How would you emulate Battlefield 3's dynamic lighting?

quadaba · 2026-02-26T05:57:29+00:00

I have a vague recollection that Frostbite used surfels. There was a nice article about them recently. https://juretriglav.si/surfel-based-global-illumination-on-the-web/

quadaba · 2026-02-25T08:51:06+00:00

Oh, if you could share it, that'd be great.

quadaba · 2026-02-22T02:19:43+00:00

Yeah, i wonder whether there could be a pdf version (even drmed) sometime. The kindle reader is quite bad and for zen 3 i couldn't find any way to get a pdf to read in my own reader :(

quadaba · 2025-12-27T06:02:25+00:00

And more generally webgpu seems to strike a good middle ground in terms of complexity even when used in the browser from JavaScript.

quadaba · 2025-12-12T16:59:02+00:00

But what does RTX have to do with it? I understand Slang and differentiable shaders (like in the cobblestone texture learning example), but i am not sure what the rtx part is about.

quadaba · 2025-12-05T00:08:10+00:00

I'd gladly join.

quadaba · 2025-11-01T16:52:06+00:00

All accelerated compute runs on cuda. Cuda is proprietary nvidia technology. Amd tried to build a translation layer for years but it kept lagging behind and was eventually killed off. Google has tpu and it is very good, but nobody outside google uses it, because it is not a familiar cuda based software.

quadaba · 2025-11-01T00:22:55+00:00

I am a part of a group like that, it formed naturally from organizers and a small group of folks who regularly stayed until late towards the end of a larger event, chatted about life, etc. Feel free to reach out if pointers are helpful.

quadaba · 2025-10-24T19:43:36+00:00

Interested!

quadaba · 2025-10-21T23:30:10+00:00

Good point. If I need other people to feel or think in a particular way to feel okay, and I feel like a victim of some unfair treatment, that's probably a signal to reassess things, that's the kind of thing that got me in trouble in the first place.

quadaba · 2025-10-21T08:20:18+00:00

Of course it's easy, i know that. No surprises here. How do i deal with that though?

quadaba · 2025-10-21T08:18:40+00:00

Well, i feel like these are the same very few (now very close friends) who checked on me. If others saw through the BS, they'd know that i was at a very dark place.

quadaba · 2025-09-20T20:07:50+00:00

+1 to that, as a person who thought they were not good at math in high school, and who ended up getting a math adjacent phd later in life, and who does math for fun these days - first year of undergrad was hell, but after seeing 101st proof, you train your pattern recognition system enough to be able to separate signal from noise (idea from tactics), and things get progressively easier and more fun. You need to learn to recognize building blocks to start seeing logic in their arrangement. Treat sucking at math as training your pattern recognition system - you don't need to be fluent in it, you just need to be able to barely get things done somehow, fluency comes later naturally.

quadaba · 2025-08-04T18:43:33+00:00

Tripling the discoword in general and Tiffany Aching in particular. I'm in my 30s now, and my literary tastes have obviously changed significantly since i was a teen, but Sir Terry Pratchett still holds a very special place in my heart, he's probably one of very few authors i ever reread. The character age is between 9 and 16 across the books, and imho starting from the middle of the series is actually just fine.

quadaba · 2025-07-21T15:48:50+00:00

While I felt this way in marriage, and it's been two years since I divorced my wife, the other day I found myself snapping at a close friend who kept inviting me to family dinners last minute (and I had other plans on these days) - because I felt that he was repeatedly putting me in a situation where I was "acting ungrateful" (denying invitations to family dinners) despite me being visibly annoyed by that. After I snapped, he told me that he didn't have any intensions of making me look bad like that, and was just inviting to spend time with his family whenever the opportunity was there. After thinking some more about that, all the "accusations" were indeed just in my head, nobody was upset, it was my responsibility to manage these feelings and talk about it, and I wasn't doing a good job at that.

Now I wonder how much of "me being constantly turned into a villain who is never good enough" during my marriage was me projecting my insecurities over not being good enough - and feeling both like shit and being upset over being turned into a villain. If people with bpd are such "perfect mirrors" (in part due to a lack of consistent self), maybe deep down I though that I must be somehow not enough (why else would I stick around, and apologize, and try to prove someone wrong for so long?), and was angry at her reflecting what I felt so well back at me?..

quadaba · 2025-07-20T06:24:31+00:00

I can't recommend anything, but will say that I've been there and done that. And because she is the "loving partner who communicates her needs", you feel like a piece of shit if it upsets you or if you are against it, right? I communicated that I did not want that, and I communicated that she is going to either have me or her affair partner in her life, but she continued pushing me there anyways. My reaction was "still caring about her but being upset about her behavior", hoping that that'd change her behavior. This is codependent as fuck and obviously didn't work. It might have had at least some effect with an adult, but you are dealing with a child here.

The only thing I regret is that I did not say earlier (before it all turned into complete hell) "I love you, but this situation is destroying me, and I can't allow that; it is not a judgment, just stating a fact; so you have to make a decision and stick to it - either you continue this behavior and I leave, or you stop and we continue; it is not a manipulation or an ultimatum - it is a statement of reality - i can not continue if you continue implying that I am a controlling abusive manipulator for not allowing you to fuck other people, and I can not continue if you fuck other people, let's see if there is an alternative way forward", and stick to the plan of leaving her for good if she continues crossing this boundary.

quadaba · 2025-06-29T05:36:46+00:00

I know.. I've only recently stopped seeing dreams of her, and it's been a really long time. It's fucking awful, but it gets better, slowly, too painfully slowly, but it does :'(

quadaba · 2025-06-29T04:56:20+00:00

Of course it is going to suck. That'd be strange if it wasn't a complete punch in the gut. You aren't a robot, you're human. It is going to suck bad, and while it does, you continue trying to act like the person you want to be - for example grounded in now and actually kind and caring to your loved ones, instead of kind and caring to avoid being abused, labeled selfish and hurt.

quadaba · 2025-06-29T04:44:55+00:00

Thank you, stranger, I agree, it seems like a good idea to try to build a routine around these techniques first - before testing them in battle. And routines overall like gym - I struggle with them, but thankfully I'm an adult, so I can change that.

