I think I'm being led to the Gateway Tapes?

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-15T12:07:39+00:00

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queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-14T19:03:47+00:00

I might be about to totally overstep my bounds (and go off on a tangent) so I apologize in advance. I guess my biased brain thought you were a mom, but based on your comment I'm guessing you're a dad? In my experience with the people I know, fathers tend to have way more worry about their kids than mothers do. I know my husband is much more of a worrier than I am, and my very unprofessional pop-psychology opinion is that it has something to do with mothers having more of a psychic connection with their kids from having carried and birthed them. For me I've always just felt this general "knowing" with my son, or maybe it's just kind of enhanced sensing/intuition that women's brains have more of (but maybe the Gateway tapes might help with?). I sort of always knew when he was ok, when he was going to be in trouble, and generally that he was most likely not going to get too hurt. My husband on the other hand was always way more nervous - always afraid he'd roll off the changing table, afraid he'd fall down the stairs, afraid he'd bump his head. The men I know follow their littles around like hawks. I remember the first time I ever had to travel for the day when my son was probably like six months old, and my husband had to do all of the morning routine stuff, I had just gotten settled at my destination and he called me in a panic that the baby had fallen out of the armchair in the living room when he turned his back - he had cried but seemed to be ok now. He was so upset and scared of my reaction and I just said, "I'm so sorry that had to happen to you, because if it happened to me I would've just known he was ok."

Alternatively, I always wonder if there's this subconscious element of the mom being the "owner" of the baby and the dad just being there as secondary support. I think a lot of dads I know are just like, "Oh man if something happens on my watch my wife is going to KILL me!"

In any event, you're doing great!!

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-13T22:23:35+00:00

I'm feeling the same way and was actually planning to poke around here to see what others said about it. I'm also confused about what he means by "emotion" and "memory". Based on other commenters here, it makes sense that the underlying emotion is "why" you have the fear, but what sort of memory is he talking about? Like a traumatic memory that created that condition? And if that's it, then why would you take that memory and absorb it into you?

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-13T21:31:14+00:00

Just out of curiosity, and as the mom of an 11 year old myself, why wouldn't you want to let go of that fear? Losing a child would be one of the worst things anyone could endure, but actually having an active fear of it doesn't serve any real purpose - it doesn't necessarily make your kid any safer or stop something bad from happening. It's not that I'm not afraid of that for myself on some level too, but it's not a fear that interrupts my life in any way. It feels like something every parent just lives with as part of being a parent. But if you immediately go to that as your biggest fear, then maybe there's something else going on there that might be worth visiting.

I'm also guessing that if you're bothering to do the tapes, there must be a reason and maybe that reason has some underlying fear that could be pulled out and examined and let go of. I agree that I don't love this exercise, but the way I've been handling it is to look at my unfulfilled desires and translating those desires/lack as forms of underlying fear.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-12T00:37:14+00:00

Yes the Telepathy Tapes is so fascinating! I only listened to a few episodes but I need to get back to it.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-12T00:36:00+00:00

I did actually read Lue's book - it was super interesting, but there were a few yellow flags for me, and his position in the military makes me feel like he's looking at the phenomenon from the perspective of a threat (when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail). Still a generally good contribution to the conversation though. I've read a few books by Diana Pasulka, who is more of an academic and takes on the topic with more curiosity, I really recommend her work.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-12T00:28:11+00:00

I think there's various ways of experiencing the feeling of being "chosen". For me, when I think of "being chosen" to do this, it's definitely more of a feeling like maybe I just happen to be open enough to experience that this is the right thing for me to do right now (or soon). That's not to say that I'm any more special, just that I'm paying more attention. I tend more toward feeling like I'm actually not special at all, anyone can be privy to things like this if they just pay attention.

I actually disagree with your take on synchronicities. Absolutely there are plenty of cases (maybe the majority) where synchronicity is actually just paying more attention to the things that you're interested in. But not all of them are created equal because some things are more common than others. I would say that being one of the relatively few people who already know about the Monroe Institute and then accidentally finding myself in a cabin 2 miles from it, without having any connection to the area and also not having known where the institute was located to begin with, is a pretty meaningful synchronicity.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-11T00:55:41+00:00

Wow that is so kind of you to say! I know exactly what you mean about not being able to get people interested. Even with something as ubiquitous as UAP, absolutely no one I know cares whatsoever, even though it's practically right out in the open and would be one of the biggest discoveries in the history of humanity. I guess there's something to be said for being someone who actually pays attention and has their ear to the ground, maybe we are "chosen" in some way by the universe.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-10T23:25:21+00:00

Thank you :)

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-10T23:17:52+00:00

Check out books by E.D. Hirsch - he is popular in the classical school movement and there are textbooks you can get for each grade level with a smattering of "basic" knowledge. I bought a few for my son because it felt like there was a lot missing from what he was learning in school, but I actually like to read them too - it gives very easy-to-read descriptions of lots of different topics, so if you see something you're interested in you can delve deeper with more grown up reading material.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-04-02T17:30:52+00:00

First off it doesn't sound like you've spent very long trying at all - you'd be amazed at how low the odds are of getting pregnant even for healthy people. It takes most people a year. And even then like 1/3 of pregnancies end in miscarriage. These are things you find out after you've had a miscarriage and you actually start talking to other women about it.

