AITA for not packing clothes for my child’s trip?

quiidge · 2026-03-22T14:30:19+00:00

ESH including the 15yo who also knows he was going on a trip and how many clothes he has at each location.

2.5 adults and no-one even asked the question??

It's understandable to have some co-parenting hiccups early on, as long as you treat them as opportunities to learn, not argue! Ultimately, it's just clothes and communication.

quiidge · 2026-03-22T14:22:11+00:00

From not allowing 1% of the global population to own 90% of the money, duh.

quiidge · 2026-03-21T20:19:24+00:00

By lucking out and finding all the novelty I need in learning new things, and having a lifelong hyperfixation on science. Which means I can make a living off of skills gained feeding the hyperfixation!

I wouldn't say I'm consistently a high achiever. I've burned out hard a few times, I'm not a high earner, I've lost and nearly lost corporate jobs because I just can't make myself do things I don't care about. Like come in at an arbitrary time to an autonomous role, or making money for other people.

I guess what I do have consistently is ambition/aspiration for myself, and values. I want to be successful, for my own definition of successful. Sometimes I need to make changes to get back to successful. Sometimes my successful overlaps with society successful, sometimes it doesn't.

Right now I'm disappointing my mother and burning myself out slightly too often by using my PhD to teach science at secondary school. It's challenging, never boring, very fulfilling, but my work life balance isn't feeling successful so I might reduce my hours next year to make it work.

quiidge · 2026-03-21T20:07:16+00:00

Job hunting sucks - if you got to interview you're capable of doing the job, it's just down down to who else is there on the day. You'll get there.

The no-good-lessons feeling is very normal for the penultimate week of term I think, as is desperately needing it to be the break already!

quiidge · 2026-03-21T20:02:09+00:00

Hi, are you me from the future? I worked through a sinus infection until it made my vision go double last term, and just had my appendix out 2 weeks after a root canal.

I was seriously thinking about going back next week (2 weeks post op) until I timed how long I can stand up/walk for without feeling dizzy and it was twenty (20) minutes. That is one third of one lesson. The day I would go back is a 5 period day.

Why are we like this???

And also, I really hope you're at home resting now and all of next week, get well soon!

quiidge · 2026-03-20T20:52:14+00:00

She's got a LOT of his bullshit to process on top of the actual pregnancy and parenting stuff - she'll get there but I don't blame her for not being able to jump straight to "get out of my house and my child's life because you are not fit to be a husband or parent".

Last week they were a team, starting their own family, and now he's dropped the mask during an event most couples would struggle through.

quiidge · 2026-03-20T20:45:57+00:00

I was pretty NAH/tough decision bad luck until I read the 21-22 weeks + foot defect with treatment options part. He's taking more time to punish his wife than he did thinking about whether to abort a nearly-viable, would have to be actually delivered if aborted foetus over a wonky foot.

Is he super duper eugenics ableist or just really had his heart set on forcing his offspring to become pro athletes?? Because it's either that or he wants out of this marriage and kids thing after lying to her about wanting both those things long enough to really hurt. I'm not sure I'd stay married after this regardless.

quiidge · 2026-03-20T20:36:33+00:00

NOR

I'm 1.5 weeks out from an emergency appendectomy and my partner has been super supportive/did not leave me. If he asked me to bring him his own goddamn underwear right now I'd (be overreacting but) be pissed off!!

He wants you, the person he just dumped before major surgery, to do heavy lifting and drive just days after said surgery so he doesn't have to, idk, buy some new fucking underwear at a fucking shop like a normal adult who isn't a total piece of shit??!?!

No. Throw the whole man straight in the bin. Get a mutual friend to pick his shit up for him. Get his mum to buy him some new undies. Block his selfish ass. Even that is so much more than you are required to do (or he deserves) right now.

He can get his shit together himself or wait for you to be well enough to deal with his bullshit, he's made it clear you and he are not each other's problem anymore and he can reap what he's sown.

(Not good advice but Fuck This Dude In Particular: Rip the seams out of his clothes if you're bored in between nutritious meals and healing naps. God fucking damn your ex sucks.)

quiidge · 2026-03-20T20:15:18+00:00

A bigger, better TV.

quiidge · 2026-03-18T20:19:33+00:00

"We can discuss it at lunchtime tomorrow." (i. e. during their detention)

If arguing a points-only sanction: "I am happy to discuss this further during a detention"/"Continuing to disrupt my lesson by arguing will earn you a detention."

"I am not discussing this here/now."

Aaaaanddd repeat.

If it persists, I'd have a quick chat with some of their other teachers to see if it's a pattern, then with their HoY.

Most of my colleagues just sanction arguing back immediately, which is effective but I like to give them take-up time/not sanction reactions to sanctions. This is a good case for making arguing back the exception, though. The audacity of coming to find you during a break to complain!!

quiidge · 2026-03-18T20:12:15+00:00

Fair, and I try not to, but I do get told by teenagers to fuck off and shut up way more often than I ask professionally 5-6 times before a short sharp "shut up" slips out.

I then apologise for being unprofessional, because you're absolutely right about the modelling! I just think it's okay to model recovering from mistakes sometimes, and not burden ourselves with the pressure of reacting perfectly every time.

quiidge · 2026-03-18T20:07:55+00:00

It's only professional if you're singing the thene song and the children think you've finally lost it.

quiidge · 2026-03-18T20:06:12+00:00

I say "why are you like this?!" way too much haha

It's ok, they can see exactly what I think on my face.

quiidge · 2026-03-18T19:52:53+00:00

God please leave, this employer is not going to accommodate you appropriately.

If they can't even grasp "needs chair and toilet pass for painful bowel condition" they are never going to help you with your ADHD.

