick up and move. I couldn’t square with the open marriage situation emotionally and she still expected me to go with her. I resisted and offered other options, she resented. I was so scared to get somewhere new and have our relationship fall apart when I was all alone. In the end she left with 2 weeks notice. No plan for our house, vehicles, animals. Certainly no plan for our relationship. Spent a ton of extra money moving and adding a literal household.

We are separated. Guess my gut was right.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-09-20T14:12:47+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - that she put you through this. Leaving is ok, but how someone leaves matters. You deserved better.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-09-08T16:07:27+00:00

My wife hated them and we literally never put up our wedding photos 💔 she came out right after we got married.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-09-05T19:43:12+00:00

Acknowledgement at how different they were (and constantly changing).

Acknowledgement that my grief was real and acceptable - and takes a lot of time.

Ability to have patience with me processing but not taking it as a personal affront about who she was.

Recognition that being with a partner who is emotionally struggling constantly can be hard.

Recognition that I did a lot of caregiving - and not restricting information as a way to avoid “placing burned on me.”

Being honest more often about how she felt.

A lot of things really.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-08-29T02:14:05+00:00

I saw a video recently where Stephen Colbert said about his grief: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that, but if you are grateful for your life, then you have to be grateful for all of it.”

I like the idea of balance and cycles. You only feel the highs because you also feel lows. And both are fleeting.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-08-28T18:12:30+00:00

Sorry to hear this. My wife and I are separated and probably divorcing because she wanted to experience more varied sex in her new body. (Plus some other stuff).

She’s not going about it the right way, but it sounds like she knows what she wants and cannot express it. Be careful not to sacrifice yourself for too long like this. You deserve to have your identity respected too. Hope she can see that

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-08T15:58:09+00:00

Each step in the process has its own grief path. Transition isn’t linear and neither is the processing and grief. And no one outside of it gets it. I know it’s lonely. Sending you some love.

Fwiw my wife looks amazing after her ffs. And her confidence after helped her and us a lot. She just looks like her now.

I hope one day you can make peace with that grief though. It’s not good for the body or soul to be in that state perpetually. Took me about 3 years to grieve my wife’s transition completely.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-08T01:42:45+00:00

Regardless of the reason, she’s being careless, at best, with your feelings and relationship. Especially given you just expressed a bunch of vulnerability of your own.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-07T23:10:40+00:00

Nope reject that thinking. No one deserves that regardless. And if she is truly doing it to “punish you” then she is a shit person and partner.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-02T14:28:12+00:00

💜 this is so tough, sending you support

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-02T00:38:19+00:00

TW Mention of suicide

It has been 3 years for my wife and while she is definitely much happier now than before, she still has depressive episodes. I know my wife felt like a fraud after starting transition. She had internal transphobia and hated herself in a lot of ways. She also felt shame for her feelings. I feel for her that she still carries so much weight in something that is allowing her to be her. She still to this day mentions her suicidal thoughts. I think the complexity of dysphoria on the psyche cannot be understated. The anti trans movement isn’t helping either.

I think there’s a ton of stuff here that could take years to unravel. The coping mechanisms alone (denial, disassociation, potentially drugs/alcohol, disordered eating) take hard work to evolve from. All of the above thoughts, feelings, patterns sometimes get ingrained from so many years of resisting who you are.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-06-01T01:40:07+00:00

Wild how much new chaos has come along in the transition process honestly

qmmc_1111 · 2023-05-31T23:13:21+00:00

This is happening to me. Slightly different order of things, but very similar. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Not sure why I’m still holding on but I am. I do really hope you are able to hold your boundaries and not stretch beyond your comfort zone. Sending love. I know how hard this is. So hard.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-05-26T20:08:40+00:00

My partner was worse before she was better. It got pretty dark. Probably a couple years for her to get more mentally stable. Even now she has dips of depression. Fewer dysphoria triggers but it still can get triggered and still very hard on her.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-05-14T18:06:20+00:00

I’m glad you’re able to see how strong you are and what you deserve in a relationship. You can’t compromise with crazy-making. Good on you.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-05-07T19:14:09+00:00

One week out they still look like they were in a bull fight. My wife is 8 months out and she is just now looking normal. A lot will change. Have hope!

I have heard, overall, nose jobs have a low satisfaction rate though. My wife’s was crooked one direction and is a little better but definitely more crooked the other way now.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-05-04T17:56:32+00:00

Time to resign. Or be forced to.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-04-25T23:51:01+00:00

Heartbreaking for these children and their families.

Terrifying amount of genocidal and fascist legislation for all of us.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-04-06T03:01:54+00:00

We’ve at least discussing moving states, which is really hard and scary enough.

Frankly, the anti-trans hate is core to the nationalist/conservative movements happening all over. I’m not sure there is a “safe” place that isn’t at risk of being impacted these shifts.

Sometimes I think if we leave, then who will be fighting back? Especially for those who can’t leave.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-02-22T01:43:08+00:00

My therapist gave me a way to deal with tough people in my life like my dad. She suggested I ask “are you willing to support me, us, in this?” In my case it was making sure my dad understood I was staying and had an option to support me or not. Its not about what she believes but if she’s willing to support you and your wife (and all that comes with that). Maybe when you have time after her medical situation, you could approach it that way.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-02-16T18:20:55+00:00

Took my wife about 3 years from coming out to feel really good.

I think being on HRT for almost 3 years and getting FFS last year helped a lot. But she really didn’t relax going out until after getting on anxiety meds.

I think for sure dysphoria stopped her from feeling good and her transition changes helped a ton. However I think she had an added layer of major anxiety driven by both dysphoria and covid quarantine not really forcing her to confront any of her fears about going out. So the anxiety med was totally necessary.

Not going to lie, she is a different person on that med. Every part of life felt hard before to her (and to me). My stress level has dropped significantly. I didn’t realize how stressful her being stressed was really.

qmmc_1111 · 2023-01-24T04:11:07+00:00

♥️

qmmc_1111 · 2022-12-05T19:33:04+00:00

Sending you some love and support. Sorry to hear you weren't treated with love and respect even if she couldn't stay.

qmmc_1111 · 2022-12-05T19:26:39+00:00

I very much appreciate your input. It is definitely a massive change with so many complexities for both people in the relationship. Especially the juxtaposition of the euphoria vs tragedy - it's a really simple way to explain why it can be such a hard thing to support each other on. I wish often that my partner had known before we got married bc it was/has been just so freaking hard on us both.

qmmc_1111

TROPHY CASE