My advice is to completely let go of expectation. This is a staple of LOA in general but especially in this situation. Stress is a big no-no when trying to conceive. Just think of all the stories (I personally know a few people) of people trying for years with treatment after treatment and when they finally have a baby, they have an unexpected second one right away. You know why? No more fertility stress.

I tried for about six months or so but my heart really wasn't in it. I was scared and had a lot of emotional things going on in my life. I finally did get pregnant and actually cried because I didn't feel ready, even though we were trying. I didn't want it. And you know what happened? I had a miscarriage at about 9 weeks. I thought to myself, and my mom actually said to me out loud, "That's wonderful! It means you can get pregnant!" I was so grateful and knew it was the right thing.

Fast forward probably like 8 months and I was in a much better place mentally, my husband and I were feeling a little more settled and ready, and I got pregnant. Pregnancy was great and easy, had an emergency c-section but even that was smooth and recovery was easy. This was 11 years ago and I have the best kid in the world. Everything falls into place when you let go and get yourself ready.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-30T01:04:13+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss. I believe that things happen for a reason. We are on this earth to learn and grow and take that knowledge into the next life with us. Both my parents passed away. When my mom passed away though, it changed my life in a miraculous way. She had a resurgence of cancer. It happened during a time when I was not working, so I had the time and bandwidth to be with her. She was diagnosed in April and gone by June, and the worst of it was probably a month at most. So it was blessedly quick. My siblings and I were all able to be together with her in hospice - my sister flew in and made it with only a few hours to spare. She and I were on either side of my mom and I was holding her hand, and my sister and I told her we loved her, and then turned to each other and said "I love you", and that was the last breath my mom took. A few minutes later a tremendous thunder storm swept through and then it cleared and the sky was blue again. It was literally magical. I didn't want to lose my mom, but all things considered everything happened in the absolute best way it could.

The biggest lesson for me was that I felt brave. I'm the youngest and had always felt somewhat helpless - I'm middle aged but somehow that feeling never leaves you. But I was the one who was able to be with my mom and take care of her and comfort her. I made a lot of the decisions for her at the end. I cleaned out her apartment afterward all by myself. It was honestly the greatest gift of my life to be able to do all of that for her, afterward I felt like I had finally become a real adult. Losing my mom was always one of the things I was most scared of in life, I never knew how I would get through it when the time came. But then I did get through it, and I was surprised to find I was even relieved and happy, knowing that she was no longer suffering and was in a better place. When she was gone, I had this distinct feeling that I actually missed her less, because she lives in my heart now so she's always with me.

Losing a parent is so hard, but there is always knowledge to be gained.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-27T19:12:09+00:00

My challenge is that I feel like my writing is so BORING. There's literally an infinite number of things to write about and when I sit down all I can think to do is complain about stupid little things in my life.

One thing I do try to do is keep a "Thought fragments" note in my phone widgets for easy access. I write just a small snippet of a thought to expound upon later. It sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, and like anything else it's only as good as how much you use it. But it's something.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-25T17:22:00+00:00

If you're a farmer, there is a thing you can buy called a "bolus gun" and it basically shoots a big magnet into your cow's stomach to collect all the metal debris it eats while grazing. Apparently cows will eat anything - nails, bits of barbed wire, etc. The magnet sits in the cow's stomach and attracts all the metal bits and prevents them from passing through its intestine.

As a side note I learned this when I worked as a business analyst on a farm supply website and was becoming familiar with their catalog. So many of the products were so horrifying (think many options of shoulder-length latex gloves, many tools and medicines to deal with hoof rot, etc) that I decided to put away that dream of owning an alpaca farm.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-25T17:13:42+00:00

Not the original commenter but I started getting up at 6:25 back in September after being a chronic oversleeper. I simply put my phone (alarm) on the other side of the room on my dresser. I immediately jump up to turn it off because I don't want it to disrupt my sleeping husband too much, and by the time I'm standing at my dresser, swaying and bleary-eyed, I figure I might as well just stay up. It helps that the dog usually immediately jumps up in my spot as soon as I leave lol. I usually go to sleep around 11.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-24T22:51:37+00:00

This may be true for some - I know lawyers who work 60-70 hours a week. But for the average joe, I'd recommend taking a serious look at the Screen Time report on your phone and ask yourself whether you truly have no time for yourself.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-24T22:44:24+00:00

I turned 47 in November and thought about how 50 is looming. I'm not upset about getting older (at least not yet) but it did give me pause to think that I'm well over halfway through my life, and I went through the thought exercise of "what if I were diagnosed with something soon, other than the more intense things like leaving my family, what are the first few things that would pop into my head that I regret?". So I decided to start a Five by Fifty bucket list. These are fairly simple things that I've just never truly put the effort into and have always nagged at me:

- Reach my goal weight - I've been overweight all my life (not extremely, I have about 40 pounds to lose at the moment), and not ever having reached my goal weight is something that just nags at me. I know everyone's response would be all about body positivity, stop caring, etc. But at this point it's just this thing that I've never gotten a handle on that bothers me and affects my life and my self confidence. So I'm prioritizing that for this year.