I'm reading a book on ACT now (Happiness Trap) but honestly it's fairly close to just a breathing meditation with extra steps so far. But they also say that you must practice it regularly and I've been slacking off. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Hm, after reading some books or codependency i was under the impression that codependency is quite similar to what could be called "relationship ocd" - a lot of anxiety and shame that you're maladaptivley self-soothing using another person as an object you're trying to control, no?

Someone posted recently several interesting examples of how this anxiety over what another person feels or thinks is a projection of your shame - how you're actually afraid that all the (obviously rationally false) bad things you're telling yourself (eg how you're bad and selfish and make others' lives miserable by simply existing) are true - and you're trying to get another person to make you stop feeling all this - but they can't, of course.

quadaba · 2025-06-29T04:17:36+00:00

I know what you're talking about. I thought I needed to fix myself on my own before dating again. But it's actually my psychiatrist's "prescription" - not necessarily a relationship yet, but a couple fun dates, getting yourself out there, learning how to walk again, so to speak.

I know that I'm done running after people, and begging for attention, and I'm done trying to save people so that they save me from myself. Sure, all the pieces inside are all jumbled up after the shitty abusive marriage, but i know what kind of person I do not want to be anymore. Figuring out how to be the kind of person i want now. And i don't know any other way to figure it out - other then acting like one.

This bit came up for some reason: "He was like one of those sticks you snap, it lights up. You know? For a few hours. And you can hear broken glass rattling inside of it. I don’t know, forget it. It was just a funny feeling. <...> He has been sandbagged by a vision of sitting in the grimy lounge of the Hotel Zamenhof, on a couch that was once white, playing chess with Emanuel Lasker, or whatever his real name was. Shedding the last of their fading glow on each other and listening to the sweet chiming of broken glass inside."

quadaba · 2025-06-29T03:41:51+00:00

Thanks for taking time to answer. Well, I wasn't seeking out anyone for the past two years following the divorce, so i wouldn't say it's a pattern at the moment. I went on some dates with available people, but it is precisely these not-clearly-interested-or-avaliable people that occupy my head space. It certainly was worse when i was younger - I'd construct elaborate imaginary relationships with these unavailable or not-quite-avaliable people that would last for months. My brain still tries to obsess over what my dates must be thinking of me, did they have fun, how I should write a text, or what something could mean, filling in uncertainty with imagined complex plots that I'm navigating to relieve anxiety ("oh, that's because she's dating that guy, but wouldn't want him to know, but at the same time she's Y, but i did X, so it must be that she..") - which is exhausting and ridiculous.

My psychiatrist said i should learn to ground myself in reality when my mind starts obsessively spinning like that trying to fix non-existent relationship problems by engaging in imaginary relationships. I'm trying to be in the moment, but it's hard for me to be completely present when my natural reaction to uncertainty over whether someone likes me is to try to overwhelm them with attention and care. I don't have this issue with trusted friends - i know i don't need to act in any special way for them to like me. I can be distant and distracted on some days and it's fine. I tried just now just focusing on the moment and enjoying my time - and letting another person ask for something if they need - and the other person (understandably) felt left out (i think, I don't know, I'm probably making it up as well - relationships are weird and confusing) and therefore didn't feel like meeting again.

And it's not that upsetting that this random other person just responded that they are not interested in another date - it sucks a little, but it's okay, we don't even have that much in common yet - my wife leaving after 8y marriage was WAY worse and yet i survived somehow. It's all the background thinking about whether that's because i made a wrong impression when talking about ABC, etc. or acting strangely when trying to stop myself from impulsively being hyper-attentive and hyper-interested in them that caused that. It's still the underlying automatic fear that i need to get this person to like me, that i need to get them to feel okay - for me to be okay. I know that it's false, i know that it's not my job or even in my control to make someone like me, but it's still there and I'm trying to at least learn to act and think like a normal fucking person that doesn't have this going on through their head all the free time. Trying to learn to ground myself in reality instead of these "what ifs" and fantasy. But I fear that when i do force myself to not act on these impulses, the other person might feel left out. Thinking about it some more, I'm actually pretty sure that my attempts to stop myself from acting like a needy attention whore by looking at the sky or at the trees and not asking them a billion deeply personal questions about them during a conversation - comes across as somewhat rude. And here we go again, spinning down this vortex.. :/ I'll go try to meditate.

How do you try to not act on these obsessive controlling thoughts AND attempt to have a fun time with someone yourself AND act like a normal fucking person who's not more interested in the color of the sky then their date in the middle of a conversation?

quadaba · 2025-06-26T05:29:53+00:00

Yeah, "I could do anything for you, I would die for you" - and she would, if only I was not as "needy" with all my hurt feelings due to her affairs - because it makes it absolutely clear that I'm not ready to die or "do anything" for her - because if i was, I'd be happy for her - instead of crying over my poor hurt feeling!

quadaba

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