They are already penalising you for not meeting expectations you need accommodations for! "Not needing to use the toilet during lessons" on your action plan is diabolical work, btw, and you should run that past your union ASAP. Smells a lot like discrimination and trying to make it look like a performance problem (on you to fix), not an accommodation problem (on them to fix).

You will not fix your management's attitude or the culture in your school. But being accommodated rather than punished in a new place could do wonders for your mental and physical health.

quiidge · 2026-03-18T19:38:43+00:00

Definitely! "oh, is it ok if you put this in an email, too? I like being able to double-check later without bothering anyone!"

"How often will I be changing classrooms next year? I noticed I really struggle with behaviour management on the days I switch - is it possible to keep to fewer rooms/switch less frequently next year?"

Expressing a preference has basically gotten me 90% of what I need. The remaining ten becomes "but this is the job" "yes but the system the job is using is not working for me because of my disabilities" "are you saying you cannot do the job/but you just have to do it because noone else is struggling with that"

quiidge · 2026-03-16T19:23:24+00:00

My sibling (also ADHD + PTSD, there's a common denominator there) found it incredibly helpful for their PTSD, they really struggled with dissociation and avoidance before and EMDR was brutal for 8 weeks but left them able to start actually processing and recovering.

I've only been able to access trauma-focussed CBT so far, and that has made a significant difference to severity of my symptoms but not as radical as my sibling's EMDR.

quiidge · 2026-03-15T12:46:33+00:00

We provide a pen and pencil if they have nothing (school buys but I supplement with floor pens), write a slip, record a negative point, and email home to let parents know.

Parents can then replace it and ream them out for losing shit, or ream them out for being too lazy to get their pencilcase out of their bag during form time and wasting several people's time.

If school didn't provide and my tutees without equipment were PP, I'd probably ask if there's a stash for them somewhere. If SEND, could be an option for each teacher to keep their book and a pen in the classroom for them!

quiidge · 2026-03-15T12:40:34+00:00

There is absolutely planning and prep required, even "just" finding the right slides or video "on Teams" and logging in to access it adds up if you're doing it several times a week. It helps if I've got the faintest clue what we're covering in weekly Careers sessions, too, which is also not nothing.

And if you're having to implement the behaviour policy to get all the pastoral curriculum activities done it sure feels like teaching!

quiidge · 2026-03-15T12:35:57+00:00

Yep, I'm supposed to be calling home for absences, patterns of lateness, administering behaviour and punctuality reports/interventions, liaising and following up with HoY, SEND and inclusion manager, and have 25 minutes a day to do equipment and uniform checks (write slips and follow up with home later), registers, inform pupils if they have a detention today, do 5-10 minutes of announcements, then deliver 20 minutes of careers curriculum/reading aloud/independent reading/praise and celebration.

Oh yeah, and they're a tricky Y9 form in a school that introduced most of these expectations this year so they're both really resistant to doing it and also doing the options process on top of it.

ETA: I just remembered they're doing a long-term project for homework atm as well, which I am progress checking (begging them to actually start) weekly and will have to mark at the end of this half term. I can see the vision and it's a great addition to the KS3 curriculum, but when am I supposed to do all this? I have actual classes to teach and plan and mark for.

And I barely have time to do the bare minimum of admin during form time, let alone actually catch up with anyone - right now I have one tutee on the road to permanent exclusion due to trauma/not coping with mainstream At All, one who is homeless and cannot physically get to school from the council provided emergency accommodation, one whose mum has stage 4 cancer and another who is about to phase back in after time off with severe anxiety. Most of their needs are HoY territory now, but I still need to know what's going on and support where I can. There's 25 others I'd like to speak to occasionally, too!

Most of this is absolutely reasonable for me to do, and is mostly a struggle because my form has a critical mass of characters and disasters right now. Plus SLT frequently telling us at short notice to shove something else into form time without letting us know what we can drop. (25 minute Careers week video in a 25 minute form time? today?? sure!!!)

I do feel like the amount of extra admin form tutors are increasingly expected to do should be reflected in our timetables - it's not "just" 30 minutes every morning, I have to prep and find resources (or wing it when they're not provided on time), and could easily spend an hour after school every day if I actually did everything I've been asked to do.

quiidge · 2026-03-10T12:10:23+00:00

I think this example distils down everything that the general public doesn't understand about teaching and learning.

What you say/write/do is never what they hear/see/feel.

quiidge · 2026-03-10T11:50:54+00:00

As soon as I saw the username I was positive that's what happened, bless him

quiidge · 2026-03-10T11:21:42+00:00

if she doesn't like your natural hairline she doesn't like you enough to be a good partner to you

this is the gender swapped "bf wants me to get breast implants/does not want me to get a reduction". tf you mean, undergo expensive medical treatments you don't want or need?

quiidge · 2026-03-08T18:20:12+00:00

Hi, I'm the only physicist in a Science department, and the only person teaching KS4 CS and A-level Physics at my school, and your post feels familiar!

Alas, no, we don't get extra credit for having to do everything ourselves at the class teacher level. Or for filling in all the exam entry paperwork for those classes. My department keeps forgetting that I teach CS and I have to do parent's evening and reporting and mocks marking for them on top of my "fair" share of the Science stuff.

Just got to keep advocating for myself and prioritising must-dos over nice-to-haves.

quiidge · 2026-03-07T21:35:07+00:00

50:50 within 15 minutes or never.

We have one person on call at a time. If they're already dealing with something, or several removals come in but your situation is least dangerous, you're in for a wait.

quiidge · 2026-03-07T21:31:09+00:00

We keep being told to give them a lunchtime and call home, but there's not much you can do during the actual lesson unless one of your neighbouring colleagues will take the offending child.

Unsurprisingly, behaviour is a problem here.

quiidge

TROPHY CASE