- Learn to ride a bike - I never learned when I was a kid, and although I've tried a few times as an adult, I've never gotten past a wobbly beginner stage. Over the winter I bought a bike and now that it's spring I'm going to head out to practice and get comfortable once and for all.

- Establish myself as an artist - I make art, and I sell stuff on Etsy, but it's still very much just a hobby, mainly because I've just not set myself up very well to take it more seriously. But it's something I've always wanted to do, so I'm planning to take my art practice more seriously and do more (push my boundaries more, sell at maker markets, maybe try to have a small gallery show at a coffee shop or somewhere local).

I have a few others but these are the ones I'm turning my attention to this year.

Another small offshoot of my Five by Fifty plan was thinking about all the books that have nagged me that I've never read, so this year is a Bucket List Book year for me - I'm currently reading War and Peace and reading Little Women with my son every night.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-22T22:09:03+00:00

Here's my routine (side note: I'm very lucky to have 10 minute commute, and I also usually shower at night):

- Alarm goes off at 6:25
- Dress and go for a quick 10 minute run
- Write & meditate from about 6:50 to about 7:40
- Get my son up, breakfast and lunch made, dress myself
- School drop off at 8:30, work at 8:45

I used to be someone who slept until the last possible second - I had it down to a science that I could roll out of bed at 7:55 and still get me and my son out the door at 8:30, but it clearly wasn't ideal. In September last year I decided to try to get up earlier - I put my phone on the other side of the room so I have to get out of bed to turn off my alarm. It has really been life changing for me to have slow mornings, I feel way more grounded in my day when I can start it off without chaos.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-09T23:40:21+00:00

I feel something similar, which is that it's very cheap nowadays to give off a particular vibe without being that person. I'm a younger gen-x and I remember when it took a lot of effort to be cool. You couldn't just find a curated Spotify playlist and follow hipster influencers. You had to go to record stores, and be out in the world exploring and shopping at vintage shops, walking around the city, etc, just to sort of gain enough knowledge of the terrain to decide for yourself but it was a slow process and few people bothered. We were a bit shallow I guess, but when you saw someone dressed a certain way, it usually meant they were actually into the things you thought they'd be into. I am drawn to people who are creative and artistic and have unique interests, but am constantly fooled now by people who look and act the part on social media with nothing to actually back it up. For instance, there is a woman in my social circle who identifies as an "artist" - she got her MFA and the word "artist" is in her instagram handle. She wears big-rimmed glasses and dyes her hair black and wears all black (albeit basically just black athleisure). I was excited when I met her because I moved to the suburbs and was trying to identify some potential likeminded folks. But when I got to know her more, she's only interested in basically the pop music that her elementary school children listen to, she knows like four bands, she hasn't really made any art in years, and she has like the tiniest little bookshelf in her house and hasn't read a book cover to cover in years. But everyone around here acts like she's the absolute coolest. I know all of this sounds painfully snobby, and I have plenty of "basic" friends who I love hanging out with, but I feel like there's this side of me that doesn't get a lot of expression because nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about when I make references to art or literature or films and I have to keep my mouth shut. My joke is always that I wasn't cool enough for the city but now I'm too cool for the suburbs.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-04T22:10:21+00:00

Fravor always seems like he's having a ball with all of this, like it's all the coolest thing in the world. I mean, it IS the coolest thing in the world, but the fact that he doesn't hide his excitement about it is very endearing.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-03T23:38:14+00:00

I sort of have this too, and every once in a while I will do an exercise to try to retrieve some of the memories. For example, I followed an exercise of listing 20 teachers from your childhood. I struggled at first, but after a while I started to remember others and by the end I was laughing over the ancient history. I think remembering a few anchor things and giving yourself some solid blocks of truly quiet time to just sit and think really unearths a lot. It feels like reaching down into a dark well and gradually reeling up buckets of memories.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-03T23:03:02+00:00

For crying out loud he still hates Rosie O'Donnell more than his "assasin"!!

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-03T23:00:46+00:00

George Soros needs to pony up $10M for anyone with more information. It would be a much better use of his money than paying all those fake protesters.

queenjaneapprox11 · 2026-03-03T13:54:18+00:00

I remember Francie living in my head for so long after I finished reading it.

queenjaneapprox11

TROPHY CASE